Chapter Four

“Long ago, I shuddered at the thought of confronting you. But now? What have I left to fear?”

 

Leshin collapsed into her bed. After the first shift, when Kilini showed the group how to grill a bicep over an open flame, having marinated it in fresh herbs and spices for several hours.

It was a living Hell. By the shift’s end, a corner of the kitchen floor was covered in bile from the women’s retching. All Leshin could do was force herself to stop thinking, stop feeling, just let time slip by.

But it had come to an end. And from there, they all split into teams. Kilini and Nikime took the first shift, while Mikele and the last attendant, an incredibly tall, yet quiet girl who had hardly spoken a word thus far, opted to take the second shift. That left Leshin and Ilaki several hours to sleep. Finding the bedroom had taken a while, but after wandering through the palace’s labyrinthine tunnels and hallways for a half-hour or so, they’d come across the tiny space they’d have to call home for the foreseeable future.

Six stone beds, topped with strange, cushioned fabrics and blankets, lined up beside each other with hardly any space between. No room for possessions or belongings, just enough space to sleep. Oddly enough, the room seemed to have some sort of waste disposal area behind a door in the back. If Leshin’s guess was correct, they were expected to relieve themselves… indoors, on a shiny little seat with a watery pool inside it, which drained itself at the press of a lever on the wall. Her lips twitched at the thought. How degrading could this get? While Leshin had always prided herself on her simplicity, her minimalism, the concept of an indoor outhouse was a step too far.

And yet, what could she say? Instead, she just lay back on the soft, cushiony bed, staring at the ceiling and willing sleep to take her. And yet, it refused to come.

“M-my lady?” Ilaki’s soft voice asked.

Leshin sat up, sniffing a little. “What?”

“N-nothing,” the smaller girl said, shrinking into herself as she sat at the edge of her thin bed. She’d donned one of the long, drapey nightgowns they’d found in the closet in the hall, her day-robe lying limp on the floor.

Squinting, Leshin cocked an eyebrow. “Alright?” She laid back down, adjusting her pillow with a grunt.

“What do you think it’s gonna… do to us?” Ilaki said.

Leshin clicked her tongue. “Kill us. Then bring us back. Over and over again, until it gets bored. Then, perhaps it will cast us into a furnace for the rest of time.”

“Good God,” Ilaki blurted. “N-not to overstep my bounds, my lady, but that seems a bit… dour.”

“It’s Leshin.”

“Sorry… Leshin.”

“And yes, dour is pretty much what we’re living with right now. Forgive me if I don’t feel like sugar-coating shit.”

Wrinkling her nose, Ilaki let out a long breath. “Well, I’d rather eat sugar-coated s-shit than raw shit.”

With raised eyebrows, Leshin chuckled. “I suppose? Perhaps it’s wishful thinking, but I’d rather not eat shit at all.”

“The way you talk about it, God’s bound shove the stuff down our throats sometime, so we may as well get used to the idea.”

Leshin laughed, and Ilaki seemed to loosen up. “Well,” Leshin said, “I’d prefer to be prepared for the worst of it, you know? We’re bound to trip up eventually. I’d rather not get caught off-guard…”

“Why?”

Frowning, Leshin blinked. “What do you mean?”

“Why is it so bad for it to be a surprise? Isn’t it worse if you’re always thinking about it? If I may speak my mind, L-Leshin, all that dread? It isn’t worth it.”

Leshin smirked. “Someone’s worked for a Guildling, I see.”

Ilaki recoiled. “I—I wouldn’t—”

“You don’t have to pretend to like the Guilds around me. We all know you lot despise us, and you’ve every right.”

“It’s i-improper…”

“I’m hardly what you’d call ‘proper,’ cupcake. Let’s just say that the Guilds and I don’t see eye to eye and leave it there.” She shot Ilaki a wink and shuffled her covers around a bit. “You Lower Sort types learn how to handle your ‘superiors’ from birth, but I didn’t. I didn’t even know what you all went through, I just… knew that some people were better than others. And then, things changed. And I started asking questions, and I started acting out, and I started helping some… militants out. That’s why I’m here, you know.”

Ilaki sat straighter. “You worked with The Rockfists, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Leshin muttered. “When I was younger, I did… a few things I regret. So, I thought that I could… educate myself, perhaps find a way to help. It didn’t do much. When you grow up on the outside, you can never really know what things are like on the inside.”

She went quiet, and Ilaki leaned in.

“I’m glad any Guildling was willing to help. I never thought there were any who… thought differently.”

Leshin grimaced. “I wouldn’t have, if I’d just grown up normally. You just don’t think about stuff like that when you’re in a Guild. It’s just… invisible.”

With a furtive glance, Ilaki shifted a bit closer. “What changed?”

A spike of terror grated down Leshin’s spine. “T-things… I was—I’m not—I… well, it’s… complicated.”

Ilaki nodded.

“But,” Leshin continued, “it became easier for me to see… what it’s like. Not exactly, of course. I don’t plan to exalt myself as the enlightened savior, come down from on high to liberate you. I suppose I used to carry myself in that way, but everything I went through… I suppose it made me not want to keep being a colossal fucking dick, you know?”

“Yeah,” Ilaki said, smiling. “Well, for what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a…dick.”

“Eh, nah, I’m still a bit of a dick.”

“A different kind of dick, then.”

Leshin grinned. “Only to folk who deserve it.”

“Like Lady Kilini?”

“Oh, my God, Kilini. What a hag. ‘Oh, oh no, no, no, you mustn’t put your hands in the marinade; here, use this schpoon instead.”

Ilaki snickered. “Schpoon,” she repeated.

“That is exactly how she says it! You cannot tell me that isn’t how she says it.”

“That’s exactly how she says it,” Ilaki repeated with a grin. She shifted under her covers until she looked cozy and warm, rolling up in the blanket like a caterpillar in a cocoon.

“God, I hope she lightens up. And Mikele, too. What an absolute nightmare duo.”

“God forbid we abandon the ‘ancient traditions,’” Ilaki said, adopting a high-pitched, stuffy voice.

“Fuck, you’re good at that,” Leshin said.

“I always used to try impressions, back home. Put on little plays for my mama…”

“I bet she loved them.”

Ilaki smiled softly at the ceiling. “She did.”

The room went quiet.

Leshin tossed and turned, but the bed felt far too soft for her comfort. “I’ve no clue how I’m meant to fall asleep,” she said. “After what we had to do…”

“Yeah…” Ilaki said.

“We cooked a person. An actual person.”

“Yeah…”

“We taste-tested it.”

“Y-yeah.”

With a sigh, Leshin closed her eyes. “And we’ll have to do it again tomorrow. And again, and again, and again. Forever.”

“We’ll… get through it.”

Leshin put on a half-hearted smile. “If we must.”

 

Is the gay??? About to happen???

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