I’m a piece of shit. I am literal feces, a real shit for brains. As excited as I was to hear the amazing news of my now perfect life with my perfect boyfriend and brand new child, the second Scott left for work it all came crumbling down on me and now I have cold feet. What if I don’t love them enough? Even with Scott I still feel like something’s missing. That’s not just a hole you fill with a kid. My parents made that mistake in an attempt to save their marriage and they birthed me, this monstrosity. I don’t even know what it is that’s missing. I don’t even feel like a real full person though. My therapist calls it depersonalization. I often feel like a thing stuck in a meat suit. If I’m not really me how can I be a good mom? I want nothing more than to be the best mom i can be and if I’m not the best me I can be how can I? Janette would be so much better to handle this. She’s like a full grown mature responsible adult and I work at Walmart and have a panic disorder. I don’t exactly do well under pressure. How will I react the second my child screams? What if I have no maternal instincts because I’m a guy? What if I don’t love the child??? Almost reflexively I find myself packing a suitcase. The urge to run away and hide and let Jan and Scott live the perfect life I don’t deserve together overwhelms me. My vision blurs with tears as I self sabotage. I don’t even know where I’m going but I can’t stay here. I’m out the door in my baggiest clothing, and walking before I can even consider my actions. I’m just Scott’s sex toy he won’t miss me I’m sure. Yeah this is for the best, I justify to myself as i walk faster and faster in a random direction into town.
After a while of walking, I have time to consider my actions. I can’t just get up and leave. The last thing I want to do is hurt Scott, I didn’t even bring my toothbrush. It might have been a good idea to go outside for a walk though. I really needed the chance to clear my head. I still have plenty of time to figure out what I feel is missing from my life. It’s something me and my therapist are trying to work on currently anyway. I’m not sure psychology can really help though. I wish more than anything I could just magically fix my own identity issues. I wish there were some button I could just press to magically become the most me I could ever be. Magical girl transformation smut made it seem so easy. No sooner did I start thinking about magicking my feelings away when I realized I had come upon a peculiar shop. I had been down this road many times, and have never before seen it. It’s a road mostly lined with small local mom and pop shops, so it’s not unusual for startups to pop up, but I could have sworn this was an empty parking lot just yesterday. The sign reads in big bold letters: Thomas Sanguine’s Mystical Toy Shop. I have quite a hyperactive libido, so I am not unaccustomed to visiting the local sex toy stores. Feeling guilty for having up and left in the middle of the day, I consider perhaps buying Scott a new toy as an apology for a panic-driven mistake He need never know about. A toy to celebrate the great news even perhaps!
Walking into the store I find all sorts of fantasy dildos and vibrators lining the shelves. After a while of browsing a spiked remote control expanding anal vibrator catches my attention. A gift for me and him, I think, a magic button to fill me up. I bring that and a strap on claiming to be a lamia dick to the counter. Behind the counter is a man with slick black shoulder length hair and heavy eyeliner in a polo I figure he was forced to wear for this job.
"Looking to fill a hole in your life?" The clerk asks, lifting the lamia dick and turning it in his hands.
"huh, oh heh. Yeah I guess I have some holes I want filled. I'm actually buying these as a gift for my boyfriend for uh… something I did."
"You're not sure why he's with you if not for sex huh? You deserve him if you're of use to him. I bet you wish this little button could solve all your problems." Thomas says lifting the remote control.
"Um, I'm not sure I appreciate what you're assuming about me man."
"Oh don't worry, I'm not judging. You feel most yourself when you're having sex with him don't you?"
"Well, I mean…" I say, rubbing his arm and suddenly feeling very vulnerable.
"What would you say if I could make you the best sex toy you could possibly be?
"Well, I don't know… I love sex but I don't think I always like the idea of me having sex." I admit.
It already feels like this man knows way more about me than he should. No reason not to confide in this mysterious stranger. He'd probably somehow know if I lied anyway.
"Oh, forthcoming aren't we? Well I can solve all your problems and more. The name mystical toys is not just for fun! I am quite a merchant of enchanted things."
"What is it like I think real hard about it and manifest good things or something because I've tried that before and–"
"Ha, no no no, nothing like that. This is real falsifiable magic my dear. Would you like an example?"
"Uhm… sure I guess."
and with a wave of Thomas' hand I find myself completely naked. I yelp and immediately reactively cover as much of my body as I can.
"Oh, puh- lease don't pretend you don't like the attention my beautiful little slut, besides it's just you and me here."
Looking around I realize Thomas is telling the truth no one else is in the store, and I am at times quite the exhibitionist. I relax some but keep an arm covering my chest.
"What did you do with my clothes?" He asks
"They're in your suitcase of course!"
bending down and opening the suitcase I hastily packed I find the clerk was telling the truth.
"How did you do that?"
"Have you not been paying attention? I used magic."
"W-why did you do that? I'm loyal to my boyfriend I'll have you know."
"An open relationship I have no plans on inserting myself into. For the spell to work though you must equip the enchanted item you see." He says, motioning towards the lamia dildo.
While mounting an 8' lamia dildo in front of a relative stranger certainly turns me on, I choose the smaller of the two options. Grabbing one of the packets of lube from the counter, I remove the buttplug still in me from last night. Applying a generous amount of lube to the toy, after removing it from the package I place the tip against my quivering hole and slowly slide it in, all the while feeling very self conscious. Thomas draws a wavy line connected to a bizarre saxaphone shape in a summoning circle with charcoal on the wooden countertop. the coal scraps the wood, as the spikes scrape up against my insides. He places the lamia strap on in the circle, as the vibrator slides the rest of the way in, and before my eyes I am surrounded by smoke ash and a pitch black void.
