I don't know how long I've been asleep. When I opened my eyes, I was already in a white room. Or rather in a whitewashed hospital room. And in my field of view, the two bright light sources on the ceiling looked like two miniature suns.

Even though I was lying on the IV line, oxygen valve, white blanket, bandages, etc., I still didn't feel many things. All I felt at that moment was a flashing headache.

Glancing slowly, caught in the corner of my vision was a middle-aged woman who looked sleepy, and nodded.

Looking at her facial features, I immediately knew who the woman was.

"...M-mom...?"

Even though it was quiet, I struggled hard just to get that one word out. Luckily, mom seemed to be able to pick up the weak vibration from my mouth. Mom is really a caring person.

When mom came back to her senses and saw me. She immediately jumped at me. All the drowsiness she had previously suffered from disappeared in an instant.

I'm still in a daze with everything that happened. So maybe my view was still blank at that time.

“Shia, are you awake? Are you okay? Ah, I'm going to call the doctor soon..."

With that, mom rushed out of this room.

Then back again with a man in a white coat and a female escort behind him.

 

Apparently, since the accident, I have been unconscious for 2 months. And during that time there were many sad things that I couldn't endure.

As if I lost the light that always illuminates my heart.

It was as if I had lost track of my role models.

It was as if I had lost my life.

In fact, it's not ‘as if’ anymore, it's all exactly as real as what actually happened.

Regarding reality, I was told with heavy words by the mom and the doctor.

What is reality must be told before I lose control.

Sure, I know that, but still all of that is unacceptable.

What was my light, has now faded.

That light is now darkness in my heart.

I always dreamed of it though.

I've been trying to make it come true though.

Why? Why does it feel like fate hates me?

Don't they like it when I dream?

Do they hate it when I try to make it real?

If things turn out like this, why have I been fighting all this time?

What's all the hard work I've put into it?

At least give an answer why I was destined to be like this.

“Father~……”

I sighed, sobbing to call my only role model.

He is the light that guides the path of my life.

He is the sun who always illuminates my difficult path.

Why did the light have to go away?

Why was I left alone?

The tears that were contained in these eyes could no longer hold on.

Spilled like a flood, flowing from the smallest corner with swiftness.

I do not know what to do.

I can only cry and hate the fate that has happened.

I kept crying and sobbing and screaming as if I hated the world so much.

Even the warmth of mother, who embraced me, who continued to take care of me, was no longer warm.

Chest tightness, sore throat, and bloodshot eyes are proof I'm blaspheming fate. Anger, annoyance, hurt, and despair flooded my heart.

I want to curse this world. I really want to.

If I could, I'd just delete it. For making cruel and unfair treatment with me.

It was as if I was an existence rejected by the world.

I don't like that.

..........

......

...

Finally, after a long time, I came back to my senses. After so many minutes of lamenting a cruel fate. In the end a mother's warm embrace brought me back to my senses. Her serene words watered my heart which was now burning with the fire of anger.

The doctor and nurse, both still standing on the edge of the room in silence, patiently waited for me to calm down.

"Sob~ Sob~ Sob~.."

Even though I had calmed down, the momentum from the crying still made me hiccup. The nurse lightly handed me a glass of water without even asking for it.

Mother who understands that I have calmed down also releases her warm embrace.

However, I still don't know what to say.

I'm still contemplating my fate.

Like, what am I going to do next? And what about my future? I don't know.

I can't run anymore. Even walking had become impossible.

It can't be helped, both of my legs have been amputated.

The doctor said, even though I survived the accident, my legs which were pinched could no longer be saved.

So from now on, I will live in a wheelchair. Without being able to feel the two beloved feet anymore.

I thought again, did fate reject me?

Then why am I the only one left alive?

I wondered in emptiness.

“Sorry,… We're sorry Shia. M-mother and father are incompetent in taking care of you. We were careless, that's why you became like this…”

Like waking up from a trap of negative emotions. I woke up again to the sound of my mother crying.

Mother wept to herself, as if she was sorry for what she had done.

Mother herself did nothing wrong. Dad too.

You both have been very good to me.

Always support me. Always encouraging me. And cheerfully praised my success.

It's all thanks to you two, dad...mother...

Don't blame yourself mom.

I don't want to see mom blaming herself.

“N-no. Mom wasn't wrong. It was the truck driver that went wrong at first. M-mother wasn't wrong, neither was dad. Mom and Dad always support me no matter what. I'm happy right now. So please don't beat yourself up, mom. I can't bear it if I see mom keep blaming herself."

“Shiaaaa,... you're a good girl..... I-I am happy to have you......”

After hearing me say that, mom immediately jumped up again to hug me while crying.

I was surprised at first, but somehow my heart became filled with warmth again.

Having parents who always support and encourage me, what other favors can I deny?

Truly, I am blessed by people who love me very much. I am very grateful to be born into this family.

Even though I've lost both my legs. It's not that I've lost my purpose in life. As long as I don't give up, I can start my life with a new beginning.

Even though it's hard, but having a mother who still supports me feels very happy. At least I'll try not to worry mom anymore.

I will try my best.

Playing music, studying hard, or whatever. There are still many things I can do with my two hands. At least there is still a lot of light of hope that I can reach for the future.

Or so I thought.

“E-hem, sorry to disturb your time. But I have a suggestion for the patient. How?"

The doctor, who had been silent all this time, for the second time began to speak again.

Mother who was hugging me also returned to her seat. Ready to listen to doctor's advice.

“I know the patient's life will be difficult after this. However, I have suggestions on how to follow up the rehabilitation and psychological recovery the patient may still be experiencing. For this reason, the hospital will provide assistance in services related to Virtual Reality-Based Programs. It was a program that made the user feel as if he had arrived in a new world and had a new body. With it, even if it was virtual, all objects would be perfectly reconstructed. So you can still continue working with your feet in virtual reality. At least in your spare time. That's all I can suggest, how does that sound?"

Mom and I couldn't say what the doctor just said.

“Oh, of course this must be something new for you guys. This program also just launched recently and is still a beta device. Incidentally, the developers offered this to help them find their use in the medical world, they wanted an evaluation. Of course we do not impose the will of the patient. So all decisions are yours."

Once again I tried to digest what the doctor said.

A virtual reality that allows users to create new avatars. In other words, it allows me to create a new body with legs of course.

Even if it's just virtual, all these offers brought me back to the thing I've been trying to forget from now on.

But, I still want to ask mom's opinion because I will be the guinea pig for the device.

I looked at mom and asked what I wanted to say.

“Um… M-mother. What do you think? I basically wanted to try it. Can I?"

"Eh,..."

Mother, who seems to still have not digested the doctor's words, is surprised by my request.

“Ee, um… Before that, Doctor. Does it have any side effects?”

"Not. There is nothing like that, however it only makes the user feel the real sensation of a new world. Although it would make it seem like she lost consciousness in the real world. Basically it's like you're having a sweet dream."

“Like a dream, huh? Oh I see...."

After pausing to consider, mother spoke again.

“Sure, if that's what Shia wants, mother can grant it. Shia was unselfish for a long time, so mother feels good this time."

With her warm smile, mother has given me permission. 

That understanding alone makes me happy.