What Lord Celeborn wanted was not to interrogate his guest but to offer her a place where she could feel free to express herself, especially knowing how many contrasting emotions she hid. They walked back to the gardens and to his joy, he found that Mistril was less tense than when she arrived. Of course, she did not ask anything about the brothers and their business in Lothlorien considering it was not her right to know. But her coming to his land was already a step forward towards regaining her light.
"Do you enjoy your time here, Mistril?" Lord Celeborn asked softly.
There was no real place he wanted to take her to (like Galadriel did) but he did want to make her feel like she could run if she needed to. Mistril was not an elleth that could be confined, one of the reasons she probably traveled so much in the past.
"I had the pleasure of visiting all remaining lands of elves and each is different and special in its own way. Lothlorien is truly magical. I can see why Arwen enjoys her stay here." she answered not really giving an answer. Lord Celeborn chuckled at her evasion and stopped.
"But it's not home, is it? No place will ever feel like home." He said understanding her feelings. "I have to recognize I am curious. Not about your years as captive but your years as a free elleth."
"In Gondolin?" She asked thinking she had to give him the same story she gave Elrond.
"No. I'm sure those years were the happiest but I am more curious about your travels as the Shadow. Rumors spoke of an assassin of elvish origins, who took any quest that brought gold and food, but there must be more to it."
Celeborn watched as Mistril looked down at her feet with a heavy heart. She was aware that men have created many tales about her, mostly because she didn't know how to live an honest life after all the creatures she killed. But it never seemed to sting as much as it did now.
"I tried to escape and go as far as possible, but not even then have I felt it was enough. I felt like I should keep away from Mordor, but it was so deeply embedded in my soul that it was almost impossible to free myself. I prayed every day for the Valar to take me, and when it finally happened, they sent me back." she said, her light flickering as she remembered how they decided to punish her instead of taking pity on her.
"Was there any place in particular that made you feel at ease?" Celebron asked seeing how Mistril's hidden anger was surfacing.
"Yes," she replied and suddenly felt this calming emotion fall over her darkness. "I got lost once and discovered the most beautiful place in Middle earth. The Shire..."
The way her eyes sparkled was a clear sign of how fond she was of that land. It looked like her whole demeanor changed as if she suddenly became younger.
"The hobbits welcomed you?" He asked curiously.
"Yes. There was the Took family, very joyful fellows. They invited me in their little hobbit hole and told me stories, asked me so many things...it was the first time I felt safe in a long time."
Seeing how she was reminiscing such happy moments of her life, Celeborn decided to grow bolder and ask her details about her stay with the wood elves.
"What about Greenwood? Why did you run into the forest when you knew goblins were following you?" He asked in such a way that did not feel like judgment but pure interest.
She gave a long sigh and turned to look into the elder's eyes. For a second she almost seemed guilty but it faded instantly.
"I did not plan my stay there, at least not under the circumstances it happened. But the Elvenking saw right through me, he was right to doubt my intentions. He figured it out before I remembered but Glorfindel's arrival probably confused him." She stopped and took a long look around before she turned her eyes on Celeborn. "Darkness fills my body and soul and he felt it. He was right all along and yet he still let me live there for a while because Legolas took an interest in me."
"You chose Greenwood. You wanted to hide there."
Mistril nodded, seemingly not feeling any remorse for her past actions. She just looked...empty.
"I heard rumors about wood elves and their Elvenking, of how suspicious he is, how he doesn't like a majority of things and keeps to himself. He witnessed his father's decapitation and his wife died while protecting their son. I would lie if I were to say I was not curious. Besides, he was known to be very wary of outsiders yet still feel pity for the wounded and help them, even if not give them entry into his kingdom."
"So what truly happened?" Celeborn asked growing incredibly curious about what she was thinking.
"I heard of a creature that lurks in the darkness of the mountains. A little vile creature that comes down in order to find food, fish mostly. He speaks to himself and to another and he doesn't quite remember much of who he was. One man I worked for mentioned he had seen him and heard him speaking with his precious. I had heard that word before." She started, her eyes changing to grey for a long and fearful moment. "After forging his ring, Sauron turned to me with excitement and professed how he will finally be able to clear the world of weeds. He could finally save it, save elves like me from their torture. At that time, I truly saw him as a hero. But he lost to a man nonetheless and that precious ring was taken. It's been lost for so long..."
Celebron watched her carefully, one hand ready to grab his knife. Those eyes of her, the tension in her body, everything around her was just so unbalanced. She could turn to him and stab him for all he knew, but he tried to control himself and trust her. It felt like two people living in the same body and he was sure it may just as well be the case.
"Were you going to kill the creature?" He finally asked.
"No. But I wanted to make sure he will never see sunlight again and I heard he was hiding deep in the Misty Mountains. Unfortunately, goblins noticed me and I had to run before I could catch a glimpse of him. They were a lot more than I expected so I thought that if I run through the forest I will eventually find the wood elves and ask for their help. I was shot when I was already hungry and tired. I was down in that clearing for a month before Legolas found me. Trees led him to me and I will forever be indebted to the young prince for bringing me back to life."
Lord Celeborn smiled and somehow they ended up not far from where Galadriel showed Mistril a version of her future. The orange-haired elleth stopped and looked at it from afar. Celeborn was a wise and mature ellon, he didn't have to see inside her mind in order to know exactly what she was thinking about this time. He couldn't lie that he would quite enjoy it if Galadriel was right about Mistril's future.
"Am I weak if I give in? Or am I weak if I don't?" She suddenly asked, her voice sounding so far away although she was standing next to him. "I don't know what to do, which path to choose. What I know is that I want him to be there, on the way if not at the end waiting." She turned and looked into Celeborn's eyes with so much innocence that he couldn't believe for a moment she was the fearful Daewen.
"What do you want? Where does your heart lead you to?"
She placed one hand over her chest and looked down at it. It was selfish of her to want him to love her but she couldn't help it. She was already harboring so many feelings for him.
When she got home, everyone was either asleep or just didn't want to bother her. Mistril went to the balcony where she let her drawing utensils earlier that day and sat down, looking at the starry sky. She smiled unconsciously at the beauty of twinkling stars, at the moon, at how pure it was, and how darkness has not touched it one bit. One star flickered before it started to fall. Mistril watched it hoping that he was doing the same.
And he was, he truly was looking at the same sky and at the same falling star. Thranduil was in his sleeping robes but couldn't quite go to bed yet. He didn't want a glass of wine either and eventually found himself on the eastern balcony that gave towards the Lonely Mountain. He couldn't help but think about her and what she might be doing. He doubted her from the beginning, seeing the emptiness that he had only seen in the eyes of the dead. She had lost her way, had lost her light, and lost her entry to the afterlife. And yet he couldn't help but wonder how remembering all the evil deeds she had done affected her. Was she in even greater pain now that she knew every detail of her torture? Was she alright, was she eating, was she allowed to walk around freely or was she being kept inside her room? Or did Elrond let her patrol alongside his warriors? A deep thought surfaced, one that made Thranduil grit his teeth: what if she went traveling with her bright hero, Glorfindel. He truly didn't want to take that theory into consideration.
Luckily, someone interfered with his daydreaming.
"My lord, I have to talk to you about Dol Guldur," Faervel approached the king silently. "The scouts I sent to the south of the forest reported back this morning. It's a terrible sight and I am sure-"
"I respect your opinions Faervel but I do not remember ordering any scouts. If I remember correctly, I ordered everyone to stay inside our land." He emphasized even if Faervel did not seem to care about his king's authority at the moment. "I need our people to be safe. I cannot have them fear more than they already do. Patrolling the surrounding areas is enough for now."
"I understand. I already added a few more troops at every important corner of our border. But the evil is growing stronger, it moves faster and spreads wider. At the same time, we're doing nothing but making it easier for it by gathering in one place." The military elf spoke back.
"Are you doubting my word, Faervel?"
"No, you are my king and always will be." Farvel replied, not adding the 'but' that he was thinking of.
"Very well," Thranduil said before he turned to look at the sky. He sighed heavily as he heard his most trusted warrior leave.
Outside, waiting impatiently for their leader, was a group of a few ellves and elleths. As soon as, Faervel stepped out of the Halls, they approached him.
"What did the king say?"
Faervel looked to the side at the still-protected land of the elves before he answered.
"He said we should take care of our people. We'll each take a side of the forest and bring information at the end of every week. Do not spare any detail. If you meet any goblins or orcs, make sure to gain information from them before ending their lives." He ordered and his most trusted warriors nodded.
Maybe it was foolish to go against the word of his king, but Faervel has seen enough to know that their predicament would only grow into a tragedy if they don't take action.
"Are we there yet?" Asked a tired and bored Legolas.
There wasn't much he could do on their way to Lothlorien because no danger approached their group. He didn't have much in common with Miluinir and no matter how much he respected Gweluven, the healer was actually a very plain person.
"I really miss Mistril," he mumbled to himself.
"We'll be there by nightfall," Gweluven answered seeing how Miluinir rolled his eyes in annoyance.
Legolas was not the type to travel in peace, he was active and he was young. It was only natural that he would have preferred somebody else for a travel mate, someone more adventurous.
"Why do they need your help anyway? Isn't Lord Celeborn skilled in the art of healing as well? I heard rumors of miracles happening in Lothlorien before." Legolas commented hitting an imaginary stone.
"Gweluven is the best healer of the elves!...sir," Miluinir shouted before he remembered who he was angry with. "He is the wisest and his skill cannot be compared to any." He added in a calmer tone.
But Legolas did not seem impressed. All he could think about was how this was nothing but a punishment for asking to be included in the military, particularly in the scouts that needed to enter Dol Guldur.
"Then why is his help needed for a mere orcish poison?"
Miluinir and Gweluven glanced at each other knowingly before they turned to the prince.
"Is that what the king told you?" Gweluven asked warily. Legolas was confused. "We have been summoned by Lady Galadriel herself."
"What for if not the poison?"
Gweluven smiled already imagining his prince's reaction to his words.
"For Mistril,"
Legolas' eyes sparkled with excitement and curiosity and he suddenly started to walk faster.
"Then let's get there before nightfall!"
Gweluven chuckled to himself but he was actually a bit worried. The Mistril from Lothlorien was no more the Mistril they knew.
But the group of wood elves still had a few more hours to go and Mistril could do many things in that time. She could barely close her eyes and relax the night before and when morning came about, she was quick to go train. Illion found her on the training grounds and she seemed a lot better with her knives.
"She looks quite elegant in the way she moves, doesn't she?" Elrohir asked as he approached the place Illion was in. It was probably an hour or so later, and Illion couldn't take his eyes off how she seemed to be dancing rather than fighting.
"What are you, her guard?" Illion asked sarcastically.
Elrohir chuckled and shook his head. If anything Mistril was their guard on this journey.
"It's hard to believe she was an assassin of Mordor," Elrohir said without thinking much about it. Illion's eyes widened as he glanced between the elf and the training elleth.
"I wondered about her hair colour and other details but never thought so far as to place her in the army of the evil." Illion mumbled in awe. "How could she have fallen into darkness? How could she have killed her own kin?"
"There are many details that you don't know about. " Arwen said coming towards them with the sun shining behind her. "Do not judge her so harshly, Illion. It was not her fault that darkness surrounded her. It is as Lady Galadriel said: it is her choices of the present and future that matter now." She said, sitting next to her brother.
"She's quiet most of the time. We don't know what goes on in her mind or spirit."
Arwen smiled softly as she watched Mistril train. No matter how focused she was, Arwen was sure that Mistril was always thinking about that person.
"But we do. Her mind is filled with one thing only and that is love."
Even Elrohir looked surprised at his sister. Illion was confused and overloaded with information.
"Love? Does she even know what love is?" Illion asked scoffing at the idea of a washed-up elleth giving in to such pure emotions.
Maybe it did not show because there was a bit of distance between them but Mistril heard them perfectly. Her heart trembled at Illion's question and she too wondered what would happen if she were put in the posture of choosing between love and her former master.
