2.3 - Belonging

Una's body felt heavy now but her head still light.
 She walked through the quiet hallways of the ship. Saluting half-heartedly where appropriate, less at the faces or people and more at the badges and insignias that indicted the sorts of person who would cause a fuss if she didn't pay 'due respect'.
 She could tell she had taken one or two wrong turns, still not entirely confident on the gargantuan vessel's layout. After what felt like hours, she faced the single doorway into her quarters.

It was in no way a mean space, a pilot of her experience would usually expect a shared barracks with others of the same level or alongside the mechanics, grenadiers or engineering staff of the ship - But owing to the small number of pilots aboard the 'Am-Fluchtig', lieutenant Kolme had explained (in his usual roundabout, rambling way) that all 5 of them could get higher level accommodation.
 With Una herself being bequeathed a junior officer's room, with only a single roommate - A woman by the name of 'Cally' whom worked night shifts and odd hours as lesser-navigator on the bridge.

'Ha! A room to myself as good as, a junior bridge-officer's quarters.
 Nice plush bed with a suppressor field - No sleeping bag bolted to the wall for me! A desk and terminal keyed just to me, Me! Not Shasha or Hikari but me.'

She felt that sickening lurch of vertigo and half stumbled into the room, grabbing the far poster of the bunk bed that took up most of the room for support. Her breathing came heavily now, even more so than during the simulation but more then that her head hurt.
 That migraine feeling one gets - As though being stabbed by a red-hot poker above the left eye.
Searing flames behind your skull, gnawing and biting at your mind as the anxiety swirls and claws all around you, making it harder and harder and harder to think straight to--

Una clutched at her face and again felt the vertigo engulfing her fully this time, she floated down to her knees, still clutching the bed-post with one hand and her head with the other - Her eyes glued shut as thought trying to keep the outside world at arms length.

'Hard, Hard, Hard, Hard! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, Shit! How can I be it, if they all died so easy then what about me? I had my first mecha stolen by a prisoner!
 Am-- ...am I gonna die the first time I go out there? H-how am I meant to face that?
 I'd of been better off facing a false court-material than this. They only choose me because I'm all that's left?
What sort of ridiculous reason is that!?
I'm going to die.'

----
A gentle rap sounded from the doorway behind her. She couldn't tell for sure how long she had knelt there for, but the sound was enough to bring her back, if only for a moment. She stood up, brushing at her face with the sleeve of her uniform.
 Miss.Hoki stood in the doorway;
 "Una... Una get some sleep and take the rest of the day off. 2nd Crewman Conchabhair that's a direct order all-right? - So don't worry about it ok? And if you can't sleep... Then spend the time unpacking your things. And Una, come talk to me, if you want to that is."
 Hoki said, nodding to the un-opened pack bags laying at the foot of Una's bed.

Not forcing a reply Hoki made to leave, stopping just outside the door to look over her shoulder;
 "Oh and Una, I didn't pick you just because you're the only one left .You might think I'm just saying this and if so I can't stop you believing what you will but it wasn't just for that. Your scores were low but the classroom isn't everything. I saw it in you, you could adapt no matter which simulator or practise machine it was you used - You would always perform near the exact same, always the same scores, low or not.
     It was the same yesterday with how fast you adapted to the Neo-C. You may not realise it but that adaptability is remarkable, like a metronome for Vijaik piloting.
 Even Sabban would take longer to learn the in's and out's of a new machine but you just seem to know - Instinctively almost, or more likely because of how hard I know you work for it."

"Yes I picked you because I wanted to try and make up for something, I would be lying if I said I don't feel responsibility for those who've died - So many of them we're students I helped train, people I partially encouraged to join this war - But mostly Una, I choose you because I wanted to be able to depend on that reliably and bravery, the girl who stayed behind in a doomed base, to rescue a prisoner of war - Even if that didn't work out so well, you are still a better pilot than you know."  
 With that the door slide to a close.

****

To her surprize Una actually found sleep came readily, if a little broken.
 After a few hours the sound of someone else wondering around the room lifted the hazy rest from her. Realising it to be the footsteps of her roommate Miss.Cally, Una opted to fain continued sleep until the other woman had left.
    She figured now that Cally must of been asleep since before Una had even entered the room, causing her a little embarrassment at not having noticed the habitation's other occupant - Whom had presumably been there during Hoki's conversation with her.
 'I really should ask for her full name... And apologise for the commotion if she heard it'

Awake now Una found herself staring at the underside of the top bunk. Exhaustion from the day's events had helped her at first but now it became apparent any further sleep would be a strain. Above her she focused her attention to the faint glow of the suppressor field.
 Of course these small units that allowed for artificial gravity had been around and readily available for decades, however the cost of running such a thing made them a luxury.
 This in mind they could be found in the officer's block, the canteen and residential block bathrooms. If you were an enlisted-individual however, the old ways still held. Down in the hangar or engine areas, toilets still functioned not all that dissimilar to how the first space pioneers had used. Moreover the gym - Which all crewmates were mandatorily obliged to use to make up for the effects of living without continuous gravity - Was still filled with exercise machines that required one to strap themselves in to partake in any given activity.
 Power conservation could also be seen throughout the ship, every living space with automated lights - Simple measures like the bathroom taps with their sensors and of course the continued use of traditional doors as-a-versed to electronic one's where possible.
 Power was a luxury on such a large warship.

'And yet here I am, a proper bed with blankets and a normal pillow.'  
 Getting up out of the bed Una wandered over to the window, that in itself was an oddity. There was nothing much to look at, just the empty blackness of space - For all she knew it might as well of just been an intricate painting of nothing.

She took a deep breath, attempting to clear her mind of all these abstract considerations.
 By her wrist-handheld's count it was a little after supper time. Around when ordinarily she would of been finished with the day's tasks according to a schedule which had been forwarded by Miss.Hoki during her sleep (along with a number of other documents that were probably intended to explain her day to day duties and help her settle in as a pilot).
     Speaking of Hoki, Una decided it best to try and follow the older woman's advice and begin unpacking her belongings, in a half-hearted attempt to distract herself from early revelations - The thought of going to dinner seeming unappealing according to the knots currently residing in her stomach.

The box room she found herself in possession of, had a single door, in front of which was the two layered single beds. On the wall opposite lay mirroring large wardrobes, with chester-drawers built-in beneath them.
     Finally along the length of the walls on either side were identical tables, with a shallow under-draws and a stocky bookshelf of sorts to one side, divided into four part sections - As well the faint outline of a circle on the floor that when pressured would unfurl into a stool next to the table.
 The whole room was very symmetrical to be blunt, the only deviations being the aforementioned door to one side and the window on the wall opposite the doorway.
 Of course Una soon realised that appearances were deceiving, the table and wardrobe were (if one looked) quite clearly bolted to the walls. And the bookshelves as well as shallow indented cubbies in the walls next to the beds - Had seatbelt like straps to prevent whatever the occupant decided to place in them from floating away.

Indeed it didn't take much to find a reminder of the gravity-less environment they called home all around - Even in a nice room such as this.

These musings in mind Una set about her task, she had with her just three bags - Knapsacks really - One of which she had partially unpacked the day prior, removing from it clothes.
 Now she removed the rest from both it and a second of the trio, folding them neatly into the chester-draws at the bottom of the room.
 She tentatively opened the main wardrobe to find Sabban had been right in his predications of piloting gear here. It hung on a hanger and was clearly brand new. The days of the bulky space suits with their massive doomed helmets had long since passed - Instead now a pilot could expect a near skin tight contraption, though with adapters at the back for larger air canisters that could be found spread throughout the ship for cases of emergency.
    The thinner suits had moved a long way forward in methods of temperature control and air distribution.
 Una couldn't help but feel a small pang of shameful pride at the expensive looking model - With the thin gloves and the sturdy but lightweight boots - And the very finest in climate control for the high temperatures involved with Vijaik combat.
 
She quickly finished unpacking her own articles: A single set of day time wear, her maintenance overalls, spare undergarments and the like - Before moving onto the final bag. First was a small fox-like stuffed animal toy, which Una smiled gently towards.
 Memories of her teenager days, of being so vexed whenever her mother had snuck the small toy into the bottom of her travel bag - As though to deliberately embarrass her in front of friends - Flooded over her.
 Now of course she felt no shame in placing the small plush on one of the bedside indents in pride of place.
    Alongside it she also lay two photographs. The old-fashioned kind, physically printed onto special film-like paper with a wooden frame - Rather than the far more conventional holographic type regularly used these days.

The two keepsakes were of her on a visit to her 'aunts' family as a child - Consisting of her grandmother, gran-aunt and her uncle - Along with a similar one from her younger days at home, surrounded by her mother, father and little sister.
 'All that's gone now' - Una thought wistfully.

She tepidly laid a photo of her academy year group in her desk draw, attempting not to dwell on it.
 Aside from some scant pieces of stationary which she stowed into the desk's under-draw, the last contents of the bag was a small collection of books. Like the photographs they were physical prints, all of which seemed to have seen some usage.
 The selection was a little eclectic although that seldom bothered Una. She used two of the small bookshelves' four blocks to divide the books - Putting the thinner manuals and paperbacks she had acquired over the years on the top left and the more recreational one's to the right.
 As she reached across to grab the last two, which had lain waiting on the far edge of the table - She realised they'd been moved and glanced around to see the perpetrator.

'He moves like a ghost!' - Una thought internally.
 In front of her stood none-other than 1st Lt.Kolme Nilas, 'Acting' Fluchtig combat commander, mech team leader and of course - Her Boss. Whom had unbeknownst to her entered the room and stood quietly reading the blurb on the back of the two books, one in each hand.
    "I didn't know ya had such good taste newbie!"
 He proclaimed after noticing her stare.

Una again moved on instinct, standing up straight and bringing her hand to a salute - 'He must be furious over me getting all upset like that earlier, what sort of a soldier am I or what?!'

"Just, err umm, well you know, passing by I guess." Kolme mumbled awkwardly.
 Una stared at the older man wondering what exactly was the appropriate answer to such an odd remark;
 "Sir?"

Kolme for his part broke into a smile; "Yes well, really though 'The Adventures of Inspector Pullman and Sergeant Standing', talk about a classic girl. And this one here looks to be a first edition even!?"

"It... it was my Father's sir, that one I mean. I bought the second one in an old antics shop in Bannerman."
 Una added meekly.

"In Bannerm'n eh? You don't mean the old pawn-shop looking place on 13th road do ya?!"
 Kolme blurted, excitement betrayed in his voice.
Una nodded hesitantly, the old shop had sold a bit of everything and had been the most convenient place to find physical prints of older books back in her academy days - Although the other members of her cadet squad had always chided her for it.

"I bet you met the old woman who runs it then?"

Una nodded again, she had indeed met the kindly older lady in the shop that seemed to sell just about anything. Kolme seemed oddly pleased by this knowledge;
 "Ha! And what a 'gal she is, ain't no one better to find somen' rare on Abhaile. I mean books are hard enough to come by these days but especially on Abhaile - To be fair they don't have much in the way a' forests so everythin's gotta' be imported, but that old woman seems able to find just about anything.
 I'll tell ya this much, used to be a lot easier to get your 'ands on books before IAFS, now we don't ever get to take leave on Bhaile, 'tis a real pain ya know Rookie?"

Una struggled to find the right answer, wondering if all this blatant rambling was some elaborate form of reprimand - She had certainly known officers who liked to trip up their subordinates with off-topic questions;
 "Ummm Sir?" She hazarded warily.

To his credit Kolme appeared to realise the nature of his rant had been a bit unheeded, "Ah-h right. You say it's from your Pa? Did he leave you alot?"

"Ah, I...well, not really. T-the gas didn't... didn't really leave much..." - The question had taken her off guard in its bluntness. If this was a dressing-down, then it was a very cruel way to do so.
 To her relief Kolme seemed to realise the landmine question he had just asked, "Sorry lass that was insensitive of me, guess I got carried away, ha-ha..."

Una nodded glad to be free of going into it any further-- [When a Nation-State suffers deliberate damage to it's air supply, the corrupted air has no where to go - This in most cases results in the damage of all possessions, meaning that although the country inside the station may look undamaged - In reality every brick of every house, the seems of each page in a book, the fallen leaves on the roadsides - All can carry dangerous traces of the poisonous substances used in such attacks.
 Therefore while bodies may decompose at a slower pace and properties may look untouched, neither are recoverable without great personal expense - Past that which most individuals can afford--] - Those words, as listed on the letter she had received that fateful day, moved to the forefront of her mind now.

"But really though" - Kolme added in a deliberate effort to break her from such thoughts, "It's a great series this, your ahem - Your old man must of had a good eye for stories".

"He..um, he liked one's like that, where they always win at the end."
 Una put out meekly.

Kolme almost 'hummed' with approval;
 "A man after my own heart I'd say, nothing wrong with a happy ending - In stories atleast.
 I actually used to have the first four volumes of this in hardback and with the authors signatures!" He decreed a little too proudly.

Una stared blankly at the man, "Four?"

"Hmmm? Well of course, there were more than that too mind you, I lost them all when the Mont-Blanc went down. Damn shame too, was some good stuff back in my old digs. Any'ow - You really never read the third one? I'd say it's the best of da' lot, they finally get around to the secret of Pullman's da and the-- Well anyway it's worth a read if you like that kinda' thing."
 As he finished talking he lay the two volumes he'd been perusing down gingerly on the edge of the table where'd they originated from, moving his now free hand to scratch the back of his head.

Una plucked up her courage, if this was some sort of elaborate hazing she'd just have to face what came of it - The promise of a third book was too much not to ask about;
 "Ummm well I got the first one back at auntie's, well she's really my gran-aunt. After...after the station 5 attack I was pretty, ummm low. I just used to sit on her Veranda most of the day. She has this little white dog that used to come sit with me. Err, anyway one day she just put this pile of books next to me, said I should have them.
 Never mentioned them again after that and I'm not really great at reading - They call it 'dyslexia' I think, that's why Miss.Hoki got me all these textbooks back in school --"
 The words now flowing she gestured loosely at the left side of her newly stocked bookshelf.

Hoki had indeed tracked them down for Una back during her short-lived academy days and it remained a core reason for her admiration towards the former instructor - The books had helped alot, although reading them still felt like work. All reading took great effort for Una, but reading her father's collection had in a sense helped her to better make her own way through physical writing more-so then the standardised digital;
     "-- I only had the one from that series but it's my favourite from Dad's collection. A-and then when I saw the second one in that old shop. Well that is to say, I didn't know there was any more of them..."

'Why am I telling him all this, he's a borderline stranger. He didn't "order" me to say anything.'

For his part Kolme smiled kindly, scratching again at the back of his head, in much the same manner she'd seen Sabban do since arriving on the ship;
 "Well I might've lost the original copies but I managed to get an omnibus edition of the first three books, you're welcome to it if you'd like."

His offer made he fumbled in his pockets for a short moment before tossing over a small, foe-brass door key.
 Una caught it with ease in the minimal-gravity environment, offering Kolme a quizzical glance.
 "Everyone's got one, 'sept Scarlet but I never lock the door anyway - What idiot would be dumb enough to try steal from the ship's second 'ighest ranking officer!"
 He said before bursting into a fit of laughter at his own statement - Laughter that Una couldn't help but note seemed to be mostly in disbelief at his own ranking aboard the Fluchtig - Rather more than anything else.

"Take whatever ya want, if I'm reading somen' it'll be by the bed, the rest's free. If you want to that is, though like I said not as much there as there once was and most of its random gardening and 'istory books these days".

Una nodded respectful while pocketing the little key. It seemed apparent now that this conversation was not a grilling, seemingly the opposite in fact - It felt down-right friendly.
 "Umm, how come you have old type books? Sir."

"Hmm? Ah well, I wouldn't say it's anythin' like your dy-lex-i-wats-it, ha-ha no more I'm just an old man I guess.
 I knew someone long ago, reckoned any soldier who wer'nt readin' in his downtime wer'nt worth his own weight in battle. Said we should always be keeping the old brain-box a-tickin' one way or another and for me he recon'ed reading were the best way for that. And well those yokes --" He beckoned his head at the small electronic screen mounted to Una's wrist;
     "-- Well not as many of them back during the First War, they existed mind you - I ain't that old but weren't much good if you were in a trench in the lashing rain, ye're ears strained permanently for the slightest sound. Errm any-ways, books is good I reckon, she used to agree... Might be worth asking Scarlet too, well maybe."
 He finished, seemingly realising he had moved out on a tangent once more.

Una looked up doubtfully, to which Kolme grinned;
 "Heh, she ain't just a pretty face that one, she 'as more smarts than me that's for sure. My collection is pretty random I'm afraid, 'read anything you can get your 'ands on. Gardening, mechanics or fictions - as long as you're always reading' - That's what my old Gaffer used to say, but Scarlet, well who knows what she might have squirreled away."
    With this final recommendation made, Kolme turned to make for the door, stopping just short,
 "You, ah, fellin' a bit better after sleeping - ahem, about 'all that'?"

'He really did come here just to see if I'm alright? What sort of senior officer does that? An needy NCO maybe but for him just to come back to look in on me?' - Una felt inclined to laugh but instead did her best to smile, saluting once again;
 "Yes Sir, sorry about earlier Sir".

Kolme stood for a moment studying her features, the faint curving of the lips in what he identified as a forced front -
 The pained look in the Rookie's eyes. Kolme stopped silent for a few moments, studying this false complexion of stoicism;
 "Is that why ye're here Una-lass? Why you became a soldier I mean, for your Da'?"

Una's heart fell - 'Is he trying to say he doesn't think I'm cut out for this career?' - "I-i'm not sure I follow what you mean sir?"

Sighing a little Kolme nodded and pulled open the door, "Course, ignore my silly ramblings. Ah-right well, let me know if anythin' changes or if, you err want a book. Oh and Rookie, it's a little late but - Welcome aboard."