Sitting on the edge of this unfamiliar bed with the blue twilight barely peeking through the curtains, I barely turned over and stared at the man sleeping peacefully next to me. I gazed at his unclothed beige frame and wondered if he was dreaming a good dream due to the smirk on his face. 

Without trying to disturb his sleep I silently sat up from the bedside. I glanced around for my clothes that were thrown off me from the night before. After stumbling around in the shadowy room I managed to find clothes, probably not mine, and brought them on. 

I still felt as if I wasn't fully clothed and like muscle memory, I lifted my hand to my neck to feel for the familiar strand and rings that had been a part of me for the last 2 years. 

That familiar feeling was not there and my grogginess slowly started melting away. Guilt and anxiety instead replaced the grogginess and began to build up inside me, like I was going to spew out the contents as I started to recall the scenes that had played out the night before. 

I think of my shaky hands gently reaching around the nap of my neck to take apart the clip. I turned to the nightstand and lightly set down the necklace as though it would break if I had done it any faster. 

The memories started flooding in and before the panic could overtake me, I quickly, like a cat, jumped to the nightstand and sprawled my hands out all over the hard cold surface. With a quiet sigh of relief I had found what I had been looking for. 

After clasping the chilled necklace, I remembered why I had woken up in the first place. I needed nicotine. Badly. I scurried through my purse, which felt like a lifetime, to grab my vape pen. Normally I wouldn't care about smoking inside, but I needed the air and conveniently there was a balcony that looked like it had not been used yet due to the sudden monsoon that had started last night. 

As softly as I could, I cracked open the door, but with every sound that was made I would rapidly whip my head over towards the direction of the bed. Once I got the door opened just enough for me to fit through the side of my body, I slid outside onto the balcony. 

The blue haze still filled the sky with most of the city still sleeping. I always enjoyed being awake at this time because it felt like time just stopped for you. I puffed away and recognized that I couldn't get the nicotine in fast enough. My vape pen was like my own little pacifier. It soothed me and I took it everywhere I went. 

While I leaned against the railing on the balcony looking over the smaller buildings I wondered if there was anyone else doing the exact same thing as I was. As that thought crossed my mind, I had the sudden urge to cry. I did not feel sad, nor did I feel anything at that moment. As I started thinking more about my urge to cry I instantly felt tears welling up. I tried wiping them away as fast as they could fall down, but that just only made my eyes more irritated which caused even more tears to come. 

Why did I feel like this? It has been almost 3 years and I should be able to move on, yet I still feel some kind of guilt, like I'm not allowed to be happy. He would want me to be happy, he wouldn't want me to act this way. So why can't I just move on? 

These fears went hurdling through my mind when unexpectedly I heard a creak from behind me. Attempting to still wipe my tears away, I turned around and saw Beam poking his head out the door. I noticed he was still half asleep as one eye was closed and the other eye could barely stay open. 

"Tabi, what are you doing out here?" 

"Sorry... I, uh, couldn't fall back asleep." 

"Oh, well come back inside," Beam said, reaching his arm out towards me. He hinted for me to take his hand, which I did. As he pulled me back into his bedroom, I dragged myself back into his bed and covered myself with the blankets. As I settled in, Beam wrapped his arm around me and snuggled his head into the back of mine.

"Uh, do you want me to put my hair up so it doesn't bother you?" I asked.

"Hmmm, no... I like the smell of your hair," he replied.

Beam may not be able to see my face, but the happiness that I am feeling is evident in my smile. I am not sure if I am just easily pleased, or if Beam has a special talent for saying the right things at the right time. Beam's words and actions make me feel valued and appreciated. I am grateful to have him by my side.

With the soft breathing coming from Beam, I slowly began nodding off back to sleep

• • • 

I woke up the next morning in a daze, unsure of where I was or what had happened the previous night. It took me a moment to remember that I was in Beam's bedroom, and that we had fallen asleep together. As I slowly came to my senses, I felt a sense of confusion and disorientation. I looked around the room, trying to make sense of my surroundings, before finally shaking my head and getting out of bed. 

Beam wasn't in the bed. Maybe he had gone somewhere. I walked over to the bathroom to freshen up. As I looked in the mirror, I noticed a bruise on my cheek from when Hinata hit me the night before. I couldn't believe all of that had happened. I tried to shake off the thought and continued to get ready. 

After I was finished getting ready, I left the bathroom and noticed my clothes were neatly folded on a chair. It seems that Beam had finished doing my laundry, which was sweet of him. I quickly put on my clothes and was about to leave the room when I heard the faint sound of voices coming from downstairs. It sounded like Beam was there, but was there another person with him? The voice sounded like a female's voice... Oh no, what if it was his mom? I felt my face heat up at the thought. I didn't want to stay in the room forever, but I knew she would think poorly of me if she saw another girl at her son's place, especially since I've never even met her. 

I needed to think of something fast. Should I wait for Beam to come and get me or should I stay in his room until the person from downstairs leaves? What do I do?

Suddenly, I heard someone walking up the stairs. I knew I needed to act casual, as if I hadn't just been eavesdropping. I rushed over to the bed and sat down, pretending to have been there the entire time. Then the door opened and I heard a voice say, "Tabi, you're awake!" It was only Beam. Phew!

"Yep, I only woke up a few minutes ago," I replied, although that was a lie.

"I was making you breakfast, so come downstairs," Beam said as he walked over to me and gave me a casual kiss. I was startled by the kiss, but not in a bad way. It just felt familiar, as if we had been doing this for years. 

"Who's downstairs?" I asked, feeling a bit nervous.

"It's just my sister," Beam replied, turning to me as he noticed my hesitation. "Tabi, what's wrong?"

"Well, I've never met anyone in your family before, and I'm kind of nervous. Doesn't it look bad if she realizes I stayed the night?"

Beam took my hand and reassured me. "She's not going to think that about you. She already knows you're here and is excited to meet you. It would be different if it were my mom, but my sister isn't going to say anything to her. Trust me, okay?"

I nodded, still feeling a bit unsure. "Okay..."

"Don't be nervous, Tabi. I'm on your side, remember?"

Beam's words put me at ease, and I couldn't help but be impressed by his maturity and calmness in this situation. "Okay, I'm ready," I said, finally feeling more confident. 

We both walked out of the bedroom and headed downstairs. I walked closely behind Beam, thinking that his height would block his sister's view of me all at once. As we both made our way around the corner, there I saw a younger girl sitting at the island in the kitchen. She looked up quickly with her dark brown almond-shaped eyes and said, "Are you Tabi?"

"Hi, nice to meet you!" I replied.

She got up from her chair and walked over to me. With both hands placed together, she took a quick head nod and said, "Sawadee Kah!"

"Sawadee Kah," I replied, feeling a bit unsure of my pronunciation. 

So this is Beam's sister. She had long, dark hair and a slender build, and was only about an inch taller than me. Her skin was fair, especially compared to Beam's. 

"Tabi, this is my sister Natcha. Natcha, this is Tabi."

"Nice to finally meet you, Tabi! Beam is always talking about you, and it's nice to finally see you in person!" Natcha said with a smile.

I could see the sudden embarrassment on Beam's face as he realized why most guys don't like bringing their sisters around.

"It's really nice to meet you too, Natcha. I'm sorry if this is kind of an awkward meeting..." I said, feeling a bit awkward myself.

"Oh!" She started giggling, covering her mouth with her hand. "It's really fine! If anything, this makes things more interesting." She gave Beam a mischievous smile, and Beam just held his head down, trying not to die of embarrassment. 

"I mean I would like to make fun of Beam more and maybe we can text each-" 

Beam interrupted his sister, "Okay that's enough! I don't need you being all up in my business, 'Nat'!" 

"I told you to stop calling me that, 'Rat'!" 

"You started calling me that name first!" 

I was trying not to laugh out loud at this sudden sibling argument. It was refreshing to see Beam being so comfortable with his sister. It didn't seem fake, and it wasn't a real fight; just two siblings picking on each other. 

"Wait!" Beam and Natcha stopped and both stared at me. "Why do you call him 'Rat'? I find this all amusing, so I'm just curious."

"He's never told you his real name? Beam, you never told her your real name?" She slapped him on the shoulder out of annoyance. "Ow! No, I did tell her, but she just doesn't remember, I guess."

"What? I would have remembered you telling me your name!" I was so confused. I definitely would have remembered if Beam had told me his birth name.

Beam was chuckling. "Umm, not if you were really drunk and I told you."

"Wait... Ohhh!" I instantly remembered what he was talking about. "The first time I met you, at the nightclub... But wait, that's not fair! I was really drunk that night!"

At this point, we were all laughing together. I thought this might have been an awkward encounter with a family member, but it turned out to be the exact opposite. His sister was easy to talk to and laugh with. This must be a family trait. 

After we were finished with laughing and our conversations, Natcha said her goodbyes, "Tabi, it was so nice meeting you! It's really good to know that my stupid brother is with someone who seems to have her life together." 

"Natcha, you're so sweet! I wouldn't say I have my life together bu-" 

"Nonsense! Beam is lucky to have you," Natcha said, smiling at me. I looked over at Beam and I could see a bashful grin on his face.

"Thank you, Natcha," Beam said, still grinning. "I agree, I'm lucky to have Tabi in my life."

"Well, I'm off," Natcha said, waving as she turned to leave. "Take care, you two!"

"Bye, Natcha!" Beam and I called out in unison, before turning to each other and laughing. "She's such a sweetheart," I said.

"She definitely is," Beam agreed. "I'm glad you two got along so well." 

"Yeah, it was nice meeting her," I said, still smiling. "I'm glad you have such a supportive sister."

"I am too," Beam said. "Natcha has always been there for me, even when I don't deserve it."

I reached out and took Beam's hand, giving it a squeeze. "Well, I'm here for you too," I said.

Beam smiled at me, his eyes softening. "Thank you, Tabi," he said. "I'm lucky to have you in my life." 

I was so surprised with how easily I just reached out to touch Beam's hand. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, and I could see from the way he looked at me that he felt the same way. We stood there for a moment, just holding hands and smiling at each other, before Beam leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips. It was a small moment, but it felt like it meant so much. I was grateful to have Beam in my life, and I was determined to make the most of it.