Sunday had finally arrived. The Barretts were prepared for dinner with their niece’s girlfriends.

Dante was dressed in a polo shirt and khakis. Instead of her army of suits, she chose something more casual. Tatiana was in a blouse and skirt. The most she did to get ‘dolled up’ was letting her hair out into a full Afro.

Jiji was doing her best impression of a dog chasing its shadow. She ran back and forth between cooking dinner and picking an outfit. Checking on if the grilled salmon was done, for the 8th time, wearing a strapless gold dress. Setting the table in a blue skirt and pink dress shirt. Swapping between shoes as she tapped her foot. Wondering if she should’ve made baked chicken instead of baked turkey.

Hair up or down? Soda or juice? A football game on TV or a Western movie?

The couple would’ve loved to know what Jiji was muttering to herself. If it wasn’t in Arabic.

“You know she’s stressed when she forgets English,” Tatiana commented.

“Jiji,” Dante called. “You're freaking out.”

Jiji stared at the salmon with a laser-focused intensity, “No I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” Tatiana pried her from the grill, “I’ll finish cooking. You pick an outfit.”

“But they’ll be here soon!”

Dante rebuffed, “Then you better settle on something. Now go on.”

Jiji begrudgingly left for her arsenal of clothes. She immediately came back to give both her aunts hugs. Then she went back to deciding on a dress or shorts.

Tatiana teleported between the backyard grill and the kitchen. Dante finished setting up the table. It all took up 3 minutes.

After 4 minutes, the doorbell rang.

Jiji shouted, “Don’t answer! I’m not pretty yet!”

“It’s Ford,” Tatiana lied.

Jiji strolled to the front door. Business casual attire. Jeans with a pink dress shirt tucked in. Suspenders to tie everything around.

Jinn opened the door and stood before the two loves of her life.

“Hey, Foooooooooooh my God.”

Marilyn Kamkin wore jeans like Jiji. But her short-sleeved white blouse wasn’t as modest as Jiji’s top. It was the first thing both Dante & Jiji observed.

“Hey, girlfriend~!” Marilyn hugged and kissed Jiji before entering.

Alice kissed Jiji’s cheek, “Evening, bun.”

Alice Higurashi had her hair tied up. A small bun with a vibrant purple lily off the side.

That was Alice’s only change. She wore her longest black skirt and matching stockings. Her usual purple v-neck shirt and clean gray sneakers.

Dante was failing not to judge.

“Hello, ‘Alice’ I assume,” Dante offered a hand.

Alice shook Dante’s hand, “Evening. Jiji’s told me all about her ‘Professor’.”

Marilyn skipped the handshake and gave Dante a big hug, “Hey Professor! What’s for dinner?”

Dante answered after she could feel her arms again.

“Jiji, you want to tell our guests what we’re having?”

Jiji pulled both her dates in. A deep breath before going into insane detail on the recipes and cooking process of that night’s feast.

Dante watched their reactions. Marilyn stayed close as they entered the kitchen. Only pausing to say hello to Tatiana.

Meanwhile, Tatiana’s teleporting into the kitchen jump-scared Alice. Before, she was observing everything except Jiji. Maybe she was listening. Maybe she wasn’t. Dante couldn’t tell.

-Later-

Everyone had their plates. Dante sat at the head of the table. Alice & Tatiana picked the seats opposite the TV. Unlike Marilyn & Jiji who cranked their necks every time a call was played.

Tatiana chose to stir the pot, “Jiji, who's your favorite girlfriend?”

Alice raised a brow. Wondering why she asked that. Marilyn chuckled. Not taking it seriously. Jiji flicked a pea at Tea.

Tea teleported out of the way. Beaming up like a spaceship had summoned her. Immediately beaming back down, tongue out.

“You! No teleporting at the table!” Dante told her wife. Then to Jiji, “You! No throwing vegetables at my wife.” Finally she told herself, “Huh, never imagined myself saying that.”

Marilyn related, “Or being shrunk to the size of a toy.”

Alice added, “Or go inside a magic lamp.”

Jiji subtracted, “You’ve never been in my lamp.”

Tatiana snorted like the immature 13 year old she was.

Alice ignored her, “Yes, I have. Remember you dressing me up like a ‘create a character’?”

Jiji replied, “Alice, I put up a projection of what it was like. But we never actually went in.”

“Oh my god! Jiji! Can we?” Marilyn asked.

Jiji sheepishly poked at her meal. Eyes on the tv. Glitter falling from her fiddling feet.

“Uh, it’s magic. So, humans couldn’t, uh, wouldn’t be able to handle being inside.”

Alice lost interest in the game. Marilyn dropped it entirely. Tatiana nudged Dante to say something.

“So, Alice, how many books have you published?” Dante diverted.

Not wanting to be a bad guest, “About 5 so far. 2 bad, 1 mediocre, and 2 good.”

“Alice! All of your books are amazing!” Jiji encouraged. “Like the gay one!”

“That doesn't narrow it down, bun.”

Tea leaned in, “Interesting.”

Jiji continued, “The really gay one! About the captured pirate who falls for the senator’s daughter. And they both sail off to be pirates and they love each other so much!”

“Ah, the other bad one.”

Tatiana asked, “And the good ones?”

“I’ll send you copies.”

“They’re really good,” Jiji whispered.

“Are you currently working on one?” Dante asked.

“Yeah, it’s about a pessimistic human woman who falls for a bubbly alien,” Alice said, looking directly at Jiji.

Jiji gave a not-so-subtle kiss for Alice’s not-so-subtle hint. It warmed Dante to see. To a degree. Like Tatiana, she wondered which one of those girls taught Jiji how to kiss.

A whistle was blown. A flag was thrown. The ref had everyone believing he needed glasses.

Marilyn, Alice, & Dante all started shouting as if the ref could hear them. Jiji couldn’t understand what they were saying. Or yelling about. Tea was entertained by her adorably mad wife.

“Hey Jiji, mind doing your thing so everyone can see?”

Jiji nodded and blew an invisible whistle. The sound from her whistle flowed into cheers and the voice of the commentators. Like the TV audio was now coming from under the table.

Dante kneeled to see concrete and the back of a stadium seat. The same blue plastic seat everyone was in. They just had floating hardwood trays holding their meals.

“Jiji,” Dante called.

Now sitting between her girlfriends, “Yes Professor?”

“Why?”

Tatiana kicked her feet up, “Why not?”

Tea’s toes phased through the next person’s head. Exposing the illusion, kicking Jiji’s shin.

“Oh! We’re still at the table!”

Marilyn picked her jaw up, “Coulda fooled me!”

“Sorry, kid!”

Dante had to peek over Marilyn & Jiji to see Alice. The latter was fully immersed in the game. Salmon in her mouth. Unresponsive to Dante’s first few calls.

“Huh?” Alice finally answered.

“I said, what’re your plans after graduation?” Dante repeated.

“Currently, I’m saving up for a car. So that’s my top priority.”

Jiji batted her eyelashes and leaned against Alice.

“Is that so?” Jiji teased.

“Pass me a turkey leg, please.”

Jiji waved a finger and a leg came flying in from across the stadium to Alice’s plate.

“Thanks, bun.”

“What’s new with you guys?” Marilyn asked. “Any new archeological discoveries? Video games?”

Jiji added, “Video games about archeological discoveries?”

Dante answered first, “A few shops needed jewelry appraisals. Tutoring students. Nothing major.”

Tatiana began, “Edited a few reviews. Recorded a few tutorials. Went back to Vegas. Came back a millionaire. An average weekend.”

The football game was white noise. Alice dropped her silverware. Dante pinched the bridge of her nose.

“What?” Tea asked.

“Millionaire?” Alice clarified.

“Back to Vegas?” Dante emphasized.

“Yep! An infinite credit card means infinite chances. Just kept going until I won the jackpots!”

“Except it’s rigged so you don’t lose any money,” Alice pointed out.

“They’re casinos. They’ve ‘rigged’ people into homelessness. I ain’t exactly losing sleep over this.”

Alice raised a glass to her new friend, “Nor should you.”

Marilyn swallowed then spoke, “What’re you gonna do with, like, a million dollars though?”

Tea put her arm around Dante, “Already got everything I want.”

Dante saved a blushing face, “You’re still in trouble.”

Ignoring her wife’s comment, “What would you buy?”

“Oh my gosh! First I’d pay off my loans and stuff. Then I’d buy a house by the beach. Like a big one! One my whole family can move into! Then, I would buy so many leather jackets! And a chopper! I always wanted a chopper!”

Dante looked at Jiji during Marilyn’s wholesome little speech. She spotted the tiny hearts in Jiji’s eyes. The total bliss in her smile.

Then there was Alice. Casually listening. Watching the game.

“I can get you-” Jiji stopped upon Alice slurping her drink. Everyone stopped what they were doing.

“Sorry, old habit,” Alice apologized.

Marilyn added, “Yeah, I’ve been meaning to say. You do that with, like, soup n’ stuff too.”

“Have I?” Alice asked.

Jiji nodded.

Tea whispered to Dante, “How does the girl who grew up in solitary have better manners?”

Meanwhile, Alice groaned, “Sorry, that was my dad.”

“Oh? What’s he like?” Dante asked.

Alice recalled, “He was a line cook. Cept he kept getting laid off or the places he worked kept going under.” There was a glimmer in her eye. A nostalgic peace in her voice. “Either way, he was always bringing home fish that were about to go bad. No matter how bad it got, he always ensured I had food.”

Dante & Jiji gave a simultaneous, “Aw!”

Dante concluded, “He sounds sweet.”

Marilyn shook her head. Giving a ‘cut’ with her hand. She was too late, unfortunately.

“He kicked me out when I came out,” Alice admitted. “My girlfriend’s parents took me in.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Tatiana said.

Jiji saw Tatiana shift. The moved hand to comfort Dante’s.

Alice saw the incomplete pass and 3rd down, “It’s nothing. What about your parents?”

Jiji pulled the 2-liter soda from thin air, “What about this soda pop? Anyone want some more soda pop?”

Marilyn picked up what Jiji was setting down, “Is it weird some people call it ‘pop’?”

Jiji carried on, “Yeah! English has a lot of weird dialects. Professor, what do you call it?”

Dante waved off the refill. She slowly finished her bite. Then shared her experience.

“The same thing happened to me. My mom was a bit of a…she was a bit much.”

“The word you’re looking for is ‘bitch’,” Tatiana broke the rising tension.

“I mean if you’re just gonna say it,” Dante commented. “It’s a bit complicated to express. But, whatever good memories I have are buried by the years of yelling. So I don't exactly have a long list of ‘nice’ things to say about her.” She paused for a moment. “…She was a decent cook.”

“I have some old recipes if you want them?” Alice offered.

There wasn’t any dry sarcasm in her offer. Alice wasn’t looking at the game. Only Dante.

Dante smiled, “That sounds great.”

“Since when do you cook?” Marilyn joked, “I’ve only ever seen you eat processed or straight in the microwave.”

“I eat whatever is put in front of me,” Alice bragged.

Marilyn took her shot, “I eat whatever is hot, nutritious, and makes me happy. Just ask Jiji.”

Tatiana & Dante dropped their forks. Mouths agape. One with fish mid-chew.

Dante turned toward them like a demon-possessed doll. Eyes flaring. Smile deepening from sincere to anything but.

“Alice,” Jiji begged for help.

“What? We’re talking about your cookies.”

“ALICE!” Jiji panicked.

Tatiana was gasping for air. Arms around her ribs as if that would contain her laughter. Foot stomping like a goat.

Dante pointed out the problem in Alice’s contribution.

“Jiji said you were asexual.”

“I am,” Alice replied.

“So when you say ‘cookies’?”

“Chocolate chip.” Alice took the last bite of her fish, “What’d you think I was talking about?”

Jiji’s blushing face rested in her hands. No reply or denial. Just a low grumble.

“Alright, your turn,” Tatiana told Marilyn before there could be any more dead air.

“Oh…well I mean…if Jiji’s fine with me talking about her…‘cooking’.”

Tea flatly replied, “I meant your family. Not your sex life.”

“Auntie!” Jiji shot up.

“What? You came back home skipping and singing like you were in a musical. I figured Marilyn got some high notes out of you.”

Jiji let her salmon-pink head smack against the table. The game projection glitched on impact. Steam emitted from her head.

“Can we please not talk about this during dinner?” Dante implored.

Marilyn, completely unbothered, “Family it is.”

Jiji couldn’t summon the strength to fight her embarrassment. She stayed on the table for the entire explanation.

Dante was listening to Marilyn. She heard what Jiji & Alice had already been told. She just wanted a picture of Alice rubbing Jiji’s back. And snickered when Alice burned her hand.

“So, yeah!” Marilyn concluded. Valley girl accent in full force, “People get, like, confused when I tell them I’m Russian even though my accent is closer to, you know, Ukrainian. I do speak Ukrainian cause, my grandparents' neighbors immigrated with them. So even though my grand-uncle Vlad wasn’t, like, my blood uncle, he still taught me Ukrainian. So, anyway, I speak: Russian, Ukrainian, Spanish, and English. But like, those last two were because I, you know, grew up here.”

Tea had one question, “That was a ‘Ukrainian accent’?”

Marilyn said something. Ukrainian? Russian? Tea & Alice couldn’t tell the difference. Dante had a guess.

Jiji perked up, “Aw! Love you too! My beautiful bombshell!”

“Since when do you speak,” Dante checked with Marilyn, “Russian?”

“The first sentence was Russian. Second was Ukranian,” Kamkin answered.

Back to Jiji, “Since when do you speak Slavonic?”

“Professor,” Jiji grumbled.

She pointed to the stadium’s jumbotron. Three words panned across. In big bright gold letters with pink fireworks.

‘I Am Magic!!’

Alice leaned back in her stadium seat inside a dining room, “You don’t say?”

“I meant, did you still have to read and learn it? Or did it…” Dante’s eyes bounced from Jiji to Marilyn, and back to Jiji, “transfer over?”

“Transfer over?” Jiji repeated.

“Did Marilyn ‘install’ a Russian program, comrade?” Tatiana quipped.

“Oh my god! That’s not what I meant!” Dante protested.

“I mean,” Marilyn thought aloud, “She did switch from screaming in Arabic to moaning in Russian when I-“

The house was thrown back into reality. Like the TV was a vacuum, consuming what was their surroundings.

Jiji was standing up. She had become a life-size tea kettle. Skin deepening from peach pink to ruby red. Steam whistling from her ears. Shrieking her words.

“HEY! ALICE! YOU’VE NEVER SEEN MY ROOM! LETS GO READ BOOKS! BYE EVERYONE!”

One flash later and the two were in the pool house. Dante & Marilyn got a glimpse of Alice cackling on Jiji’s couch. Tatiana turned just in time to see Jiji slamming the door down.

They all heard Jinn’s embarrassed, muffled, scream rattle the door. Tatiana’s proud, vengeful, hyena laughter was worse.

“It’s not that funny,” Dante said.

Tatiana pulled a wad of $100 bills out of her pocket. At least a few grand.

“Pleasure doing business with you!”

Marilyn took her bribe, “Hope so! Gonna have to give Jiji a whole date as an apology.”

Dante’s moderate annoyance with Alice’s mild offenses swapped focus. Her confusion reached a maximum. The culprits: the two busty con-women.

“WHY?!” Dante bellowed.

Marilyn’s practical reason was, “Because I’m still looking for a job and I have bills.”

Tatiana’s reason was a bit more petty, “Because that goblin through me into the ocean!”

END