“You’re not getting away,” Sasuke says. The Uchiha scion stands on a tree branch blocking the escape of the three sand siblings. Kankuro’s progress slowed with Gaara’s arm thrown over a shoulder, allowing pursuit to catch up.

“Temari, take Gaara and go on ahead,” the middle sibling says. “I’ll take you on, Uchiha.” Kankuro unslings the bandaged figure he carries on his back and places a hand on the tuft of hair on top. He’s wearing his Banraku black bodysuit with accompanying cat-eared black hood.

“No…” Gasp, wheeze. “I’ll be…” Huff, puff, gulp. “Your opponent!” I/Ino catch our breath after sprinting all the way here to make it on time. We got a late start after helping Shino with her fight.

“Sakura-chan, what are you doing here?”

““Sasuke-kun,”” Ino and I say together as she briefly manifests enough of her head to peek at him. Being an amalgam is weird.

I remember when proving myself to Sasuke was the most important thing in my life. This is the chance Ino and I have been waiting for! And yet… I’m sure both of us are instead thinking about how Shino is counting on us. Funny how things change but stay the same. It’s surreal.

Ino slips back inside me. “Shino-chan marked you with a female insect’s scent and gave me the male. I’m here to make sure you finish your match with Gaara-kun! Go on ahead!”

He narrows his eyes at us. “You seem oddly confident, Sakura-chan. Are you that much stronger than before?”

I/Ino scoff. “I’m not the same girl who was useless in the Forest of Death! I don’t need your concern. Give me five minutes, and I’ll have caught up to you!”

“Humph, I’ll be done by then, too.” Sasuke leaps into the trees after Gaara and Temari.

“Ignorant fools! You don’t know true terror!”

 I square up against Kankuro. “I guess you’re going to show me, huh?”

“No. If you defeat me and follow them; you’ll find out on your own. Now, Black Secret Technique: Art of the Puppet Master!”

The wrappings on the package he carries unravel to reveal his ninja puppet tool, Crow. It wears a tattered black cloak. Kankuro flexes his fingers and their chakra strings to control his creation. The marionette contraption spreads its four arms menacingly.

I smile. “I’ve got a similar trick,” I say as Ino spreads her arms beneath mine, six limbs of our amalgamated form on display.

“That’s… way more fucked up than my technique.” He blinks in shock, then snaps out of it. “Whatever, take this!”

Crow leaps at us and stabs with blades that spring from its wrists. We dodge aside. “Poison!” Ino hisses in my ear. Looking closer, I see a viscous substance dripping from the sharp edges.

Then Crow opens its mouth to shoot a pair of kunai at us.

“Dance of the Cosmos Flower!”

I punch one of the kunai aside with my hardened bone-knuckles while Ino uses her own knife to parry the other projectile. I feel the cold splatter of liquid on my hand. A quick glance confirms it’s not blood. Shit, are all his weapons poisoned? I wipe my hand on my shirt before it finds its way to a nick or scratch.

“Not bad,” Kankuro says, “But let me show you what Crow can really do!” The mannequin’s arm swings up to reveal an elbow cannon pointed at us.

““Fuck!”” Crow fires, and we rely on our training to react. Predicting and evading would be trivial if I had a Sharingan like Shino. Instead, Ino manifests her legs alongside mine. ““Double Jump!””

We accelerate twice as fast with four legs propelling us away from the bomb’s trajectory. It’s a narrow escape, but we manage to stay a hair ahead of an expanding cloud of thick purple gas.

“A poison smoke bomb,” Ino says.

“This guy has a theme,” I agree. Looking around, I can’t find Kankuro or Crow. “It also helps him hide.” I’ve got a bad feeling about this. “Clone Jutsu!”

I summon two Sakura’s beside me who dart off in opposite directions.

The last thing I hear before scythe-like blades close around me are the subtle rustling of a black cloak and the soft clatter of moving puppet joints. My arms barely make it in time to block Crow’s attack.

“How unlucky can you get? I didn’t even have to pop the clones!” Kankuro gloats from his hiding spot. I struggle to hold his puppet at bay as he laughs. “Crow can slice and dice a pig into bacon! It’ll cut through your bones before the poison can even start to work.”

The pressure on me amplifies.

I chuckle. “My bones aren’t human anymore. I’m a bit harder to cut than pork.” I pry open Crow’s chest scythes with a layer of bone shielding my skin from the poisoned edges. The Macabre Bone Pulse increases the density of my skeleton in addition to allowing me to grow natural weapons, although my skills in the latter department are severely limited compared to what Shino says the technique can do.

I slip from Crow’s grasp and throw a bone-knuckle punch at its face. It blocks with an arm, sacrificing the limb as my blow shatters its brittle structure. My confidence grows as we exchange three more punches and blocks until Crow’s four arms are wrecked.

Then my life flashes before my eyes as Crow’s mouth opens while I’m unbalanced the instant after my last punch. Inside the puppet’s dislocated jaws is a massive, poisoned needle tongue ready to strike at my unprotected face.

Crow goes slack.

I sigh in relief. The plan worked.

“He’s over here!” Kankuro says. Or should I say, Ino says. “Catch me!”

One of my clones falls from a branch, body limp. I catch her in my arms and deliver a passionate kiss. Contact with my lips breaks the jutsu in a puff of smoke to reveal Ino unconscious after using the Mind Body Switch Technique.

We split up when I summoned my clones, and she used the transformation jutsu to disguise herself as one of them. She snuck around while Crow and I fought until she found Kankuro’s hiding spot. He discounted the clones once he identified the real ‘me’ since normal clones can’t deal damage.

Being an amalgam doesn’t mean we can’t separate!

“At least wait for me to be in my body before you fuck it!” Damn, her voice sounds weird coming from a guy. “Then again, it’s a bit kinky… maybe I do want to try something like that? I’ll have to see if Shino-chan is interested in experimenting.”

I push down my instinctual confusion hearing Kankuro say these things and focus on the words with excitement. Knowing Ino is open to using her jutsu during sex creates tons of new possibilities.

“Oh! I’ve got a great idea for sex we can try!”

“What are you planning, slutty Billboard Brow?”

“Later, we’re on a mission. We have to catch up to Sasuke-kun.”

“Shit, I know. Hurry, I can’t hold this guy forever.”

I follow his voice to where Ino has Kankuro’s body. We nod at one another like two badass bitches who’ve done this a million times! I lay Ino on a branch and cock my fist.

“On three,” Ino says with his voice. “One, two, three!”

Ino reverts to her body to prevent any damage transfer through the link.

At the same time, my bone-knuckle fist hits Kankuro square in the face. I hit him so hard that his black hood flies off. The sand ninja lands on his ass, and my eyes bulge.

On top of his messy brown hair sits a pair of cat ears. They’re flat like a cat expecting a fight, so they’re the real deal. “You’re a fan of the puppet toy cat ears too?”

He looks insulted. “A fan? I’ll have you know I made this myself! How am I supposed to test the product without wearing it?” That explains why he always wears that cat-eared hood!

Ino gasps. “You’re the one making the puppet sex toys? I have to admit your quality is impressive.”

I nod with enthusiasm. “They’re so lifelike and fun! We use them all the time, and one of our girlfriends even wears them constantly.”

“One thing bothers me, though,” Ino says. “Do you test the butt-plug tails too?” Kankuro coughs and blushes but doesn’t answer. “Okay, two things. You’ve simplified chakra puppetry to the point anyone with entry-level chakra control can use your toys. Why sell a Suna secret technique?”

Kankuro’s eyes fill with passion. “Even though I know Dad wouldn’t have approved, I truly believe with my whole heart that everyone deserves good sex toys! It’s a basic human right!”

“Kankuro-kun!” I exclaim, overcome with emotion.

“It’s my mission in life to spread my craft to other countries!” he continues with tears in his eyes. “If business improves, I can reinvest the money into a startup. I’ll improve Sunagakure’s economy by making it the leader in sex toy manufacturing! It’s all for the village!”

“I’ve had so much great sex thanks to you!” I throw my arms around Kankuro and hug him. “Take my money!”

“This man is a saint!” Ino says as she hugs him as well. “We have to tie you up, but we’ll be extra gentle.”

“I’m just glad I didn’t break your fingers,” I say. “Tenten-chan would never forgive me if I damaged an artist’s hands!”

Kankuro nods, knowing he’s been defeated. “I have one request…” I move without speaking to delicately retrieve his hood and slip it back onto his head. Wouldn’t want the other sand ninja catching him wearing cat ears! “Thank you.”