CHAPTER 25 – THE END OF THE BEGINNING–JUDGMENT DAY

The following day, at a closed cabinet meeting in the Parliament tabernacle in the president's office, Monro sat at the head of the table while Barney and five government members gathered around it. They examined the documents in front of them and smoked hookahs taken from the Free Islamic Forces. They laughed continuously... Monro winked knowingly at Barney, stood up and banged on the table.

“I recommend appointing Barney as Vice President unanimously. Those who are in favor of Barney should raise their hands and will receive the promised bonus.”

Monro and the five government members raised their hands. Barney was still laughing and joyful, but his mind was wandering through the past, in the prison, and he didn’t raise his hand. In fact, he was alarmed by the sight of people with raised hands. Monro yelled at Barney:

“Barney, why aren’t you raising your hand? It relates to your new nomination.” Barney was scared.

“I swear I didn't do anything. What position do you mean? I didn’t receive any bonus; I didn’t do anything wrong.” Monro was furious.

“Fool, we are appointing you, Vice President. If you agree, raise your hand. That’s your bonus.”

Barney hardly understood that something positive was happening to him but raised his hand with a charming smile.

“The nomination of Barney to the position as the Vice President was approved unanimously. Sign here in the corner of this page.” He showed them where to sign. “We'll continue to the next vote.” They signed and continued laughing, becoming high. “Now we will turn to the next subject, open the following document.”

Monro’s bodyguards collected the signed documents for him, took the new documents from him and gave the government members copies.

“I recommend annulling the position of Prof. Cheers as psychiatric advisor to the Democratic Organization and the government. This position should be canceled. We inherited it from the previous government. If this proposal is not approved unanimously or rejected, we will also have to cancel the bonuses from the previous proposal.”

This time they all raised their hands unanimously and rapidly due to the bonuses and to get back to their important hookah business. They also signed the document as required. Monro and his bodyguards left his office and went to Prof. Cheers' office on the other side of the building. They went in while she was on the phone and when she saw them, she hung up. Monro waved the dismissal documents in her face.

“In the cabinet meeting that took place today, half an hour ago, it was decided unanimously that your position as the government advisor is abolished. The decision is signed by me, President Monro, and another five government members including Barney, my Vice President, Yeats, and the Ministers of Foreign Affairs, Finance, Defense, and the Police. You are terminated by a democratic vote and with a majority of the democratic votes. Gather your things and leave.”

She stared at him with indifference and started gathering her belongings while he threw a closed envelope across her desk and smiled.

“This is the layoff letter. If you need recommendations, come to my office. Goodbye.”

Barney and the government members dispersed while the President and his bodyguards quickly left in the limousine and were gone faster than a gust of wind. The following day, there was a special news report. The Chairman of the United Nations, Shilton , appeared on TV in his elegant peacock clothes and smiled mysteriously.

“Dear ladies and gentlemen, as you already know, a brief time ago the Democratic captives were rescued from the Free Islamic Forces and in addition, Mike Satanic and President Aswad were taken prisoner by Monro and his forces. Monro’s request is to try Mike Satanic and Aswad in the Security Council for crimes against humanity and for war crimes. As the supreme judge of the planet, the cosmic space, the galaxies, and the universe around us, I gave him my permission to hold the trial and give the Security Council the authority of an Absolute Supreme Court to discuss the war crimes and crimes against humanity. The trial will commence at the Security Council  this evening at six.”

The big electric clock showed the hour was five fifty-nine and the second hand continued to work with a clicking, squeaky, and ticking sound. Everywhere in the planet all the citizens hastily stared at their watches, were glued to the TV screens, and waited impatiently for the circus to start, the biggest show in the universe.  The United Nations Security Council plenum was filled to capacity. The hall was gaudily decorated like a boxing ring in Las Vegas where a heavyweight boxing fight for the World Championship was taking place, or alternatively, a professional WWF tournament between two heavyweights fighting for the title. TV crews from all over the world waited impatiently for the beginning of the event. Suddenly the bell rang – a gong - as is accustomed in boxing matches and a famous wrestling announcer approached the microphone hanging from the ceiling and announced in a deafening noise, with a shaking and level tone:

“Here, here, here, the battle of the Giants is going to start soon. On one side of the ring, is the Democratic Monro and on the other side of the ring, are the Islamic Mike Satanic and Aswad. And now welcome the giant judge, the greatest of all, the one with the balls of the world, Mr. Shilton .”

The deafening applause stopped when Shilton  entered the hall and was spotted by the floodlights, in glory and splendor. He reminded the audience of Michael Jackson, his good friend who was already in another world. Shilton  remembered his friendship with Michael Jackson and especially his great admiration for his famous clip Thriller. Shilton  was wearing shiny golden overalls from silk or velvet, kitschy cowboy boots with glittery ornaments, two wide belts around his waist in loud colors with scattered rivets and buttons. His gray hair was spiked with dark highlights and thick gel. He held a beautiful sexy woman in each hand, dressed to reveal a little and conceal less. He messed around with their bodies without a care in the world. The audience screamed and applauded Shilton  with enthusiasm until he raised his hands to silence them and sat down at his fancy table with the two women on it. At the far-right table, Monro sat in his military uniform, pressed, starched, and loaded with fake medals. Mike Satanic and Aswad sat at the far left. Mike Satanic was wearing a gallabiyah and keffiyeh while Aswad, exactly like Monro, was in uniform, also perfectly ironed, starched, and decorated with ranks and his fake medals. Shilton  banged his golden gavel on the table and shouted:

“Ladies and gentlemen, members of the media, dear representatives of governments and countries, I was asked to discuss file 13/2922 of Chairman Monro, the CEO Shilton , residents of the planet and the world’s representatives against Mike Satanic and Aswad who are subject to the supreme and more cosmic world court for world crimes against humanity. The two of you jointly, and each you severally, are accused that during the war between the Democratic Organization and the Islamic Forces or Monro’s war against Aswad, that in short will be called “Monswad War”, you kidnapped Barney, the Vice President of the Selected Democratic Organization and another six Americans who were with him and all of them were on their way back to the Democratic base on the border of the Free Islamic Forces. You took them as captives and as hostages, and put them in prison in Musulmania, you abused them and ultimately decided to execute them. I am Shilton , the man who will determine your guilt and I Shilton , loved by women, the famous Casanova, will announce the sentence. Be aware that these acts are punishable by death. If you confess to the charges and ask for mercy, the court might consider leniency. Instead of shooting, hanging, or poisoning you we will send you in a spaceship around the globe until the end of days. Now I ask how the defendants respond to what has just been said, do you plead guilty?”

Mike Satanic spoke first:

“I’m not guilty, I don’t admit anything. I have done none of the things you attribute to me. Aswad did it all. He is the one to blame. I’m not guilty; hang him, the son of a bitch.” Mike Satanic's admirers cheered for him and waved signs bearing his name. Shilton  banged his gavel on the table and asked for quiet.

Aswad burst out with fury:

“It’s all a lie and deceit. Mike Satanic planned and prepared everything. I did not do anything. Do not forget that I intended to inform the Islamic army to stop the war because I did not want any more casualties. Whom do you believe a humane and merciful leader like me or a terrorist and mass murderer like Mike Satanic? Give poison to this homosexual". Aswad's admirers in the hall cheered for him and waved signs bearing his name. Once again, Shilton  banged the gavel and silenced them.

Mike Satanic was furious.

“You are Aswad, the liar, the most wicked of all. You are a vile and mean murderer. I planned terrorist attacks in the name of the Jihad and for the Islam. But you eliminated civilians, Islamic, and Democratic soldiers with no reason because you wanted to provoke a war against the Democratic Organization to conquer it. You are a tyrant worse even than Bigler.”

Mike Satanic’s admirers once again cheered for him. Shilton  hit the table furiously with the gavel and screamed at them to shut up.

“Aswad stood up and sobbed, “You should sentence him to death, this nasty and crazy killer who murdered more people than anyone on earth, without distinction between infants, children, or the elderly or whoever it might be. Die already, messenger of evil!”

Aswad’s admirers wept and threw the signs with his name on the floor. Mike Satanic started weeping.

 “Don’t believe Aswad, the insane dictator. I was only following orders. He demanded that I do all these things in order to control the Arabs and to control the world. I hope he burns in hell.”

Mike Satanic’s admirers wept and threw the signs with his name to the floor. Suddenly Aswad burst out in hysteria, pointed with a shaky hand at the stunned and frightened Monro, who was hiding under his table.

“Why don’t you judge Monro? He murdered civilians because they objected to his beliefs. He eliminated people from the opposition because they bothered him. He executed civilians who did not want to enlist in the army, and he wanted to eliminate the Arab people. I would like you to judge him also for crimes against humanity. Let us see you, the moral conscience of democratic people, where are you? Why is Monro not being tried, because he is Shilton ’s friend?” 

Mike Satanic’s admirers, Aswad and those who hated Monro from the opposition screamed with fury.

“You should also judge Monro and also execute him.”

Shilton , who was known for his close relationship with Monro and for the money sweet as honey he received under the table, yelled at everyone:

“Silence everyone, I’m sorry Aswad, but Monro is not on trial. You and Mike Satanic are. You, asshole, you will not order me what to do to and a maniac like you will not succeed in turning me against him.” He addressed those who screamed: “You all shut up or we will also judge you for contempt of the honorable, greatest judge and for contempt of this great court.” Silence was restored quickly. “I address the accused for the last time. The first to confess will be rewarded but the one, who doesn’t confess or repent in court, will be fucked and I, Shilton , will give it to him till the end.”

The two accused got up, hit each other, and screamed:

“He is to blame, execute this son of a bitch and send him to hell where 72 horny maniac men are already waiting for him.”

Mike Satanic and Aswad’s admirers threw themselves at each other with fury and started a huge struggle.

Shilton  signaled the two sexy women who stood at his side and suddenly they pulled out short sub-machine guns, fired in the air, stopped the fighting, and caused Monro’s bodyguards to hide under the table. Everyone froze. Shilton  screamed at the people who went wild.

“Anyone who repeats such behavior will not be shot at over his head, but in his head, in his fucked-up brain.”

Shilton  addressed the accused: “Because you didn’t admit your guilt or show remorse, my verdict is as follows:

“You are both found guilty by this court. Here is your sentence, Mike Satanic, 10 life sentences, 250 years in which you will rot in prison with no possibility for vacation, release for family events, or parole. You can, however, console yourself that at the end of sentence you will go free. As for you, Aswad, who almost brought us to a Third World War, I sentence you to death. You will leave our world in 48 hours. May God have mercy on your black, mean, and sadistic soul.”

The cemetery became a noisier place than this hall. The flies and mosquitoes, Aswad’s admirers that continuously celebrated in the hall heard the verdict, collapsed, and died from severe heart attacks. The Democratic security people and the guards started to approach the accused silently and slowly when Aswad suddenly pulled the judgment day phone out of his chest, waved it in front of everyone and screamed with hatred:

“You decided to execute me, so I will fuck your stinky democratic face and execute the planet.”

They became curious, startled, confused, and even chuckled about the threat. Aswad pushed the red button and laughed menacingly.

“I have just activated the red button on my judgment day phone. What remains is to press SEND. The moment I press the SEND button, much of the planet will cease to exist including the Democratic Organization, the American continent, Europe, Africa, Asia, Australia, and China; they will vanish in fire and smoke. The Democrats will go to hell. Just the Free Islamic Forces and the Arab and Muslim countries will be spared from the missiles we were not supposed to receive but we received nevertheless from you, from progressive Western countries, and from your greedy leaders who were after fortune and the commission. All the atomic, hydrogen, chemical, bacterial, and galactic missiles we never had, are not aimed at the Islamic countries.” He laughed maliciously. “Only your Democratic and the Zionist countries will go to hell, only you, the progressive, the moral countries, this is the end of democracy, finita la commedia.”

Everyone laughed mockingly. No one could have imagined the existence the funny device that Aswad was holding. They were all certain that it was some sort of a sick joke or in the worst case he was trying to mess with them to escape his punishment. The only person who was scared and terrified was Monro. Monro knew exactly what this strange and devious device was. He knew that he was about to lose his worldwide business and his entire capital. His money would be worthless. Those present became frightened when Monro suddenly ran towards Aswad and pulled out his phone and waved it in Aswad’s stunned face.

“My darling Aswad, do you see? Mine is just like yours. I have the same device, the judgment day phone.” He asked:  “Who sold it to you? The Jews? The French? The English? The Egyptian?”

Aswad smiled.

“Yes, the English sent me the judgment day weapon.”

Monro continued with arrogance.

“I bought it from the French. How much did they charge you?”

Aswad answered with arrogance.

“Twenty million dollars.”

Monro swore.

“The son of a bitch, the deceitful French took twenty-two million dollars from me.” He looked straight into the TV cameras “Wait, wait, you are fucking French. I will get you and you will give me back the two million dollars that you probably hid in your baguette.”

Monro turned again to Aswad, “If you press SEND, I will also press SEND on my device, and do you know what will happen? All our secret missiles that do not exist, that we created in the secret atomic mines that of course do not exist and are placed in underground warehouses that do not exist, all those missiles that we do not have and do not exist will be fired on all the Arab and Islamic countries. Then you and your countries will shift in your pants. All the Arabs and Islam will be gone. Aswad, my brother, you are the eliminator of the Arabs of the Islam, of the planet, of humanity.”

Aswad laughed with contempt.

“It’s not true, my dear Monro, thanks to you and your lies, everyone is going to die. Therefore, Monro, my brother, know that you and only you will be remembered as the destroyer of the Earth and humanity. Now you know why we always hated the Jews, because they are always the friends of the democrats, the ones who brought on the end of the world.”

Barney’s eyes flashed and blazed as they were fixed on the two satanic phones held by these two leaders, these two psychopaths, the messengers of judgment day, the angels of apocalypse. At that moment he understood, like everyone else in the hall and like every other human being on Earth that it seemed that the time for the end of humanity had arrived and mumbled to himself in a defeated voice.

“The truth is that we always believed in humanity and were certain that its end would never come because we love life, we are rational, we are conscientious, because we always know there is a purpose to our lives on earth and the purpose is to improve ourselves, our lives and our seed for the next generation on earth, that is the dearest and the best planet in the entire universe.”

Barney stared stunned and scared at the two dark leaders, at the two prophets of the underworld, at the two representatives of Satan who turned humanity into an inseparable part of the apocalypse. Aswad’s and Monro’s smiles disappeared in a split second when they simultaneously pressed on that damned button, the SEND button. Both of them, together, in the same fatal and immortal millisecond, brought an end to humanity. At that second, God, our creator, had fallen asleep while on guard duty.

The missiles that Aswad directed at the Selected Democratic Organization hit their targets but some of them missed and hit Canada and Australia, who in return fired their missiles at the Free Islamic Forces, but by mistake, hit Russia, who in return fired its missiles at Canada and Australia which again responded inaccurately, hitting Germany. The situation escalated and everyone was firing missiles at everyone in a chaotic situation where the earth hit its head against the wall, stupidity against foolishness, insanity against madness. The missiles ran around the sky like clouds of locusts, like spectacular fireworks eliminating everything on their way without distinction, without caring, thinking and by making a thoroughly insane decision like Samson in Gaza. The earth turned into a pile of ruins, decimated by the angel missiles that demolished everything in their path. The UN building turned into a building of nothing but in an odd, mysterious, and miraculous way, the flags of the nations near the building remained intact and waved proudly where the UN building once stood but had become scorched land, little fires in various places, smoke, soot, and ash. The smoke and fire rose from the black sooty ground up to the blood red sky. Elena and the children stared at Barney with plea. He knew that he was staring at the blue smiling sky for the last time on earth until the beginning of the heavenly Escalation. His brain and his consciousness flew like ghosts towards the unknown while the sky shattered into a billion stunning, beautiful fragments that disappeared in the mist of smoke and fire dancing and exciting in flashing colors that the eye and brain cannot describe or understand. His fevered mind saw spectacular visions of flying and disappearing angels, strange animals with multiple heads, their bodies different from their real bodies; hills, mountains, and valleys were destroyed and vanished like cards flying in the celestial wind. Fire, brimstone, and storms of ice fell from the sky and destroyed everything.

Suddenly, it all ended in a split second with a new Big Bang exactly as it had begun. Through the thick, black fog that began to disperse quickly, through the fire, the smoke and rubble fragments of glass, wood, iron, plastic, Aswad and Monro, the captains of the Apocalypse emerged with the glory of their garments starched and ironed just as they always were. They walked with pride through the charred ruins, embracing in harmony.

Aswad whispered affectionately:

“Tell me, Monro; is it true that everything looks scary wherever you look? Are you really scared? Not even a little?”

“Are you a fool, Aswad? You think that I am afraid? I am certainly not scared of anything, not even of the end of the world. I might be a little afraid of the fear.” He is startled. “Stop asking me scary questions,” Aswad laughed.

“Monro, the coward, I am Aswad, the only one in the world who isn’t afraid of anything.” He mumbled to himself, “Right, we are the only ones to survive in this world.” He raised his voice, “It seems like I am also afraid of fear, I would have never believed that fear is so scary, would you?”

“Leave the fear alone, Aswad, come here, and listen to this dead silence. It looks like it's the end of the world, what a heavenly silence.”

“Are you high, Monro? Of course, it is the end of the world. Did you forget what we did? Did you forget the judgment day device?” He laughed, “The truth? I was certain that the device was nonsense.” They both giggled and mumbled together “I don’t understand who the fools who gave us these devices are, didn’t they know we would use them? Should we end the world?”

Monro laughed, “I think that those who gave us the devices are stupider than we are, but do you know what the worst of it is? That we are alone on earth. Well, if you were a woman we could fuck like rabbits and repopulate the planet. We would have been like Adam and Eve in the bible. We would have been the first man and woman that the end of the world created. We are the outstanding people, we are the new race, and we are the Supreme humans, the new Gods.”

Aswad chuckled.

“Of course, we are the outstanding people, who could destroy the world if not us? But I as a female would prefer to commit suicide and not get close to a psychopath like you who brought on the end of the world.”

Monro with despise:

“And I as a female, I would have murdered you in a second. I would have never wanted to have any children from you, sweet children with the DNA of Jack the Ripper and Hannibal Lecter.”

Aswad laughed.

“If I were God, I would have sent you to VIP hell. It is the best hell that exists. In the regular hell there are standard hell citizens who suffer a little bit more in their death than in their lives, but for us it would be the worst hell, there would be nothing here but us. Do you know what the worst of it is? That we will have to stand each other, wow, I feel like puking from both of us, ugh.”

Aswad suddenly held his judgment day device, planned to throw it away but Monro, stopped him.

“This mother fucker device is from the tenth generation, let’s hear some music.”

He thought of a song and suddenly it started playing.

“Activate yours too, we can hear in a quality of 10.3 Surround, mother fucker, mother karaoke. Listen; listen to a great song, the end of the world song.”

They hugged again, stared with affection at one another and stopped the moment the song began; the sound was great and gorgeous. It was Michael Jackson’s immortal song “Thriller.” Monro moved behind and in front of Aswad and sang to him the beginning of the song, and immediately afterwards Aswad moved behind and in front of Monro and continued to sing the rest of the song to him. Suddenly, after the terrifying laughter in the song, out from the ground and from the ruins, like in the cemetery in the clip, Mike Satanic, the Hollywood actors, the Hollywood production and photography crews, Prof. Cheers, Barney and his family, the six captives, the two base commanders, the two prison officers, all the government ministers, Shilton , Gargoma, Dr. Said, the two Islamic guards and all the residents of “The White Mouse” appeared.

Aswad and Monro screamed excitedly, “We are not alone, long live Escalation!”

Everyone joined Aswad and Monro and danced together in ecstasy as in the famous clip until the terrifying laughter at the end and then, when the song ended, Monro, Barney, and Aswad stood like everybody else and looked back, turning their heads backward with burning red eyes,   naughty smiles, and broken hearts.

Suddenly the court was there again, where Satanic and Aswad had been sentenced as if nothing had happened. Prof. Cheers, with a friendly and paternal smile, handed to Barney, Monro, and to the additional five government members near them, seven forms. In addition, she handed Barney a letter that he read in a shaking and broken voice.

“Because you conspired with exploitative interests for personal gain and you created false pretexts for starting a war against the Islamic Forces and you endangered the  Democratic Organization and its citizens with an existential fear, starting this moment you will be taken to the mental hospital “The White Mouse” with the other fucking government members and you will be held by force in a mental institution as approved by me and by the district, national, political, special, and cosmic Psychiatrist. You have been diagnosed with a profoundly serious personality disorder that endangers me, you, and your surroundings and is known in medical terminology as “Escalation syndrome.” Moreover, all the rights, benefits, royalties, profits, and sponsorship given to you during your service in the government are canceled and void as of this moment.”

She laughed hysterically and sounded exactly like in the laughter of the clip. The music of Thriller continued while suddenly the time went back to the moment the two Presidents stood with the judgment devices in their hands. Barney stared with insane eyes at Aswad’s and Monro’s two devices as they pressed on the button SEND. But the Security Council was again revealed in all its glory as before, filled with people and media teams, amazed to see Monro and Aswad hysterically pushing their send buttons which just played the song “Thriller.”  Shilton  and his two girls were dancing.

Shilton  called to them with amusement.

“It won’t help you fools. Didn't you realize that your Chiefs of Staff didn't trust you? They canceled the red button and to make sure you didn't suspect anything; they left the rest of the buttons as before.”

Shilton  took the devices from both of them and gave them to the two girls beside him, who were dancing from joy. Mike Satanic, Aswad who swore at the Democrats, and the Islamists were taken under heavy security. Barney, Monro and the additional five government members were taken from the hall by robots in white smocks who put them in straitjackets and then into ambulances that closed on them hermetically and disappeared like a storm while the song Thriller continued to play in the background.

 

The…End