First novel of mine, took inspiration on MHA and novels like "The Eminence in the shadows"
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Their charisma that inspire devotion of almost fanatical degree to their followers. The charisma that inspires to their allies and fear to their enemies.
The power to brute force almost anything and crush anything in their way, power that makes those opposing despair.
Intelligence that can predict the moves of other forces and how to make their move beneficial to his own
Influence that can shake the board with a single order or announcement.
That, for Richard Murphy, is a perfect supervillain, and someone he wants to become. To the point that he trained hard and read books about martial arts or leadership, after he reads about comics obviously, he did this secretly ofcourse wouldn't want the law to be suspicious now. 12 until he turned 16 years old he did this without questions.
Until in 1984, he heard gossips, read newspapers of different stations, watched on television. There was suddenly superpowers. He wanted one. He needed one. No he wanted to have them all. To be the perfect supervillain, he needed to have them all. He didn't know how to get one, if there was the government would keep it a secret. So he just trained with the intention of getting a power that'll steal the others and give it to him. A power that'll allow him make the original stronger for him. A power that'll allow him to create the perfect followers.
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He was going home after a day of college and planning on doing the projects and assignments and then immediately train, until he saw a dark green energy on his classmate chest. No one was reacting to this, no it seems like only he can see it. This might be it, his wish might have finally came true. He followed him, when he was close enough, he saw a dark green energy string with hints of black and red when he saw no one in the vicinity he pulled it.
It transferred to him, and he could feel what the power is, it was cell regeneration. It wouldn't instantly heal small cuts and bruices but it would make sure he wouldn't die due to cancer, or any complications due to cells. His classmate none the wiser that his power was stolen.
February 23, 1986. That is the date of the worst supervillain, the symbol of evil, the reason why governments and superpower agencies united, was born.
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Please report grammar error and how I should fix it, and how I can make this better.
Hello( ´ ▽ ` ). This chapter feels quite uhh, forced, I guess? The opening didn't leave much of an impression(maybe that's just a "me" problem). There's still much room for improvement, grammar-wise and writing-wise. As for the opening, I think you should put in more details. It was a bit too fast-paced. And uh, well, there are lots of grammatical errors.
Their charisma that inspire devotion of almost fanatical degree to their followers. The charisma that inspires to their allies and fear to their enemies
-> "Their charisma that inspires devotion of almost fanatical degree in their followers. The charisma that inspires their allies and instills fear in their enemies." I think the word "inspire" in the first sentence is a bit unsuitable. It's just a feeling, so I may be wrong.
Intelligence that can predict the moves of other forces and how to make their move beneficial to his own
Something is wrong with this sentence, around the "and how to make their move..." part. Though, I can't put a finger on it.
That, for Richard Murphy, is a perfect supervillain, and someone he wants to become.
-> "That, to Richard Murphy,..." https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/3098/expressing-an-opinion-to-me-or-for-me
To the point that he trained hard and read books about martial arts or leadership, after he reads about comics obviously, he did this secretly ofcourse wouldn't want the law to be suspicious now.
The part "after he reads..." was a complete mess. I don't really get the comics part. As for the following clause, how about separating it into a new sentence? "He did this secretly, of course, since he wouldn't want the government to be suspicious." Also, what kind of "law" gets suspicious when you read too many books on martial arts and leadership
?
12 until he turned 16 years old he did this without questions.
12 what? You can convey what you were thinking with just those words, but it wouldn't be a pleasant experience to those who read it. The wording of this sentence is also a bit wonky. -> "Ever since he was 12 years old, he had(not sure about what tense to use here) been doing this without questions until he turned 16."There are still many errors, but I'll stop for now. It's 12am _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):. Take this with a bucket of salt since English isn't my mother tounge, so I may be wrong. I'll continue tomorrow. Hopefully. Have fun writing.
I'll keep this in mind! Thank you