Spring rain had left a mess. No longer able to ignore it, Charlie spent his Monday afternoon using precious vacation days to install a pipe to drain the water away from the foundation of the house, strenuous work to be sure. Surrounded by chickens and mud, sinewy muscles worked the shovel repetitively until there the beginnings of a trench took form. He was so immersed in the hard labor; he almost didn’t hear the car pull into the drive.

The sleek European sedan looked classic and expensive. A female opened the driver’s door. The woman was drop dead gorgeous. Her peaches and cream skin glowed with a soft pink hijab wrapped around her slender neck. Startlingly blue eyes framed by dark long lashes and even darker sculpted brows that were down-turned. Those plump red lips pinched in displeasure.

Charlie almost didn’t notice the older woman who opened the passenger door. Her beauty was more understated. White hijab, colorful dress and a friendly smile.

It was Ki’s mother.

That heroic nose, broad forehead and golden skin were so similar, Charlie didn’t even need an introduction. Leaving his shovel upright in the muck, he removed his gloves and walked to the driveway.

“Mrs. Roberts?” Charlie was filthy and couldn’t decide what to do with his hands, so he settled on stuffing them in the back pocket of his jeans.

Kindly midnight black eyes scanned him from top to bottom. Her lips curved up, not unlike her only son.

“You know my Erkin?” Her words carried a lovely lyrical accent.

“Yes.” Willing to be Ki’s boyfriend, Charlie was not willing to tell others, especially his new boyfriend’s mother, who was not accepting of his sexuality.

“His driveway…..” Her voice stopped as if looking for the words.

“Not even a tank could make it up that mess.” The woman in pink grumbled. “Good afternoon. My name is Hala.” The woman nodded to Charlie. Her voice was accent free but no less lovely despite the annoyed, pinched look on her face.

“Hello.”

The dog was calmly sniffing the new arrivals.

“Deng Pao, come.” Charlie shifted his weight from leg to leg until the dog rubbed up against him. Crouching down, he stroked the dog, avoiding any social niceties. The idea of inviting them in for tea made him fretful and a bit nauseous.

For the first time since getting out of the car, the young woman looked amused. “Your dog’s name is Deng Pao?”

“Yes.” He stood, more comfortable discussing the dog than Ki.

“Is he yours?” Her sapphire blue eyes sparkled.

“Mmmmm.” Probably not a good time to tell the mother they share a pet.

“Do you speak Mandarin as well?” Ki’s mother asked, her eyes full of curiosity.

“No, mam’.” The strangeness of the situation brought out the southern manners.

“Do you know what the name means?” The older woman asked with suspicion.

What is with the third-degree?

“Lightbulb.”

What was the big deal about the dog’s name?

It took a fraction of a second before a wide smile full of beautifully white teeth spread across the young woman’s face. The quick change of demeanor frightened Charlie even more.

“Did my son name your dog?” Ki’s mother’s countenance darkened.

Looking at the drastic change between the two women, Charlie was growing concerned.

“Ummm. Yes.” The word was quiet. His hands went to his neck, making the universal choking symbol.

Unable to keep it in, the young woman doubled over in laughter.

“Really, Hala.” The older woman rolled her eyes in disgust. “Is this really a laughing matter?”

Sizing up Charlie with a glance, the young woman turned to Ki’s mother.

“I told you Auntie that Ki is not…….”

“Regardless, he’s my son.”

“We can’t even get up the driveway. This is hardly a successful ambush.” Her voice was full of humor.

Charlie was more confused than ever.

“Ambush?”

“I’m sorry.” Hala walked towards him and held out her hand. “Let me introduce myself again. My name is Hala. What is your name?”

“Charlie.”

“Well, Charlie,” she giggled. “When I saw you working outside, I had hoped to use your internet access to call Ki. This burg appears to be a dead zone.”

“And now?” Where was the missing punchline?

“Now I think we’d should get back in this car and drive back to Boston before it gets too dark.”

Again, with those sparkling sapphires and a winning smile.

Was she a lawyer like Ki?

“I disagree. I want my son now.” The once friendly older woman appeared inconvenienced and was sliding towards full-on angry.

“Auntie. What is the purpose of seeing Ki now?”

“To talk about the wedding.” She crossed her arms in frustration.

“What wedding?” Charlie’s voice raised as much as his destroyed vocal cords allowed. An unknown fire began churning in his belly.

“This is his future wife.” Ki’s mother spat out belligerently.

“Oh, Auntie.” Hala shook her head. “Don’t worry.” She placed her hand on Charlie’s arm. “She’s full of bluster. I won’t be marrying Ki.”

“I know you won’t be marrying Ki.” Charlie’s face was flushed, and his hands clenched into tight fists. “Not…….”

“Don’t worry. I won’t be the evil pretty girl who tries to break up the star-crossed lovers,” Her voice was a whisper. “I’ve read enough danmei to recognize if I’m the evil white lotus.”

“I’m so confused.” Not just her words. Now there was a lava pit of jealousy burning him from the inside out. Very uncomfortable.

“Um, it’s your dog.”

“My dog?” The question marks were popping before his eyes.

“His name.”

“What does his name have to do with……..uh, the star-crossed lovers?”

Another frilly giggle released. “Oh, I am shipping the two of you.”

Charlie felt her squeeze his biceps. This woman was just a little too free with her hands.

“In Mandarin, lightbulb or Deng Pao is slang for a person who interrupts a romantic couple. So essentially Ki named your dog third-wheel.”

Charlie was stunned at the revelation. She moved one of her hands from his arm to just below his shoulder blade. No doubt about it, this woman was trying to cop-a-feel.

“What are you saying, Hala?”

The mother’s angry words woke Charlie out of his trance.

“Mrs. Roberts.” Charlie began.

“Call her Auntie.” Hala whispered.

“Auntie.” He turned to the young woman. “But we’re not related.”

“Where she’s from, the older generation is called Auntie and Uncle.” Hala emphasized her words by patting his chest with a naughty hand.

“Auntie.” Screwing up all his courage, Charlie coughed as if he could repair his damaged voice. “Auntie, Ki and I are in a relationship.”

With the admission, his chest felt light and warm, as if a heavy foot had been removed and replaced by a comfy electric blanket.

“Impossible!” the woman barked in English, then muttered words he had no clue as to their meaning.

Clapping his chest with one hand and back with the other, Hala screeched with joy. “That’s the spirit. This CP is the genuine thing.”

Confused, Charlie faced the woman molesting him. “What is a she-pee?”

“The letter C and the letter P. In China, it is pronounced xi-pi, slang for a couple which you just admitted to loud and clear.”

Not sure where to go with that, he turned to Ki’s mother and tried to keep his damaged voice as kind as possible.

“Auntie. Ki is my boyfriend. He won’t be getting married to a woman in the future.”

The older woman’s face darkened with anger while the young woman tittered. Her hands kept up the assault moving to the other size of his body.

“Nonsense. My son is going to marry a good woman and give me grandkids.”

“No. Your son will never marry a good woman, but that doesn’t mean he won’t give you grandkid…..s.”

Charlie couldn’t decide who infuriated him more, Ki’s mother who wouldn’t accept her son, or the young woman who was staring way too intently at his buttocks.

Where was Ki?

Wasn’t it his fault that he was stuck in this mess?

“Auntie, I’ll text Ki and see where he is. Maybe you can talk to him about grandkids, but don’t bother with the women. Even if he wasn’t my boyfriend, you need to get used to the fact that he’s gay. It may not be what you wanted, but the more you push women at him, the more you push him away. Ki just lost his father. He shouldn’t lose his mother, as well.”

“Well said.”

Grabbing his phone from his shirt pocket, he typed two sentences as quickly as possible.

Charlie:          Where are you? Your mother is here with your fiancé!

Not ten seconds later came the reply.

            Next Door:     WTH! I’m at the office. I’ll be there in 25 minutes.

Then came:

Next Door:     Not my fiancé, angel. There’s only you in my heart.

Charlie’s lips twitched. Sneaky, rogue. Lawyers were too talented with words.

“It looks like Ki will be here in less than a half hour. Since you are his mother, please come inside for a cup of tea while we wait.”

Grabbing the hand that had inched towards his abs, he turned to Hala. “And if you stop with your sexual assault, there’s a cup of tea for you two.”

Clapping her hands together. “Ooooh. This is fun. Who knew such an interesting BL storyline would play out right in front of me?”

“BL?”

“Boy Love. What? You never read danmei?”