Toru,

I owe you the truth.

I found someone. Her name is Jessica. I know we never set any kind of expectations for one another, but I felt that I should tell you. In spite of my love for her, my feelings for you remain just as real and warm. I don’t know if that means I haven’t gotten over you yet or if there’s something wrong with me. But either way, I still do miss you. I really want to know if your feelings for me have changed. Do you still care for me? Do you still feel love for me, Tuxedo Mask? I know you probably want to spare my feelings, but I need to know the truth… please reply.

-Serena

Sending the email, I sighed at my phone. Still no response. Maybe I should have just given up. What the hell was I doing talking to a former fling when I already had a girlfriend?! Was I some kind of slut?

I couldn’t help but flinch as I looked at my phone and saw the time it displayed. I knew that I still had the time to juggle these two separate events (at least in theory), but I had to admit that being a superhero was only devouring more and more of what little free time that I had.

I was still uncertain how the first gathering of the new Inner Senshi would go, but I knew that it was going to be complicated. Likely even more complicated if I didn’t show up in a timely fashion.

But I couldn’t ignore this summons either. Regardless of how far I was behind on my schoolwork, this was going to be more important.

I had nearly flunked my last English essay. And I had deserved to fail because I had turned in a rushed piece of garbage that only charitably could have been called coherent. It was only begging and crying that had pushed my professor to grudgingly give me an extension. An extension that I might very well blow through at this rate.

Pocketing my phone and trying to push away my anxieties, I vaulted over the rooftops towards my destination. I couldn’t help but feel that the freedom and joy that it once offered was stifled somewhat. The world didn’t care that Serena Moore was drowning in her responsibilities. All they wanted was Sailor Moon to keep saving the day. It never occurred to them that Serena, the girl underneath, had to eat, sleep and keep a roof over her head. And avoid academic probation…

I couldn’t help but remember, in the anime, that Usagi Tsukino was constantly getting terrible grades. And, in the context of the show, it was supposed to make her a relatable airhead. Comic relief. A goofball. But seeing her as a genuine doctor in the real world, I couldn’t help but wonder if the real Usagi had been struggling with her grades because she was constantly having to balance her time as a student with her time as a superhero. 

I was reminded of Jess talking about how even the Justice League didn’t really afford much in the way of monetary support. You just either had to have an easy job of collecting money for nothing like Bruce Wayne, or you just had to have a way of making your two lives work.

To help solidify the feeling of unease, I detransformed in a nearby alley next to the Big Belly Burger. Apparently Jared had been slightly upset about missing out on it during his last trip to Gotham, so he had insisted on all of us meeting up here since it was rebuilt after the alien invasion.

Of course, the fast food joint was not as forgiving to superheroes showing up in their establishment as Raul was, so I was going to be forced to go inside as a civilian.

Even if it had more or less been rebuilt from scratch, this was still the place where me and Carla had met for the first time. This was where I’d opened up to another person. And fucked up our relationship beyond all saving.

And now… I was facing the very same possibility with my friends.

As I stepped onto the sidewalk and moved towards the front door, I did a quick check of my appearance in the window. I had always wondered why girls had been so vain as to keep checking their looks in every single reflective surface, but only now had I realized how much stock that society placed in a woman’s appearance. And, to be fair, I was finally invested in my appearance.

It was cold today, and my purple, marshmallow-like coat kept most of the heat out as Spring hadn’t quite gotten around to asserting itself yet. I wore a pair of pink earmuffs and a striped pink, blue and white scarf around my neck. Underneath, I wore a baby-blue sweater which did a decent job of keeping me toasty. I felt cute, but it still felt strange seeing my friends again like this. This wasn’t just me wearing a costume. I wasn’t Sailor Moon right now. It was me, Serena, that I was showing them this time.

No more costumes.

I sighed as I shouldered my purse and stepped into the restaurant.

As I collected my order and scanned the room, I couldn’t help but flinch as I saw who was sitting at the table in the far corner.

I had expected Jared, Kyle and Gary. I had not been expecting the other two missing members of our old team.

Casey was wearing an oversized hoodie that he all but melted into. A shaggy curtain of dark hair and the hood hid his visible features, save for wide eyes peering out from his rounded face. He stared at me in shock as I strode over to the group and sat down across from him. Casey looked to the others for any kind of objection, but none of them presented any, remaining silent instead.

The only one who spoke up was Riley, who looked much more slim and haggard from his work. His brown hair was flecked with early strands of gray, but he still carried some remnant of his optimistic enthusiasm in his thin face and blue eyes. He was wearing a button-down shirt and khakis, with a visible STAR Labs ID card dangling from his belted hip. He blinked in alarm at me as I sat down next to him, leaning forward and saying very deliberately, “I’m sorry, miss, can we help you? We’re actually waiting on a friend…”

“I know,” I said, eying the others as I shrugged out of my coat, “And by the looks of it, you guys haven’t gotten Riley and Casey up to speed.”

“It’s really not our place, Serena,” said Kyle earnestly as they spread out their hands. “It’s your story to tell.”

“But, to be fair,” interjected Jared, pushing up his glasses up his nose, “We… we’re with you, okay? Sorry about last time. Kyle sort of helped us understand. And besides, you’re still our friend… we… support you.”

I sighed, smiling faintly as the warmth of their affirmation washed over me in relief. “Thanks…” 

I examined Gary, sitting in the corner away from me. He made eye contact only briefly, but despite his discomfort, he nodded in approval. Gratefully, I returned the gesture before turning my attention back to the newcomers.

“Uh… in case you haven’t put the pieces together yet, I’ll be honest, I am… or, rather, was Cross. Yes, I’ve changed. Don’t call me by my old name, I go by Serena now. It’s been a hell of a time. I really don’t have the time to go through the whole story, so we’ll just cut to the chase of me asking why you called me here.”

They stared back at me in mute shock, even the ones who already knew I was transgender. Apparently my change in appearance had short-circuited any kind of response they could muster. I sighed, sipping my soda as I waited for their brains to reboot.

“Wait… so that’s…” Riley pointed to me and looked at the others. “That’s really him?”

“Her,” insisted Kyle, for which I was relieved. “And yes.”

Riley turned back to me, gaping for a moment, before shaking his head. “Uh… okay… so, uh…”

Casey finally broke through the awkwardness. “We need your help.”

“That’s what I got from the text,” I said, pulling out my phone to re-examine the message. “So what’s the situation?”

Casey sat up a little straighter. “The team I work with, Gaia’s Avengers, has found out that STAR Labs has a facility outside of Central City, near Gustin State Park. We’re not entirely sure what they’re doing, but it’s some kind of chemical testing and development. And that chemical…  it's leaking… All around the facility, the forest, the plants, the animals… all of them are getting sick and dying. There’s an aquifer not far from the spread, and if something isn’t done, it’s going to seep into the groundwater.” 

Casey shot an annoyed glare at Riley. “I tried to tell Riley about it, given that he works for them, but he didn’t believe me…”

“At first,” Riley interjected, “I mean, as far as I knew, the Lake Gustin facility was just a warehouse. But when I did the digging and started asking questions, I found stuff that didn’t add up and I was told that I needed to drop it by my boss.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I mean… I really didn’t want to risk getting in trouble… I’m looking to propose to my girlfriend this year and I was nervous about putting my job at risk.”

Casey shot him a dark look, which Riley shrunk away from. “But… yeah, this looks pretty bad…” Riley continued, “some kind of off-the-books chemical production. I had hoped that you guys,” he indicated Kyle, Jared and Gary. “Could have made some noise inside the League.”

Jared set down his milkshake, wiping at his mouth, “I mean, we tried. I talked to Green Arrow and told him what was going on and he said he’d look into it.”

“We talked to Zatanna, too,” said Kyle, frowning as they stared out into the middle distance. “And she said that it was a ‘delicate issue.’”

Gary snorted, pushing away his hamburger. “Look, it’s really not that complicated… everyone knows that STAR Labs has a cushy deal with Central City’s resident zoom-dude, right?” He glanced at Riley, who gave only the slightest nod in reply. “And given that the Flash is one of the founders of the League, it’s not any surprise that he’s got the pull to lean on them to ignore STAR Labs and their dirty dealings, yeah?”

Riley sighed, sagging visibly. He didn’t reply, but his reaction did enough to confirm the theory Gary put forth.

“This is why Gaia’s Avengers exists,” insisted Casey, gesturing with a French fry, “because we need people who aren’t in the pockets of big business to stand up for the planet.” Casey cast a glance at me, “Uh… Jared told me that you’re still an independent cape. Like, you’re not a part of a team or anything.”

“Uh,” I said, shrugging. “I mean, kind of? I have a team now, but we’re not really answerable to any kind of authority… I mean, okay, we kind of are, but they’re not like a corporation or anything… I mean, one of them owns a corporation, but I don’t think she’ll…” I trailed off, seeing that the rest of my friends were completely lost. I took in a deep breath and started again. “Uh yes, I have a team and we’re not beholden to League politics.”

“You sure that you’re Cross?” asked Gary, his eyebrow raised. “I mean, the Cross I knew was a loner edgelord who barely got along with anyone.”

“You weren’t that much better, Scarab,” I shot back darkly. Gary flushed and looked like he had a reply to spit out, but I held out my hands in surrender before he could get there. “But I get it. You’re right. Look, everyone, I’ve changed a lot since the old days. Not just in the obvious ways. I had a lot of… uncomfortable feelings I was working through and I didn’t always do it in the healthiest possible manner. All I can say is that I’ve learned how to be a leader and how to work with others. If you help me give this pitch to my team, I’m sure we can get their support.”

The rest of them exchanged glances. Riley shrugged, Okay?”

“Okay,” said Casey, getting up from his seat. “So when can we meet them?”

I winced at my phone as I spotted the time. “Well… considering I’m ten minutes late for our first team meeting… I think now is as good a time as any.”

_________________________

As I was no longer able to jump from rooftop to rooftop, we ended up being even more late than I had planned as we were forced to rely on Gotham public transit. I texted all of my teammates that I was running late with a new assignment, but none of them responded, which only served to make me more concerned.

After the recruitment of Maya and Liv, I had informed Rita and Lani that we had new teammates, and while Lani had been generally accepting of the idea, Rita had said, in no uncertain terms, that there would be a “discussion” which I was dreading. Maya was optimistic and eager to meet the others. And as for Liv…

Liv just replied “whatever” and that was the end of the conversation. I wasn’t certain that she’d even show up.

My old friends were intrigued by the prospect of meeting the rest of the Sailor Guardians, even if Riley, in particular, was still not sounding convinced of my origin story.

“I mean, it’s fine if you want to do the cosplay hero thing,” continued Riley as we approached the LGBTQ Center, where the others were meeting on the roof. “But I can’t just accept that this chick handed out magical powers out of the blue. This is real life, not fanfiction.”

I sighed as I led them into the secluded alley between the building and the next one. “Okay everyone, watch closely because I’m only going to do this once…” I reached down the front of my sweater and pulled out my brooch. “MOON PRISM POWER! MAKE UP!”

The light of the brooch exploded into a starburst and engulfed me in warm light. As I blinked away the spots, I saw the others all staring in complete shock.

Riley, in particular, had his jaw hanging open as any further objections died on his lips.

Kyle gave me a quiet nod as they reclaimed their composure.

Jared whistled in appreciation of my new look.

Gary simply nodded as if witnessing a magic trick and went to examine the surroundings.

Casey looked at me with a wide-eyed awe and amazement of my transformation.

I felt myself blushing at the reveal, but tried to remain professional. “I’ll fill in the team on the roof. Meet you there.” And with that, I leaped onto the nearby wall, kicked off of it, and made the leap onto the roof of the building. 

As I landed gracefully on the cement of the roof, I was struck by two immediate realizations. The first was that all of the team was already transformed, which was odd. The more distressing realization was that Jupiter and Venus were squaring off, and shouting at one another, while Mars and Mercury worked to calm them down.

“THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO ME?!” snapped Liv, her fists visibly crackling with electricity. Maya was uncomfortably tugging on her sleeve next to her.

“SO YOU’RE FUCKING DEAF AND FUCKING STUPID?! NO SURPRISE THERE!” shot back Rita, wrapping her chain around her fist. Lani was actively interposing theirself between Rita and Liv.

Neither of them seemed to notice my arrival, even as I rushed up and tried to shout over them. It took me tearing my tiara off my head, hurling it at them and threading the gap between their shouting with a Moon Tiara Magic to surprise them enough to pull them out of their fight and get their attention back to me, as I caught the returning tiara and placed it back onto my head.

I sighed, checking my phone with some unease. “I texted all of you that I would be late. Seriously… twenty five minutes without me and you’re already trying to kill one another?”

“Oh, there you are,” growled Rita, rounding on me, “Oh you better believe I haven’t forgotten about you. What the fuck were you thinking just snapping up two random bitches and saying they’re part of the team? Don’t we get a say about all this?!”

“My understanding,” chimed in Lani, standing up a little straighter as they spoke, “Was that this would be more of a group decision. We’re not reincarnated lunar royalty, so there should be a little more leeway in choosing our teammates. You can’t blame her for being upset that you acted unilaterally.”

I sighed, holding up my hands peacefully. “Okay, I can understand that… and I am sorry I couldn’t give you more input, but to be fair to Liv,” I indicated to her, as she was currently crossing her arms over her chest, quietly staring daggers at Rita, “It was kind of a do or die scenario. Like… either she got lightning powers or she was going to die. And us too, if I’m being honest.”

“I’m not a fucking charity case,” shot back Liv, turning her gaze to me. “I didn’t ask to get drafted into the fucking girl scouts. Especially with Scoutmother Alpha Bitch over here.”

Rita raised her chain threateningly and Lani had to hold up their hands to intercept her fury. 

I sighed as I focused on Liv, “You’re right. You aren’t a charity case. I meant what I said when I gave you that Jupiter stick. You are the person right for that powerset. I felt it at the very center of my being. I knew you would be able to use this power for the right reasons and that we could trust you.”

“Oh how convenient!” sneered Rita, still trying to get past Lani, “So you just get a ‘feeling’ and hand a complete stranger superpowers! She could be a criminal! Or a psychopath! You literally just met this bitch!”

“I mean, she did just meet the two of us, as well,” said Lani sheepishly, as they continued to run interference between the two combatants. 

“That doesn’t make it better!” snapped Rita, clenching her fists, “I had hoped that bringing us in on a whim was just a fluke and that we could get you to be more careful! But you call us up to meet with this fucking bitch and this…” she faltered as she pointed a finger at Maya. 

Maya was literally cowering behind Liv and despite Rita’s fury, she seemed unable to come up with anything to insult her with. 

“This… person…” She sighed, sagging as some of her fury seemed to evaporate at the thought of anger directed to Maya. “Okay… that’s it… I’m done with this…” she turned her back and began to walk towards the door. “Look, if the rest of you want to follow Moon Girl into her next disaster, go right ahead… but as for me, I think it’s best if I do this my own way. I’m taking my powers and going home.”

I tried to reach out to her, to figure out something to say to change her mind, but Liv slipped in front of me.

“Oh yeah, that’s another thing,” said Liv, turning to me, “Yeah, I don’t care what some cartoon or some chicks in Japan say… I’m the fucking leader or I’m out. Thanks for the powers and everything, but I’m not taking orders from someone like you… no offense.”

I didn’t even get the time to object or express that I had taken offense before another voice chimed in.

“Uh… Miss Serena, sorry, but I have a question… please…” squeaked Maya, trying to edge around Liv.

I looked helplessly to Lani, who shrugged their shoulders as if to make it abundantly clear that this was only my problem to solve.

I didn’t have any answers. Leadership had just been essentially thrust into my lap by nature of being Sailor Moon, and I had barely gathered all of them together in the first place before all of them had broken apart. 

I knew that they were right for their gifts. Each of them carried within them a true star seed which empowered them to become Sailor Guardians. But I wasn’t certain they were right for each other. Hell, at this point, I wasn’t certain that I was right for them. I was failing, and nothing seemed to be working.

Nao was a teenager with an anger problem but even she knew how to keep a team together. Usagi had been able to do it when she was in high school. But even as an adult, I had disappointed everyone who had placed their faith in me.

All I could do was just shout. Not even with any kind of message or words, but just an outpouring of frustration and defeat at how much I had failed in my role. A primal scream of frustration poured out of my throat from the depths of my chest.

The shout echoed off of the rooftops and with some surprise, I heard a number of cracks and pings follow in the wake of my shout, where a nearby windowpane on the next building outright cracked into a spiderweb of broken glass. In the distance, a handful of car alarms had been triggered. I blinked in surprise as the volume of my shout had caused minor property damage, but it had also stopped everyone else dead in their tracks.

I tried to get a hold of my breathing and collect myself. Tears were outright pouring down my cheeks now as I felt my heart breaking in my chest. I couldn’t assemble the perfect pep-talk that would fix all of these issues or make up for my past mistakes. All I could do, in this moment, was speak from the heart and pray.

“Okay, you’re right, I fucked up,” I said, quietly as the echoes of my scream died. “I do that a lot. I accepted this Sailor Moon thing because I bought into the fantasy. The fantasy of being able to fight evil and finally live as the real me. The fantasy that someone out there actually saw me for who I really was and believed in me… but I guess… I guess it doesn’t quite work like it does in cartoons… people are complicated… and flying by the seat of your serafuku comes with consequences… But please…” I looked up at all of them, desperately. “Please forgive me… if I did things wrong, I’m sorry. I’m trying so hard to do this right and the only real resource I have is a fucking Japanese cartoon and pure instinct. I just…” I spread out my hands to all of them. “I … saw all of you… and after Usagi had given me this gift… I felt like I had to pay it forward. I saw each and every one of you had a spark within you… strength, intelligence, beauty, courage, kindness and all of that… I just… someone believed in me and I really wanted to believe in all of you too.”

They stopped and looked at one another, appraisingly.

“Look,” I sighed, taking off my tiara and tossing it at their feet. It clinked against the cement with a musical little ting. “Maybe I shouldn’t be the leader. Maybe the model of reincarnated lunar royalty in the bodies of high schoolers isn’t the best example to follow. Maybe this is more complicated. And I… I can’t force any of you to stay. When I handed you your powers, that came with the trust that you would use them in the best way you saw fit. And if you think that the best way is leaving to go on your own, or under someone else’s directions… then… you have my support.” I sighed. “But…”

I indicated Lani. “I know you don’t like violence or superhero brawls with all of the property damage and destruction. I know you’ve been mostly using your powers to act as superpowered EMS or disaster relief. I think we need that clear, practical thinking in our team. I believe in you, Lani.”

I turned to Rita, “I know you’ve been making appearances in the local community. Doing little shows, talking to kids, pushing out gangs… all while proudly wearing your identity with courage that I still can’t quite muster. You’ve made yourself a beacon for the people around you. We need your heart to keep us centered. I trust you, Rita.”

I looked at Maya. “Maya, you’ve been through so much but you have more strength than you know. Your faith isn’t a burden, but a blessing for you, a source of strength that drives you forward and inspires you to help others like you. We need your perseverance to keep the team moving. I know you’re afraid, but I have faith in you, Maya.”

And I lastly sized up Liv, “Yeah, I admit that I picked you suddenly, but you know what? You made an amazing first impression that told me everything I needed to know. You’re strong, you’re caring and you’re always willing to put yourself out there when others need it. Even if I hadn’t given you these powers, I honestly think you might have survived Leslie’s attack out of sheer stubbornness… We need your strength to carry us forward. Liv… I know you can do this.”

Lani broke into a small smile. Rita’s expression softened visibly. Maya lit up like a Christmas tree. And Liv… didn’t back down precisely, but she did unclench her fists. 

“I implicitly trust each and every one of you, and I mean that,” I continued, wiping the tears out of my swimming vision, “If you want to go, then go. If you want someone else to lead, I’ll follow. But if you let me work at this a little more, I promise that I’ll do everything in my power to do better. You all make me better and want to be better.”

They didn’t reply, instead exchanging glances between them. Liv gave a heavy sigh as she reached down and picked up my tiara from the ground. She examined it for a moment, turning it over in her hands. She looked to the others, offering it out. None of them took it. Rita shook her head and looked towards me, instead.

Liv nodded and walked over to me. The others followed. She held out my tiara in her hand, and I gratefully took it. Liv didn’t immediately release it, looking me dead in the eyes.

“Look…” she said, her voice stern, “The first superhero that I was friends with… died. I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. Her name was Anima, and she… shouldn’t have had to go out like that. I hated myself for not being strong enough to help her. I promised that if I ever had the chance, I wouldn’t let it happen to anybody else I cared about. This shit is fucking serious and if I’m doing this, I gotta know that you aren’t just playing dress-up, Princess. You gotta keep us upright and breathing.”

I nodded solemnly, “You have my word.”

She released the tiara and I carefully returned it to my head, watching the others for their approval.

Lani smiled. “I know you’re doing your best, Serena. I can tell your heart is in the right place. I trust you too.”

Rita gave a heavy sigh and waved her approval. “Just… seriously, girl, we need to talk about this before you make your Moon Queen proclamations. We can’t help you if you keep us in the dark.”

Maya looked at me with owlish eyes. “You believed in me when nobody else did, Miss Serena,” she said quietly, “I believe in you too.”

I was threatened with another round of sobbing like a baby, but I forced myself to the semblance of a functional sailor guardian and returned the tiara to my head. “O-okay… so we have a mission in front of us. We’re not doing it unless we all agree to it, but I want you to meet-” 

I turned back to the roof entrance and saw, with some alarm, that the others were all clustered awkwardly around the doorway. A host of wide eyes and guilty looks told me that while they may not have heard everything, they still heard enough.

“Oh… shit…” I muttered, blushing faintly. I wanted to melt into the floor, but I tried to channel what little confidence I had remaining to approach them. I was going to be a leader, goddamn it. I had to start acting like it.

“Okay folks, this is my team, the Sailor Guardians. Mercury, Venus, Mars and Jupiter,” I said, indicating all of them in turn. “So, let’s hear about this job you have for us.”

When I made their presence known, the other Sailor Guardians were just as surprised to see the audience that they had gathered over the course of the disagreement. Rita took a step back, looking at me nervously. My old Team had changed into their heroic outfits in the interim which made them look even more intimidating in the aftermath of a tense situation.

Like the others, Riley and Casey had upgraded their costumes since I last saw them. Riley was wearing a silvery suit that covered him like he had been dipped in liquid metal. Casey, by contrast, was wearing a sort of cloak/hoodie type thing with a dog-collar around his neck.

“Uh, Serena,” she murmured, “Who are these people?”

“Right,” I said, clapping my hands together, “Okay, introductions. These folks are my old hero team from my high school days. We worked together to take down an evil insurance company. This is… Psion, Gray Arrow, Scarab, Wolfsbane-”

“Wolfspaw,” insisted Casey sheepishly, “I changed it. I never really liked the old name, to be honest.”

“Wolfspaw, then,” I said, continuing down the line. “And…” I frowned at Riley, “Uh…”

“It’s Ironweld,” said Riley, snorting, “Once I finally got real tools and materials, Scrapyard didn’t really fit anymore.”

“And Ironweld,” I said, finishing the introductions.

“Uh… looks like you already have a team… why do you need us?” asked Liv, scanning them carefully. “I mean… how big is this job?”

My friends all looked to one another nervously, finally electing to nudge Casey forward, out of the stairwell doorway and towards the rest of us. He looked visibly uncomfortable with the troupe of senshi but to give him credit, he swallowed hard and began to speak.

“Uh hi,” said Casey, waving faintly, “Um, gosh, okay. Uh… aaaaaagh…” he flushed visibly as he tried to compose himself. “So… uh… here’s the deal: STAR Labs… you know STAR Labs? The science company?”

“Out in Central City,” snapped Liv impatiently, “Yeah.”

“Right,” squeaked Casey, shrinking a little at her voice, “Well… uh… they’ve got a secret testing lab… thing… out in the forest outside the city. Around Gustin State Park, near the lake. And… um… they… they’re creating… some kind of… uh… chemical… that’s killing all the surrounding trees. And making all the animals around sick. And if they don’t stop, it’s going to get into the aquifer. And then people will be drinking it.” He steadied himself a little bit as he set the stakes. “I work with a team of my own, Gaia’s Avengers. And-”

“Oh shit,” said Lani, suddenly excited, “Yeah! I’ve seen you guys! When we had that oil spill off the coast of Honolulu! You’re like some kind of ad-hoc eco-heroes who save the environment no matter what!” They broke into a grin. “Fuck yeah, we’re in!”

“Wait… I don’t understand. Who are they?” asked Rita, more subdued, “Not saying no, but I just want some context here.”

I gestured to Casey to continue, but it was clear that he wasn’t quite up to the task of giving the spiel, so I stepped in to bail him out.

“Gaia’s Avengers are a loose co-operative of heroes, rogues and even some villains who work together to keep the planet’s ecosystem from collapsing under the weight of pollution and disasters,” I said, carefully watching Casey for any objections. “It’s not exactly a dedicated team like the Justice League or the Teen Titans or whatever… it’s more of a loose ‘help if you can’ kind of deal. It mostly gets the work of eco-conscious capes like Animal Man or Beast Boy or Swamp Thing.”

“Woah!” interjected Liv, “Time out! If we’ve got freaking Swamp Thing, then we can just stay here and let him take care of it! The guy’s basically a nature god.”

Casey nervously put up a hand and when nobody threatened to talk over him, he interjected. “Uh… we asked… but he said that it wasn’t a big enough threat… yet…”

“And it’s not like it’s something you want to wait to get worse,” I said, nodding in agreement. I gestured to Casey, “Who do we actually have for this job? Aside from you, obviously…”

“I’ll do what I can,” said Riley stepping into the light, “I mean… I really don’t want to lose my job at STAR Labs… but I can help from the inside… I think.”

“Okay, what about the others?” asked Lani, indicating Jared, Kyle and Gary, “Are you guys coming along?”

They looked at each other nervously. Kyle spoke up first, clearing their throat. “Me and Scarab work for the Justice League. And right now, the League doesn’t want to get involved.”

Gary sighed. “We talked to Zatanna, our mentor. She said it was a ‘delicate situation’ and we were supposed to leave it alone.”

“My boss, Green Arrow,” chimed in Jared, “Kind of gave the same line. And I need to be on a plane to Saudi Arabia by sundown for another mission… I can’t stay.”

“They can’t help,” I said frustratedly, “Nobody tied to the Justice League. That’s why Wolfspaw came to me… and to us.”

“Why not?” asked Maya, curiously, “Why can’t the League help? They’re the good heroes, right? And this is dangerous.”

Liv’s nose wrinkled in disgust. “Ugh… I think I know why. Flash and STAR Labs are cozy with one another, right?”

Riley nodded silently.

“That’s fucked up,” growled Lani, “I mean… I’m not surprised, but yuck… just because one of the founding members is sitting at the big table, the entire organization turns a blind eye?”

“That’s the reason why Gaia’s Avengers exists,” said Casey earnestly, “To cut through the red tape and do what needs to be done.”

“So… aside from us, the wolf-boy and the shiny nerd, we’re going up against STAR Labs and the fastest man alive… not to mention his team of cronies?” said Liv miserably, “Oh boy…”

“We’ll have help,” insisted Casey, “Beast Boy is meeting us there.”

I flinched in alarm at that. Liv whistled impressively. Beast Boy was fairly powerful, even considering his age. “That… actually might work.”

Rita raised a hand. “I thought Beast Boy was with the Teen Titans? Aren’t they in the League’s pocket?”

Casey nodded. “Yeah… but he said that he’d do it anyway. This was more important than memberships or politics.”

Lani gave a sideways glance to Kyle, Jared and Gary, still lurking next to the stairwell. “Nice to see that someone’s got the right idea.”

“Hey,” snapped Gary, manifesting his staff in his hands with a flash of magical energy. “Go fuck yourself, girl scout.”

Lani clenched their fists, and a curtain of ice began to form over them. “Make me, asshole.”

“Okay! Okay…” I insisted, putting myself between the two. We’d just gotten back on track and I wasn’t about to see the conversation slip back into confrontation. “Look… I’m not going to force anyone on this mission who doesn’t want to go. And that goes for any of the Sailor Guardians, as well.”

Still keeping their gaze on Gary, Lani said, “I’m not afraid. I’m in.”

Liv grinned, punching a fist into her palm, a faint sparkling of electricity coming from the impact. “Fuck yeah! Let’s do this!”

Rita pressed her lips into a fine line, but nodded solemnly. “We do this carefully… but I’m in.”

I looked at Maya who glanced around at all the others nervously. “Uh… you said this was happening in a park? A forest?”

Casey blinked, “I mean… most of the trees around the industrial site are dead… but there’s a forest surrounding the complex.”

Maya blushed faintly. “Um… I… I don’t want my power… my fire… to cause any harm.”

“Look, Maya… you have plenty of power that isn’t about starting fires,” I insisted, putting a hand on her shoulder. “And like I said… you don’t have to do this…”

She shook her head. “No… I’m not going to stay behind… I just… I need to… be careful.”

I squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, turning back to Casey and Riley. “So… I guess we need to make the trip to Central City? Gustin State Park?”

Casey nodded. “The other Gaia’s Avengers are meeting us there tomorrow morning.”

Riley raised a hand, “Uh… how are we getting there? You ladies don’t have a sailor-copter or moonmobile or something, do you?”

We all fell silent. I looked at the others expectantly. “Um… I don’t think we can moon jump all the way there.”

“You got a car, short-stuff?” asked Liv, looking at Casey expectantly.

He shook his head. “N-no. I took the train here.”

Riley raised a hand. “I mean, I have a company car, but I don’t know if you’ll all fit. And it probably wouldn’t work well to have a bunch of eco terrorists carpooling with me through the front gates.”

“Uh…” I frowned as I considered the logistics. It would be a long way to travel on foot, moon jumps or not. “Does… anyone else here have a car? I’m kind of a broke college student.”

“Same,” insisted Lani.

“I… I’m not exactly here legally…” said Maya sheepishly.

“I work at a goddamn Applebees in the middle of Gotham City,” Rita shook her head. “Fuck no.”

Liv paused for a moment to think.

“I guess?” she said, frowning, “I mean… I could probably fit you all in the van…It’s going to be a long drive, though. You’re paying for gas, okay?”

“Fine,” I said. Izumi’s credit card could help with that. Buying a car would probably be a bridge too far for her but she hadn’t objected to the smaller incidental expenses so far. 

“And snacks?” she continued, eyebrow raised.

“Also fine,” I sighed.

“And weed?” she said, raising the other eyebrow.

“No.” I said flatly.

She snorted, “Eh… can’t blame a girl for trying. Are we doing this or what?”

We seemed to be in agreement. Casey insisted that he would stay behind and wait for us to return to pick him up. Riley said that he’d head back home and try to find a way to get us into the STAR Labs chemical facility. The other three members of my old team waved goodbye and wished us good luck as Liv took the lead in traversing the rooftops and we followed her lead.

I had to admit that there was something magical in moving together like this. Running over the rooftops in the light of the now-setting sun. All of us, as one team, leaping effortlessly from roof to roof under the light of the just-visible moon. We were finally united, and now we were going to be acting in our first mission together.

The magic wore off somewhat when we arrived to find Liv’s van nestled in an alley, flanked by two boarded-up buildings.

For a start, the thing barely even looked functional, as it appeared to be decades old and whatever color it used to be had long since been subsumed by rust. She pulled the back door open only after three tries and a cascade of beer cans, food wrappers and weed stench exploded out from it and into the alley we were standing in.

“Jesus!’ I said, staring at the pile of trash and back to Liv, “Have you been living out of this thing?”

“Yes,” she said flatly, her eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms over her chest. She let the silence sink in as I realized what I’d implied.

“I didn’t mean-” I began, before she cut me off.

“You think I can afford rent in Gotham from playing music and selling weed? Hell, one of the reasons I tried to make the thing with Leslie work was because she could afford an apartment,” she continued, stepping within a few inches of me, “Some of us don’t have the same luxuries as you, Serena…”

“Oh…” I said sheepishly, blushing. Liv coldly strode around her van to the front, sitting down in the driver’s seat and closing the door behind her.

“Shit…” I hissed, looking at Rita nervously, “I… I didn’t think…”

“Most people with privilege don’t,” she said evenly, stepping into the back of the van, “Try to change that.”

I nodded miserably, climbing into the back. Maya and Lani followed me, eying the van warily.

The back seats had been removed and replaced with a lumpy slab of foam that acted as a makeshift mattress, a beat-up laptop and an amplifier and electric guitar. It was a little cramped, but we managed to all fit in.

“Does anyone want to give directions?” called back Liv, gesturing to the remaining passenger seat. “I can get us back to pick up the kid, but it’s been a while since I’ve been to Central City.”

“I have GPS on my phone,” I said, as helpfully as I could.

“Anyone else?” said Liv coldly.

Lani sighed as they pulled out their own phone. “I got it,” they said, looking at me with guilt as they climbed over to the passenger seat. The van surprisingly chugged to life with some encouragement from Liv and with little fanfare, we began our cramped and somewhat awkward mission.

To give Casey credit, when we pulled back up to the LGBTQ center to pick him up, he didn’t raise any kind of objections. At least not verbally. His nose visibly wrinkled at the scent, as he climbed into the back with us, but he had the common sense not to put his foot (or paw, even) into his mouth.

Like I did.

We stopped at a gas station a few miles down the highway. We had since detransformed and the lone attendant was wary of our group just swarming into the gas station as we climbed out of the… thankfully functional van.

Rita and Maya, in particular, got a visible look of discomfort from the white, older cashier dressed in a confederate flag T-shirt, but he seemed to relax slightly as me, Liv and Casey walked into the store. Lani didn’t seem to register with him at all.

“Are you folks college students?” asked the cashier as we scavenged the shelves for something edible.

“I am,” I said, stepping forward, “Just taking a little trip for the weekend.”

Liv shot me another dirty look as she pulled a sizable pack of energy drinks off the shelf. My guts twisted again in guilt. Her grudge wasn’t going anywhere in a hurry.

The cashier seemed to accept my answer as a reasonable enough excuse as the others piled their purchases onto the counter in a growing heap. I pulled out Izumi’s credit card from my purse and set it down on the counter.

The cashier gave it a curious look. It was obviously not a standard card, with the Mercury Labs logo printed on it and some Japanese and English text on its back, but he rang up the purchases and the gas without any further questioning.

Liv, Rita and Lani had already left as I was making the purchase, leaving Maya, Casey and myself to carry the bags out of the gas station. Casey scrambled ahead to unload them, clearly struggling with the load, leaving me and Maya behind.

Maya let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God.”

I looked at her curiously. “You okay?”

She shook her head. “That man in the store. He wouldn’t stop looking at my hijab.” She indicated her headscarf. “I think he mouthed the word… terrorist… as we were leaving…”

I looked back at the gas station, outraged. “Seriously? Okay that’s-” I took a step back, but Maya grabbed my arm to stop me.

“Don’t…” she insisted. “It’s not worth it… I can’t risk getting deported. ”

I sagged. Both under the weight of our purchases and the weight of my own powerlessness. I could change my body but I couldn’t change the minds of others. “It’s not right,” I said bitterly.

“No,” said Maya, “But… Miss Serena, you have to remember that we don’t have the same lives as you. My skin color… my hijab… my God… people will treat me differently from you. Miss Rita and Miss… er… Mister…” She frowned for a minute before shaking her head. “Friend Lani as well. Superheroes or not, we are… different.”

I winced. “I’m… sorry… I wish there was something I could do…”

Maya looked up at me. “Watch. Listen. Think.” And with that, she took the armload of sodas, chips and jerky and brought it to the van.

I sighed as I did the same. Being transgender was hard, but I couldn’t deny that my skin color and my financial support changed things. How much more differently would my life have been if I hadn’t gotten the help from Izumi in keeping me in college? Would I be homeless like Liv? Would I be forced to work a menial job like Rita?

Watch. Listen. Think.

I was blinded to my own privilege. I would have to do better. But I was grateful that I had chosen them. Or, rather, that they had chosen me. The world needed heroes who didn’t fit the mold. And besides, I was the warrior of love and justice, goddamnit. And that meant justice for all. 

________________________________________________________

I wasn’t certain how late it was, but I had been sleeping in the corner of the van for at least a few hours when an ill-placed pothole on the highway woke me up. Looking around, the other Senshi were still sleeping, save for Liv who was halfway through her case of energy drinks as she pushed her van down the highway, high beams cutting through the darkness.

I rubbed at my eyes and cracked my neck slightly, as it had been at Ann uncomfortable angle. I considered the moment and crawled forward slightly to get closer to Liv.

She didn’t acknowledge my presence, save for a visible tightening of her body.

“I… I can take over the wheel if you need some rest,” I said, quietly.

Liv breathed out a sigh. “I’ve got it,” she said mechanically.

“I’m sorry…” I said, grimacing, “For what I said back in Gotham. I… didn’t think. Th-thank you for driving… and for letting us into your… home, Liv.”

She didn’t reply and, honestly, I didn’t need her to. It was her choice to forgive me or not. I climbed back towards the back of the van, but before I could get settled into another stretch of sleep, I heard Liv’s voice call back, slightly more softly, “Thanks…”

I nodded, trying to find a comfortable enough position to get some rest.

The others looked to be resting well enough. Maya was huddled in the opposite corner, resting on Rita’s shoulder, while Rita was stretched out, quietly snoring. In the passenger seat, Lani was sagging against the side window, their phone still in their lap.

As I looked down at Casey, I was surprised to see that he was curled up in a canine-like ball despite his human form. And also awake… his eyes staring at the peeling paint of the van’s walls.

“Hey…” I said, looking down on him. “Sorry, I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“No.” He shook his head, looking up at me and uncurling himself into a more human-like position, “Hey Cross?” he shook his head, “Sorry, I mean Serena?” 

“Yeah?” I replied, sitting a little straighter to keep myself awake.

“Why… why didn’t you tell us?” he asked, watching me uncertainly. “That you… wanted to be a girl?”

“God, where to start?” I laughed, “I mean, I really wasn’t exactly willing to admit what I wanted to myself much less you guys.” I bit my lip. “But… I really wasn’t very good at expressing my feelings, anyway. I always thought that guys weren’t supposed to have emotions… and because I was so hollow inside… I thought it was just natural.” I frowned, “And let’s be real… when we weren’t talking about hero stuff, we were just… hanging out. Playing video games, watching movies, rolling d20s… I didn’t want to… ruin it with all these confusing feelings.” I wiped at the sides of my eyes. “Casey… all of you were my best friends. My only friends.”

Casey looked over his shoulder. “You have new ones now…”

“Fair,” I said, nodding, “But I didn’t then… and I don’t know if I could have made friends with them if I was still Cross.” I wrinkled my nose. “I was kind of an asshole.”

Casey didn’t disagree, but remained silent for a moment. “What… what does it feel like?”

“Being a woman?” I asked, uncertainly, “Uh… different… but comfortable. At least for me.”

Casey shook his head. “I mean… how did you know that you were a girl inside?”

“Ah,” I said, frowning, “well… it was kind of like assembling a bunch of small pieces, really. I mean, obviously, my Sailor Moon addiction… the fact that every single D&D character I rolled was a woman… I…” I felt my cheeks flush, “I… uh… kind of had a fascination with certain kinds of stories and media… and when I was… god, like eleven years old or so… I tried on my mom’s dresses when my parents were out…”

Casey, to give him credit, didn’t express a single ounce of rejection or judgment. He just kept looking at me with those wide eyes and empty expression.

“I used to dream about it,” I sighed, “My body being right. Seeing myself in the mirror and not a stranger. No matter how much I tried to fight it or run away from it.”

“But… it’s mostly a question of what makes you happy,” I continued, swallowing back my shame, “I was afraid the first time I changed… but whenever I had to turn back from my transformation… I found that I didn’t want to. Being a woman… made me happy in a way that nothing else did… that’s what it means for me to be transgender.”

Casey was silent for another moment before speaking again. “I… I get it. When I first figured out how to change into a wolf on command, I found myself doing it all the time. It was… nice… to get a break from all of the expectations and… just be me…” Casey looked away for a moment. “Do you… have… any more… openings… on the team?”

I blinked in surprise as their question caught me off-guard. “Oh! Uh… I mean, technically there are the Outer Senshi, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto… but I don’t know if we need more of them. Their powers are… uh… excessive and Pluto and Saturn come with some serious drawbacks…” I peered at Casey a little closer. “Why do you ask?”

Casey didn’t respond immediately. “When I was at the community center, waiting for you all to get back… I met one of the volunteers. She was… like you. I didn’t have anyone else to talk to and she seemed friendly. I told her that I had a friend who had… transitioned… and I wanted to know how to support her. But the more questions that I asked… and the more that I learned… the more I realized…”

Casey’s voice was strangled into silence as she wiped away the tears from her face.

“You… realized that a lot of it was hitting home,” I finished, putting an arm around her, “Right?”

Casey nodded, sniffing. “You’re so amazing Serena. Not just as a superhero, but as a person. I… I wish I could be like you…”

I squeezed her tight against me. “You can, sweetheart. You can. You don’t need moon magic,” I gestured to Rita as she quietly slept a few feet away from us. “Rita did. So many others did too. It’s not easy, but you can do it.”

“How?” Casey choked, now openly crying.

“Slowly,” I said, caressing her hair. “Nobody’s rushing you. You can look for different clothes… you can try out a different name… you can try make-up or hormones… the point is to experiment and see what feels comfortable.”

“I… I can do that,” said Casey, wiping at her eyes. “It’s… it’s just scary… and I don’t know if anyone will… will believe me… if I tell them I’m actually a girl.”

I lowered myself to meet her gaze. “Honey… you are a girl. If that’s what makes you happy… if that’s what makes sense to you… then you are a girl. No matter what anyone else says or thinks.”

She squeezed me tight, “Thank you, Serena. Thank you so much…”

“So… uh… as for names… are we still sticking with Casey?” I asked delicately. “It’s a girl name too.”

She shook her head. “No… I was thinking about something seasonal… natural…”

Pressing herself against me, she whispered. “Autumn. Call me… Autumn.”

And so, me and Autumn, enjoying the stillness of the night and dull roar of the highway beneath us, fell asleep in each other’s arms.

For so long, I’d thought that I was alone. That my friends would reject me or abandon me if they knew the truth about how I really felt. But now, with this sweet girl quietly resting her head on my shoulder, I realized that not only had they accepted me… one of them was already my sister… without me ever realizing it.

There was a twinge of regret that I hadn’t done this sooner. That I hadn’t opened up. Maybe Autumn would have found herself sooner if I’d been braver or more self aware…

But… for the moment, I could accept the present as it was… and help make a future for me, for Rita, for Lani, for Maya, for Liv… And for Autumn.