Chapter 21: I remember that which matters most, we are still here!

2024 March 5, Tuesday

Monica, Tabby, Indira, and a couple of the others had quiet-cycled the lock and come into the restroom. The shower was running and Derek was inside. How will he react? Monica wondered briefly. He had been violent in the past, but she thought he was mostly working past that now. There had been some incidents with him trying to get someone angry at him, but they had been surprisingly fruitless — and they wouldn’t be getting angry at him today.

The shower head stopped and the five of them raised their tasers and readied them. Derek came out of the showers wearing his robe and whistling a tune. Monica was just glad Owen wasn’t with him today as he often was; this was enough of a risk without a concerned friend jumping in the way.

He was looking down at the floor as he rubbed at his hair with a towel, so Monica cleared her throat and made sure her taser was leveled at him. “Good morning, Derek,” she said calmly.

He turned his head up and saw all of them, and his eyes went wide, and his mouth paused briefly mid-whistle. “Shit. I guess I’m next then?” he asked quietly, dropping the towel he’d been holding on the floor.

Monica nodded minutely. “Just set your kit on the floor with your towel,” Monica said. “We’ll make sure it gets back to your room.”

“I don’t suppose anything I could do or say has even a hope of delaying this?” Derek asked quietly as he slowly bent down and set his shower kit down, his other hand out and palm open. Monica was glad he was taking this carefully; she would rather not have to tase him.

“No, nothing will delay it more than a moment,” Monica said evenly. “Cooperation here would be appreciated, but is not strictly required. We can and will restrain you if needed, physically and chemically.” She took her free hand and held out a pair of cuffs. “Do we need these?”

Derek looked as he stood back upright. “You won’t need them,” he said slowly. “I’m not going to fight, or try to run, but I want my protest to be noted.” He turned and headed toward the door into the hallway that one of them had just unlocked again.

The others all repositioned around him as he moved, keeping a reasonable distance just in case. Monica saw and felt Derek’s deep sadness in his face and posture. She hated this part of things, but it was necessary — and full, willing cooperation at this stage was still rare. “It’s noted. I’m sorry, but this is going to happen,” Monica said.

She caught his eye as he moved towards the door and flashed him a pained smile. This wasn’t as hard for her as it was for him, by any means, but it still hurt to see him go through it. He matched her pained smile briefly before returning to just looking deeply hurt. She could see tears forming in his eyes, and she resisted the urge to cry with him — for now. There would be a time for that later, whether today or another day, but right now, she had to be strong for him to get him upstairs and through this.

They guided him out into the hallway and along it to the doors upstairs. A girl by each set of doors, waiting to unlock and open them, each with her taser out and ready should he try something. Derek was silent as he walked by them and up the stairs. When he got to the top, Monica directed him to the recovery room. The room wasn’t terribly large with the hospital bed in it, but big enough that they could all be in there and have good angles on him without being too close to him.

Derek walked in, leaned on the edge of the bed, and stared at the floor. Monica glanced at each of the others, and they all nodded. She put her taser in its holster, and she walked right up to Derek, who looked up slightly at her, but not quite meeting her eyes.

Gone was the large, blustering jerk she had met that first day in the cells. Angry, bitter, hung over, fresh off one last fight that they couldn’t stop before they picked him up, itching for another fight that she steadfastly refused to give him. He had lost a fair bit of weight and a lot of muscle; he was six feet tall still, but instead of six feet and a bit, he was verging on being not quite six feet.

“You mind if I lean here too?” she asked quietly.

He nodded minutely. “Sure, whatever,” he said quietly.

She stepped to one side and turned to lean on the bed next to him. “Derek, I know this is hard, but I want you to know I’m really proud of how you are doing, in general and specifically today.”

Derek barked out a bitter laugh. “Proud?” He asked, still steadily looking at the floor. “Of me willingly let you lot chop my balls off? As if I have much choice, what with the tasers and soldiers and whatnot?”

“Yes Derek, proud,” she said, gently reaching her right hand over towards his left. It was a risk, but a measured one; she hadn’t really had much contact with him like this, but she was confident he wasn’t going to abuse it. “You’ve come a long way from who you were six months ago.”

He nodded slowly. “I want a drink,” he whispered quietly, so quietly she wasn’t sure the others heard, but that's okay — only she needed to hear it.

She rubbed her fingers on top of the back of his hand on the bed in slow circles. “And you can admit that. But if I went and got a bottle and glass, would you take a drink?”

He shook his head no, minutely. “No,” he said, still quiet. “Never again. I’m… I’m ready, I guess. Ready as I can be, anyway.”

Monica turned her head towards him, tears in her eyes now, unable to hold them back any longer. She glanced over at Indira, who nodded and poked her head out of the room. Rabia came in immediately, smiling brightly. “Good morning, Derek,” she said, infusing her voice with caring and warmth.

“Morning, Rabia,” he said quietly.

She was carrying a gown and various implements. “Okay, Derek,” Rabia said, coming closer to them. “Katherine is almost ready for you, so it’s time to get you ready for her,” She approached the pair of them and handed Derek the gown. “Put this on, climb up on the bed, and then spread your legs a bit.”

He nodded slowly and took the gown from her. None of the others turned away while he changed, but Monica and Rabia did. He deserved that much privacy at least. When he was lying back on the bed, he extended his hand to touch Monica’s, and she turned around and smiled at him, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it gently. He had tears in his eyes as Rabia quickly cleared the hair from the incision site and cleaned it with antiseptic wipes.

Rabia quickly pulled the gown back down after she had finished and smiled at Derek apologetically. “Okay, I’ll be back shortly, and we’ll take you to the operating room,” she said, and turned to go out of the room.

“Wait,” Derek said quietly, stretching a hand out. “I’m… I don’t want this. You’re a nurse, right? Doesn’t this violate your oath? Or rules or whatever? If I wasn’t such a coward, I would rather die than have this happen.”

Rabia turned back to face him, a faint smile on her face. “You aren’t entirely wrong, Derek,” she said quietly. “It does violate more than a few rules out there. But the programme works — I’ve seen it work first-hand. You will get through this, and you’ll be a better person for it.”

“I thought…” Derek’s voice trailed off; he turned to Monica, questioning.

Monica knew the implications he was realizing. She looked at the others. “Go on — I’ll be fine alone.” Indira nodded and followed the other girls and Rabia out.

Monica sat on a chair beside Derek slowly, and took his hand again in hers. “Derek, we’ve not told you the whole truth yet.”

He nodded slowly. “You’ve done this before — other boy intakes that you turned into girls. I had kind of guessed that already,” he said. “Too much to this that’s too… too refined.”

“Yes, but there’s more,” Monica said. “We’ve all been where you are now. On a hospital bed, in this basement, waiting for a surgeon to do something very few of us wanted at the time.”

“What, like a hysterectomy? Is that what they do to us?” he asked, screwing his face up. “Sterilize us, so we can’t produce any more awful people?”

She laughed, brightly. “No, Derek,” she said, smiling and squeezing his hand. “I was here like you, waiting for an orchi. And I hated the idea. I was a lot worse about the programme in general and the orchi specifically than you’ve been so far. I was extremely shitty to my sponsor.”

His jaw dropped open. “Wait, you were a boy?” he asked, incredulous, shaking his head as if trying to clear a mental image and picture her as someone like him.

Monica just squeezed his hand and smiled. “Yes, Derek, I was like you, a boy who hurt people.”

“Oh,” Derek said quietly. “And the others?”

Monica nodded. “All of us, Edy, Maria, Tabby,” she said, squeezing his hand in reassurance. “All of us have been through this, and Derek, so can you. I know you can survive.”

Derek nodded, and then Rabia rapped on the door frame. “It’s time, Derek,” she said, standing in the doorway.

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, okay,” he said quietly and started to get up off the bed.

“No, it’s fine,” Monica said. “We’ll wheel the bed in, and you can transfer there.” He laid back and Rabia came over and clicked the lock on the wheels and Monica stood and took his hand, and he squeezed it as she walked alongside the bed to outside the theatre. “This is where we part for now, Derek,” she said quietly. “But I’ll be there when you wake up, okay?”

He nodded and smiled up at her. “See you in a bit, I guess.”

She watched as Rabia wheeled the bed into the theatre and then moved over to the window and saw him transfer onto the surgical table without incident and lie back as Rabia and the others got to work. There were a few of her Sisters in there, gowned and gloved in the background, their tasers out of sight, but they were thankfully unneeded. She gave him a little wave as the anesthesiologist put the ventilator on him, and he smiled and gave her a small wave right before Rabia put the needle in for the anesthesia.

It wasn’t long before he was out, and Monica breathed a deep sigh of relief. This had gone about as well as it could have for a regular programme participant. Another year, another set of boys on their way to becoming girls, and hers was taking it extremely well.

She sighed and went over to a couch nearby and flopped on it, when Indira came back into the room carrying a pair of mugs with hot chocolate in them. The one Indira handed her was a modified quote from The Matrix: ‘You take the Dorley pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the basement goes.’ She laughed. “Thanks, Indira,” she said quietly, and raising her mug to take a sip.

“You’re welcome, Monica,” Indira said, sitting beside her. “Derek’s doing really well — I’m impressed.”

“I’m amazed, I was expecting another Declan — or Mary,“ she said quietly.

“Yeah — other than Brent, this year’s been surprisingly tame,” Indira said, taking a sip of her own. “The only one that still really worries me is Randal.”

Monica nodded and took another sip from her mug. “Yeah, but I know if anyone can manage to pull it off, it’s Maria. But also… he’s spent, like, forty days in the cells before the orchi. That’s the longest in what, six years?”

“Thereabouts,” India said, nodding. “But I mean, Aspen spent roughly that long, and what will be, will be.” Indira’s phone buzzed, and she glanced at the screen and sighed. “Apologies, always more to do, are you going to be okay?”

Monica laughed. “I haven’t had to turn a boy into a moldy orange for worse than no results this year — I’m grand. Go on and put out today’s fire.”

Indira grinned and turned and headed off towards the stairs up. Monica grabbed her phone and started chatting on Consensus, waiting for Derek to be wheeled out of the OR. She would be there for him when he woke up, although she expected he would have a harder time after the fact than he had going in. Letting it happen is one thing; dealing with having to let it happen is another.

***

Novelty Mug Society

Dorley Grads General

Holly Jolly:

Hey all! So I just got some wonderful news! My girlfriend asked me to marry her!

But she also just got a job in the States of all places, and I don’t want to attempt that kind of long distance

The one and only Ellen:

That nigh imperceptible squeal you hear? It’s not your electronics you’re hearing. It’s the sound of @basement dweller squealing in pure joy

basement dweller:

HEY

just because Holly and I have had our struggles

doesn’t mean I want to see her go!

Holly Jolly:

I’ll miss you too, Steph! kisses

Besides! I haven’t said yes yet

Katy:

Well, why the hell not? She’s the one who came with you to Bea’s birthday, right? She’s gorgeous! And was clearly already madly in love with you, and you with her.

Holly Jolly:

That’s her! And she totally is, and I totally am.

I just wanted to make sure things would be taken care of here first, I’m telling her yes tonight

In Dira’s Name:

I know we have at least a couple of other graduates who went into electro

So many boys to zap, so little time

Holly Jolly:

Right?? Besides, I spent half my time with outside patients, could take in more if I’d spent more time at the Hall

Maria:

Only if all our other staffing woes in general are ever fully solved

cough@Paigecough

Paige:

You’re leaving us, holly?? =(

Tag me on instagram when you get that ring!

@Maria never.

Maria:

Can’t blame a girl for trying

The One and Only Ellen:

I think there’s a mug around like that…

Christine:

Can’t blame a girl for castrating? I’ve seen that one

basement dweller:

when are you leaving us?

Holly Jolly:

May-ish? Her job starts May 1st, but we discussed and agreed that I could have time to make sure my patients were covered, she knows that’s important to me.

In Dira’s Name:

We should be able to get someone arranged by then, and congrats Holly

Holly Jolly:

Thanks, Dira!

Stephanie switched to a DM with Holly.

basement dweller:

I know I joke about it

but I am really sad to see you go

and I know Sophia will be too

Holly Jolly:

Yeah, I feel bad about leaving her in the lurch like this, and I’m realizing she’s not in that channel, I’ll ping her in a bit and tell her myself

basement dweller:

If I trusted the rumour mill to not tell her

I’d say wait until we have your replacement lined up

But there’s no way she doesn’t hear this inside 24 hours.

Holly Jolly:

Hell, I’d be surprised if it took all of 12

Stephanie laughed and put her phone back in her pocket as she descended the stairs.

2024 March 10, Sunday

Derek sat in the recovery room. He knew it probably wouldn’t be too terribly long, but it was stressful to wait — especially for this. He didn’t really want to be back up here, not a mere five days after his own experience in this room. Even if he hadn’t still been cleaning the incision site every day, he would never forget what they did to him here. Derek shivered a bit at the memory of it and tried to push it down.

But Owen was terrified when they came for him this morning, and Derek had been right there in the showers with him. It’s not that he didn’t care about Owen; much as it bugged him, the little conspiracy-loving asshole was the best friend he’d had in a decade at least. Owen and Derek had grown about as close as two guys who are ostensibly straight and guys can be: they showered together, they watched TV together, they laughed and talked and sat near each other.

And, in their darker moments, when the one of them was spinning out about this place, they helped ground each other. Like when Derek admitted to Owen after his — this — that he didn’t know what he was doing, and Owen was weirdly strong for him. Told him it would be okay, and that it didn’t affect how Owen saw him.

Or like this morning. When Edy and four other sponsors came to take Owen away and rip his balls from him, and Owen collapsed to the ground sobbing and screaming. Derek had kneeled next to him and tried to calm him a bit, to some limited success. Then he surprised himself as he asked the assembled women, quietly, if he could come with Owen. To be with him during this and help him through it if he could. He was surprised when Edy agreed, and even more surprised when Indira backed her up.

He helped Owen up, and helped guide him through the hallway, up the stairs and into that horrid recovery room where the worst day of his life had happened. Derek had held Owen’s hand as Rabia did the pre-op stuff, had walked with him to just outside the theater, smiled through the window as he as put under. He would probably still be there standing, watching, screaming internally and possibly externally as they mutilated him. But suddenly Monica was there behind him, guiding him back to the recovery room with an arm around his shoulders.

When he got into the room, he collapsed into one of the chairs, realizing just how badly he was doing, his legs giving out as he sat. He realized as he looked up at her as she sat down next to him that she was carrying a mug with hot chocolate in each hand. He took the offered mug and took a tentative sip, and noticed it had something written on it. Derek held it up and turned it around, Life takes balls, and so do we. “Your lot’s humour is just absolute garbage,” he said, glaring up at Monica. “You know that, right?”

She grinned and drank out of a mug that had a green logo on it, Feminizing Torture Basement, he realized. “We do know. Apologies — the basement- and guest-friendly mugs were all occupied today. Some nonsense the second years were doing.”

“Uh huh, sure,” he said suspiciously. “Why did you even bring me this? Why are you even here?”

“To talk,” she said, taking a seat next to him. “It’s been five days, and you’ve been avoiding me. Hiding in your room when not required to be elsewhere.”

“Well, excuse me if I’m not chummy with the person who ripped my future away. Even if I get out of here, reverse everything else, I can never get back what you took from me on Tuesday. I’ll never have kids, never have the life I might once have had.”

“We didn’t rip your future away, merely altered it,” Monica said in her weirdly calm way. “Do you remember the medical checkup right at the star? The sperm sample? We save that for you, you can have kids of your own if you graduate still. But you have to decide to move forward.”

“Like you did? Right into torturing boys,” Derek said, taking a sip. “Just a completely reformed girl who would never hurt a fly, but would happily castrate a boy.”

“It was quite a gig to land, I won’t deny,” Monica said, without a trace of irony in her voice, which only made it all the worse in Derek’s ears. “Helping take in dangerous people and getting them to grow and reform is very satisfying work. And I know that you know you were dangerous, Derek. And I know you want to be better. I know that you know you didn’t have a life before here — you were aimless, adrift in a sea of anger.”

“So what’s next?” Derek asked, frowning. None of it made any damn sense. “Since losing my balls didn’t make me break down and beg to be a girl. To pick a name, to ask for a skirt.”

“I saw you holding hands with Owen,” Monica said, smiling and took another sip. “I think that’s a first for you two, I’d say that’s progress. And for now, forward progress is all we are looking for from you.”

“That’s different,” Derek said, gazing at his slowly cooling hot chocolate. “I was just comforting a boy you are at present mutilating.”

“Showing compassion for a fellow human isn’t something you used to do often,” Monica said. “Would you, before Dorley, have been capable of that?”

Derek turned to her, flashing her an angry look but melted quickly. “No,” he said quietly. “I didn’t care about anyone really, but… I still don’t see how I get from where I am to where you want me to be.”

“The orchis are a tipping point for most boys, but not all,” Monica said, looking at the ceiling. “For some it’s their best friend’s orchi, or seeing themselves in a mirror made up, or getting called good girl when they do something right.”

“And for me?”

“Oh, I’ve got you pegged as a ‘when my girlfriend says I’m her girlfriend’ type,” Monica said, grinning.

“Wait, Owen and I aren’t…” Derek said, defensive. He liked Owen, but in that way? He saw Monica’s frown and rushed to continue, “I’m not homophobic — I just, I like girls.”

“And Owen’s going to be one, and in the end, so are you,” she said resolutely. He knew she absolutely believed it, no matter how absurd it sounded to him. “Maybe it would help if you thought of Owen as a girl?”

Derek frowned. Being friends with Owen as a girl might be okay. But the thought of anything more still scared him. She wasn’t wrong; he knew he was dangerous, and he was afraid of what he might do. Monica must have sensed something about what he was thinking. Maybe his fear was showing on his face. “Derek, what are you so scared of?”

“Me,” he said louder and more forcefully than intended. “I’m scared of me. I’m scared of what I might do. I live in constant fear that I’m going to do something and get washed out to some even worse fate. And I’m scared of what that would do to Owen; I don’t want to set him back because I washed out.”

“Derek,” Monica said, touching his hand on the armrest. “It’s okay, you aren’t going to wash out. I’m not going to let you.”

There was a gentle knock at the door, and Indira leaned her head into the room. “I heard a shout. Are we good in here?” she asked. “This is a privilege, Derek, don’t abuse it.”

“I’m sorry, Indira,” Derek said quietly. “I promise to be good.”

“Good enough for me,” Indira said, and turned and left again.

“That’s what I’m scared of — my temper,” Derek said to Monica. “I’m alwaysangry.”

“Well, the good news is, we can help with that,” Monica said. “You’ve been getting better on your own, but maybe it's time we started formally working through some anger management things. We can help you find the root source of your anger, and work to overcome it.”

Derek nodded silently and took another sip from his mug. He wanted to be better, he honestly did. For Owen if no one else, well, and perhaps a bit for Monica. A bit.“That would be good,” he finally responded quietly.

“Good,” Monica said. “You’ll have lots of support — there are a surprising number of our Sisters who struggle with similar things. We will teach you techniques and mantras and everything you can do to practice. And… I think we should talk more about how you want to goad people into fighting you. It’s not just anger at others, is it?”

“I don’t know why,” he said slowly. “It just always felt like… like I deserved for people to be mad at me, and if I had to goad them a bit to get them to that way, so be it.”

“Because you got in fights?”

“Because… I’m just not a good person,” Derek said slowly. “I… I just was never good. Not at school, not at home, never.”

“We’ll talk more about it, okay?”

“Sure,” Derek said quietly. “When is, when is Owen going to know… what I know, about you lot? Your history? You know I don’t like lying to him, even by omission.”

“Edy will decide when to tell him,” Monica said quietly. “For plenty of boys that time is the orchi, and yes, Sophia and Nerys have known for a while now.”

Derek nodded again, taking another sip. There was another knock at the door, and Rabia poked her head in. “Sorry to interrupt, but we’re done,” she said and started pulling on the hospital bed back into the room. When it was in position, she hit the wheel locks and made sure Owen was hooked up properly still before leaving.

Derek looked at Owen on the bed; he looked so tiny there. He felt tears in the corner of his eyes, and Monica took his hand briefly and squeezed. “You’ll be good?” she asked, and Derek nodded again. “Okay. I’ll be outside, and so will Edy.”

Derek saw the restraints in place. Owen had been combative at times, more so than he had really, but Derek had to fight himself constantly to not be violent at random people. He had been surprised when he didn’t wake up in any kind of restraints last Tuesday, but Monica had simply smiled and asked if they were needed. He hesitated but said he would try not to need them.

Derek moved his seat closer to the bed, so he could take Owen’s restrained hand in his. “I’m sorry, Owen,” he whispered. “I couldn’t stop them, I wasn’t able to do anything, and even if I had tried, they would’ve just taken me away from you. I’m so sorry.”

It wasn’t too long before Owen stirred and turned to look at Derek, tears already forming in his still blinking eyes. “They’re gone, aren’t they?” Owen asked quietly.

Derek nodded, tears in the corner of his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sorry, they’re gone.”

2024 March 13, Wednesday

Owen woke up early and rolled over, trying to get comfortable again. The ice pack and pain meds had helped with the actual pain, but everything still just felt wrong.And fucking Randal decided to get sarcastic when Owen was led back downstairs for dinner that night. Fuck that prick.

Why had they even started letting him interact with them? He wanted to blame Derek, but they had talked about it after that first time, and they mutually agreed to be at least not openly hostile to him anymore. “What’s the point in open hostility in the face of all this?” Derek had said, and that sounded reasonable at the time to Owen.

And then that arsehole had the nerve to make jokes about his lack of balls. It was small comfort that Maria put him in a timeout in his room over it, but the damage was already done. Of fucking course Owen didn’t have any balls now — soon none of them would, including Randal.

Derek had been there in the recovery room, holding his hand when he woke up from the castration. Which, like, was nice for a few seconds, but Derek kept holding it as they talked, and he couldn’t move his away due to the restraints. And he couldn’t tell Derek he didn’t want him holding it either — he didn’t want to hurt Derek, to risk losing him. But Derek was being so earnest and kind about it all, and all Owen wanted to do was scream and cry about it. So instead, he just shut down and stopped interacting.

Derek finally took the hint when lunch arrived and left to be led back down to the basement by Monica. Owen laid back and screamed loudly as soon as he thought Derek was out of earshot. He still didn’t get this place. Who the hell could fund something like this even? Who even would? But here he was anyway, growing breasts and lacking balls.

He managed to get back to sleep eventually, but his dreams were filled with a mixture of Derek and Randal, and he didn’t much like either being in his dreams. He woke back up from a dream after Derek punched Randal in defense of Owen and then picked up Owen in his… big arms. Owen didn’t remotely know what to make of that, and tried fitfully for a bit to get back to sleep, hoping he could forget it if he slept a bit more.

Eventually, he sighed as he gave up on sleep for now and propped himself up on pillows and grabbed his phone and set a stupid romcom playing on his computer. It was better than nothing for noise, and he leaned back and didn’t even really watch it, just listened. He’d seen a lot of the films multiple times now; there was only so much to do down here, even with Edy’s annoying science lessons.

Since they brought him back down, he hadn’t left his room except to use the bathroom and wash quickly down there. Edy had thankfully left him alone to his sulk, but as the insipid movie finished, he heard her knock at his door before the lock began cycling. She never waited long, but he was used to her knock by now. Calm, measured, not too hard or too soft.

“Good morning, Owen,” Edy said, coming in smiling, and carrying a tray with, he guessed, food on it. “Did you sleep well?”

Owen grunted and rolled over to face the wall. He heard her set the tray down on the desk.

“I’ll take that as a no, then,” Edy said, sitting down on the chair. “Do I need to get the nurse to check you out?”

“No, I’m fine,” Owen said briefly. “Leave me alone.”

“Derek’s been asking about you. He’s worried,” Edy said, her concern clear.

“He’s worried?” Owen scoffed. “About what? I’m nothing, not even a man anymore.”

“He’s worried about his friend,” Edy said. “And I don’t think your manliness has anything to do with it. Besides, Derek’s in the same boat, or had you forgotten?”

“What do you want from me?” he asked, hoping she would just go away with some simple request.

“To grow, to reform, to know that you can be better than you were, and be better,” Edy said warmly. “And you know you can be better, now, right?”

He rolled over, so he could glare at her directly. “Yeah, sure, whatever. I mean this morning, now,” he said, frowning. “Why did you bring me breakfast? Is there something wrong with the dumbwaiter today all of a sudden?”

“No, I just thought I’d stop in and check in with you,” Edy said. “Make sure that you’re still in there somewhat. That you haven’t gotten completely lost in your head.”

“What is there even left of me?” Owen asked, glaring at her and rotating upright. “You’ve insisted I read science books! You’ve refused to listen to my explanations! You’re making me throw away everything my parents taught me! And… and I get that I was hurting people with the things I was taught. You’ve already injected me with drugs, taken my balls, and who knows what else you will force me to do. What’s going to be left of me at the end of all of this?”

“By the time you graduate, you’ll be surprised at how much of you survived,” Edy said calmly, sipping at a mug she had had on the tray. “You are a deeply curious person, and it’s not your fault that the adults around you growing up fed that curiosity with nothing but garbage. And you care about people, and want to help them, and while that got twisted around, it’s a fantastic instinct. Also, you’ve got a great sense of humour hiding in there — I know the vampire stuff is just jokes.”

“If I graduate,” Owen said sullenly.

“Not if, when! And why wouldn’t you?” Edy asked, tilting her head a bit to one side and smiling faintly. “I’ve seen a lot of people go through this programme, I know you can survive it.”

“Because I don’t want to survive it!” Owen said angrily, tears forming in his eyes. “Why couldn’t you lot just end it rather than do this to us — to me? Just wash me out! I won’t make it…” Owen choked back a sob and buried his head in his hands.

“Because we don’t like to waste lives,” Edy said, taking another sip from her mug. “And I repeat that I know you can make it, I have been doing this a lot of years and seen plenty of young men come through the programme. And I think you will be a remarkable young woman in the end, one I will be proud to call a friend, even my sister.”

“Well, according to you lot, mine was a waste anyway,” Owen said, pulling his head back up out of his hands, his eyes bloodshot from tears and lack of decent sleep.

“And according to my sponsor back when I was in your position, so was mine before Dorley,” Edy said quietly. “I got better here, so can you.”

“Wait, your sponsor?” Owen asked confused. “You were in the programme?”

“Yes, Owen, I was,” Edy said levelly. “Every sponsor you’ve met went through this programme.”

“Holy shit,” Owen breathed. “Are you certain that you aren’t some secret vampire cult?” He added just a bit of a smirk to let Edy know he was joking.

Edy laughed, loudly, brashly, and he laughed with her. “No, Owen, the vampire cult is two dormitories over.”

Owen sat there, his eyes wide, unable to entirely process this immediately. “Wait, when you say you went through this programme, what do you mean?”

“I was a hateful, bigoted person. I was hurting people and getting worse,” Edy said, smiling. “And you need to understand is that my past is my past. Do not talk about it with anyone.”

“Not even Derek?” Owen said hesitantly.

“Derek knows generally that Monica, myself, and the others went through the programme,” Edy said, smiling at him. “But he doesn’t know what I did to get taken in, and I would prefer that remains between you and me. I need you to say you understand and agree.”

Owen nodded slowly. “Yeah, okay, I understand and agree,” he said quietly. Keeping secrets was something he still struggled with. Knowing Sophia was trans without telling the others was hard enough, but for Edy, he would try. “So you were… in the girl version of the programme?”

“Actually…” Edy began slowly. Edy described to him a young man harassing people making use of abortion services, GIC’s, and just generally being a nuisance. Her life had been a waste filled with lies and misinformation fed to her by the adults in his life, much like Owen’s own history. Owen listened and tried not to interrupt too much, but it was a lot to take in, and he had a lot of questions. It was all so absurd and unbelievable: The only conspiracy was that every woman around him had been where he is now, and decided to stick around and do it to another generation.

Their chat went a lot longer than he realized, and Owen’s stomach rumbled loudly. “And it sounds like you’re hungry,” Edy said quietly. “I’ll go and let you eat. Just put your tray in the dumbwaiter when you’re done. And Owen?”

“Yes?” Owen asked.

“Remember, don’t tell anyone about my past.”

Owen nodded. “Yeah, got it. Understood, Edy,” he said and smiled faintly. “And uh, thanks, Edy. For telling me the whole truth, as absurd as it sounds.”

“You’re welcome,” Edy said, smiling and stood. “And what should I tell Derek?”

“Tell him… tell him I’ll talk to him myself, later today,” Owen said. “And uh, I promise, I won’t tell him about you and, uh, your history.”

Edy paused before opening the door. “Thank you, Owen,” she said, smiling back at Owen before heading out the door. “Feel free to speak with Derek about the rest of it, though, okay?”

When the door was shut, he walked over to the desk, and saw Edy had brought him real milk and his favorite cereal, and he quickly combined them and hungrily ate it. After he finished eating, he stood and stretched and in the process smelled his armpits. Oh, right, he needed a proper shower and not a one-minute wash and rinse of the incision. His smell may have changed, but it still existed.

He reluctantly grabbed his kit, robe and towel and headed out of his room to showers. The annexe was empty when he got there, it was pretty late morning and most of the others either showered after waking up or right before bed. That was fine with Owen, he didn’t really want to interact with anyone in the shower on a good day — and today was still kind of iffy.

He disrobed and turned a shower head on and stood under it, refusing to look down. To see the damage that they had done. He felt empty, hollow, without point.He hadn’t looked at it since the very first evening after surgery. Owen quickly washed his body and hair, not wanting to spend more time in here than required. The budding breasts had been bad enough, and now this. His mind cycled around and around, and as he turned off the shower, he resolved to go back to hiding in his room.

When he was finished, he put his robe on and grabbed his kit and headed towards the sinks. He immediately bumped into Derek as he walked out the door to the showers and landed on his ass hard. He quickly realized his robe had splayed open in an unfortunate way. The next thing he knew, though, Derek was offering his hand to help Owen up off the floor. Owen blushed hard, hastily covered himself and swatted Derek’s hand away and stood on his own. “I can get up on my own, I’m not an invalid,” he said, frowning.

“I know,” Derek said quietly. “Are you okay?”

“No, not really,” Owen said, frowning briefly.

“Can we talk later?” Derek said. “I feel like things went sideways the other day between us.”

“Yeah,” Owen said quietly. “I guess we could talk after lunch.”

“See you at lunch, then?” Derek asked, his desire to have Owen back around painfully clear.

“Yeah, probably,” Owen said, smiling faintly. Owen’s resolve to go back to hiding had lasted less than a minute. Besides, Edy would just keep bugging him until he finally started interacting again. And he knew that if he didn’t, he would eventually be washed out, and he absolutely did not want to wash out, if only to not wind up back around Brent. He might have been making money off women with lies he’d been taught, but Brent was a monster.

He got back into his room and after his door was closed and locked, took the robe off and started pulling things out of the wardrobe to put on. A shirt, joggers, briefs, a bra — which, if he was being honest, did help with the itching and soreness a bit. As he was pulling his briefs on, he saw his reflection in the mirror on the back of the wardrobe door briefly and flinched.

They were just gone. And his frame had been shifting subtly, too: he had what appeared to be the beginnings of hips and a waist. He had never been terribly big, a fast metabolism and forgetting about meals kept him thin. Down here, though, without much to do and the increasing portions of food (that the sponsors got annoyed if he didn’t eat), he’d started putting on a bit of weight. But it definitely wasn’t going where he would have expected.

Edy had told him after disclosure, after he got put in the cell, that it was distributing different due to the hormone injections, but it was still disconcerting. He didn’t really understand it, not really — he didn’t see himself in the mirror anymore, but he didn’t see a woman yet either. Edy had told him he would, in time, when he was ready to see it.

He shook his head and shoved all those thoughts aside. He was Owen. They couldn’t change that. Could they? But they’d already started, hadn’t they? He’d said as much to Edy a couple of hours ago. He finished getting dressed as quickly as he could and stepped out of his room and headed slowly towards the dining room.

Most of the others were in there already, in their usual groups, with Randal being the only one absent. He’d been eating in the common room lately, since no one wanted him near them. Edy was in there helping today, and she smiled at him as he entered, and he smiled weakly at her. “Good afternoon, Owen,” she said, smiling. “Glad to see you out of your room.”

“Thanks, Edy,” he said quietly, and Derek looked over and smiled and waved him over. He went and sat next to Derek. It was weird being so close to him; it was amazing how quickly he had become accustomed again to being alone in his room. Weird, but nice, being next to Derek, he thought briefly, before once again trying to shove those thoughts aside.

Edy brought him over a plate with spag bol on it, and set it in front of him. “Real meat today, too,” Edy said. “You all have been doing so well, so we are giving you a treat. Remember, if you want these treats to continue, you all need to continue to be on your best behaviour.”

“Yes, Edy,” Owen heard himself say quietly, as if by rote. He didn’t want to be on his best behaviour. He wanted to shout and scream, but it wouldn’t do any good. She patted him on the shoulder before returning to standing by the wall.

Eventually, Derek and he finished, and Derek looked over at Owen, who nodded. They stood and headed back towards Owen’s room, walking in silence. When they were inside, Derek sat on the bed next to Owen, a bit farther away than he had been before their orchis but closer than most guys would be comfortable with on the outside. “I missed you,” Derek said quietly, earnestly, looking across the room instead of at Owen. He looked incredibly nervous, and Owen understood that feeling.

Owen nodded slowly. “I uh, I just got lost,” he said quietly.

“I’m glad you found your way back,” Derek said, turning a bit and smiling faintly. “Monica told me that Edy told you, about her, uh, past.”

“Yeah,” Owen said quietly. “I just, can’t believe it. She was like me, like us? They all were?”

“It’s so weird,” Derek said. “And they stick around to do this to more of us? It's insane!”

“Yeah,” Owen said quietly. Neither of them really knew what to say next, and sat there in silence for a bit.

“Owen?” Derek said quietly eventually, his voice shaky.

“Yes?” Owen asked, curious. “What’s up?”

“What if I said I… I might like you, and I might like the idea of who you will become?” Derek asked, stumbling over his words.

Owen was shocked and sat there in silence. Derek actually liked him, well, sort of, the woman they were trying to turn him into. He knew they were friends, but he’d never really had any relationship, and he didn’t even know if that’s what this even was. He didn’t know what to say, or how to respond, though, and as the seconds ticked by he realized that Derek was getting more nervous beside him as well.

Derek finally got anxious enough to speak up first. “Owen, Owen, it’s okay,” he said pleading. “I’m sorry, I take it back, I don’t want to wreck what we have. You’re the best friend I’ve had in a very long time, and I don’t want to lose you because of… I don’t even know how to describe how I feel.”

Owen snapped out of his thoughts. “Oh, shit, no, Derek, I’m not mad,” Owen said hurriedly. “I just, I don’t know how to respond. No one’s ever said they liked me before. And the idea of you liking me as… as what they are turning us into. That’s weird. But…”

Derek nodded. “I’ve never said it to anyone either, sorry if I didn’t say it well, and…” and suddenly Owen was reaching his hand out to place it on Derek’s between them, silencing Derek. He wasn’t sure why he did it, but it felt right.

“It’s okay, Derek,” Owen said, feeling the warmth of Derek’s hand under his. “I, I like you too. I don’t know if I like you in that way, but I like you. And… and I don’t know, maybe for you, I could be a her eventually. Maybe.”

2024 March 14, Thursday

Sophia laid on her back staring at the ceiling, one arm behind her head, she had woken up early even for her and had been unable to get back to sleep. Ever since her orchi, she couldn’t get Sophia Hendrick’s final message to the server, and especially her final message to hopeless, out of her head. To be better. To be kinder. She had been trying, but it was hard.

Especially with Randal. She couldn’t forgive him — it wasn’t her place, and she couldn’t forget — but Sophia was there in the back of her head, reminding her to rise above. She sighed and Nerys beside her stirred and must have sensed Sophia’s mood immediately upon waking.

“Hey Pinkie,” she said groggily. “I can tell you’re overthinking something again over there. What’s going on up there in your pretty head?”

Sophia giggled briefly, before cutting it short and sighed. She hadn’t told Nerys how Sophia H’s words were eating at her, and she knew that Nerys had only taken an even dimmer view of Randal since Sophia’s orchi and telling Nerys about how she came by her name. “It’s Randal,” she said slowly, grimacing a bit.

“Oh?” Nerys asked with concerned curiosity. “What about the arsehole?”

“I shouldn’t tell you this, Steph said I had to keep this quiet, but,” Sophia said shifting in bed a bit, nervous. Nerys took her other hand and squeezed it gently, and Sophia turned her head to face Nerys with a slight frown. “Today’s Randal’s orchi — Stephanie let it slip after Owen’s when I was doing a voice lesson.”

“Oh,” Nerys said flatly. “It, uh, couldn’t happen to a worse guy? Don’t worry, I wouldn’t tell him, or any of the others, if I knew when theirs were.”

Sophia nodded slightly, her frown only deepening. “Yeah, he’s pretty awful. But also… he doesn’t really have anyone down here who’s willing to be his friend. And he wrecked his tenuous connection with Derek and Owen when he made those jokes after Owen’s orchi.”

“He’s got Maria; isn’t that enough?” Nerys asked, leaning over and nuzzling Sophia’s neck. “What happens to him, happens. He’s an odious troll; you shouldn’t worry about him this much.”

“No, yeah,” Sophia said quietly, briefly kissing Nerys’s head. “I think I’m going to stretch my legs.” She rotated slowly upright and stretched her arms above her head briefly.

“Do you want me to come with, Pinkie?” Nerys said, with her hand on Sophia’s back, rubbing it.

“No, that’s fine, Rainbow,” she said, turning to smile at her. “I’ll be back down for a shower in a bit, okay?”

“Sure, okay,” Nerys said slowly, getting up herself. Nerys followed her out the door and turned towards her own bedroom, while Sophia walked down the hallway, hands in the pockets of her robe. Stephanie and Mary had been steadfast that Nerys couldn’t be in Sophia’s room if she wasn’t there.

Sophia heard a shower running in the annexe as she walked by the doors, and she knew it was probably Randal in there; he tended to wake earliest and shower before anyone else. She thought briefly about telling him, but she knew it would get her in a lot of trouble with the sponsors if she did. Sophia had a better idea, though, that would keep keep her out of trouble; she continued on past the shower annexe and common room, then ascended the stairs to the first basement, popping locks and making sure to lock doors behind her as she went.

At the top of the stairs, Sophia found the security office already crowded, despite the early hour. Maria, and Indira, and a few more sponsors she didn’t know as well were all there, registering tasers to themselves. Tabby was also present, sitting at the desk with the big array of monitors, and she turned and threw Sophia a smile as she came into sight. Sophia took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she walked into the security office to brace herself for what she had to do.

“Good morning, Sophia,” Maria said, as she put her taser in a holster. “What brings you upstairs this early?”

“I know that today is Randal’s orchi,” Sophia said slowly. “And I want to offer to be there when he wakes up.”

Maria tilted her head in surprise. “I mean, if you want to offer, you can,” she said, still smiling faintly. “But why? You aren’t exactly friends.”

“I, uh, I know you’ve all read my journal’s, right?” Sophia asked. It was a bit of a sore spot for her that she had complained to Stephanie about. It was one thing for Stephanie to have read them, but basically every senior sponsor seemed to have done it too. “About Sophia H, and uh, her troubles at the end? And also what she said to the group and me before she left?”

“Yes, we have,” Indira said, and patted the couch next to her. Sophia frowned briefly but relented and went over and sat next to Indira. “We’re just kind of surprised, is all. We didn’t think you would want him to know any more about that than he already does.”

“I… I still don’t, not really, but, also… I just want to do this,” she said, still unsure. “And if you can use my… Sophia’s… history as a lever now or in the future, so be it.”

“Okay,” Maria said, nodding. “I’m just worried it will wind up hurting you. He’s not a nice person, and he has a long way to go still.”

“Yeah, and it could,” Sophia said quietly. “But I still want to offer. Correction… I need to make the offer.”

“Well, we were just about to go fetch Mr Stevenson from the basement,” Indira said, standing. “Go wait by recovery room one; you can make your offer there, assuming he’s conscious. But, if he refuses, we’ll expect you to respect that, and not try to be here when he wakes up.”

“Sure, of course,” Sophia said, smiling faintly. “See you in a bit, and good luck with him.”

Sophia left the security office as their backup started arriving and arming themselves, and wandered through down the hall until she found a chair to outside the recovery room. She still wasn’t sure she should be doing this, but she neededto, so she hardened her resolve to go through with it.

It wasn’t too long before Randal appeared, in handcuffs and a dressing gown, still dripping wet, flanked by multiple sponsors with their tasers out and armed dripping from the shower in his robe. She hadn’t really expected the cuffs, but she pushed aside her ongoing doubts about everything and fixed a bright smile on her face.

He looked annoyed at Sophia as she stood. “I guess I should’ve known you would be here,” he said, frowning. “Come to taunt me? Make jokes about what they’re going to do to me? Get me back for your friend, Owen?”

“No, Randal,” Sophia said slowly but firmly, her smile fixed in place, refusing to give into his bullshit. “I’m here to offer to be here when you wake up from the procedure.”

“What?” Randal said, incredulous. “Why? You want to gloat after instead?”

“No, Randal, not to gloat. You’re alone in the basement,” she said flatly. “Everyone knows you’re a toxic piece of shit, myself included, but everyone should have someone waiting for them when they wake up from anesthesia. Someone friendly. And I’m offering to be there for you when you wake up.”

“I mean,” he said, gesturing with his head at the women behind him. “I’m sure some or all of them will be there, pointing tasers at me.”

“That’s not the same, and you know it,” Sophia said, crossing her arms. “You wished me luck a couple of weeks ago, and I wanted to return that kindness.”

Randal screwed his face up. “Whatever you want, Sophia,” he said, frowning. “Just don’t think this changes anything about how I feel about you — or the rest of them. I’m still going to burn it all to the ground when I get out of here.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything of the sort, Randal,” Sophia said, grinning. “I’ll see you when you wake up, then?”

Randal nodded briefly. “Sure, whatever, see you later,” he said, almost growling it.

He stepped forward towards the recovery room. Sophia stepped out of his way, letting the others follow him. Indira paused before going in after the others. “Go get a shower and eat some breakfast, Soph,” she said quietly and patting Sophia on the shoulder. “And thank you.”

“I just hope it helps in some way,” Sophia said, shrugging. “I’ll be back up in a bit.”

She descended the stairs to see Nerys waiting on the other side of the last set of doors. “You went and tried to offer some sort of olive branch, didn’t you?” she said, frowning at Sophia. “To freaking Randal, of all people!”

Sophia nodded and smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, I offered to be there when he wakes up from the anesthesia. I’m a bit surprised he actually accepted.“

Nerys sighed and opened her arms, offering a hug, which Sophia accepted and squeezed her girlfriend. “Let’s get cleaned up and eat some breakfast,” Nerys said, releasing the hug. “No sense the two of us facing him on an empty stomach.”

“Us?” Sophia asked, pulling back in surprise a bit.

“I’m not going to let you sit there with him alone!” Nerys said, half smiling. “If I’d known what you were planning, I would’ve insisted on being there with you just now. Although that might have changed his answer.”

Sophia pulled Nerys back into the hug. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to; this is a me thing. But thanks, Rainbow. It really means a lot to me.”

“I know I don’t have to,” Nerys said, squeezing her this time. “But I want to — for you, but definitely not for Randal.”

They mutually broke the hug and took each other’s hand and walked down the hallway, towards their rooms. They both fetched their shower kits and headed back to the annexe to find Derek and Owen coming out, also holding hands. “Good morning,” she said, smiling brightly at them, resisting the urge to jump up and down and cheer a bit.

Derek nodded, and Owen blushed hard, but they continued walking down the hall, still holding hands. “Did you know?” Nerys asked quietly once they were inside and her shower started.

Sophia grinned. “Nope, that’s news to me!” she said as she disrobed and got under her own shower head. “Good for them, though, whatever is up with them.”

“Right?” Nerys said. “They are a cute whatever.”

Sophia laughed brightly. They quickly finished their shower, got redressed and headed to the dining room. All the others were in there, minus Randal, eating from the individual cereal boxes with real milk. There were only three more to go after Randal, and the sponsors were apparently trying to appease them with nicer food more lately. Grant and Carl seemed closer than they had in the past, but also jumpy, and they flinched when the doors opened to reveal Sophia. “Oh, it’s just you two,” Carl said, furtively, looking at her.

“I take it Randal…?” Grant asked nervously.

Sophia nodded. “Seems it’s his turn,” she said quietly.

“Oof. Poor bastard,” Grant said, frowning.

“It is what it is,” Derek said, frowning. “Arsehole is getting what he deserves.”

“Boys,” Indira said sharply, having snuck in behind Nerys. “One of the things you’ve all got to learn to do better at is empathy.”

“Empathy?” Owen said, clearly upset. “For Randal? He’s awful, though! I hate him!”

“He may not be worth it now,” Mary said from near Indira. “But you also need to learn that the opposite of empathy is not hate, it’s apathy. If you can’t manage empathy for someone, ignore them.”

“Fine, whatever,” Owen said, frowning. “So, what do you think today’s episode of Fashion disasters will be?”

“That’s the spirit,” Indira said, grinning. “Also, to confirm the speculation, it’s Randal’s turn.”

“This is so fucked up,” Carl said with a scowl. “You’re just mutilating us! How the hell does that help reform us?”

Indira smiled sweetly at him. “You’ll see in due time, Carl,” she said, and turned to leave the room.

Chatter at the table was muted, as it had been on the days when it was Derek and Owen’s turn. Sophia didn’t bother to try to liven it up, and quickly finished her cereal, as did Nerys. “We’ll see you boys later,” Sophia said, standing, and helping Nerys stand.

“Yup — later, boys,” Nerys said, grinning as they headed into the hallway.

Mary popped out of the breakfast room and after the door was shut. “Are you sure you want to go with her, Nerys?” she asked, arching an eyebrow.

“One hundred percent,” Nerys said, squeezing Sophia’s hand. “I’m not letting her do this alone.”

“Okay, I’ve got a lecture in a bit, but have Indira text me if anything, I don’t know — if you need me,” Mary said quietly. “I just worry about you.”

“Thanks Mary, really,” Nerys said. “I’m sure it will be fine.”

Sophia and Nerys headed up the stairs, and Indira was back in the security room with Tabby still at the security desk. “Oh, hey, that was quick,” Indira said in surprise.

“Conversation was minimal,” Sophia said dryly. “Can’t imagine why.”

Nerys giggled. “Sophia!” she said in mock protest.

“We’ll just go wait in the room for him?” Sophia asked.

“Sure, and you’re welcome to watch some TV while you wait,” Indira said, smiling. “Although it shouldn’t be too terribly long, even if getting him under was a bit of a trick.”

“Oh? Something to do with the cuffs?”

Indira nodded. “He wasn’t directly combative, but it was like he was looking for any way out, and we took no chances.”

“Fair,” Nerys said, nodding, and Sophia shrugged. They started to leave the security room, Nerys entwining her fingers with Sophia’s.

“Oh, and don’t worry — he’ll be restrained when he wakes up,” Indira called after them.

Sophia stuck her thumb in the air to acknowledge it. She had figured he would be after seeing him in cuffs beforehand. Sophia and Nerys walked quietly into the recovery room, sat down in the room and were surprised to learn the TV wasn’t on tape delay and there was an honest to goodness remote for it. Nerys picked it up and quickly flipped to the reality TV channel they usually got in the basement. “Really?” Sophia said laughing. “Of all the channels available, you choose this?”

“What can I say? I’ve grown accustomed to these awful programmes,” Nerys said, grinning.

About fifteen minutes later, Rabia and Katherine wheeled Randal’s still unconscious form back into the recovery room. Maria followed them in, and saw Nerys and grinned at her. “Just couldn’t let her do it alone, could you?” Maria asked.

Nerys smiled and took Sophia’s hand again. “Nope — in it with her no matter what,” she said, grinning, as she reached for the remote to turn the TV off.

“Well, you’ll note, he’s restrained,” Maria said, gesturing. “So there’s no need for me to be in here with my taser until after he’s awake and being a pain in the ass. You two can just sit here and quietly chat until he wakes up.”

Sophia smiled. “Thanks, Maria,” she said quietly and squeezed Nerys’s hand again.

“Thanks? Thank you,” she said, smiling. “You really don’t have to do this. Especially not the rest of it.”

“I really do,” Sophia said quietly. “How did it go, by the way?”

“Katherine said he did just fine, at least once he was unconscious,” Maria said, frowning. “He was uncooperative in getting ready, but we got him under uninjured. See you in a bit.”

“See you,” Sophia said, smiling as Maria walked out.

“So…” Nerys said when Maria had left. “You’ve not really told me why we are doing this.”

“Well,” Sophia said quietly. “I’m doing it because Sophia asked me to.”

“Wait, namesake Sophia? Sophia H?” Nerys asked confused. “How could she ask you to do this? She didn’t know about Dorley, right?”

“Yeah, Sophia H, before she went away she asked the server to be better, to rise above,” Sophia said carefully. “And yes, that’s kind of nonsense, but also, I need to do it for her.”

“Soph, I mean, come on, I know that’s a euphemism, I’m sorry she’s dead,” Nerys said quietly. “And your reasoning, it’s, well, not fine, but I get it.”

“When I first got here, when I learned he was in the basement, I wanted him worse than washed out,” she said, frowning strongly. “I held a lot of hatred in my heart, and I can’t anymore. His horrendous site had a thread on her. One of his users had threatened her with a dox. It wasn’t the only factor that lead to it, but it was one of the final ones.”

Nerys frowned. “Well, I said I would be here for you, and I will be, but this is a load of bullshit, Soph,” she said, deepening her frown. “We could still leave — you don’t have to do anything for him.”

Sophia shook her head. “I’m staying,” she said resolutely. “I have to do this.”

“Okay,” Nerys said, sounding unsure, drawing the syllable out.

“There’s… there’s one other thing,” she said quietly.

“Oh?”

“I told Maria she could use my history if she thought it would help him,” she said quietly.

“Sophia!” Nerys said exasperated. “You know he will use it to hurt you!”

“No,” Sophia said. “I don’t know that, and I can’t have him washing out knowing I didn’t do everything I could to… to help… him.”

Nerys rolled her eyes, and then Randal stirring slowly, briefly, eyes fluttering a bit. He drifted back off for a bit, but it wouldn’t be long. Sophia braced herself for what was to come.

***

Randal slowly woke as the anesthesia wore off. He could hear a monitor beeping quietly to one side of him, and a couple of people talking quietly on the other. Randal couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but from their tone it was a mild argument. A tone he was unfortunately all too familiar with.

He drifted back away for a moment, and then he started slowly regaining the ability to move, shifting in the bed a bit. He felt his arms and chest and legs restrained, which was not terribly surprising, but was deeply upsetting to his not yet fully active brain. Randal blinked his eyes, and rolled his head in the general direction of the earlier conversation, now silent. He saw… no, not Sophia, it was Nerys. Wait, no, focus, damnit. Both of them were sitting there, holding hands and looking at him.

Of fucking course Nerys is here too, he thought, the two of them are inseparable these days. Nerys’s feelings about Randal were clear, but Sophia was smiling at him — annoying. His mouth was dry and when he tried to speak it came out a whisper at first. He tried again, clearing his throat, swallowing, trying to generate some saliva. “Oh fuck, why are you both here?” he asked, frowning in their general direction.

“I said I would be here,” Sophia said, still smiling at him. “And Nerys, well—” She shrugged and looked apologetic.

“I go where she goes,” Nerys said, with not open hatred, but a certain smugness. Nerys turned to face Sophia and raised an eyebrow. “There, we were here when he woke up. Can we go now? You did what you said you needed to do.”

“Yeah, you came, you saw, they fucking castrated me, congrats,” Randal said, deepening his scowl at the pair of them.

Sophia stood and took a step closer to the bed, and Randal noticed Nerys tensed up, like he was a snake that would lunge at Sophia. He flinched back in reflex — he didn’t want to be near her. She was the epitome of everything he hated —everything they wanted him to become. He watched, helpless, as she reached out one of her hands and gently placed it on the back of one of his. “We’ll go if that’s what you want, Randal,” she said with surprising kindness. “But I’m glad you got through it okay, honest.” She smiled broadly at him and then turned to head out of the room, with Nerys right behind her.

Immediately after they left, Maria entered. He had wondered where she was; even restrained, he was surprised that Maria hadn’t been there to protect the pair of teacher’s pets. She waited a long moment before speaking. “Huh. I admit I didn’t expect that from her,” she said quietly.

“Why?” Randal wasn’t that surprised. Despite everything, she was the nicest person in the basement. Even to him.

“Do you know where she got her name from?” Maria asked calmly, tilting her head to one side.

“No,” Randal said flatly. He didn’t know or care where she had conjured that name from. It was a non-concern in his life. Of bigger concern was what they had just done to him today, and here he was having to think about Sophia instead of shouting and swearing.

“Her name was a bequest from Sophia Hendricks,” Maria said, watching him closely. “And her last wish was for her friends to ‘rise above, be better, be kind.’ A bit trite, perhaps, but sincere. And Sophia would’ve walked through hell if it made Hendricks happy.”

Randal’s face blanched. Fuck. He knew that name. Of fucking course, he did. “Oh,” he said, barely audible. How had he not put that together? Of course thisSophia would be connected to that Sophia. Fuck. How much did Maria know? Could she know everything about Sophia Hendricks?

“So you know that name, do you?” Maria said, raising her eyebrow. He didn’t respond — he didn’t know how, but he knew he didn’t really need to. She knew heknew who she was. “What, out of excuses, Randal?”

He glared at her, only to be met with her glaring back at him. Her gaze was like a laser piercing into his skull, and he looked away. “What’s the matter, Randal? Can’t even look me in the eye?”

“Leave me the fuck alone!” Randal said sharply. Go for bluster; maybe that would get her to back off.

“No,” Maria said sharply, crossing her arms. “Tell me about Sophia.”

“She’s a trans girl who lives in the basement with us kidnapped boys for some fucking reason,” he said.

“Cute. Tell me about Sophia Hendricks, Randal,” she said flatly. “Tell me now, or your next stop will be the cells.”

“She was a freak,” Randal said evenly, glaring at Maria.

“Impressive — you gendered her correctly before returning to your normal derision,” Maria said, smiling wickedly at him. He shivered. Praise — even faint, backhanded praise — from her was decidedly not desired. “Go on, Randal, what else about her?”

“She was someone there was a thread on, she wasn’t… the usual…” Randal said slowly. “The usual type of person… the users… focus on.”

“Such precise wording!” Maria said, smirking. “What made her unusual?”

“She just was,” Randal said, and Maria raised an eyebrow. “Fine — she wasn’t into the perversions that most of them were. She wasn’t some sex-crazed furry ‘stargender’ freak.”

“So she was… normal?”

“She was a freak,” Randal spat. Maria glared at him again. He still couldn’t hold her gaze. Fuck this, right after a surprise fucking castration. “Fine, yes, she was almost normal, except —“ he froze, unsure how to say it in a way that wouldn’t get him a week in the cells.

“Except what, Randal?”

“She helped people who were freaks.”

“Helped them how?”

“She ran a ‘support’ server on Consensus that was hugboxing freaks,” Randal said air-quoting from within his restraints. “She would tell them it was okay to be the way they were. She encouraged their perversions!”

“Hugboxing? That's an interesting phrase,” Maria said, arching an eyebrow. “I’m not entirely familiar — what does that mean?”

“It meant that everyone in the server was nice to each other, regardless of how much of a freak they were. It’s a form of manipulation.”

“And posting people’s addresses, their employers’ info, their families’ info was what, just a good public service?”

Randal shot her a look again. “That was never a goal,” he said, glaring.

“And yet, it seemed to happen a lot, Randal,” Maria said icily. “I want to circle back to how being nice is bad somehow.”

“They just get this false idea of the world, and then they get out there, and it's cruel and harsh —”

“— and posting their addresses online?” Maria interrupted him.

“Fuck, get off that. I never did that,” Randal spat.

“Your users did it… let's see…” Maria said, glancing at something on her phone. “According to Christine’s rough estimate, to something like three dozen people?”

“Out of thousands of threads,” Randal said defiant still. “The site was ninety-nine point nine percent jokes.”

“That’s still a lot of bad,” Maria said, pausing before shifting her tone back to curious. “Randal, would you say that what Sophia did today was ‘hugboxing’?”

“What?”

“Sophia — she hung out in that server. Was she hugboxing you today by being here when you woke up? By being kind to you?”

Randal merely glared at her as a response. In truth, he didn’t know how to answer that. Before he brought the term up, he hadn’t thought about its relation to whatever the fuck Sophia was doing today.

“I’ll take that as a no, then?” Maria asked questioning when he didn’t respond quick enough, and he shot another glare her way that did nothing. “Right. Okay. So Sophia Hendricks was simply nice to people, just like Sophia today, and that alone was enough to warrant what your users did?”

Randal couldn’t meet her eyes. Fuck. Every damn thing that popped into his head she had an immediate counter for. She was messing with him. That’s all it was. And he was still out of it from the anesthesia. FUCK. They fucking mutilated him, and here he was debating the ethics of online culture with a person who didn’t even know what hugboxing was!

“Randal, was it enough to warrant it or not?” Maria asked again. “I need you to answer me. Now.”

He couldn’t answer her. If he said yes, she would just go back through it all again. Raking him over the proverbial coals. If he said no, it was acquiescence to their backwards ideas.

“Randal, Maria said sharply, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“No, OKAY?” he shouted and pulled against his restraints. “That’s what you want me to say, right? That it wasn’t okay. Well, it wasn’t my fucking fault. And she was never doxxed. Her thread was tiny. She had other issues.” He fell back to a lie that was mostly truth, hoping she didn’t know.

“Hrm. ‘Other issues,’ that’s handy. You want to know what she said to our Sophia? In her darkest hours in the days leading up to it?”

“No,” Randal snapped at her.

“She had been contacted — a verified dox had been threatened. The person claimed to be one of your users,” Maria said coldly. “And according to your site’s logs and database, we are pretty sure he wasn’t lying. SadBoi69 knew where she lived, and we’re aware someone tipped him off on her general location.”

Randal blanched again. Fuck, he hoped desperately she didn’t know more. Hoped his reaction was just taken as shock that she had been doxed and not anything more sinister. “I didn’t know,” he said quietly. “My users…”

“Your users were enabled and encouraged by you to do this kind of thing. You joked about it, Randal. You want me to put up on that TV your greatest hits?”

“Freedom of spee —”

“Are you a fucking Yank now?” Maria interrupted him again, and continued rapid fire. “If you hadn’t run that site, if you hadn’t laughed and joked and encouraged them, if you hadn’t provided that platform, maybe Sophia Hendricks would still be alive.”

Randal flinched at every emphasized word. He didn’t know how to respond again, and yet she didn’t seem to know. It’s possible someone else would’ve come along and done the same thing; there were plenty of people like him who knew what had to be done to protect the freaks from themselves, and Sophia’s thread had been poised to blow up. Maria didn’t really seem to want a response, thankfully, just to let him stew in her words.

After a few beats, she changed expressions again. Haughty. She felt she had won. And truthfully, she had, at least a bit, even if she didn’t know everything. “If we undo your some of your restraints, so you can eat lunch, are you going to cause a problem?” she asked. “The waist and leg ones have to remain on for the moment.”

“I won’t cause a problem, I understand and agree,” Randal said quietly. Fighting with Maria was draining at the best of times, and after a surprise castration? He was starving and too weak to keep up the fight right now.

“Good,” Maria said, and opened the door and leaned out briefly. He saw her wave and in came a pair of the many women who he didn’t know the names of. They leveled their tasers on him as soon as they came in the room, while Maria stepped beside him and started releasing one of the wrist cuffs. He thought briefly about doing something, but it would just get him tased and when he woke up he would be in a cell again, possibly for the last time.

Maria and the two women shifted around as Maria went around to the other side of his bed and undid his other wrist and the chest strap. Finally, another girl came in bearing a tray of food, which she put on a small rolling desk that she slid into place over his hospital bed. He ate the offered soup, pita bread, and jello cup hungrily. This fucking place, he thought, they even use the same melamine trays they use in hospital.

As he ate, the others retreated briefly out of the room, leaving him alone, and locking the door behind them. He knew after lunch they would be back to remind him to not mess with his stitches and to clean the wound daily before returning him downstairs, which, he wasn’t fucking stupid. They could probably handle most complications he would be willing to cause without ever leaving this absurd place, and it would most likely just result in him finding out what happened to the washouts first-hand.

***

Maria flopped on the chair after setting her plate of reheated leftover lasagne on the table across from Indira. “I’m getting too old for this shit,” Maria said, sighing.

“I thought Randal was doing rather well?” Indira said, looking up from her plate.

“He’s still got so far to go,” Maria said, frowning. “I think, though, that the revelations about Sophia weakened him significantly. He still thinks we don’t know everything, but I can work with that. Even if I do worry about Sophia if and when she finds out the parts she doesn’t know. She’s being kind to him now, but she doesn’t know the whole truth about it, and her losing it at him would make everything very precarious.”

“I don’t know, a skinny white girl getting angry at you can be pretty powerful,” Mary said, sitting down next to Indira. “Either that, or maybe we need to give him some more time? Worked for me.”

Maria thought about it as she ate a bite of her casserole. “Perhaps,” she said when she had swallowed. “Sophia’s continued kindness for now helps, and acts as a continual reminder of the harm he’s caused.”

Stephanie had just entered and sat down opposite Mary next to Indira. “That girl astonishes me,” she said and picked up her fork. “Her namesake is dead because of that asshole and here she is, all ‘everyone deserves kindness.’ Even I’m not that nice.”

Mary laughed. “Steph, you absolutely are that nice,” she said, grinning. “I seem to recall that time you visited me in the cells. And your makeup! And the taser, so fierce! How I didn’t immediately figure out you were a plant right then, I will never know.”

Stephanie blushed. “Anyway, I think Mary’s right; Randal just needs time.”

The other sponsors for the year finally came in and sat down with their food. “Well, looks like we are all here now,” Indira said. “Shall we get properly started?”

Maria nodded. “Yeah, let’s get down to it.”

“Halfway through our complement of boys,” Indira said, smiling and looking at the other sponsors. “How do we think we’re doing?”

“Derek and Owen spent a long time talking to each other yesterday,” Monica said. “And they’ve been seen holding hands today whenever they thought no one who would care was looking. I’d say they’re well on track. The orchi’s did what they were supposed to do for them.”

Edy nodded. “Yeah, Owen’s still going to have some things to overcome with the revelation about my history,” she said calmly. “But I think we’ve built enough tools for us to work through it together, and Derek will help in that regard too, I think.”

“Agreed,” Monica said. “The two care for each other a lot more than I had expected them to when we first were picking the intake.”

“Good,” Indira said, making a note on her laptop. “And we all more or less heard Maria’s report. Anything else you’d like to add?”

“Like I said earlier, he still thinks he’s outsmarting us,” Maria said. “It’s not ideal, but I think he’s holding on by the tips of his fingers to his smug false sense of superiority, and they keep slipping. There were several points after Sophia left where I’m pretty sure he was hanging by only a couple of fingers on one hand.”

“Anything else we could do to push him the rest of the way?” Indira asked.

“After he’s had a bit, the next time he’s at a low ebb,” Maria said, nodding, “I’ll hit him with what we know really happened with Sophia H. That’s going to be the end of Randal, one way or another.”

“Sounds like you’ve got him well in hand then,” Indira said, smiling. “Mary, how’s Nerys doing?”

“She’s extremely nervous,” Mary said, frowning. “And I know Bea said we could tell her the day before, but she’s going to wear that panic on her face all day. I’d like permission to have her and Sophia upstairs for the day and night before.”

“Granted,” Indira said, nodding, along with the others at the table. “And perfectly understandable, hopefully that will help her relax some.” Indira turned towards Tabby and Pamela. “And for our final two ‘boys,’ how do we think Grant and Carl will go?”

Tabby frowned briefly. “Carl’s going to take it hard. Probably at least as hard as Owen, but without a friend for strength, and not as coldly bitter as Randal. My current expectation is he will be physically resistant beforehand, then apologetic after.”

“Hrm, that’s good,” Indira said. “But we should make sure we have a full squad on hand for getting him put under.”

“Already have people with firm commitments for it scheduled,” Tabby said. “Won’t be an issue.”

“Good, thanks for getting it arranged Tab,” Indira said, smiling. “That just leaves Grant.”

“Grant worries me,” Pamela said quietly. “He’s hard to predict still, and I know, I should have a better handle on him by this point. But he’s that stereotypical ‘nice guy,’ and his abuse was the really subtle kind. I suspect he’s going to go in relatively easy…”

“You think he’ll be a problem after?” Indira asked.

“I think he will survive the orchi okay, initially,” Pamela said. “But I doubt we will know his true feelings about it right away. He tends to take time to get up a whole head of steam. And, while Tabby can correct me on this, I think he’s going to be more than a bit upset by Carl’s orchi.”

Tabby nodded. “Their bond isn’t anywhere near like Owen or Derek’s, or Sophia or Nerys’s, but, Grant’s weirdly… ‘protective’ isn’t the right word. Hrm. Set in his idea about who Carl is. If Carl makes any notable progress, Grant may get upset about it.”

Pamela nodded. “Yeah, so he’s going to have been cooking for nearly a week before his own orchi. He might get violently angry within a day roughly of his own, either side. Long term, I think they can move past this, but for now, Grant is likely a bit of a roadblock for Carl.”

“Hrm,” Maria hummed. “Something to keep an eye on for sure, and be thinking about how to shake that relationship up. What day did we schedule Grant’s orchi for, by the way?”

“The 30th, Saturday,” Pamela said without looking at her notes.

“Isn’t Easter the next day?” Maria asked, looking at the ceiling.

“Oh, you’re right,” Indira said. “That seems awfully close; would hate for Mr Wilson to go on a rampage in the middle of Easter lunch. We should see if we can move that up a day at the very least. Or, even better, the Monday after.”

“I’ll contact Katherine and Rabia and see where we can move things around,” Pamela said, making a note on her phone.

“Good,” Indira said. “Anything else? We think we’re all set for the end of the orchis?”

There were nods of agreement from most of the table. “Actually,” Stephanie said quietly. “I’ve got one more thing.”

“Oh?” Maria asked, turning to look at her directly. “Is Sophia having a problem? She liked it so much she wants to get another orchi, perhaps?”

Stephanie laughed briefly before shifting to a frown. “Well, not a problem that she knows about,” she said. “But I’m still worried about Jessica, and that business with Trev has never been fully settled either. I’m worried about how long the lie has gone on.”

“Telling Sophia is a bad idea presently,” Indira said, frowning. “I thought you were in agreement on that? The tension in the basement is really high as we get towards the end of the orchis.”

“I mostly am, albeit less so now than when we initially decided, I’m just worried,” Stephanie said, fiddling with her bracelets.

Maria nodded. “Yeah, it’s a time bomb that we can’t see the timer on. But I don’t see a good avenue to tell her right now without risking setting it off.”

“Yeah,” Stephanie said, frowning. “That’s all I had; we can talk about it more when we get past the orchis, let the tension come back down off 11 for a bit.”

“Very well,” Indira said, smiling. “We’ll talk more about it after the orchis.” Everyone started to stand, then Maria saw Indira’s eyes light up. “Wait! I forgot, one more thing that you should all be aware of and that we haven’t announced in Consensus yet for opsec reasons.”

“Yes?” Monica asked, curious.

“This shouldn’t impact the boys at all, but Summer and Persephone will be living up on the cis floors for awhile.”

“Sorry, who?” Mary asked.

“Summer’s one of my girls,” Tabby said. “2012 intake.”

Mary frowned. “I thought you’d introduced me to all of my sisters.”

“The ones who’ve visited, yes, but Summer left after the clusterfuck with the ’16 intake and hasn’t been back since,” Tabby said turning to Mary. “But she agreed to take on Persephone — one of the alternates for Sophia’s slot.” She turned back to Indira. “Speaking of, will they be spending time in disclosed spaces at all?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Summer still has sponsor-level access, and we’re hoping she might fill in for Holly,” Indira said, pausing a moment. “But Persephone… I think probably only Easter lunch,” Indira said, thinking. “We already have to be on best behaviour for that anyway, might as well add one more unaware guest to things.”

Maria nodded. “I’ll touch base with Summer when they get here — make sure we’re on the same page about access, and check up on her. They’ve had a bit of a wild year so far — that you all don’t need to know about in detail.”

“Understood,” Tabby said, and there were general nods around the table. “But I admit, I’m excited to see Summer again. It's been too long!”