Eta nearly screwed up. She almost asked a meaningful question.

‘Why are you whispering to the walls, Mr. Mayor?’

Something tugged at her, telling her she absolutely did not want to know the answer. Instead, she hugged her new friend so tight, it popped his back. Oh my, he’s rather tense.

She was one who could take a hint. While her and Scrub-bucket sat in the mayor’s office downtown and watched him speak to the walls, Eta worked the tension out of that bundled boy’s shoulders. She was no masseuse, but from the sounds his body made, that poor boy definitely needed it.

For the first time, she saw a new look on Scrub-bucket's face. He stared at her wide-eyed in horror.

“You don’t need to be shy,” she told him. “I can do your shoulder’s next.”

Slowly, very slowly, he shook his head no.

Did he just gag? Oh my, what a weak stomach.

Eta continued her massage and the mayor returned. The look he gave her wasn’t horror, though. Eta could have sworn it was pity. But I have a good life, so that can’t be.

The mayor looked at Eta and skipped right over explanations for his quirky behavior. “Beezle sent a letter. Said you was just like me. I see it and I don’t.”

Eta just smiled and nodded, working that poor boy’s shoulders over.

The mayor continued after sitting behind his desk and propping his feet up in Scrub-bucket’s direction. “You’ve been all sorts of fucked around by wannabe gods. I get that. And you’re all fucked in the head cause of it. I get that even better.”

He gave her a reassuring smile. “We may have started in different worlds, but I ain’t the prejudiced sort. Whether it be Earth or whatever screwed up abomination your crazy little buddy dreamed up, it’s all the same to me. We all get bent over and fucked all the same.”

Maybe it was the passion in his speech, but Eta’s tail uncoiled from her waist and wagged happily behind her. The mayor watched it like a metronome.

“Although,” he added. “You’ve been fucked a bit harder than the rest of us.”

Her tail wagged faster.

“Ol’ Beezle up in that cave of his, he’s one of the few wannabe gods I can stomach. He looks scary, but he’s more reasonable than I deserved.” The mayor nodded to the boy in Eta’s arms. “I was just like that kid. All set to take on some bullshit Demon Lord, sent out by the lying scoundrel, Prometheus, himself. But I was luckier. Beezle offered me a deal and I took it. And now, I want to offer you that same deal. He tells me you need a purpose, a purpose of your own; that you need to quit getting dicked around by wannabe gods and figure out what you want. Well, let me tell you what I want, I wa—”

Eta raised a finger, stopping the mayor’s rant.

“One question,” she said.

The mayor nodded.

“Who’s Bezel?” she asked.

“That fat lizard,” the mayor answered.

Eta raised another finger. The mayor nodded.

“Who are you?” she asked.

“Caldwell, of Earth,” he answered.

“That’s a pleasant name,” Eta said. “Do you go by your first or last name? I’d hate to be rude.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but Scrub-bucket stopped him with a shake of his head.

“Do I call you Caldwell or Ovearth?” Eta asked.

Caldwell Ovearth pulled a big bottle from his desk and took a hearty swig. With a refreshed ‘Ah’, he wiped his mouth and slammed the bottle down. He looked to Eta with even more pity, now she was sure of it.

“Call me Caldwell,” he said. “I am a good friend of that fat lizard and you can count on me even if I can’t count on you. That’s my duty here. Now, if you’ll take my pardon, I have a couple asshole residents to torture.”

Eta held up one finger. The mayor nodded.

Despite her better judgement, Eta prepared a stern lecture on the treatment of others.

“You shouldn’t torture others. If you do, it may just come back to you,” Eta scolded; her tail swished behind her and the mayor gulped, eying that tail with caution.

“Noted,” he replied and stormed out of the room.

Scrub-bucket nudged Eta. “I’m really happy.”

Eta didn’t understand.

Scrub-bucket’s eyes lit up. “You just threatened the mayor. That’s progress! We’re making progress!”

**********************

The torture never came, much to Teddy’s relief. Instead, he was dragged inside an underground cell, an ostentatious underground cell judging by the bars of iron. No doubt a porter had to lug those heavy bars across the border at great expense to the mayor and great profit to the porter. That mayor was simply too much.

Why not just throw Teddy in a pit and be done with it? Perhaps it would fill up with well water before they got it dug?

Teddy tried to lose himself to his distracting musings, but it didn’t help. His boss, his hope, got swallowed up by a plant and now Teddy was rotting in an ostentatious cell.

Bell…that—

Truthfully, he didn’t have a category for Bell. As many people as he’d met in his day, she was one of the few he couldn’t categorize. She was shrewd, very shrewd, to the point Teddy was brought to tears by her callous actions. And she was fair. Just as Monteguem treated him as an equal…even…even going so far as to take a blade for him, Bell treated him the same. She wasn’t scared to let loose either. Get a few drinks in her, and she became merry company.

Another sinking feeling hit Teddy.

He was thinking about his boss’s betrothed. No, not his betrothed, his former betrothed. I couldn’t even be a proper meat shield…

Monteguem wasn’t just Teddy’s hope; he was a good man, the best, in fact.

Bell, don’t you let the same misfortune fall. I, Theodore formerly of the Pargols, swear that I will repay Monteguem. I’ll be a faithful manservant as the great Conrad called me. Although, I've probably just met my 'unfortunate accident', so take my vow with a grain of salt.

A clanking of more ostentatious metal bars interrupted Teddy’s thoughts. Down through the corridor, the guards dragged a wiry man with a mean face. Clanking open the cell next to Teddy, they shoved that man in. Soon a familiar face followed, the mayor himself.

That wiry man glared at the mayor. Daggers…

The mayor spoke to him. “Why was you in that annexed hut?”

The wiry man continued to glare.

The mayor clenched his jaw and took a step forward, towards the cell, like he was going to barge in and attack the wiry man, but a concerned look on his face stopped him. “Better yet, how’d you get in there? I had patrols posted all around after…”

He looked at Teddy and Teddy glared back.

“…after that incident in the bar,” he continued.

“And you, manservant, where’d you hear about ‘Tolkien’?”

Teddy licked his lips. “That guy, wouldn’t you know it? He sucked my cock. Spilled all he knew in the afterglow. Third best cock-sucking I ever had.”

Surprisingly, the mayor chuckled. “That is very, very impressive. God dang, I never heard of such a depraved act in all my years. Dug him up yourself did you?”

“With your mother’s skull,” Teddy replied, not willing to give the mayor an smidgen of ‘face’; Monteguem might not have approved, but dammed if it didn’t make Teddy feel better. Monteguem was a better man than I’ll ever be, without a doubt.

The wiry man laughed from the other cell.

“You think that’s a good laugh, don’t you?” the mayor said. “Well, I’ll give ya a good laugh. It’s called starving to death and getting ‘et by the jail cell itself. You ain’t ever gonna leave, neither of ya. Rory was a damn good man, and I’ll see you punished. The walls will make sure of that.”

The mayor stormed out, and the wiry man spoke.

“I am impressed, Teddy,” he said. “I had high hopes for you, but you surpassed them all.”

Ah…another crazy junkie, just my luck. Teddy didn’t have a clue who that man was, and there was no way that man knew him.

“Please don’t shit in the cell,” Teddy said. “I’d hate to have to squeeze over there and give you a beating. I’m awfully sore after bashing the last guy’s brains in.”

“And that was stupendous,” the junkie replied. “I do hope you forgive this one, it is much more…savage than the others.”

“Don’t care ‘bout your apology, just don’t shit in the cell and we’ll get along.”

“Do you have a totem?” The junkie asked.

Teddy bolted upright. “How the fuck you know ‘bout that? You see the fight? You see me pull out my suitcase?”

“Oh yes, I saw the fight, I told you it was stupendous. In fact, I had a front-row seat. You smashed that man into a paste, and then you kept smashing. This one can’t help but admire your…thoroughness.”

“Bullshit. You weren’t there.” Teddy knew this for a fact. He’d never seen that wiry junkie before in his life.

“I was,” he said. “Actually, I have a totem of my own. It is currently in our former residence, upstairs in that bedroom, but I need it back.”

“You’re insane,” Teddy replied.

“This one…this one certainly lacks a piece of humanity, empathy, if you will. That is why I am most reluctant to use it. However, circumstances are beyond my control at this point, and I require aid to secure my totem.”

“Empathy?” Teddy asked. “No, you lack a shot of chalk-gum or whatever other vice got you all twisted up. I said it once, and I’ll say it again. Don’t shit in that cell and we’ll get along just fine. Now, shut up.”

“Empirically,” that junkie began. “I know the one known as Guem felt relief after stumbling across you huddled under a dead man. That one searched through so many alleyways to locate you, a blacklisted porter. And empirically, I know the one known as Bell relished watching you grovel at her feet, knowing it would ease the deal she was about to offer; yet, that one also relished the affections you showed her during that ruse at the bar. I said it before, the good times got away from that one, especially considering as poorly as you were this morning.”

Teddy couldn’t respond. He simply couldn’t make sense of that junkie’s ramblings. Did we…did we have a stalker? A degenerate watching our every move?

The junkie continued. “It was the right decision to hire you. This one lacks the emotion for sincerity, but it knows everything, and speaking on behalf of all the iterations of the one known as ‘Monte’, I commend your efforts. It was most unfortunate the one known as Guem perished. Rest assured, the other three are fine as we are one.”

Teddy’s head was reeling. The best counter he could come up with: “What in the fuck?”

“I said before, as you have a totem attached to your flesh, so do I. Agree to help, and I will show you. Surely your suitcase can be put to use here? You need not aid in my escape, simply your own. We have a fifty percent chance at success as long as the next one doesn’t turn out to be Bell, the other one has the strength we need.

“Do I have your support? Are you not bound to the contracted terms that stipulate all ‘services also extend to all the persons in the one known as Monteguem’s party’. Did you not understand? I am one of the persons in the one known as Monteguem’s party. And though the body of Guem perished, I still have three more. I am the one known as Monte; in this body I am Monteray, Ray to my friends. Now, it is time to fulfill your duties once again; preferably, as diligently as before. That was truly marvelous; you are nothing if not thorough, Theodore formerly of the Pargols.”

“Explain,” Teddy said. “Explain it slowly, like I’m stupid, you sons of a bitch.”

“Of course,” Monteray said.