'Home'—a word I thought I'd long forgotten. Well, I had, until now.

The fog that had clouded my mind seemed to slowly fade away but also revealed deep cliffs in which memories were lost forever. Luckily, I still had my diaries to fill them up.

Yet I was afraid. Afraid of what would happen if those memories came back. If I was wrong if what I really wanted was something else and I had only convinced myself of all this to avoid going insane...then what did this make me? A fake? A male fleeing from reality? I-I—

Suddenly, my mother firmly grasped my face with her hands and forced me to look deep into her eyes. "Whatever you were thinking right now, DO NOT LISTEN TO IT! I could feel how you doubted yourself so badly that you were hurting. I beg you, darling—don't do this. Everything must feel weird and new after all this time in that rotted body, but I know you meant every word you said. Who you are now is the person you always wanted to be.

"I knew many people like you who finally achieved their goal but couldn't accept this sudden happiness. Their destructive thoughts of how they didn't deserve to be happy, to get what they wanted. They searched for ways to constantly diminish themselves and make themselves look bad, so everyone around them also began to think they didn't deserve happiness.

"Some managed to overcome their self-doubt and low self-esteem...others got caught up in them, and like a whirlpool of bad emotions, they sank to the ground—" mother faltered for a moment, a deeply hidden sadness flickering for a split-second in her eyes before she continued.

"I won't let my precious daughter get down that spiral! So listen to me: You are perfect the way you are! Push those bad, bad thoughts aside and be selfish! You deserve to be happy, and you deserve a home! You're Kaya Oswald now, the only daughter of an Archduchess. I promise I will do anything in my power to give you anything you desire so I can offer you a peaceful life full of happiness and warmth!"

I was gobsmacked, simply gobsmacked. I didn't know if anyone had ever expressed such feelings to me before. And thanks to our new connection, I could feel that every spoken word was meant seriously. That was a first.

Even in my first life, I never knew this kind of affection. Not with family nor friends—who ultimately abandoned me anyway.

But Tayra was different. All these new emotions, just how was I supposed to cope with them? I was already on the verge of tears again.
The afterglow of the transformation still hadn't subsided, and everything felt simply out of place, differently.

I mean: Duh!? Of course, it did; I was finally a girl in body AND mind. Mother was right! The price I paid was worth everything! Just look at those ears! So fluffy and big, aaand I just noticed that Tayra was grinning at me whilst I'd inspected my ears over-eagerly.

My whole face started to turn strawberry red, and I instinctively hid behind my newly gained tails. Damned are those new bubbly feelings! Dirty traitors!

All of a sudden, I felt a hand on my head patting me. "It's alright; you don't need to be embarrassed. You basically just got born, so everything must feel completely new and exciting."

I nodded, "Yes, I just feel overwhelmed. All those years, I was eaten away by the sickness, cast aside, hunted, and hurt. There was no time when I wasn't in pain and could relax once. B-but n-now everything has changed. A-and—"

A new wave of things I tried to keep inside me just broke loose at the end of my sentence, but before I lost myself in them, my new mother hugged me tightly again.

"My dear Kaya, it's fine; let it all out. I can't even imagine how hurt you were all these years. Isolated, alone all this time and no one to talk to, only yourself. That you stayed sane after all that’s happened is nothing but a miracle. But it's okay now. You are alive, achieved your goal, and now you can finally start living!"

"Th-thank you!" I cried in her embrace, forgetting the world around me.

-------

My eyes shot open—I'd fallen asleep. I was greeted by the smiling face of my mother. ‘Mother’—it was still somewhat weird to call her that, but it just felt right. It was the first time I’d ever viewed someone as my mother in two lives. And it made me incredibly happy!

I noticed that my head was resting on her lap. We were in the middle of my provisional lab. That a highborn as her would sit on a dirty, cold floor for me...

No, no! Don't tear up again! Bad Kaya!

Tayra eyed me skeptically, "Do you feel better, hon?"

"I-I think so," I responded slowly.

My mother took a deep breath, "Good, because there are some things we need to talk about now that you finally calmed down."

I gulped.

"First things first: How much do you remember? About the experiments, the diaries, and so on," asked my mother with a stern look.

Oh...right. I nearly blabbered out a joke about how I'd 'forgotten about this topic'. But somehow, I got the feeling that she would have given me a real hard chop on the head before sending me to bed without dinner.

I knew she was only worried about me and she’d every reason to be. Those diaries were dangerous. I couldn't even imagine what they could do in the wrong hands—I was a genius, after all.

Putting the thought about my intelligence aside, I shifted my attention back to the rather grim matter. Honestly, I was still afraid. How much of the real me was still there? Did the potion alter my mind, did it—

A finger snip brought me back into reality, "Kaya, don't panic. Take a deep breath and take your time to answer." reassured my mother in a soft and calming tone.

I did as I was told and concentrated on my breathing. It took me a moment to reorganize my mind and try to figure out what I actually could remember.

"Alright, I think I got the gist of it," I ultimately responded. "The memories of my past life and the early years of the new one are completely intact—" I paused for a moment and realized with relief that, thanks to Mother, I could now answer a question that was of utmost importance to me," and so was the desire to change my body to whom I really am. But from there on, it gets fuzzy. Snippets of my experiments at the capital, the betrayal, the trial, and the hunt. They feel distant, grayed out, and surreal. I can only recognize a few faces like the saintess. The rest is just...gone? I still know how I picked you up, brought you here, used your blood to create the flask, and that I drank it. But everything else and the last two decades are mostly gone. I also have no idea what most of the ingredients for the potion were. Maybe if I read the diaries I—"

Without hesitation, Tayra threw a lighting-chain spell at the scattered diaries in the room.

Hastily, I jumped up and rushed to them. "Nonono, what have you done!?" I screamed. All my lifelong work, all my forgotten thoughts, my blood and tears, my, my—

Rage boiled up from within, black mana flared around me, and I turned around to that demon who took such a part from me.

"You!" yelled at, full of hatred.

A sudden pain followed by a slapping sound made me realize what had just happened. My mother was standing before me, disappointment and anger filling her eyes.

"Do you realize what you nearly did?! You were about to raise your hand against me, your own mother, because of your short-sightedness! I did you a favor, you stupid child! What I read in those diaries was dangerous and full of pain. I won't put you back in danger and let you relive this hell. You are better off without those memories. They aren't the ones that formed you. And I know I repeat myself, but Kaya, the world stands now open to you, so instead of those dark moments, fill them with warm and happy ones! And if you were really as smart as you think you are—yes, you blurted 'I'm a genius, after all' out loud—then you reinventing the things you’d already discovered won't be too hard if you decide to explore alchemy again, which I'm firmly against!" rebuked my mother.

My eyes wandered to the ground, "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to freak out."

My mother groaned, "It's fine; I shouldn't have slapped you...probably. But at least I'm sure now that the flask didn't alter your personality. You remember the most important things, and haven’t forgotten yourself or who you really are."

Yes, she was completely correct. I hadn't had to remember the darkest part of my life in which my only goal was to reach my dream and sacrifice everything I still had for it. I’d already achieved that now. So all I could say was, 'Good Riddance'. My mind and body were basically back in my teens...well, my second teens, or third?. So maybe this time I could really have a fulfilling life with friends and sc—

"I won't be homeschooled, right?! I will go to a school, yes??" I yelped out, forgetting to take a breath mid-sentence.

Tayra was baffled, "Um, I think. I mean, yes! Of course, you will need to go to a school. (And I think I already know where I should send you),—but first things first. We need to get out of here and return back home. But I'm still not fully recovered, and there are people outside waiting for me to show my face and finish what they'd begun.

"So for now, let's wait a bit longer till their aura is out of range, then put on a dummy aura somewhere, and after that, we take our heels and be long gone before they notice that we fooled them," explained Mother her plan.

She further continued, "But once we're back at the castle, I'll get the bureaucracy and other things done. But before you go anywhere outside the castle again, you will need to learn the basics of probably everything that comes with being a vampire and aristocrat. Also, we need to look into your black mana..."

I grimaced. Not even one day a teenager again and already grounded, but I was sure she did it like this to protect me. She didn't have to say it in detail, but it was as clear as day. I was like a newborn and had no idea if I could do anything for myself or accidentally harm someone. On that note, why didn't I feel any heightened senses after turning into a vampire?

"Um, m-mom?" I asked shyly.

She looked questioningly at me, "Yes?"

"W-why can't I notice any of my h-heightened senses? I mean, I can't see b-better or smell, and I feel really helpless!" I said weakly, fearing to disappoint my mother.

"Oh, I was hoping you would mention that. Don't worry, cutie. You haven't had any blood yet, so of course, you feel powerless. You are a teen pureblood—even if you are a bit mixed—vampire that never drank blood before. It would be much weirder if you felt all-mighty right now. Also, you might not have noticed it, but the room is completely dark, and yet you can see, no? And the thing about the smell...I did you a favor and put a small barrier around you, so you don't have to smell 'this'. I want your first experience with your new senses to be fresh forest air," responded my mother with a soft voice, especially emphasizing the last part of her explanation.

I wanted to thank my mother again, but a rusty clanking from the dark hall made us look in that direction.

"Wasn't your rune barrier supposed to be safe?" asked my mother?

"Well, yes. I have—" I stopped mid-sentence when I remembered whom this clanking belonged to. My heart ached when the old run-down automaton came into my vision.

"Ruell," I muttered.

"Ruell?" repeated my mother. "So you know that thing?"

I looked at my mother indignantly. "Don't call her that! She was the reason I survived this long! She was also the one that carried you here. Without her, I could've never taken you with me. So please, be nice to her."

"I already asked myself how you brought me here, but Kaya, this is a lifeless machine without consciousness. How I treat her doesn't matter; she can only follow orders and not think for herself or feel anything," my cruel mother reminded me.

With a meek voice, I answered, "B-but, you don't understand...Ruell was with me nearly my entire life. She was the first thing I bought from the money I earned as a peasant alchemist." Gathering up my courage, I continued, "She worked with me, protected me, and saved my life. She was there when none other was. We must take her with us, please; I'm begging you!"

Tayra sighed, "Haa, fine. If having this machine with you makes you happy, then okay. But only under one condition. Once we're home, she will get upgraded. I won't put something this... shameful looking next to my daughter. She will become an automaton worth serving the Oswalds!"

"Did you hear that, Ruell? You can come with us!" I happily announced.

Ruell, on the other hand, started to pull out two hidden daggers. With a crackling voice, she said, "Exterminate, exterminate!"

Ups, I totally forgot that she couldn't recognize me like this. My stupid little robot~.

Mother looked skeptically at me, seemingly ready to destroy Ruell with one swish—shit.

Okay, think Kaya, think. What was her master code again? Or was there a reset code? Damn it. She was already threateningly close.

"1856!" I shouted, trying my luck.

Ruell stopped her every move. "Master updated. Welcome, Master!"

"See, everything's fine!" I smirked.

"1856? How can you even remember four random numbers like that after—you know what I mean," questioned Mother me.

"Hmpf! Those numbers are not random. They are the date of a very important invention back where I came from. So important that you will never ever forget them!" I countered.

"Do tell, daughter," said Mother, seemingly unamused.

"A sparkling wine!"

-------

I patted my head where my mother hit me. "It huuurts!" I whined.

"I hope it does, you cheeky brat," answered Mother drily whilst inspecting Ruell. Apparently, she found my pun about something I joked about in my past world fairly childish and tasteless. I HAD NO IDEA WHY!

"On that note," she continued, "no alcohol for you until you turn twenty-one!"

"But, but. I'm already old enough! I was so happy and eager to drink cider again!"

"You regressed. Both mentally and physically. You might still have the memories, but most of them are just pieces of information, facts, and unclear emotions. You were infected with the Hunger; I can't tell what kind of strain this did to you. So even if you are smart, you were basically a hermit. You lack many basic manners and understanding—like adoring that walking piece of scrap here.

"It's a simple tool that you have a family-like relationship with. That couldn't be healthy in the long run if all you could rely on was something that didn't attack you only because it was ordered to do so. Also, pure-bloods like us basically live forever. So you will be a teenager for a long, long time, even counting two full human lives. From what I can tell, your body is around sixteen," ended my Mother's explanation.

"I also trust you, mother! But can I ask you something?" I said shyly.

"Yes?"

"I know it's a bit late to ask...but do you have, by any chance, some clothes with you that I can wear? Being naked all the time feels rather embarrassing—especially before my own mother."

Tayra thought for a moment before tearing open a small wound on her index finger with one of her sharp fingernails. Then she whispered a few words before a tiny pebble of blood left the wound and began to flow right above her hand.

The pebble began to stretch a few inches upward and then spread out oval on the sides until it began to look like a portal made out of constantly circulating blood.

Mother put her hand inside and rummaged around. Suddenly, she pulled out a frilly white summer dress with guipure laces.

My mouth was agape. "I can't wear that!" I protested. "It's way too revealing!"

"Nonsense! You are beautiful. I wore this when I was younger, and everyone loved how I looked! Every boy will run after you, trust me!" Tayra tried to convince me.

"I don't like boys! I like girls!" I said very indignantly.

"Oh, like mother like daughter," responded Mother, smirking.

When my mouth was wide open before, I don't know what it was now. I didn't expect a pureblood to love women. No, wait, that wasn't right. I didn't expect one to openly announce it like this.

"Y-you too? B-but what do the other purebloods think about this?" I stuttered. I didn't know much about vampire society and its rules, but I was afraid I had to uphold the bloodline, marry a male, and produce an heir.

"They have no say in this matter, so I don't care about them! You shouldn't either—not that you have to bother about this anyway. And from your shocked face, I can tell you’re afraid of the "producing an heir" matter. Don't. Higher vampires are not shackled by race or gender. If you find the right mage or alchemist, no one is. Shouldn't you know this?"

I blinked. "Never heard of this before...I just never had a reason." I was silent for a moment. "Just give me the dress—I'll wear it! It's better than running around naked!"

"Good girl," said my mother and handed me the dress, which I hurriedly put on.

"See, you look beautiful in it, hon!" complimented Mother.

I could feel my cheeks burning. "C-can we leave now?"

Tayra focused on something before responding, "I don't feel their presence. It's still risky, but I think we can. I'd rather wait a few days before going out, but I don't want my little girl stuck in this place after being reborn for too long."

I nodded and told my mother to follow me. Once outside, she would take the lead. Ruell followed us rustingly.

Every step we took made me more insecure about the future. I still hadn't any real time to process everything, and many more changes were to come. How was I supposed to handle this? How will my life be from now on? And how will this new 'home' welcome me? Will I be welcomed at all? Maybe they all hate me more or ignore me. I just wasn't sure yet. But unlike before, I was happy to throw myself into the unknown. I could do this!

---

The exit of my secret laboratory was located inside a rundown tavern right in the middle of the 'business' area of the slums (not far from the sewer entrance). The sewer had its own people living there, mostly wanted murderers, rapists, shady traders, fallen mercenaries and desperate people that had hit rock bottom. Once a month, it was filled with all kinds of people because of the Black Market. The authorities looked away; they were bribed.

As a matter of fact, the slums were always full on those days, like today. This might actually play right into our hands—not. I stood way too much out with my non-human appearance and my dress. Or so I thought. For some reason, nobody looked at me. Sure, they looked at Tayra and Ruell, but not at me. My mother didn't bother to explain the reason; I'm sure she would tell me later. Wait, did she even put down the dummy aura? Um…

Nonetheless, it was still quite a nuisance to get past all those people. Slums shouldn't be this full of people, no matter what. Just another sad factor that well characterized the situation of the human empire. Those zealots really did a thing on it, and all in the name of their goddess. Sometimes I asked myself why she allowed it to happen in the first place. Did she simply not care, or had some other bullshitty reason not to intervene.

I sighed; there was no point in thinking about matters that I would never be able to get an answer to. Who would give me one anyway? The Goddesses and Gods? Keep dreaming.

As we kept walking between the small alleyways, fewer and fewer people passed by. Yet I noticed that some hooded figures seemed to have been following us for a few turns.

"Mother, I think we're being followed," I said.

"Don't worry, not the people that are looking for me. Just some hoodlums. They are probably interested in Ruell. She would still fetch a high price in this area even as broken as she is," explained Tayra.

After some more time, we finally reached the end of the slums. Since the slums were located outside the city walls, we did not have to worry about guards. The only thing that surrounded the slums was a simple palisade, which was there to protect against smaller monsters and the like. However, it was not uncommon for goblins or kobolds to be present in the outer area of the slums from time to time and break into the houses. They were smart enough not to kill or kidnap anyone.

It was nearly midday—the sun shone right above us on a lovely, warm, and cloud-free day. The grass plain that was behind the palisades and served as a demarcation between the forest and the town was clearly man-made. The edge of the woods facing us had several tree stumps and logs ready for transport. The workers were taking a break to avoid roasting in the midday heat. Then I noticed how far away they actually were and was amazed at how much better my vision had become. I happily hummed.

The small path we were walking led directly into the forest's depths. I had no idea where it went after that. What I did know was that this town—which name I'd also forgotten—was located a few days away from the Dark Forest. An area known for its high-ranked magic beasts, dark elves, and a rather unpleasant kind of beastkins.

The group of hooded figures was still behind us, even if they kept a certain distance. Some people simply had no luck. Well, served them right. Trying to rob people for selfish reasons was just wrong!

Ignoring them, I focused on the path. We were nearly in the forest, and then Mother would finally dispel the area around me. I was super hyped about that and worried. I remember that newly awakened vampires were portrayed as hyperfocused on everything in novels, movies, and other media because they simply had too much input at once. I didn't know how it was in this world; studying vampires properly was somewhat impossible inside the empire.

So, in the end, I had no idea what would happen. But if Mother was fine showing me the first real impression of my heightened senses inside of a forest, then I shouldn't needlessly worry.

-------

"What do we have here?" said a vile voice behind us.

"Some fun and money for us," declared another.

A drunken shouted, "I want the young one. She looks unused. I’ll show her real pleasure!"

I shook my head and blurred most of their trash talk out. We weren't even twenty minutes inside the forest before the hoodlums a.k.a bandits stopped us. They looked even shabbier and cliche than expected. One pulled off his hood and licked a knife with his tongue. I facepalmed when he cut himself and hurriedly put the knife away. Another one was juggling his knives whilst a few others were drunkenly cheering for him. One was carving wood resembling a spork and muttered something weird about a genius revolutionary invention. And yet another one was making obscene gestures whilst looking at me—freaking sexist. The hoodlums turned out to be a lousy circus troupe trying to do...I had no idea what. Every idiot would figure out that no one who couldn't protect themselves would go alone into a forest filled with monsters. Just how dumb were they? Well, it didn't matter anymore. From the looks Mother gave the one making the gestures, he would die first, and then every last of them would soon regret their every word more than enough.

"Cutie, would you be so kind and close your eyes and cover your ears and count 'till one hundred? I don't want you to see what will happen to them. It's too early, and you might...just do it, okay?" asked Mother.

I nodded and did as I was told. I started to count.

One.

Two.

...

At fifty seconds, I felt the earth trembling. At sixty, I felt the wind even through my barrier.

Ninety seconds and a sudden mana rush went through me.

One hundred—I opened my eyes and removed my hand from my ears. No one was here. The bandits were gone. Not a single trace left of them.

"W-what did you do?" I reluctantly asked Tayra.

Her eyes sparked dangerously before they returned to the kindness I was already used to. "I cleansed the world from them and probably saved a dozen young girls with that," she answered tonelessly.

A shiver ran down my spine. Note to myself, never truly aggravate Mother.

"I felt a surge of mana run through me. Aren't you worried that those searching you might have noticed that?" I asked my mother, worried that she had done something stupid to just protect my happy start.

My mother let out a hearty laugh, "Those amateurs? They couldn't even tell if what happened around them was a regular weather phenomenon or me. I made it snow in the desert and they couldn't tell! No, what they are looking for is my scent, my aura. Not gonna lie, as disgusting as that old laboratory was, it's doing great at concealing my scent. And for my aura—it's way too weak right now because of the injuries I had suffered from, and as long as I don't use vampiric magic or spill some of my own blood(outside of a barrier, of course), they won't be able to find me. And don’t forget that I put a little dummy aura back in the slums."

When did she even do that? I know that my knowledge about magic was somewhat limited. Sure, I was able to carve runes and do alchemy, but I never really had time to learn highly advanced or high-tier magic, nor was I specialized. Sure, I could do some stuff, but most of it I learned in the later years, and without my books, that knowledge was simply gone. So if Tayra said it was fine, all I could do was nod.

Still, there was something else I wanted to ask, "Why exactly did I have to cover my ears and close my eyes? Couldn't you just make the barrier block everything?"

"Because a perfect barrier that blocks everything would make you, especially with your new senses, go insane. Sound barriers and other magic of that kind are commonly used, but mostly only like a sieve filtering voices out or light. It doesn't really absorb it. True soundproof barriers for example are used in torture. The details will be explained to you in the academy if you choose magic as your topic," tried Tayra to explain, but I didn't quite grasp it—this concept was entirely new to me. Or maybe I did, and those were part of my lost memories? Actually, I didn't care. It would be fun to learn or relearn things in a cool academy with hopefully lots and lots of friends and fun time!

With my question answered, we went deeper into the forest, left the path at one point, and just walked straight.

I think it was afternoon when Mother finally gestured for us to stop.

"I think we are far away now for you to really experience the totality of your new senses for the first time. Are you ready?" smiled my mother?

"Yes!" I said excited and was happy to—

I screamed. Pain split my head open. Everything was everything. There was no ground, no up or down, no left or right. It was green and purple, yellow and blue. The air tasted bitter, then sweet. It turned purple until it was rot. My ears felt like they burst, my skin burned, and my head threatened to explode. There were simply too many new sensations. Mother must have lied! That was no simple barrier; whatever she’d put around me when we left the laboratory blocked way more than I thought. My eyes saw too many things; they hurt so much. I cried; I cried so badly.

I thought I saw how Mother tried to come to me and calm me down, but before she was near me, I felt how everything darkened, and the mana inside me erupted.

My mind became instantly clearer before I noticed my black mana becoming a light eating beacon directly above my head. Tayra had put a shield up to protect Ruell and herself from the outburst. The immediate surrounding mirrored a dream-like monotone realm where everything was made of a gray gooey-like shadow substance. The grass moved weirdly in the wind and let bubbles rise from itself now and then.

The trees around us looked like choral but yet lived and...breathed? Their bark opened and closed, and with each ‘breath’, a black honey-like liquid flowed out of the gaps between the individual pieces of bark. The smell of the liquid was somehow metallic—was that blood?!

Mother stood rooted to the spot, eyes wide open whilst watching the trees, and muttered with horror, "Shadow Blood."