"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them."
― Ernest Hemingway

  

 

Genma stays a bit longer after that, and all Renee can think of is 'god bless your kind soul' in the prism of the man. He also became more relaxed, after seeing that, after her initial freakout, she took the news in… Well. Very well, even, but then, it was him seeing things through his experiences and thoughts. Renee was mostly relieved that Itachi – the idiot, however good-natured and genius, still completely, absolutely moronic for believing Danzo and Obito – was out of concern for now, and hopefully would be for next six or so years.

She had time. And, despite herself, she is already plotting. She likes to believe that she was given this chance for a reason, and she wasn't the one to let it slip through her fingers. Life taught her to grab on every occasion to reach her goal, or to regret it forever.

But right now, she finds pestering Genma much more appealing, and really, she adores the guy with every fiber of her being. Live he seems even cooler than he did onscreen, and Renee is more than happy of the fact.

"I'm Shiranui Genma, by the way," tokujo says finally when they're done discussing over the massacre, and she almost bites her tongue in order of not saying 'I know'. So, instead, she introduces herself, too;

"I'm Ren," is all she says, because this name both is and isn't hers. Besides, she bets that he knows, and does it only to be polite, because Genma is the one who deserves to be polite to.

"Well, it that's all, I'm gonna get going," Tokujo says after a while, and Renee can't help as her lips form into a horseshoe of pout.

"But…" she starts. "It's so boring in here. So boring I think I'm going to die out of boredom, and-"

Genma chuckles. "All right, kid, what do you want?"

Did she mention that she absolutely adores this guy?

"A book, or two, or three-" she starts, cocking her head. "But bring me something about princesses, or glitter, or girly by standards, and I will bite."

This time Genma laughs, and ruffles Renee's hair. Normally, if this was someone else, she would have punched them already, because she absolutely hated people touching her hair. But this was Genma, and his hands were far from sweaty, and it was nice, so she decided to allow it.

"Anything specific except for not-girly?" he asks, and Renee hums silently.

"Folklore, legends, folktales," she answers. "And something to write on and with, perhaps? I like doodling, too."

"Can do that," tokujo says, standing up with a smile.

"Hey, by the way, why did you come?" Renee asks before he makes his way to the window (because who can forbid a ninja to do that?), and he stops. He turns his head around slowly, and smiles at her, warm and friendly.

"Because Hokage said that I'm the most experienced with traumatized kids, and I was the one free at the moment," he says. "Besides, nurse ran straight to Hokage's Office and requested that it must be a ninja."

Renee snorts, and doesn't even bother to feel bad about it, or the woman.

"Come by some other time. It gets boring, and pestering you is fun."

"If I'm free," he clicks the senbon between his teeth and smiles. And then jumps out of the window, and Renee wonders if that's what ninja just do. And if she will also develop unhealthy love of invading people through their windows and not the door.

If you need to talk, he doesn't say as he vanishes, a blurred shape on the rooftops.

---

When she closes her eyes, she isn't sure she dreams. It's too vivid, to real, and yet impossible enough to be. She is someone, she knows, and she walks, she runs, yet she can't bring herself to be happy, somehow.

She is on a party, and she knows it's birthday. Eleventh birthday, no less, and she knows that it can't be hers, because she doesn't remember hers, and the blurred silhouettes of people are wearing traditional Japanese clothing and-

These are memories, she realizes with a start.

These are memories of Uchiha Ren.

She wonders why. What's the cause of her re-living the life of a girl who was dead, whose skin she was wearing now. What's the cause, what's the reason, what's the point? She isn't Ren (and in the same time she is), per say. She never was or will be

(She dies about a month before her twelfth birthday, a silver-cold blade impaling her like a gruesome butterfly with wings of bloody pools underneath her.)

---

Realizing that, after the short nap she's taken, she knows much more about this current world, about her clan and everything else, is startling. It's as if the original Ren's memories were somewhere in there and waiting for an occasion to settle in, like a medicine or illness alike.

Unsettling, like many things that happened today.

Unsettling, like many things that were bound to happen.

Worst of all, her actual memories are still perfectly intact in there. And, whatever personality Ren's memories want to force unto her, they just slide off like water on the glass.

(She might be wearing her skin now, but she isn't becoming her. She despises herself, but she will not be anybody else. She can't be anybody else.

It feels wrong.)

---

Genma is nowhere to be found – but he was there're, surely, judging by the pile of books seated on pathetic imitation of a nightstand usually found in hospitals. Stack of four, for a good start, she thinks, and all of them are either folktales or legends, and Renee feels like hugging the lungs out of the tokujo, because anything keeping her from boredom is more than welcome.

And from her dream. That one was… Odd.

No, stop, she slaps herself mentally. That territory is wrong to explore.

So, instead, she just takes the first book, opens it (and don't find opening it backwards weird) and starts reading. She knows many kanji, she realizes, but some she also doesn't. She will have to learn, surely.

---

She's working her way through the last story of the first book, and chewing on what's supposed to be dinner that weary nurse brought her, when there's a knock on her door for the second time this day. She feels rather at ease, and she doesn't answer right away, stubbornly burying her nose in the book up until she reaches the end of the page. She will not bother to try to find where she ended if she can help it. And she can.

She finishes just when someone knocks for the second time.

"It's open!" she calls, annoyance vibrant in her voice, and door slide open- And Renee stops, fixing her gaze on elderly man in red-and-white robes that elderly man wears, and she knows it can't be good, because Yamanaka Inoichi is trailing right behind him with awfully sweet smile on his lips-

"Hello, Ren-chan," Sarutobi Hiruzen greets her, and her eyes narrow, as someone else tries to get into the room and she isn't having it. But then she sees that it's Genma, with one of his smug smiles, chewing on a senbon as always and she instantly feels her body relax.

"Do me a favor and don't use honorifics towards me, old man," she addresses Hokage, who doesn't even bother to hide his surprise at the statement. "They make me feel weird, especially those who soften the name. My mom was the only one who used to soften my name," she says, and something akin to compassion flickers through Village Head's face.

"Apologies, I hadn't known," Hiruzen answers, and she just shrugs in answer, saying nothing as Genma sits on the bed next to her feet.

"Happens," Renee nods, crossing her arms on her chest. "So, what do you want? If to say what I seen then… I've seen nothing. I haven't even seen Itachi, let alone bodies, and I heard nothing. Next thing I remember is waking up here."

"Oh," is what Hokage says in answer.

"So, I neither mind nor am capable of answering questions about massacre. To me, somebody could have been sent to assassinate only me just as well."

"It's good you're coping with it so well," Genma cuts in. "Same can't be said about Sasuke…"

Because, you idiot, Sasuke was confronted by his brother and put under goddamn Tsukiyomi for gods know how long, Renee wants to and can't tell. Because I'm from another world and I know it all, but it wasn't my family, my clan…

(Would I even care, had my family suffered the same fate?)

"What about Sasuke?" she asks, and finds herself surprised that she means it. She always disliked Sasuke, more and more with every next episode that featured him, and now… Thought of tiny, eight-year-old boy whose world just crumbled down, who has absolutely no one but his murderous, moronic brother…

No. Wait. She's an Uchiha now.

…

She is the only family left in Leaf that Sasuke has. Weird, that she hadn't realized it up until now, but it's true. Maybe not for herself, but for them she's a living, breathing survivor of the massacre. Sasuke's only family.

I wonder, would he turn into such asshole had there been anyone to actually take care of him? Of Sasuke, I mean, somebody asked her once.

I don't know, she answered truthfully then. To me he was always asshole, masking his fear and loneliness with anger and cold, refusing any help.

But right now, she wasn't some random stranger that boy could just tell to flip off.

(She hated children. She hated responsibility.)

"He's been very quiet, for last three days," Hiruzen says, and she snaps her head up to look at the man. "He speaks to no one, barely sleeps, and he has to be force-feed, lest he will starve. Now as I think of it, he doesn't speak at all."

"Does he even know, that he isn't the only one left alive?" she asks, and Hiruzen hums, patting his chin.

"I don't think anybody told him yet," Hokage answers. "Your state was severe enough that we were waiting for you to stabilize. For the first day you weren't in most promising condition. Even now you're risking a heart attack."

"Because my heart was damaged?" she asks, but she knows the answer.

Because heart attack happens when cells in muscle tissue of the heart don't receive enough ATP in time, tissue gets paralyzed and it stops pupping blood. But honestly, she doubts she would've even realized, since her chest hurts no matter what.

"That's why your earlier hysteria attack was such a big deal," Genma adds, clicking the senbon against his teeth. "Don't scare us like that anymore, 'kay?"

Renee just smiles and nods. Genma is really awesome person, and she knows it just fine. And she really respects him, too. He was, after all, in team with Ebisu and Guy of all people. That is respect-inducing, since he didn't become neither a neat freak nor over-exuberant youthful Beast of Leaf.

"I'm glad to see you are well," Hiruzen says, and Renee knows just fine that he's lying. In rough translation he means; I don't trust you with yourself and I'm most worried for your well-being, so there will always be one or two ANBU around just in a case, until I deem you stable enough.

Renee feels like snapping at him for that, but… That would be more trouble than it's worth. So she just shrugs and lets it pass.

(He is right, she realizes. She doesn't feel good with herself. With wearing somebody else's skin, with living somebody else's life.

It feels wrong. Renee is a worthless person. Ren, on the other hand, had a future.)

---

Genma stays after Hokage's visit, and Renee is, actually, grateful for that. Tokujo's company keeps her at bay from dark thoughts that have tendency to cloud her mind when she's alone and has nothing better to do. Genma on the other hand is funny, charismatic, patient and simply the coolest person ever.

(Maybe aside of Kisame, Orochimaru and Kakashi, but two out of three are totally beyond her reach, and would basically kill her on sight, and Kakashi is an ANBU still. And chances of one of Leaf's best being assigned as moody Uchiha kid's babysitter are… Very unlikely. Besides, she knows that well, Kakashi hates children.)

Right now, they're in the very middle of a battle of life and death.

Genma clicks senbon against his teeth, singular drop of sweat rolling down his cheek, as he finally says; "E-10."

"Nothing," Renee says, her smile widening notably, and Genma gulps. "How about…" she trails the paper with pen. "How about J-9?"

Genma pales, and she knows that she's won.

"Sunk," tokujo says, his voice grim, and she offers him the sweetest smile, happily crossing his ship over on her paper. That makes fourth time her victory out of five matches they played. "Don't you have any other game?" he huffs, puffing his cheeks. Renee just shrugs.

"Other games I know are about physical exercise, which is rather, uhm," she motions her hand to her chest, "contraindicated."

"Where did you even learns words like this?" he asks, rising his brows, and Renee offers him toothy, sheepish smile.

"I'm an Uchiha, remember? The no-longer-existing clan of perfection-freaks?" she says, crossing her hands on her chest. "The type of people who counted perfection as barely passable?"

"Man, that sounds awful," Genma agrees, nodding.

"It was expected that you'd have your sharingan awakened, and preferably matured, before eighth birthday," she says. "If you didn't, you were called an idiot and a disgrace."

"Ouch," tokujo says, genuinely compassionate. "Now as I hear it, it was really an awful clan, wasn't it?"

"Clan maybe not awful," Renee corrects, "but it's people. If something's awful, know it's because people making it up are shit."

Genma makes face at her word choice, and she just shrugs. She was always quite a bit of a foul-mouth, after all. And by quite a bit she meant that she could just as well curse around the way that would make seasoned sailor jealous.

She was, after all, very quick to offend people with her sole attitude.

(Spoiler: She didn't care.)

"Okay…" Genma says, eyeing her, and then at paper he holds. "Anything else you'd like to do to spend your time?"

"I'd like to dance around like there's no tomorrow," Renee admitted truthfully. "But my pulse would rise, and risk of my heart not managing with it, so I'm waiting the healing out."

"Oh, you like dancing?"

"Yeah," she shrugs. "I like music overall, but I can't really sing. I mean, I don't sound like a choking chicken, or anything," pause for Genma to let out small chuckle, "but I'm by no means good. I can't hit them notes properly, but my feet can, so, I'm not complaining."

That gave her a matter to think about. She apparently couldn't speak, and even thing in English, magically having lost the ability (and the idea of secretly taking notes in English, so popular in fanfics she read, just died). What would her singing songs turn out? Would they even make sense in the first place?

Well, that's a matter to try. Later. When there's no Genma she could embarrass herself to around. She didn't care about ANBU or nurses, let them be tormented by her falsifications in tunes.

"If I'm to be honest, dancing can be useful in taijutsu," Genma says, catching her attention. "Makes moves more fluid, more… Dancing," he chuckles, making Renee snort, "haven't tried myself, though, just seen it."

"Shame," Renee admits. "I'd like to see you dance. I'm sure you'd get the moves better than right."

"Oh you," tokujo waves his hand before his face, and then jabs is fingers at Renee's shoulder. "You little flattering brat."

She grinned at him widely. "At your service."

---

She was seven, when she activated her sharingan for the first time. She was seven, when she nearly drowned, trying to save a puppy that Fugaku threw into ice-cold water of the lake.

(You're not an Inuzuka, he said to her and the other girl she found the puppy with. The other girl was too frightened, but not her. She dove right in, muscles freezing right that instant, but she didn't, couldn't give up.)

She caught the dog and threw it out and onto the shore, but that was all the coolness of water allowed her.

Fugaku helped her out, but only because of red, she knew. Of eerie crimson swirling in her eyes, sharpening her vision. Of the eerie red she stared him down with it, even if he was twice her height.

(You're pathetic excuse of a man, she had told him then, and watched in satisfaction as his face twisted into rage and shock.

You're despicable, indeed.)

---

There's something, akin to sick satisfaction, knowing, that she talked back to the head of the clan. Ren, that is.

Renee would never be able to do it.

(She might be wrong. Her grandmother was, after all, much worse than Fugaku ever could. She refused to acknowledge it.)

---

She could have graduated early. Maybe even as early, as Itachi did. She was no match for his natural genius, but with certain amount of work she, surely, could be. But… Why bother? It was what Fugaku wanted. What elders wanted. Not what she wanted.

She never asked to be born into this cursed clan. She never asked to be cursed with its bloodline. She refused to do what was expected of her.

But all she could do was writing down her frustrations in her diary.

Diary. So many answers for your questions. Your identity.

Are you Ren, or are you Renee?

(There isn't always a choice, and yet, there always is.

Look underneath of the underneath.)

---

She wakes with a start, gasping for air, as the realization hit her, hard. But realization of what, she didn't know. It was still rather dark around, and she was gasping for air, her chest radiating with notable less pain than yesterday.

Whatever medicaments they had her on were working miracles. But then, medicine in ninja world was wound-oriented, be it stabs, burns, cuts, and other pleasant things like that. They knew what they were supposed to do.

And, right now, she had some time to think calmly about latest events. Honestly, she… Didn't really feel bad about dying. Being reincarnated and forced to wear somebody's else's skin was far worse than death could ever be, but… Was it really someone else? It was an eerie feeling, deep inside her gut, but she knew, that part of her already accepted the fact.

Are you Ren, or are you Renee?

She closes her eyes, clenching her fists and biting her lip. She wants to scream in frustration, yell out loud to the skies.

I don't know, she wants to yell. How the hell am I supposed to know?!

(No. Wait. Stop, hold it there. Breath in, breath out. Remember just how much you loathe those emo-emo-desu OC characters people from Old World created maniacally? Yeah, that type of characters.)

She takes a deep breath in order to calm herself.

"You, with the sad eyes, don't be discouraged ,
Though I realize, it's hard to take courage
In a world full of people, you can lose sight of it
And the darkness inside you makes you feel so small."

She was more whispering than singing, but remembering that song itself made her feel better. Also, id didn't sound weird, although definitely Japanese. She was glad.

But… But what were her true colors?

(There isn't always a choice, and yet, there always is.

Look underneath of the underneath.)

Startling realization, but she wasn't startled in the slightest. Because deep down, she knew that she was Ren. She wants to be Ren. She is Ren.

She will live her life. She will live it with pride and no regrets. She will be the Ren that Renee could never be. She will be herself.