"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery."
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

 

 

It's a bit startling when, on the prime of the fourth day of her being Ren, and seventh in total after the massacre, Hokage finally brings Sasuke to hospital; to her. It's completely unexpected, to be frank, thus it catches her by surprise, despite the fact that she was almost anticipating the moment of meeting the boy who now was her cousin. And she just stares, and can't fully come to believe her eyes.

This… Is not what she has been expecting.

But then, she doesn't really know what she's been expecting.

Not this, for sure.

Because the Sasuke that Hokage brings to her hospital room is… Different from what she always knew. He's still, and pale, and looks like a ghost. There are dark circles under his reddened eyes, blood vessels in his sclera popped, making him look as if he hasn't slept for whole week, crying instead… But from what Hokage had told her earlier, this might just exactly be the case. He looks skinny, and old, much older than an eight-year-old should mentally be., especially his eyes.

His eyes are empty, yet sad, and weary. There's unspoken grief within the boy, yet Ren cannot bring herself to pity him.

He wouldn't want that, something within her says. He loathes pity, even if this loathing is caused only be sheer amount of it. Everybody pities poor Uchiha survivor. Because he's just poor, poor child…

Bullshit.

Fucking load of crap, if you ask her.

"When is the last time you slept, kid?" Ren asks, narrowing her eyes at the boy, and he looks at her with pure surprise flickering among his features. Because she says it expectantly, as if she was scolding him. No trace of pity; pity he was most likely expecting, judging by his reaction.

No such luck.

"I… I don't remember," he answers truthfully and barely audible. "I can't sleep. I have nightmares."

Hokage looks between the two, uncertain at first, but then he smiles.

"If you excuse me now, all the paperwork on my desk won't do itself," he says, and it's farewell for today. Sly old fart, but the one she likes nonetheless.

"Sure, bye," Ren rolls her eyes as the man takes his leave. If anything, Sasuke now starts looking even more miserable, without Hokage to hide behind. Not like she cares that much. "Come here, kid."

Sasuke looks uncertain, weary even. Not quite sure whether he should obey or bolt out of the room, far away from it all, from her. He's like a frightened animal, which, frankly and from scientific point of view, is exactly what he is. Can he be blamed, though? How old is he? Eight? Maybe even less; he sure looks less. And yet, his beloved older brother slaughtered his whole clan, and kept him in Tsukuyomi for gods know how long. That was a dick move, even Ren had to admit. Especially since Sasuke worshipped his brother, and he did it to save him-

But then, she never accounted Itachi among particularly wise people. Smart, sure, but actually clever? You wish. Clever person would hardly allow themselves to be manipulated by piece of trash that is Danzo, and sunshine ray but currently-also-a-piece-of-trash that was Obito. All it took was going to Hokage; the kind, old man who would find a solution, and perhaps, when exposed, finally get rid of Danzo and spare her the problem of doing it herself.

(Because she sure as hell isn't letting this man, compared to who Orochimaru can be called a saint and an angel, anywhere near her. Nor even near Sasuke, even if she isn't exactly fond of the boy. Just… No one deserves to remain in Danzo's close proximity for longer than five minutes.

That man is a sickness. A cancer, and she will cut it out. Ruthlessly.)

Sasuke lets his head fall dawn as he takes one small, uncertain step. But it's a step forward, to her. It's an accomplishment.

"I don't bite," she says, managing to successfully sound offended. And, sure enough, there's a flicker of humor somewhere in boy's features. Small and fleeting, but surely there, for split of a second. So, Ren waits as Sasuke, slowly and uncertainly makes his way up until he's standing right next to her bed.

He's scared and confused, that much is apparent. And as much as Ren wants to dislike him, just like she did before, she can't. She looks at this pale face ridden with grief, at those slumped shoulders, at emptiness and sadness in his eyes, and she can't. He is not that arrogant, overly-prideful and revenge-driven madman she's grown to dislike so much before.

(She somehow can't imagine him becoming one either, looking at the boy now.)

Ren doesn't say anything to the boy. Instead, she raises her hand and places it on the top of his head. He stiffens at first, and she knows exactly why, but she isn't Itachi, and she isn't set on becoming him either. Besides, the 'Uchiha forehead poke' is trademark affectionate move between the brothers, had they choose to reconcile somewhere in the future.

(Maybe they will. She won't encourage it, but she won't discourage it either. It's their to work out, will Sasuke ever find out the truth.)

"You're alive," is the only thing Sasuke says, staring at her wide-eyed, and Ren makes a choking, offended sound at the boy.

"You thought I'm a ghost or something?" she asks, and Sasuke nods, blush creeping up his neck, eyes glistening with faintest of hope and embarrassment.

"They didn't tell me," he says, and there's something bitter in his words, and anger directed towards those who decided to keep the secret from him. "Until this morning, Hokage came, and he said you-"

"They didn't want to give you false hope," Ren straightens, and he shoots her a questioning look. "I wasn't stable for the first few days, you know, with my heart nearly pierced and all. It's still weak, but I'm much better now. They didn't want to tell you that I'm alive when I almost wasn't."

(And if her voice is much softer that she intended it to be, well. She's in shock still, isn't she?)

"Oh," is all she gets in answer.

There's more silence, as Sasuke looks around the room, visibly a bit better, but still uncertain. He barely stands, that much is obvious.

"C'mere," she hisses, grabbing the boy by the shirt and dragging him onto her lap, so his back hugs her chest. Sasuke squeaks in surprise, trying to writhe his way out of the hold, but she has her arms wrapped around him, stronger than she thought she could be, and there's no letting go.

"Let me go!" Sasuke growls, but it's weak and he doesn't really mean it. Ren sighs in answer, burying her face in his hair.

"You're such an idiot, Sasuke," she says, and does loosen her arms. He, however, makes no move to get away. "Get some sleep, okay?"

"Can I sleep here?" he asks, and Ren knows that by 'here' he means exactly this room and this bed.

Stop it right there, she thinks to herself. This is Sasuke. Fucking Sasuke Emochiha, one of few characters you really tend to dislike, not a poor, stray kitten. Moreover, he's a kid-

"Sure," Ren says before she can bite her tongue and give herself time to rethink and regret many, many poor life choices she made. "I'll ask nurse for additional blanket. I hate sharing, you know," she winks at the boy, and she can swear there's faint ghost of a smile on his lips.

-and you hate kids.

---

It's reassuring, Sasuke decides, having claimed Ren's blanket and wrapped himself in it. It's reassuring that he isn't the only one left, that there is someone else besides him, that isn't Itachi, who is alive…

That satisfaction, that almost sick satisfaction to know that Itachi had failed, that he didn't kill everyone, it's enough to make him almost better for a while.

"How are you so happy?" he asks, and that catches Ren completely off-guard. She looks at him, thinking and confused, but she visibly understands the question.

"I… I don't remember it, you know. The massacre. Just me getting a blade through my chest," she answers after a longer pause, visibly trying to phrase it right. "It's just… I don't think that the news settled in yet. That everyone else is… Gone."

To be honest, he doesn't really believe that fully, either. An he's been there, seen them all – and he still wants to wake up, to prove that this is some sort of sick, twisted dream… But he can't. Somewhere deep down, he knows there's no waking up from this nightmare, because this nightmare is reality. There's no other way than to live through it.

But Ren is with him, kindred blood, and alive, and warm right next to him, and he feels better, because she's warm, and he can touch her, and her breath is calm as she reads her book, an she radiates warmth only a living person can.

(Maybe, in a different life, there is no Ren. Maybe, in another life, he is just loneliness and darkness, and negativity just rotting his soul.)

Sasuke yawns, for the first time in whole week feeling really, genuinely tired and ready to sleep, not just mindlessly slip in and out of consciousness his body forces him into to rest a bit. He curls on uncomfortable hospital bed, cocooned with Ren's blanket that smells just like her, with his head on her lap as she still reads her book (it's only barely past noon).

He doesn't care for the time of day, or for sunlight rays shining through the window, from which Ren shields him anyway with how she sits. He just closes her eyes and slips away, into first restful sleep in a long while.

This time he dreams of red, three whirling tomoe. But they are different, and he realizes that this isn't Itachi. It's Ren's sole presence, fending nightmares off.

---

This was… Unexpected, Ren decides, looking at the small body, curled right next to her with his small fist closed around the material of her hospital pajama. He's dead to the world, sound asleep and she can't help but to smile at that.

Even greatest assholes-to-be can look cute when asleep, it seems.

But then, she didn't mean it. Being nice to Sasuke, that is, because she has always disliked that needlessly emo, revenge-driven kid. But it wasn't him. Well, it was, but… Not exactly, is all. Right now he was a hurt child, suddenly so alone in the world, and she was the only remaining kindred blood (except for Itachi, who was out of the list for obvious concerns and reasons, and Obito, calling himself Madara, mind-controlled and assumed dead long time ago), an anchor, perhaps even for his sanity. And she isn't sure whether or not she likes it.

But then, she realizes, she's gotten a head-start, sort of. She could still change some of the events, fix the wrongs Kishimoto did that made fans – herself included – wince and ask themselves 'just what the hell', and maybe, just maybe, she could even prevent Sasuke from becoming such an asshole-

Shit.

She already made her decision, has she not? She would have liked it more had her reason and logic any say in it, but... Oh well.

Shit happens, and she was never a lucky person.

(Or maybe she just lacked proper social skills.

Or both. Likely both.)

---

When she awakes again, she both is and isn't surprised, because somewhere deep down in the back of her mind, she expected it. Especially after seeing the boy in the state he was, and she wasn't entirely sure if she was annoyed, frightened or struck by nearly-overwhelming adorableness where it shouldn't exist.

Sasuke… Shouldn't be cute. Not really, not ever, especially not now.

On the other hand, he shouldn't exactly be cuddling with her, either. And by cuddling, she meant being completely latched to her side, with arm and leg thrown over her, and her own arm (traitor!) around the boy. But then, it was morning, or it seemed like morning, and he was still sound asleep, and not even stirring, so she decided to let it go, for now. Gods knew the kid needed sleep right now, after week-long deprival of it.

(Humans should die after more than seventy-two hours without sleep, but then, it was ninja world, ninja magic and ninja logic, by far easily defiling many things she had learned back when she was Renne Archer and fifteen, pretending to be smart and important, as she got into the best High School in town.)

So Ren just sighs, but makes no move to free herself from the small and warm (mostly warm) body pressed tightly to her side, and doesn't even move her hand. Maybe… Maybe it means something, something akin to acceptance, but she doesn't feel like sparing it a thought. No need to depress herself further.

Instead, she just allows herself to slip in and out of consciousness, in blissful, awake-but-not-entirely state she loves so much. The state in which one's mind is still sleep-ridden, but awake enough to be partly aware, and she enjoys this state in particular. Believe it or not, but most of her creativity comes from there, as during that time her mind usually clears in bliss.

It lasts up until there's soft sound of door opening, and Ren moves her head up only to see the nurse, the same one as four (five?) days ago slip in with a tray in her hands. That, Ren concludes, is a sign to move her lazy ass.

(Not that she's happy about it, but there's food.)

"Squirt, wake up," she mutters into Sasuke's hair, gripping his shoulder and shaking him gently. Boy stirs, emits some sort of disagreeing sound and latches himself even tighter to her in protest. Thankfully, Ren isn't the one for sentiments or cooing over the boy, unlike the nurse, so she shakes him a bit harder and repeats a bit louder. This time, it works… More or less.

Sasuke mutters something that doesn't really sound like a word that should be used in public, but Ren couldn't care less, because half of her vocabulary usually consists of those. Just, she'd rather refrain from using those… Yet.

(Her mind might me thirty, but her body is barely almost twelve and children shouldn't exactly know such words.

But she knows that she will make a name for herself nonetheless, thanks to them.)

"Neh?" is the closest thing to actually world that boy actually makes, as he slowly sits up and rubs his eyes. Ren can practically hear the nurse swooning, and she shots the woman a very ill-meaning glare, which, along the lines, says something like he's eight you harpy, and the woman, smarter than she seems, tactically flees the room. The tray, with food enough for two people, remains on the nightstand.

"You hungry, squirt?" she asks, and Sasuke looks at her, makes a face-

And his stomach growls. Loudly.

"Take it for a yes, then," she snorts, sitting up and dragging the tray over to seat it on her knees. Thankfully, it's not rice, because the first time nurse brought her rice was the last, as it ended up on the wall, and the woman barely dodged the tray and yelled insult. Because Ren hates rice with passion – rice products, however, those she can stand, as long as they don't taste much as the original. Thus, rice bread is more than acceptable, and if Sasuke's eyes lit up at the sight of fresh, red tomatoes, she doesn't feel like commenting.

And if she leaves some extra of her portion, and just shrugs when he asks if he can have it but slides his way nonetheless, it's not caring for his health.

Definitely not.

---

Sasuke doesn't seem to mind Genma around, which is actually good. The tokujo has been briefed by Hokage due to the boy, and warned, that he most likely won't be as nearly welcoming towards the man as his cousin. Thankfully, he wasn't antagonistic either, which was a great relief. Although, Genma knew just fine that he was indifferent rather than antagonistic only because Ren greeted him rather enthusiastically, and if the way Sasuke almost desperately clung to her side indicates anything, it's that the boy isn't going to be too unhappy about the visit.

That definitely helps.

"Hi, Genma," Ren cheers, and tokujo can't help but notice the lack of any honorific whatsoever, but then, Ren is an Uchiha and they have their oddities, so he just let's it slide, because he sure does have soft spot for the kid.

(But then, he always does have soft spots for kids, and even if he tries to strangle Aoba every tie the man makes chicken noises, he is right. Genma does have mother hen instincts, no matter how hard he denies it.)

"Hey, kids," he says, just planting himself on the bed next to them like it's his rightful place. Sasuke eyes him wearily, but doesn't move an inch from where he practically tries to glue himself to Ren's side, so it's sort of success.

"Came to loose yet again," she asks much to sweetly and tokujo shakes his head almost instantly. No, he did not come here to shame himself. Again.

"Actually, I came to tell you they they'll be letting you go tomorrow," he says instead, and doesn't miss how emotions flicker through Sasuke's face, as he looks up at the girl. "Said you could use some rest someplace more comfortable that hospital."

"I take it old man isn't going to put us in compound?" she rather says than asks, even if it sounds like a question, and Sasuke grips her hospital robe so hard his knuckles go white.

"No," Genma shakes his head. "By the time being, he's allowing you to stay at Hokage's Estate. By the time you make genin and be able to afford your own money, he'll find you somewhere to live."

"Thank fuck not the compound," Ren says, rolling her eyes, and tokujo makes a sound as if he's offended by her choice of words, but the he glances at Sasuke, and the boy is almost smirking. This… This is good. As long as he won't pick up some words from his older cousin that slip her quite often, that is.

"That's all I'm here to pass, sorry," he says, and he means it. "I'm off for a mission tomorrow, so I won't be bothering you for a while."

"I don't care if you're bothering me, how will I go about without bothering you?!" Ren huffs, playing exasperation perfectly, and Genma just chuckles.

Yes, he definitely has soft spot for the kid.

---

"No!"

Ren looks at Sasuke, surprised, perhaps even more than the Hokage standing before them, and the two people behind the man. Boy doesn't seem to notice, though, as he hurries behind his older cousin and grips her sleeve, looking at Hiruzen as if he was currently world's greatest plague.

"But Sasuke-" woman tries to soothe him, and this time, it's Ren who snaps.

"Shut it!" she hisses the way that could perhaps make even Orochimaru jealous, and clenches her fists. "Shut it, shut up, ad get the fuck out! If you think I'm letting you adopt Sasuke, well, then you're fucking wrong!"

Behind her she can feel the boy nodding fiercely, and Hiruzen looks somewhere in between offended, amused, scared and decided. The pair behind him, however, is… Not as understanding.

"We can take Sasuke off your shoulders," man proposes. "So you can finish academy further improve!"

Because you're a child and not suited to care for another child, he doesn't say. Doesn't matter, Ren hears it anyway. And she's furious. So furious that she can't even control it, stop it, when a warm-cold tickle creeps up her eyes and world suddenly becomes sharper. As something burning-hot builds up in her lungs and throat, waiting to be released.

Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu. She is certain she could do it, if she wanted, and could just see those two pests burn and wither. And she's certain that she would feel some odd sense of satisfaction in it, but-

But no. Irrational, infamous Uchiha emotionality has made her put on a show enough. And if she's connecting facts correctly, she has just turned on the sharingan, and she had no idea how to turn it off, really.

Not that it mattered.

"And I could take your head off your shoulders," she growls. "So your body would be lighter, and I doubt anyone would notice a difference."

Hiruzen sighs, and looks at the pair, somewhat expectantly. He didn't bring them here – in fact, they came in on their own account, shortly after Genma departed, and have been testing Ren's patience for about an hour already.

Testing the fireball on them becomes more and more tempting thought by the second, Ren decides, and Hiruzen must realize it too, because he puts his hand on man's shoulder and says, gently yet sharply;

"I do believe that separating the two, especially now, would prove-"

"Impossible," Ren finishes instead of him, and there's no saying that she isn't right, with the way Sasuke clings to her. "I'm taking care of him, and next person who comes asking to adopt either one of us will become my training dummy for fireballs!"

It's irrational, illogical and stupid. But she's an Uchiha now, and they are exactly just that, especially when tested like this, and Ren has yet to work out Renee's patience and cold calculative mind here.

And after seeing Sasuke, and failing to see all these things she hated in him, she just can't leave the boy alone. Itachi is getting knee to the face for that, but kid is her responsibility now, and heaven her witness, she will be the best damn older sister the boy could even dream off.

The patterns are swapped, and it's done, and it's not her time to ask for who's and why's, not yet. Now, she decides, it is time to knit the fate.