I turned around, and I was back in the hallway of memories.

“There you are, Ayano. So you were here all along, huh?”

 

Lilly appeared from the darkness, only wearing a white dress. That, and my collar. She had her hands behind her back, she seemed very casual and relaxed. God she was cute. But I had no time to get roped into her games. I drew my sword and slashed at her in one motion. I was sure I was close, but somehow my blade passed right through her, cutting the wall instead. I felt a pain in my chest as I cut through several precious, early memories. Trying out different berries in the fields. Skinny dipping in a lake under the stars. Meeting the Zeerian people and apologising for what Lilly did. Countless memories of us fucking in the cottage whilst an amazing movie was playing. I clutched my heart in pain.

 

“Aww. Were those ones precious? Sorry about that. But don’t worry, they’ll be gone soon. And then we can make new ones!”

 

“You… Bitch… Those… Those are precious… How can you just discard them?”

 

She shrugged.

 

“You’re the one who wants to get rid of them, not me. You’re the one attacking me with that sharp thing of yours and demanding to return to a world that doesn’t exist. It’s a wasteland. A Puddle. It’s not Terrestia anymore. Terrestia is here. I can be happy wherever I am so long as I know that you love me. That’s why losing a few memories here or there isn’t so bad. Because you will always be with me.”

 

“... I’m sorry I let this happen, Lilly. The more you speak, the more I hate myself. For what I did, for encouraging this insanity, and… And I apologise for what I need to do.”

 

“I’m up for a fight. Maybe I’ll actually win this time… But even if I don’t, let’s lay down afterwards and cuddle, okay?”

 

“No. Because by the time I’m done, this world will be gone.”

 

“Such fighting words! Oh my!”

 

I slashed at her again, and again. But she didn’t even need to avoid my attacks to somehow not be hit by them. But I wasn’t aiming to hurt her, I just wanted to keep her away as much as possible, lest she try and erase my memory whilst my guard was down.

 

One of my slashes went straight through the wall, cutting through to our bedroom. Lilly was suddenly lying naked on the bed, smiling at me seductively.

 

“Not in the cuddling mood? How about you fuck your pet senseless! Arf!”

 

I stabbed into the mattress, picking it up with my sword and swinging it around the room, destroying everything, knocking over the tv and smashing it, knocking the lily heart and our names off the wall. My sharp blade cut through the bed frame and caused splinters to fly everywhere. I clicked my fingers, setting the mattress on fire and flinging it at the doorway, where Lilly had appeared.

 

“... This is a bit upsetting.”

 

I ran downstairs next, all I needed to do was turn on the gas stove and click my fingers to cause it to explode, setting the whole house on fire. I dived out the window, laying flat on the ground, right next to Lilly’s bare feet.

 

“... Was a cottage too corny for you? Do you want your manor back next time? I thought it was kind of nice, having it where it was in Selicia…”

 

“I want my real manor. In the real world.”

 

“Hmm. Maybe I should erase your memories of the real world, too. That seems to be the root of your problems. It’s a shame, though, considering that disgusting world was unfortunately the root of our relationship…”

 

She knelt down, her finger coming towards my ear, but I encased my head in ice using mana to block her and rolled away, stumbling back to my feet.

 

“Okay… Mana privileges revoked. And where *did* you get that sword anyway?”

 

“It’s the real one. And my mana privileges aren’t up for you to decide.”

 

“... I’m sorry Ayano, but they are. They’re gone now.”

 

“You don’t understand mana one bit. You think you could stop me from using it? One of the most gifted mages and scholars in the world?”

 

“Um. Yeah?”

 

“Think again.”

 

I clicked my fingers, and it began to rain. Come to think of it, it hadn’t rained once in my entire time spent in this reality. As the clouds rolled in, there was a rumbling, and then… A bolt of lightning struck Lilly. She didn’t even move to avoid it. She acted like it didn’t affect her.

 

“That stung. But okay, yeah, guess you’re right. You can use mana. Cool. Now can we stop faffing about? This is getting boring.”

 

But I was already running away, towards the archway. It was as Lawrence had said, I could defy her as much as I wanted, but if I wanted to actually defeat her, then I needed the populace on my side.

 

When I arrived in the fake Selicia, it was up in flames. Black goo was dripping everywhere, corpses, rubble, the sky was red and countless eyes in the sky were scouring the landscape.

“Fuck…”

 

Lawrence was right. She really had torn apart this reality. Every corpse I saw was someone I knew. Mother, Father, Priscilla, Beth, Hugo, Georgia and… Fuck. I had always imagined it in my nightmares, but finally, I was actually seeing it. Julia’s corpse, torn in half by some impossibly powerful force.

 

“Well, shit. I can’t possibly let you remember this now, can I? But don’t worry. I can bring them back. Right now if you want. They all simply got in my way when I was looking for you earlier, so I swept them aside for the time being.”

 

Lilly appeared behind me, causing me to retreat away as far as I could. My face was contorted with fury.

 

“Even if you can bring them back, Lilly, how can you tolerate harming your friends? People close to BOTH OF US?”

 

“It’s as you said. Because I can bring them back, and they won’t remember anything. I haven’t inflicted any harm at all. The only people I’ve ever harmed are the people I killed before I created this world. It’s as simple as that, really. Here, take a look. They’re fine! See! I’ll just erase the last few hours of their memory.”

Lilly clicked her fingers, and, suddenly, the black goop closed in around each of them, swarming them, and in moments they emerged from the sludge all stitched back together again. They each opened their eyes, and got to their feet.

 

“A-Ayano? Lilly? What’s going on?” Beth asked, getting to her feet.

 

“... Oh. Ayano. You finally decide to come see me, and it ends up like this?” Georgia asked.

 

“... Did you do all this, Ayano? There’s so many corpses everywhere… Why would you try to hurt us like this?” Said Hugo, a dark grimace forming on his face.

 

“It’s not what it looks like!” I exclaimed, I needed control of the narrative and *quick*, “I want to escape this reality, and when I ran away… Lilly did all this, just trying to look for me! Anytime we get bored here, she erases our memories. Anyone who wants to leave, anyone who goes against the narrative that this world is perfect, they have it all taken away from them, so they forget why they were upset in the first place! She did this, she killed you and all these people!”

 

“Oh… Yeah. I ask Lilly to do that all the time. I told her to get rid of my memories of the old world, too,” Said Priscilla, scratching her head, “I don’t remember the details, but apparently I was a bad person in the old world. I felt guilty being here, so I asked Lilly to make me forget why I felt guilty in the first place.”

 

“Same here,” Said Julia, “Apparently, in the old world, I was in love with someone. But on the day we were supposed to consummate our love together… Apparently she dropped me like trash, without explanation. I was apparently living my life in complete and total misery up until Lilly rescued me and let me live here. I get to be with someone new now! Someone who actually loves and appreciates me! And it’s because I forgot about the old person that I can be fully committed to him!”

 

“S-Stop… None… None of you understand…”

 

“Listen, I know the wait for the alien assimilation is long, I know things would be a lot more exciting if we didn’t just have human culture and psychology to keep us entertained, but you have to appreciate what you have and forget the past,” said Hugo, “I get bored here too. But there’s so many things you can do here. I try to avoid asking Lilly to get rid of my memories and I just try to switch up my perspective. Just chill for a bit, yeah?” Hugo suggested.

 

I felt utterly hopeless. They were… No. Not brainwashed… I mean, considering Lilly constantly tampered with their memories, maybe they were. On the other hand, up until recently, I was just the same as them, wasn’t I?

 

“L-Lilly!” I shouted, turning my attention to her, “Tell them the truth! You did all this! Tell them how you’re trying to change my memories even though I don’t want it.”

 

“This is between you and them, I’m staying out of it,” Lilly said with a shrug, “But hey, do you guys want to see what Ayano did to my cottage? She totally set it on fire. Gonna have to rebuild it from scratch…”

 

“I’m so sorry to hear, Lilly…” Said my mother, walking over and giving her a hug, “I love my daughter, but maybe she isn’t right for you,” Said my father, “ She clearly needs to work on herself. You should find someone who truly deserves you.”

 

“Thank you, but… Ayano really is the one for me… I’ll help your daughter find peace, don’t worry…”

 

“STOP! STOP ALL OF THIS! YOU’VE ALL GONE MAD! How can you all live in a world where there’s no risk? Where there’s nothing to lose? What use is there in holding onto something that you can still have, even if you let go of it? A reality where nothing is lost is where nothing of value is truly gained! We’ve all been reduced to children, living under her thumb! None of us can grow as people, none of us can understand empathy, because we can always have exactly what we want, when we want it! Nothing truly happens in a world without pain and struggle! The days and centuries blend into one another, every day is different, but every day is the same! You know I’m right, because if I wasn’t, you wouldn’t need to have your memories erased! You may not know it, but Lilly told me that the time between one erasure and the next, at least for me, has been getting shorter and shorter… There’s something deep within your souls that knows that something is wrong! Do you really think the assimilation of alien culture is going to fix that? No! It isn’t! It’s just going to prolong the inevitable! The inevitable being that one day we'll wake up and realise that we’re not living in heaven, we’re living in hell! Indulging in activities which mean nothing more than the pleasure that it produces! Please listen to me! At least some of you have to know that I’m right! If any of you are willing to stand with me… Anyone, anyone out there in this world, listening to me right now, know that we can stand up to her! We can put an end to this dream, and wake up and face reality!”

 

Everyone was silent after my impassioned speech. Looking around, most people, sadly, looked unconvinced. Lilly had a look of sadness and pity on her face, placing her hand on her heart, tears running down her cheeks as she wore a serene, sombre smile.

 

“... If it’s a hell you want, Ayano, it’s a hell you’ll get. I won’t erase your memories… I’ll give you the torture you want. A torture that you’ll never forget, that I’ll never erase… I’ll make it last a million years, and… When it’s over… Hopefully you’ll be ready to return to this world. It’s going to be painful, being apart from you for all that time, knowing that you’re suffering… But I’m doing this for your benefit. For all our benefits. So that this never happens again. I love you, Ayano. I look forward to seeing you again. I’ll keep your collar, and I’ll stay faithful. I’m really sorry that it had to come to this…”

 

“N-No… Please… Don’t do that…”

 

But it was too late. The ground opened up beneath me creating a large hole, and a dark tendril emerged from the darkness inside it, wrapped itself around me and dragged me down into the black abyss.

 

~~~

 

I was falling for a few minutes before landing in an entirely black space. I still had my sword on me, which offered me some hope… Or at least, I assumed so. I could feel it, but I couldn’t actually see anything. It was total darkness. I kept expecting a demon to appear, or something awful to come around and start torturing me, as Lilly had said, but… Nothing happened.

 

But, very soon, I heard a voice from the darkness. Male. Deep.

 

“Ahh… I think someone new arrived.”

 

“Really!?” Exclaimed an old woman.

 

“Cool…” Muttered another.

 

“So who are you?”

“... Ayano… Just… Ayano…”

 

“You don’t mean *that* Ayano, do you? Lilly’s lapdog?”

 

“Nah. No way would she throw Ayano La Belfonse down here. Ayano has the most privileged position in the Lillyverse, after all.”

 

“I’m sorry to say… But it is indeed me, Ayano La Belfonse,” I replied.

 

A cacophony of voices rang out.

 

“No waayyy!”

 

“You’re joking?”

 

“She finally came to her senses, huh?”

 

“I can’t fuckin’ believe it…”

 

“It’s cool and all, but there goes our last hope of ever getting out of here…”

 

“So… What is this place?” I asked.

 

“Oh, that’s easy. This is Lilly’s ‘hell’. A place for those of us sick of the endless boredom, a place for those of us who are dissatisfied with harming the soulless flesh puppets she creates, because they only feel good when they can hurt and discriminate against real people. For whatever reason, benign or malevolent, this is a place for people who want the old world back, and who won’t accept their memories being erased. However Lilly can’t actually bring herself to torture anyone, so… She just left us in here, really. Until we learn the ‘error of our ways’ and earn our way back into her ‘paradise’, I guess. It’s not so bad though. There’s hundreds of people down here and the number keeps growing, so the conversation never really gets boring.”

 

“Beats the overstimulation of her so-called ‘heaven’. I’ve honestly grown to prefer not having a body.”

 

“It makes sense that someone as lonely as her would think of this as the worst hell imaginable.”

 

“I bet the fact that there are people here actually makes it seem worse for her. People she could talk to but can’t fuck.”

 

“Ha. All of the downsides with none of the benefits in her mind, I guess.”

 

“She’s all ‘love this’ and ‘love that’, but all she really wants is stimulation.”

 

“Hey Ayano, err, your majesty or whatever, is she even a good lay?”

 

“Yeah tell us!”

 

“I’d love to know to be honest.”

 

I sighed.

 

“Yes… She is. She’s very kind and attentive in bed. She’s beautiful. She herself is probably… Probably why it took me so long to wind up here.”

 

“Well, glad you abandoned your principles for so long for something that was worth it, at least.”

 

“... She wasn’t worth it because of the sex. I mean yes, as I said, it was good. But she was worth it because she was her. We had a connection, and so many other good qualities… For those reasons, I still love her. And it’s because I still love her that I’m going to go back up there and save her.”

 

“Good luck with that. We’re in the black sludge right now, right at the bottom of whatever is left of the ocean. We can hardly have an influence on the main body from down here. We’re technically separated from the gold part of her, even. She made absolutely sure that there would be no escape.”

 

“No mana down here either. Not that a good enough mage could-”

 

I clicked my fingers, and low and behold, I created a flame, illuminating the space we were in. Thousands of people were huddled around each other in some sort of cage. They all looked at each other in shock.

 

“I-I can actually see you!”

 

“I can’t believe it!”

 

“I thought we didn’t have bodies? Did the mana bring our bodies into existence, just like that?”

 

“These aren’t real bodies remember, we’re still in the dream world. This is just a cognitive thing I think. Or whatever, I don't understand any of this.”

 

“More importantly than that, does this mean that Ayano can use mana, even down here?”

 

“It’s called aether, and yes, we’re saved!”

 

“It’s called mana, Zeerian scum.”

 

“Guys don’t fight, we… We actually have some hope! Thousands of long, gruelling years, and we finally have some hope!”

 

“All of us agree, so, it should be a cinch to move the black sludge up to attack the gold sludge! What’s our plan of attack, Ayano?”

 

“... First, let’s… Let’s try and focus, and… Illuminate this room completely. Then let’s see if we can see where we are in the real world.”

 

“Makes sense to me!”

 

So that’s what I did. I expanded the flame out further. As I suspected, we were indeed in a large cage. And… Going by what Lilly had described to me, and my brief time investigating the Leywood manor, this had to be the cage Lilly had been abused in for most of her life, only much larger. Fitting.

 

“Huh… A cage. I’m glad it’s not something horrific,” muttered a man.

 

“... This place is the heart of Lilly’s trauma. It makes sense that she would want to bury it here. Now… hold hands, or link your arms together… Try and project your senses out…”

 

They all did as I asked, and soon, I found myself looking out of the eye of the Monstra. My body was large yet shapeless, and I could feel the many other souls that were a part of me. The depths of the ocean were surprisingly bright, largely thanks to the bright, golden goo directly above us. It was majestic. Beautiful. It truly had an ethereal look to it, like I really was looking up at the land of heaven itself.

 

“This is easy so far… Now… We head up, and hope for the best. Once we’re inside, I’ll detach from the main body… I’ll try and reform my real, human one. Then, I’ll look for the real Lilly. I’ll be able to fight her more effectively outside of the confines of her reality.”

 

“Are you sure about that? You’re just a human, and in case you didn’t realise, Lilly is *planet sized*. You don’t stand a chance!”

 

“This is the only way I stand any chance at all. We have to do it. This is our only shot. Even if we fail… We can at least take solace in the fact that we tried. Perhaps bide our time and try again someday. Who knows? Maybe I or somebody else already tried this, and failed… But just because it seems impossible, that’s no reason to stop trying, don’t you think?”

 

“... Yes. You’re right, Ayano. Let’s give this a shot. Ready?”

 

“Always,” I replied.

 

“In unison now…”

 

“I can’t believe I’m controlling a Monstra…”

 

“Stay focused!”

 

“3!”

 

“2!”

 

“1!”

 

“For the future!” I shouted, and with that, the Monstra was sent flying upwards towards our golden enemy, and my lover.

 

~~~

 

Like a bullet piercing flesh, our pitch black mass punctured the gold mass, diving inside.

 

“Oh… Back already… Didn’t even take you an hour…” Lilly’s voice resonated around us, her face appearing millions of times all around us as we rapidly crawled through her body.

 

I was using my sword to cut through anything that gave us even the slightest resistance, meanwhile, even though the golden mass was overwhelming, we did still have the strength of a Monstra body on our side, and we were able to resist Lilly’s attempts to squeeze us into submission.

 

“Mmm, you really are penetrating me quite deeply. Fuck… it feels good Ayano… Like the old days. Just kidding! I don’t have a vagina anymore, not in this world.”

 

“Where are you!?” I shouted.

 

“Everywhere, duh. But fine. I guess if you want to find my heart, keep heading where you’re going. Maybe angle left a bit. Not that you’ll reach me in time. Jokes aside, you’re becoming quite a nuisance, Ayano. It’s really quite upsetting when I did all this for you, y’know? But… That is what I love about you, after all. That tenacity. That spirit that never fails to surprise me… Even I have to admit that we had lost a certain ‘spark’ over the past couple hundred years. A reset was due anyway… But this… Honestly, maybe I should let you do this more often, it’s much more fun than a reset! Getting to fight you like this is so fun! Not that I don’t want to cuddle at the end of the day… But hey, I’m not going to go easy on you, okay? Go as far as you can, but just know that you’ll be back in my arms again soon…”

 

“You need to stop rambling.”

 

“You need to stop rejecting me.”

 

“I’m not rejecting you. I’m saving you.”

 

“Spoken like someone who suddenly decides that they hate me. You were happy for thousands of years, why are you turning on me now?”

 

“I was happy. I do love you, and I don’t hate you. But I’ve had my fill. It’s time for us all to wake up.”

 

“What’s wrong with sleeping?”

 

“... I can enjoy the present moment whilst asleep in your world. And I can forget the past. But I have no real future to look forward to.”

 

“Why do you hate me, Ayano?”

 

“I don’t hate you. I love you. I’m doing this because I love you.”

 

“WHY DO YOU HATE ME? I’VE EXPLAINED EVERYTHING, I’M SORRY THAT I’VE DONE HARM, BUT I CAN’T BRING THOSE PEOPLE BACK! IF I COULD, THEN I WOULD! I EVEN BROUGHT YOUR FATHER BACK EVEN THOUGH HE WAS MOSTLY EATEN!”

 

“We weren’t talking about that, Lilly, but I understand that you harbour a lot of guilt... But don’t worry, it won’t be long now. I’m going to save you from this suffering.”

 

“You may want to shut up, Ayano, she’s getting angry!”

 

“Fuck she’s latching onto us, we’re-”

 

Before we knew it, we were in the skies above the fake Selicia. Looking down, it seemed that the town had already been repaired in the short time that I was gone.

 

“Fuck! She took us back here! We’re doomed!”

 

“That’s right! You guys were pissing me off! Especially Ayano! Do I have to erase your memories *and* leave you down there for a long time? Like, fuck! Guys, I don’t *enjoy* messing with your minds, you realise that right? I’m only doing this because I HAVE to!”

 

“You don’t have to, Lilly! You’re doing this because you’re afraid!”

 

“I’m not afraid of anything, Ayano! Especially not YOU. I’m not afraid of you because I LOVE you!”

 

“You use that fucking word too much.”

 

“Bitch, I’ll say it more! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE-”

 

Golden tendrils appeared and attempted to grapple us, but I was able to cut them away, using the clouds as cover to mask my attacks and make feints. The human form of Lilly appeared next to us, floating in the air and watching us.

 

“Hey everyone, watch this! This is what happens when you try to escape from hell!” She yelled down at the citizens below, her voice booming to ensure that she was heard.

 

“Do you really wanna look like a Monstra? Look at how they struggle! Isn’t it depressing? It’s much worse than living your current lives, right?”

 

“... I wonder what I did to have you stop taking me seriously, Lilly. Maybe I apologised too much.”

 

“Perhaps. After all, you have been a bit of a crybaby over rejecting the one you love, over and over again, for no fucking reason.”

 

“I’ve had good reason. Each and every time. *Especially* Now.”

 

Our Monstra tentacles reached into the clouds, and tore apart the seams of the goo, breaking apart the fabric of the simulated reality. I stabbed my sword in through the gap, and emerged from the Monstra body in human form. The only thing I retained was that I had used the sludge to perfectly reform my old black, gold trimmed military outfit. Red cape. White boots. It was the outfit I had worn the first day Lilly had arrived at the manor, the one she had thoughtlessly destroyed. I finally felt powerful again.

 

“Ayano, are you sure about this? If you fail, we might be trapped here forever!”

 

“Remember what I said. We have an eternity to try, over and over again. One day, we’ll succeed! Even if it’s not today, even if I lose all my memories, my essential being will remain! I will try again and again, no matter what it takes!”

 

“Good luck Ayano!” They all cried out.

 

I would not fail them. I ran across the tentacles and took my sword from it.

 

“NO STOP!” Lilly screeched, but it was too late. Her tendrils weren’t able to reach me in time before I had crawled through the tear and back into reality. This time, I would hopefully stay there.

 

~~~

 

I burst through the seam, covered in golden sludge. But thankfully, where I ended up wasn’t quite as constricting. I seemed to be in some sort of hollow part of the sludge structure, some sort of wide open cavern. The sludge was pulsating around me. The ground beneath me was soft, but I was mindful of the fact that it could suck me back into the false world at any moment. I used fire to burn the ground wherever I stepped.

 

“Your fire makes me feel itchy. It’s annoying. But I understand why you’re doing it.”

 

In front of me was Lilly. Human sized, her body was constructed from pure gold. She had white, angelic wings, a halo, and she was hovering slightly off the ground. Behind her, so close to us, was Terrestia’s star. A sun so bright and hot and magnificent that I knew under normal circumstances I would be burned to a crisp. A membrane seemed to be surrounding it for protective purposes, and it seemed to be completely isolated from the rest of the vacuum of space that should be surrounding it. Lilly had completely surrounded it. Golden tendrils covered it all over, pulsating red as they, I could only assume, absorbed its energy.

 

“... So this is what you’ve been working on.”

 

“I said as much, didn’t I? I have scientists and scholars working on it. See?”

 

Lilly pointed towards the membrane, and indeed, in the distance, I could see many golden, human figures looking at the star, studying it, drawing arcane circles and working on devices that I think Lilly had once described to me as ‘computers’. Some sort of advanced Earth technology designed for running calculations that ran off of electricity, or something.

 

“... If you swallow this star… You’ll never be able to return the world to how it was, will you?”

 

“Not that I’d want to anyway, but yes, hypothetically, you’re right. I could change the world back right now with a little bit of effort, but not even I am strong enough to replace a star… But of course, I need its mana if I’m to escape this solar system. As I am now, however, I’d probably accidentally create a supernova and get us all sucked into a black hole or something. You know what those are? They’re tears in space so large and so powerful that not even light can escape its gravitational pull. And I’ve decided that I am the very personification of light! I don’t know if I’d be able to survive one… I have to be very careful going forward. But hey, that’s why I have smart people to help me navigate through this stuff. Loyal smart people. Unlike you. An unloyal, normally smart person who right now is behaving very stupidly. Y’know, if you wanted to see all this, all you had to do was ask, right? It wasn’t like I was keeping all of this a secret from you. I’ve only been trying to hide this from you because you started acting nuts.”

 

“... You’re the crazy one here, Lilly. It’s time to put an end to this. We’ve talked enough, don’t you think?”

 

“I would never get bored talking with you. You, by yourself, are a source of infinite happiness for me. I’m only doing all of this because apparently I need to give you an entire universe to keep you entertained. Because even when I give you all of human culture and everything I have to offer, you get bored after a measly 1,000 years. You really have no attention span, you know that?”

 

I’d had enough. I stepped forward, clicking my fingers and lighting my sword aflame. Lilly sighed.

 

“Alright. I got mad earlier, but, let’s duel calmly like adults, shall we?” She said.

 

Getting close to Lilly was going to be a monumental task in and of itself. Because the moment I made my hostile intentions known, tendrils from all around me began to attack. They all took the shape of different weapons, all ornate and beautifully forged. Blades to parry my attacks, shields to block the bursts of flame I tried to fire in Lilly’s direction, hammers to try and squash me, buzzsaws to try and slice me in half, spears to impale me, fists to bludgeon me, and of course, plain tendrils to simply try and whip at me or restrain me.

 

But I had learned from sparring with Lilly all those years ago. God, Monstra, or human, she always had the same approach. To overwhelm with brute force rather than employ any sort of strategy or technique. Now that I was back in reality and in my real body for the first time in thousands of years, it was exhausting. I was out of shape and out of practice. I was not used to a reality where my muscles actually ached. But, somehow, I was still able to fend off her attacks and advance. I was able to tap into that primal skill that I had never truly lost, remember my technique, and read Lilly like a book. Even if she could attack me from any direction with any weapon she could think of, I knew exactly when she was going to attack and from where. Spending so many centuries with her only made her attacks even more obvious to me.

 

And finally, I reached Lilly, bringing my flaming sword down upon her, which she blocked effortlessly with her bare arm, before flinging me a few feet away.

 

“You never fail to surprise me,” She said.

 

“At this point… Somehow you only surprise me when I give you the benefit of the doubt, my love.”

 

“You don’t deserve to call me ‘your love’ when you’re trying to destroy everything we built together. Our world. Our cottage. Our relationship.”

 

“Are you sure, Lilly? I think I deserve to say it. Now more than ever. Want to see how you like it? I love love love love love you Lilly! I love you more than the universe itself! You’re my everything to me!”

 

“... Don’t mock me.”

 

“I’m not. I’m telling you the truth. The truth I’ve always been too afraid to say.”

 

“I’m sick of this. Die. I’ll revive you in the cottage when I’m in a better mood.”

 

With a click of her own fingers, the membrane parted, just slightly, a pinprick that allowed the full force of the sun’s rays to pass through. This energy was magnified into a thin laser of light that was directed straight at me.

 

I had to respond before I even knew what was happening. The attack was moving at lightspeed, after all. But what Lilly failed to account for was that the air was incredibly thick with mana. An essentially infinite amount, just as much under my control as it was under her’s.

 

Fire, light, it didn’t matter. I had spent my entire life educating myself on all things mana. Art, mathematics, science, history- A highly educated royal and a hard working genius, the inner workings of Terrestia was knowledge that was mine to utilise. Lilly, meanwhile, is a creature who manipulates mana purely on instinct, not understanding the mechanisms behind her own power. She is an anomaly that breaks all the commonly understood rules of reality. But her extreme advantage simply doesn’t matter, for at the end of the day, I simply know how to control mana far better than she does.

 

I let the laser hit the hilt of my sword, and I focused, absorbing the light, extending my blade into a form that was as tall as the star itself.

 

“I-Impossible! How are you doing this?”

 

I smirked.

 

“Technique.”

 

“OPEN IT UP ALL THE WAY I DON’T CARE HOW MUCH DAMAGE IT DOES, GO!”

 

But I was already bringing my blade down upon her, upon her heart. But the membrane opened up all the way when my star sword was inches away from making contact with Lilly. The full force of Terrestia’s sun came down to bear on me, and Lilly focused its energy into a laser, directed straight at me. This would likely deal severe damage to her body, as the fire indiscriminately burned away her golden power, all the power she could ever absorb from Terrestia. It took a ton of her resources in mana and flesh to defend herself from the star that was right behind her.

 

But I was fine.

 

Because I had them.

 

Figures emerged from the ground, all made of black sludge. Those who had been with me in the Monstra to begin with. Then my parents. Hugo, Beth, Julia, Georgia, Lizzy, Granny Belfort, even Ferdinand was there. And… Hiljosky, too. Guess he wasn’t dead after all. Or perhaps whatever remained of his DNA had reformed itself to help me out at this crucial moment.

 

The last person to emerge was Lawrence. He took his hand in mine, holding the blade with me.

 

“We believe in you,” He said.

 

“WE BELIEVE IN YOU TOO!”

 

From everywhere around me, the citizens of Selicia… No, all of Terrestia were around me, cheering me on.

 

“AYANO! AYANO! GIVE US BACK OUR LIVES!”

 

Tears fell down my face.

 

“I thought none of them believed me…”

 

“We’ve all been watching you… This whole time. When Lilly’s concentration broke… All of their memories, everything that was erased, all came flooding into us. They saw her memories. Your memories, too. They experienced everything you went through. Everything I went through as Lawrence, too.”

 

“They know I used the mirror? That I drove a girl to suicide?”

 

“Yes. And they support you. Including Julia herself. They support us. And they support Lilly getting the help she needs.”

 

Lilly looked at us, distraught, scared, confused, shining tears falling from her eyes.

 

“W-Why… Why are you all BULLYING me! I gave you the perfect world! You were all happy with it! Y-You all need to stop! I’m not going to be able to return it to the way it was if you destroy my heart! Nothing can convince me to change, NOTHING!”

 

With the help of the people of Terrestia, their countless golden hands pushing the membrane closed, the star was once more safely enclosed, and the star sword was able to come down in full force against Lilly. Even with the full force of that, however, she was still standing. But as the surrounding sludge turned pale and lost its glow, it became clear to me that, at least temporarily, all she had control of was the heart. Her human body. I left my sword with Lawrence and stepped forward across the burnt sludge.

 

“Stop! Don’t come any closer! That hurt! IT STILL REALLY HURTS. EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY. PLEASE. STOP!”

 

But I kept stepping towards her. Because I finally remembered it. The one technique that could always defeat Lilly without fail. That could always get her to calm down, to see sense. It was a forbidden skill I had long since forgotten. Because I hadn’t used it in so long. Because I had grown to trust her so much that I didn’t think I would ever need to do this again. But right now, she was just like she was when I first met her. A poor, confused girl, with desires she shouldn’t act on.

 

As I came closer, it was clear that she was badly damaged. Red hot fire had partially peeled away the veneer of her golden skin, revealing the purplish black sludge beneath. Her clothes and her body were badly burnt, and her now heterochromatic eyes, one purple, one green, were looking at me in desperation, begging me to stop. When I was inches away from her, I placed my hand on her singed hair, caressing it. Despite everything, that gorgeous brown hair of hers was still silky smooth.

 

“... I’m… I’m still your God, you know… I always said that I could rule this world, and that you could be my Queen… But you never believed me, you never took me seriously, you said I was kind and normal and a good person and deserving of love and freedom but you were wrong! Look at me, no matter how much I try to do, no matter how much I think about what would be best for everyone, no matter how much joy I try to bring to the world, I always end up a monster! I keep doing things that I think are right but EVERYONE always turns around and calls me a monster! I’m so sorry I killed people! I really wish I didn’t, but… The fact that I did, the fact that I made this world and maintained it for so long, it’s evidence of the fact that I was NEVER going to be a normal human! I’m not human! Even when I was born on Earth, I don’t think I was a human! I think I ended up in Terrestia precisely because I’ve been a monster for all my life, I always have been and always will be a monster for the rest of eternity and your rejection is PROOF of that! I don’t… I don’t trust you anymore Ayano! I love you but I don’t trust you! I don’t trust myself but I can’t trust you or anyone else to save me from myself! YOU’RE ALL USELESS TO ME. THIS WORLD IS USELESS. I AM USELESS. I HATE EVERYTHING! I WISH THIS STUPID WORLD DIDN’T EXIST, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN AND-”

 

She had rambled on long enough. I employed my secret technique.

 

I flicked her in the head.

 

~~~

 

Before I knew it, me and her were on the shores of Grisia. Not a speck of sludge, black or gold, to be seen. The waves were so calming. The air was so salty it burned my eyes. Pain. It was good to be back. The sun was shining in the sky, far away, like it should be. My boat was moored up on the shore. I think my crew members were probably just waking up.

 

I felt something between my legs, sweaty and sticking uncomfortably to my thigh. It was back, too. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to have a penis. But… I wasn’t upset to have it again. I felt relieved. It finally felt like I was back in my true body again. Not my ideal body, but my real one. It felt correct in its incorrectness.

 

I was sitting cross legged on the sand, and Lilly was in my arms. She was wearing her maid uniform, tattered, torn, and burnt. Her eyes were green.

 

But they were unblinking.

 

She wasn’t breathing.

 

Her body was still hot from when the full force of a star had hit her. I assumed that she no longer had any Monstra blood left in her to protect her.

 

I had to accept it. She was dead.

 

A crew member walked over to me.

 

“Oh, lady Ayano… There you are. My head’s a bit fuzzy, but the last thing I remember, the Monstra came to ‘greet’ us, then… Pfft. Fuck if I know. But now the Monstra’s gone? Do you know where it went?”

 

“... It’s gone. I killed it. For good.”

 

“How?”

 

“I ordered an Annihilation Sphere. Remember?”

 

“... Oh. And, who is that?” He asked, pointing down to Lilly.

 

I stared at him blankly for a few moments.

 

“Do you really not know?”

 

How could he not?

 

“... No. No clue at all, your majesty.”

 

I see. So that’s how it was.

 

“... I don’t either. Perhaps she was just one more victim here on Grisia.”

 

“... Poor girl. Too young to die horribly like that. Weird that that maid dress looks Selician, though… Well, whatever… We should probably get going then, right? Back to Selicia?”

 

“Yeah. I’m taking her body with me. We’re going to give her a proper funeral. I’ll… give her a coffin and send her off to sea.”

 

“... O-Okay, your majesty. I’ll send word ahead explaining your intentions… Jeez, my head is killing me… But it also feels like I just woke up from a really pleasant dream…” He muttered as he wandered off.

 

And with that, it was all over. I remained with Lilly on the shore for a few moments, whilst I waited for people to come and collect us and sail away properly. I let tears fall down my face. Salty, wet tears, stinging me even more in the sea air.

 

I had wanted to save her. I didn’t want things to end up like this. But at the very least, she was herself at the end. She returned the world to normal, but… In her last selfish act, I suppose she erased the memories of the world, to make them forget about her. I couldn’t blame her. It was better that way. That she died forgotten, rather than as an angel or a devil.

 

Seemed like they had forgotten all they had learned about me as well. It was wonderful, seeing the world come together to help me out, to have Lawrence tell me that they accepted me for my mistakes and for who I am. But… Moments like that, moments of true empathy, could only happen when one was literally capable of living through the exact same experiences as another. Something like that wouldn’t be possible in a world without the Monstra. Without Lilly. I suppose my mask would be back up again from now on. I… I wish I had memories of actually reconciling with Julia and Georgia… But it seemed that I would never get the chance to do so now, even though I had had centuries to talk to them as much as I wanted. I only hoped that the me I had forgotten said everything I would have wanted to say.

 

As for Lilly herself, I hoped the people who knew her in life remembered her the way I did. Because it was up to us to carry on her memory and remember her for the adorable, kind hearted maid she was, rather than the monster she had harboured within her.

 

The seas were calm on the journey home. But my heart wasn’t.