Three years later, Ayano’s mother died, and Ayano ascended to the throne. Ayano La Belfonse the first, sovereign Queen of Selicia. Years passed. Reforms were made. Socialised systems to help the impoverished, as well as technological and legal reforms improved the standard of living for the average citizen, allowing for upward mobility and greater ease for the average person to accumulate wealth and raise themselves out of poverty. The monarch and the nobility remained, but Ayano was implementing steps, steps that would likely take centuries to complete, steps that would have to be completed long after her death to follow her fallen enemies, the Zeers, and implement democracy. But mere democracy wasn’t enough. Stamping out bigotry in all its forms and the exploitation of the lower classes was something she wanted to tackle however she was able in the time she had left. The elected position of Prime Minister was implemented a decade after Ayano took to the throne, they would be a person who held a large sway over the direction of the country, with the Queen ultimately, for now, still holding the final say in matters. It was from here that she took more of a backseat, trying to involve herself little so that the beginnings of democracy could truly flourish, working in the background to maintain affairs, both domestic and international, away from the public eye. Everyone wondered when the Queen would marry and find a King, birth a child and create an heir, continue a family who could truly serve as a symbol of Selicia’s strength and commitment to traditional values and love, but, to this day, Queen Ayano has never done so.

 

It was 12 years later, at 39 years old when Ayano decided to don those glasses that protected her identity, and walk the streets of Selicia as a nobody. She wanted to remember what it was like to not be Queen, to remember her days as a Princess when she could get away with little holidays like this. She travelled the country, eventually arriving at Belfort midway through her journey. She was intending to stay here for the night and then visit her old manor. She wasn’t sure who was living there right now. It would be the manor where her heir would be raised and one day stay, but currently, there was no heir, no child to call it home. Any noble could be living there now. Perhaps even Ferdinand had decided to take up residence. She wouldn’t mind seeing him, despite their strained relationship. Because above all, she was looking forward to indulging in some nostalgia.

 

Ayano decided to stay at a bed and breakfast, when she was staying in Belfort that day in spring. ‘Honey and Dreams’, it was called. The building had a pretty little sign depicting the name, that looked like it had been charmingly painted by a child guided by the loving hand of an adult. When the Queen stepped inside, she was met with a child, possibly only about 7 or 8 years old, running up to her. Blonde hair, big blue eyes like the ocean, wearing a little blue uniform complete with a tie and skirt, the ‘BW’ emblem on her shirt indicating that she was schooled at the Wormwood Academy of Belfort.

 

“Hello miss! My name is Alice! I’d normally help you out, but mommy Daisy is taking me to school! Mommy Lilly is going to have to take care of you! She’ll cook you breakfast and lunch and dinner and tuck you into bed and make sure you have an excellent stay!”

 

She rushed up to Ayano’s legs and hugged them tightly, making the Queen feel a little bit embarrassed. She had never come across such a well spoken, energetic, and affectionate child before.

 

“Now now Alice, don’t make the customers feel uncomfortable. You just met her!” A voice sounded as a woman stepped down a set of stairs at the back of the establishment.

 

Blonde hair, blue eyes, just like her daughter, wearing a comfortable but delightful spring dress. Young and beautiful, she walked over to Ayano and smiled apologetically, Alice still clinging to her legs.

 

“I’m sorry madam, she always gets excited when she meets new people…”

 

“No… It’s quite alright…” Ayano replied, feelings having welled up within her when she heard the name ‘Lilly’.

It couldn’t possibly be her, right? Sure, she given Lilly a house in Belfort, but what were the chances that she’d just so happen to have converted that property into a bed and breakfast, and what were the chances that Ayano would simply just walk into it? Panic began to well up within her. She remembered that final time they had spoken, following Lilly’s attempted suicide, and her heart broke a little as that long dormant guilt resurfaced. A monster. That’s what she had called the person she had claimed to love. Her heart began to pound, and she began to hope that they were referring to a different Lilly. 

That was when Ayano noticed that Daisy was staring at Ayano’s face intensely. And after a few moments, something clicked. Daisy’s eyes went wide with shock… And she leaned in to whisper into Ayano’s ear.

“Please… Go easy on Lilly. She… Still thinks about you a lot, my Queen,” she whispered once again, briefly bowing respectfully to Ayano before turning to look at Alice.

With that, Ayano’s heart stopped. She really was about to see her again. Panic rose up from within her and she was strongly tempted to turn around and leave, then simply run. Run away to anywhere else but here.

“Alright, let the nice lady go. Mommy Lilly will take care of her. We don’t want you to be late for school!”

 

But the mother and her daughter were occupying the doorway, and… As Ayano looked at Alice’s face, she knew in her heart of hearts that she couldn’t disappoint such an innocent girl by leaving.

 

“Okay! Byyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeee have a nice stay valued customer!” Alice yelled happily as she let go of Ayano and rushed outside, waving frantically with both hands before Daisy led her away, flashing a slightly sad looking smile at Ayano before walking away.

 

That smile said it all, and it locked in Ayano’s decision to stay. This wasn’t just trauma belonging to Ayano and Lilly anymore. This had to be resolved… For Lilly’s sake, and for the sake of her new family. Ayano nervously waved back as she watched them leave.

 

Once they were gone, Ayano turned to look at the establishment. Several booths, laid out with comfy cushions, pillows with flowers or stars or moons drawn on them, wooden tables that looked clean, perfectly polished to prevent splinters, and well maintained. An open kitchen off to the right side of the store, a fridge, a stovetop and a microwave, all new models of appliances that Ayano had never seen before, even though she herself had been the one to approve of their development. She needed to update the equipment at the palace. The floor was wooden and two big light bulbs, one with a paper mesh the shape of a star around it, the other a moon, hung from the ceiling. Something was boiling in a pot on the stovetop. The smell reminded her of Hugo and Lilly’s cooking, but also of something she couldn’t quite pinpoint. Something different, something new, perhaps? An evolution on the style? It was certainly a recipe she had never tried before. Ayano took a seat at one of the tables, marvelling at how she sunk into the delightfully comfortable cushions. Then, Ayano saw her. Lilly, descending down the stairs.

 

It was unmistakably her. Wearing a dress much like Daisy’s, a beautiful pattern of green, purple, black and white. Her hair was longer, tied up into a ponytail. It was no longer braided. That, combined with a lack of her maid dress, made her look less cute and less precious, but so much more mature and beautiful. She looked like she had only aged a year at most. She would be 33 now, but she still looked like she was only 22. Her heart stopped for a moment, then soon returned to a normal tempo. Because upon laying eyes on her, she realised that she was no longer looking at the maid that had fawned over her in her mansion, nor the monster that had long haunted her most pleasant of dreams and most terrifying of nightmares. She was looking at someone who was now their own woman, a woman who had moved on.

 

Lilly’s reaction to Ayano was much the same. She saw through the glasses immediately and saw the woman she had obsessed over for so long. She had aged. Stress had clearly gotten to her, perhaps the curse as well. Lilly still often imagined those nights Ayano must have, where her Queen would have to clutch her chest, suffering in silence for the sacrifice she had made for Lilly such a long time ago, unable to ask for help. But even though the stress was wearing on her skin, causing it to wrinkle and lose its glow, Lilly thought she still looked as beautiful as ever. Perhaps more so than she was in Lilly’s memories. Because the person in front of her right now was better than a memory or a fantasy. She was real.

 

They paused to simply just… Look at each other for a few moments. Lilly’s lips slightly parted. She wanted to rush into Ayano’s arms and cry. The Queen may have allowed it. But instead, the curator of this bed and breakfast shuffled over to the kitchen.

 

“Do you want some curry, Ayano? It should be done by now. I can make us a pot of tea as well.”

 

“That would be lovely, Lilly.”

 

In silence, she worked. Putting on the kettle. Scooping out the delicious smelling curry that Ayano had never tasted before, serving it in a wide bowl alongside some fluffy white rice. She served enough for two of them, placed them down, then went back to fetch the tea and cutlery. The teapot looked crudely made, and had the name ‘Alice’ messily written on it. The tea cups looked a bit more professionally made.

 

“She made that teapot herself when she was 5. With supervision, of course. Alice insists we use it. Not that we complain. Customers find it… Endearing,” Lilly said, picking up a spoon and taking a bite of curry.

 

“It is endearing,” Ayano agreed, taking a bite herself.

 

Divine. Utterly divine. Better than anything she had ever had in the palace. Perhaps it was the best meal of her life. Maybe it was because it reminded her of Hugo and Lilly’s cooking back at the manor. Maybe she had been overwhelmed with nostalgia. Perhaps it was the novelty, the perfect blend of sweet, salty, spicy, and umami flavourings. It was hot, it was complete. It wasn’t exquisite, it wasn’t made from the most expensive and rare ingredients one could find in this world, but it was perfect. It felt like home. A second bite, and tears were already falling down Ayano’s face.

 

“I thought I would be the one to cry first. I’m glad you like it.”

 

“It’s… Amazing, Lilly. All this… You, this building, your wife and daughter, they’re… Amazing…”

 

“I’m not married to Daisy yet. Still waiting for you to legalise same sex marriage. Get on that, Ayano.”

 

The blank expression Lilly had been wearing morphed into a slight smile at that statement, as she took a sip of tea.

 

“Heh,” Even Ayano had to chuckle, “O-Of course. I’m… Working on it.”

 

“I know you are. You’re always working so hard.”

 

More silence as they ate their meal and sipped their tea. Ayano’s tears were falling into the curry. Lilly was looking at her with such a pained, yet serene look on her face. The mother couldn’t keep her eyes off of her Queen.

 

“I met them six years ago. Six years after I… Left… The manor. I…” Lilly sighed.

 

A minute of silence passed.

 

“You can… Tell me about it if you want, Lilly.”

 

“... Okay… But… I’m… I’m not as talkative as I used to be. Maybe that’s a blessing to you, but… But basically to get to the point, I… I wanted to die during that time, for months and years after I left the manor I didn’t make another attempt on my life, but… I was deeply unhappy all the same. Despite that, I opened up this cafe. Ran it all by myself. Daisy came in as a customer one day. Alice was only about 7 months old at the time, I think. Daisy was carrying her in her arms. She ordered a meal and once she had finished eating it, she told me that she didn’t have the money to pay for the meal. She looked up at me with pleading eyes as she breastfed Alice. Told me that her husband had lied to her and cheated her out of all her wealth, discarded her and the child and had found himself another woman. Back then I just wanted to kick her out. I wanted to say… ‘You don’t have to pay, but you can’t come back’. She didn’t even float the idea of staying. She just wanted a free meal. She just wanted herself and her baby to survive for one more day. I remembered her from when I… You know, swallowed the entire world. Feels weird to say that I did that now. In her dreams she was dreaming of a perfect romance, just like me. She had only been in relationships with men, repressing the fact that she liked women. Her partner in the dream was… So indistinct. Perfect, but faceless. An idea of a person, rather than someone specific. I’m not sure if I ever told you that I ended up creating a lot of fake people in the dream, and the isolation people experienced was worse than I thought. Point is… Her experience was less of a reality than what you and I had in the dream. And yet she clung to it so desperately. When you broke out of the dream and saved the world from me, she… She didn’t want to leave. As soon as she was back in reality she pursued romance to the expense of everything else. Accepting a male into her heart, giving her everything to him, even though she already knew that a man wasn’t who she wanted. But she wanted a lover, any lover, and she also wanted to be a mother. Funnily enough… I think I remember his dreams, too. He had a harem of femboys. He was very specific about them being femboys, not trans women. Put simply, he’s gay, despite openly being homophobic and, well… All of the bigotry related phobics, I guess. A lot of people were gay in their deepest fantasies, looking back. I think there might be more gay and transgender people than heteronormative people in this world. Maybe. In any case, the number is a lot higher than you might think. That aside, I… To this day… I still don’t know how to tell her that I was the Monstra who gave her that dream. A part of me still… Doesn’t want her to get too close to me.”

 

“You’re still plenty talkative, Lilly. But you’re a lot calmer now..”

 

“I’ve… Just been thinking a lot about what I wanted to say to you if we ever were to meet again, Ayano… Now where… Where was I… Oh… Right… I guess… I guess when I remembered her dream, and saw her pleading face, even though I still felt dead inside, the thought that she should stay with me entered my head. Daisy and Alice stayed for weeks… Then months… Then years… She suggested we turn the cafe into a bed and breakfast. She insisted on an equal partnership in the running of the business. She wanted to work just as hard as I did, if not harder. I agreed to all of it. I gradually grew to like her being around. As Alice grew up, we didn’t try to teach Alice that I was her Mommy… For a while we used the word ‘Auntie’ or just ‘Lilly’. But she started calling us both Mommy all on her own. I began to really love Alice. She reminds me of… The hope I left behind. I want her to be better than me.”

 

“You still have plenty of hope, Lilly. You’re living a wonderful life.”

 

“Well, I… It is wonderful, I suppose… Did you know that a lot of your old maids came to visit me, even while they were still working for you? Beth came to visit me, shortly before I met Daisy. However, she moved away to do missionary work in Zeer. She sends me letters. She met someone special there, and I’m happy for her… Hugo and Lizzy still work at the manor, and they come see me, too. I even see Priscilla about three times a year. She’s a prisoner, but you know the parole time you give her? Yeah, she uses it to come here and see us. We just tell Alice that she’s very busy with work, to explain why she can’t come by often… Heh, Priscilla is a good family friend. Anyway, Yeah… Maybe I shouldn’t be complaining, you’re right, I have a good life, and this is a me problem, as it usually is. But… I sometimes feel a bit distant from Daisy. There’s still guilt nagging at me at the back of my head. There’s still you, too. In our most vulnerable moments… I talk to her about my time with you. I try to explain it whilst leaving out the fact that I was the Monstra. It’s difficult. I don’t want her to think less of me. I don’t want her to think that I don’t love her and appreciate her, but…”

 

“But?”

 

“Seeing you, right now… I know, in my heart of hearts… I know that if you told me to bark, I’d bark. I know that if you suggested running away together… If I abandoned this bed and breakfast, and you abandoned your throne, and we travelled the world together, free of responsibility, I would… I would say yes to that. Even if you don’t have long left. Even if I would hurt them both so much that they would never take me back. Even if it would make me just like that scumbag who abandoned Daisy to begin with… Even if that would return me straight to the cycle of despair that led me to try and… Drown… Myself. I… I would still… Take it… Because that’s my desire. Ayano, I… You told me that love was special because it was ephemeral. That everything in life was special and should be cherished because it was finite. I convinced myself that was true, too. But whilst you may honestly believe that, and whilst what we ended led to wonderful new opportunities… I’m still sad that our eternity together ended. I still dream of those times in that cottage. I know you think differently, but to me, that love was no less meaningful just because it didn’t have to end. I miss it.”

 

Now it was Lilly’s turn for tears to fall from her eyes. Ayano reached out her hand, taking Lilly’s into her own.

 

“To be honest… A part of me wants to return to our dream as well. I kind of want to run away with you, too. A part of me has always wanted that, even when I was trying to insist that no such part of me did. But I think you’ve already realised it by now, haven’t you?”

 

“Realised what?”

 

“That there are things in this world more important than desires. You know what that is, don’t you?”

 

“...”

 

“Don’t you, Lilly?”

 

“... People. Responsibility. Restraint. Humility. Sacrifice. Self Respect. Empathy. Understanding.”

 

“Those things, Lilly? That’s what love is. That’s what romance truly is, the things that are so much more important than those intense feelings of infatuation. That heart of yours, begging for that eternity of bliss, begging for my love… You will carry those yearnings within you until the day you die. But, ultimately, sometimes things come to an end no matter how hard you cling to them. And listen… What you have now, Lilly…”

 

“... What I have now… Is what I should hold on to, while I still can. I love them. I love them both. I love this community. I… I love this life. I don’t want to abandon them. I want to embrace love rather than cling to it. I want to be grateful for what I’m gifted, for what you and Daisy and Alice and everyone has given me, rather than be upset that I wasn’t given everything.”

 

“That’s right. Now come here.”

 

Ayano gently tugged on Lilly’s hand, prompting the other woman to stand up, before pulling her onto her lap and bringing her into a gentle embrace, stroking her hair, letting Lilly’s tears fall onto her shoulder, comforting her even as a waterfall fell down her own face. This was the first experience that had made Ayano cry in a very, very long time.

 

“I never thought…” Lilly sobbed after a few minutes of this hug, “That I could ever learn to value the embrace of a friend like this.”

 

“I’ll hug you as much as you want, Lilly. I should have hugged you more, before and after the dream, when we had more time. I should have been a better friend to you. My last words… I… I still regret them deeply. I never should have called you a monster…”

 

“I’ve… Come to terms with the fact that you’re a flawed person, Ayano. Perhaps even deeply flawed. I’ve been trying my best to, uh, ‘unforgive’ you for the way you strung me along. For the things you’ve said and done… But back then I was in a bad state, so… I can’t really blame you for holding back with your affections. In fact, it may have been for the best that you didn’t feed me such kindness. But, Ayano, I… I have another question. Do you think I deserve this life? After everything I've done?"

 

"... Don't worry about whether or not you deserve it. Take what you have, and… make something of it. Create happiness that you and everyone else around you can enjoy. This might be hypocritical coming from me, but, don't worry about guilt and repentance. If you take care of yourself, you will naturally take care of the world in turn. Act as a vessel of love. That's all that's important."

 

"Thank you Ayano. But…"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Are you a vessel for love?"

 

"... My circumstances are different, but in my own way, yes. That's my desire as Queen."

 

"And I don’t suppose you’re ever going to find yourself a King…"

“Well… No… My love life is honestly-”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Lilly interrupted, “So long as you’re happy, so long as you’re surrounded by good people, so long as your life and your work feels meaningful, that’s all that’s important to me. If you have a special someone, I hope you’re making each other feel good. If not, I hope you’re happy all the same.”

 

“Thank you, Lilly…”

 

"... There's something else, Ayano… I want… To see you again… I want to have… These real conversations with you… I want you to see just how wonderful Daisy and Alice really are… I want you to be a part of their lives, too…”

 

“When I have the time, Lilly.”

 

“Promise me you’ll make the time.”

 

“... I will, Lilly.”

 

“Oh, Ayano…”

 

An hour passed as they comforted each other like this. When they had had their fill, they laughed and finished their now cold curry and tea. They made small talk. Ayano vented to Lilly about all of her stories regarding nobles and high up officials who made Ayano’s job a nightmare to deal with sometimes. An old fart with an obviously fake toupet buried in the texts of a religious book nobody else believed in was her major opponent preventing Ayano from legalising gay marriage. A few months ago another noblewoman had been outed for embezzling tax funds so that she could splurge on a solid gold toilet.

 

In the afternoon they went to see a movie together, an eldritch mystery story telling an entirely fictitious account of how the Monstra came to be. It had the pair on the edge of their seats the whole time, even as they silently chuckled at the inaccuracies. A biopic of Ayano’s life was already in production, posters of it were already put up everywhere in the theatre. They speculated and joked about how inaccurate that movie would be, too. Not that the filmmakers could be blamed- The truth was stranger than whatever fiction they could imagine, after all.

 

They returned home just as Daisy was bringing Alice home from school. Daisy had spent all day shopping at the market, bringing back so many delicious ingredients and snacks. They closed the shop that night so that it would be just the four of them, Lilly and Daisy cooked Ramen whilst Alice told Ayano stories about school, about the boy she had a crush on, about how her teacher had praised her in art class, and about the bully who Ayano assured Alice just didn’t know how to express the fact that she wanted to be Alice’s friend.

 

Over dinner they played board games and chatted. Daisy told everyone about the seller who had tried to charge her a premium for rotten produce, and how Daisy had loudly scolded and exposed the merchant right in the middle of the street for everyone to see. She told everyone about the ‘crazy’ woman she had encountered who insisted that Queen Ayano was in town *right now*, walking around as though she were a normal person. Everyone had a laugh over that, even Alice, who by now realised that she was talking to the Queen, but she didn’t care one bit, treating Ayano just like an ordinary woman.

 

They went to bed, Ayano snug and cosy in her own spacious room, sleeping on a normal bed, Alice in one adjacent room, Lilly and Daisy in the other. She heard Daisy and Lilly whispering for hours that night, exchanging kisses, sweet nothings, apologies and cute little compliments. As Ayano closed her eyes that night, there was the subtle tug of regret pulling at her heart, but for the most part, she was simply experiencing a profound sense of peace. A sense of certainty and comfort that she was pretty sure she had never truly felt before.

 

And the following morning, it was time to go. She had enjoyed her stay, but there was still so much of her own country left to see. She was so happy that Lilly had found herself a slice of paradise. They all waved to each other, Lilly, Daisy, and Alice standing at the door of their establishment in the early hours of the morning, waiting until Ayano was finally, fully out of view before they stepped back inside.

 

Ayano promised to herself that she would return to see them all at the next earliest opportunity. Her monthly ache coincidentally began right as she began her journey up to the manor, but for once, she didn’t mind it. It was a good kind of ache. It reminded her not of how little time she had left, but of how far she had come.

 

It’s difficult to know when to let go and when to hold on. But so long as there is genuine love in your heart, happiness shall one day follow.

 

THE END