Human lives were short. Considerably shorter than those around me, and that of myself. I’d once been one of them, cramming a lifetime into those short years. But then my eyes had been opened forever. How was anyone supposed to truly appreciate the world around them without all the time they ever needed?

Hundreds of years had passed since I’d been given a choice I greatly desired, and now here I was. I’d experienced many things: love, pain, war, death… And there was only so many times you could get close to a person just to watch them die before you closed off to the pain. I’d buried my heart with my past lover, and it was for the better. Once I’d spent all my time amongst the people learning all that I could, finding each and every thing intriguing. Now I mostly left them to it, watching from afar and noting down anything interesting. It was a conundrum. I needed more time to explore and experience what I wanted, however, the longer I lived, the harder it was to find fun. After years of wandering Yamato, I was becoming bored.

Others like me found happiness with the gods, catering to their wants and whims. But not me. I owed my new life to Inari, but I would never help her.

The gods played games with those beneath them and I wanted no part of it.

Instead, I had been travelling down the country, wanting to find the very edge of Yamato. Stopping in every coastal town, I’d eventually found a boat heading to the biggest port in Kagoshima, nearly the furthest point. Only Okinawa, islands out far away, were further.

The captain, a short man with tough weathered skin, boasted the swiftest boat any had seen, so I’d asked him to take me.

“Why does a young woman travel alone?” he’d asked, worry clouding his face.

“I am in search of my husband,” I lied. “He went off to fight and never returned. I need to see him one last time, no matter how long it takes.”

And the captain, believing me, had taken me the whole way, watching over me. I didn’t need his help, but appreciated his concern nonetheless. He’d been so sincere I couldn’t bring myself to change my likeness to his wife or the young miko he’d met at the shrine the day before, and spent the night with. His thoughts lay so close to the surface, nearly anyone could read them.

  I had almost been surprised he hadn’t approached me during the whole trip, but after an evening of choppy seas and delays in reaching the port, he’d knocked at the door of the room he’d graciously given me. I didn’t turn him away in the end. He was sweet enough, and I wanted to experience how different sex was out on the waters.

Frankly, I wasn’t impressed. What I was impressed by, was how a sailor, far away from the source, could locate a tsunami and where it hit.

“It was a big one,” he said, laying on my bed naked and sweaty. “The waves rocked the boats pretty bad, but the waves weren’t too high.”

It was true. We waited in Shibushi Bay ready to dock and all the boats around us rocked and swayed more than normal. The captain had been impressed that I hadn’t vomited into a spare bucket, though I could hardly admit to my true nature.

“If I had to guess,” he continued, eyes flitting between my naked breasts and the floor, “it hit the coast around Suruga Bay to the north-east.” He nodded firmly and managed to look me in the eyes. “Have you seen the tall Fujisan? The great mountain by the sea. Somewhere in that direction.”

I had, actually. The snow capped mountain had been holy long before the humans realised. Despite my hatred of the gods, I returned to the mountain every spring. That was the birthplace of my current form, deep in the forest of Aokigahara, where Inari had awoken us all in our new forms. Other kitsune, the older and more divine tenko, watched over us, hoping we’d all follow in their footsteps.

Not me. I was nobody's messenger.

Instead I’d taken to tricking the nearby oni, even imitating their form until they were frightened of their own shadows. I’d gotten bored too fast, however, and slipped away one night, choosing to wander the country instead.

“Don’t worry about the water,” the captain said, mistaking my quietness as fear. “Most of the time it is one big wave, so it should be over now.”

“I have nothing to fear.”

Once we finally docked the next morning, I looked out at the sea. Surrounding me was water as far as I could see, and a few islands dotted in the water on my far right. Sailors spoke islands even further than Yamato, ones dotted all over the ocean. One day I’d sail to them and keep going, never to return to Yamato.

For now, though, I was intrigued by the tsunami. The north-east was calling to me. Although a tsunami was uncommon, over my years I’d seen a quite a few. They wrecked the coastline and caused pain to those who lived there, however, it also created opportunities and new growth. If not for them, certainly for me. I knew this was not something to miss. The problem was, I needed to be there now and I was far away. The boats wouldn’t go back in that direction any time soon, they’d be too worried about being caught in stronger waves and smashed along the shore.

My new search sent me inland along the Kimotsuki river. I was in luck, travel on foot or by horse would take far too long, however the warm south was inhabited by the white-naped cranes and they were perfect. Walking along the riverside was peaceful in the early morning air, and it didn’t take long to find what I was after. The large grey bodied crane stuck out in between the lush greenery. It watched me carefully with it’s beady eye, ready to fly in a moments notice. Luckily for me, I was faster. Slipping off my geta sandals, I ran for the riverbank and launched myself into the air. The crane shot up, beating its white-grey wings heavily. My fingertips brushed the feathers as it passed me… and the next second it was me beating my wings in fear of the human. Up and up I flew, spooked, until the cool air surrounded my wings. Slowly I took more control, forgetting the fear and giving one purpose. Fly north-east.

And so onwards I went, flying over the land and people going about their daily lives. Lonely shrines, busy streets, and forests spanning forever. I would keep going until I saw it again, Fujisan. I wouldn’t stop these wings until we arrived.

Further and further I pushed the exhausted crane through the day, desperate for rest and food. I let my magic flow into the muscles and silenced them all, beating the wings faster, and soaring across the skies. Eventually, Fujisan peeked over the horizon and I relaxed a little. It wouldn’t be much longer now. I glanced at the coastline and even from up here I could tell it didn’t look right. Brown sticky mud and sand spread out smothering the land. The captain had been right. Water had flooded fields, destroyed towns, and no doubt, killed many.

I started to descend and more damage began to emerge. The nearby town had been obliterated, wood and smashed roof tiles littered the ground. Amongst the wreckage, the remains of a shrine stood out. A stone torii gate had weathered the assault, although now a fraction of its former glory. At its base knelt a figure scrubbing away the dirt.

Pushing the crane on one last time, we flew lower and lower until our feet touched the soft ground. A salty stench saturated everything and I wrinkled my nose, thankful we weren’t by the sulphuric hot springs, at least. Carefully, I split from the crane, gaining my own body once more. I ran a hand down its feathery back and thanked it for working so hard, sending more magic to help heal.

For myself, I changed back into the travelling woman. If anyone asked what I was doing, I would talk of my husband out at sea when the waters rose and crashed on the shore, hoping to find him. Many humans empathised when it came to loss and grief, it made them easier to overlook actions.

Now with my disguise ready, I watched as the crane flew off and walked along the broken path towards the wreckage of the town. The shrine was close enough and it wasn’t long before I could see them again, the figure and the shrine. It was a man who now bowed before a near empty platform. In front of him sat three bowls barely full. As I approached closer I could see they were full of rice, and the last one cloudy sake.

“Please Oo-Inari, this is all we could spare now our fields are gone and food is low. We beg for your aid, and Ukemochi’s. I can’t watch my town starve.”

Inari? How would she help here? And Ukemochi. The fields weren’t dry or slow growing, they were gone. Neither god would just gift food, even for their most devout.

The man stopped his prayer and turned to me. A light frown dipped his eyebrows and he watched me carefully. I bowed my head.

“You’re not from here, are you?” he asked as he stood. “Can I help you?”

“No, I am a traveller. I’m—”

“I’m sorry, there’s nothing here. The whole area was washed away by the tsunami. We can’t offer you anything.”

I paused. He was rather blunt. His eyes betrayed sleep deprivation and with the lack of food, perhaps it was out of preservation more than anything.

  “Sorry,” he continued, rubbing his face with his hands. “I am tired, hungry, and Inari-sama isn’t answering me.”

  “They are probably answering so many right now,” I said, stomach churning in disgust at having to make excuses for them. “Though Inari is always difficult to speak to.”

“You pray to her too? She used to answer me all the time, but now… You’re right though, we aren’t the only place hit by the waves. And so many people are dead.”

  “Who knows what the gods do when we can’t see them?”

The man watched me a moment. “You should know, kitsune.”

I stared at him in disbelief. There was no way he could see through my disguise, it had always worked and—

Poof I could feel my nose transforming back to it’s vulpine form. I cupped a hand over it, but it was too late.

“I was right.” He bowed low before me. “Inari-sama was listening after all, she sent you to me. I have luck after all.”

“Wait, how did…” I tried to brush away my embarrassment. “I didn’t say anything.”

  “You didn’t use honorifics, and spoke in a way I’ve only heard from elders. So I decided to guess.”

“A guess!” I hissed. “How rude.”

“I’m sorry,” he said bowing again and again. “O-kitsune please grant me your favour and help renew my town. People are dying and I cannot help them.”

I huffed. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do now. The indignation had me wanting to abandon them all. As I deliberated in my head, the man bowed lower and lower until he was on the floor at my feet.

“O-kitsune, I beg your forgiveness. How else could I be sure without surprising you?”
I tried not to groan, of course he knew the kitsune weakness. Him needing my forgiveness was good, however, and something I could use. I wonder what I could have him do to repay me.

I wanted even longer, until the man was flooding the shrine with his tears.

“I will help you,” I said eventually.

Thank you, thank you,” he said, bowing again. It was almost becoming embarrassing.

“Please stop that though, you don’t need to. What is your name?”

He returned to his feet and did a final short bow. “Oujirou Sato, I’ve taken to leading Chigasaki as everyone is so tired. I’ve had little success as most are too frightened to leave the remaining houses. May I ask your name O-kitsune?”

Many men asked after my name, and in each town I plucked a new one to go by. Today I decided to go by Kichi. As a word it meant good fortune written one way or peril in another. Sato-san would have to learn which one I’d be.

“Kichi.” I smiled.

“Kichi-sama, would you like to meet with the survivors? I’m sure they will be pleased to see our praying has worked.”

“Sure, although I’d love to become more acquainted with you, Sato-san.” That made him pause. Inwardly I smiled. He was just like the rest, and such an easy target. I relaxed a little and lightly touched his arm. “Perhaps you could find me a task to help while you sleep? Sato-san, you’ll collapse down and then how will you help the others?”

He mumbled a reply that I didn’t catch, but I chuckled all the same.

“Are we going?” I asked.

Sato-san nodded and led the way from the remains of the shrine. I followed after, making a note of all the destruction. It was hard to believe any humans survived with how bad everything looked. Broken wood lay scattered under black roof tiles, all the way from inland down to the shore. A few houses had remained, I could tell they’d been hastily repaired with the remnants of other houses and loose pieces of debris.

After a few minutes we reached the closest building. It seemed to have avoided the damage of most, its neighbour taking the brunt of the water’s force. That lay in ruin now, with only a few wooden beams showing it had existed at all.

  “This is where most of our people are right now. There is another house over there—” He pointed across the land to where a larger house stood. “—which is for the sick, and another beside it full of supplies and anything salvageable.”

“And the dead?”

Sato-san’s face darkened. “The dead we have laid on the outskirts, covered to the elements. We haven’t had chance to deal with them yet.” He sighed. “Everything feels wrong when we can’t act. People are too frightened of another wave to come out and start rebuilding, all too aware that even if there was another wave, it could take them too. None of this shore is safe from a tsunami. But, now you are here, things will improve. They will listen to you, and I am thankful for Inari-sama sending us a tenko.”

I paused. Tenko? He believed I was a tenko? Was his mind too clouded by faith and desperation? Or perhaps he hadn’t seen any kitsune before.

  I didn’t correct him, however. Wondering if I could somehow play it to my advantage.

Sato-san slid open the door and entered, pausing only to slip off his shoes. “Okaeri,” he called, greeting everyone with his return.

“Tadaima,” came half-hearted responses.

People sat on damp tatami, some huddled together, others curled up asleep. I stopped. These were broken people. What did they have to offer me? All the times I’d tricked humans before I had pretended to stumble on food and sold it to them, or found lost belongings stolen by tanuki. But these people barely had housing, my normal tricks would not work here.

“Please listen everyone. I have been praying and Inari has blessed us. In her stead she has sent us a tenko.”

  Hushed voices whispered until one spoke up. “A tenko? I don’t believe you Sato-san. Why would Inari listen to us now?”

  Another deep voice spoke from the corner. “We should be praying to Tsukuyomi instead, he’ll bless us truly. Did you see the gift he gave Aichi-san? She’s not removed it since.”

“Please,” Sato-san pleaded. “She is real.”

I stepped from the hallway into the crowded room and bowed. “Nice to meet you all, my name is Kichi. Sato-san speaks the truth.”

A room full of eyes stared at me, looking over my well kept red kimono. None of them dared to speak out against me for fear of Sato-san telling the truth.

“Can you really help us?” came a young voice. In the corner of the room huddled three children, clinging to each other for safety. “Can you save our mama?”

“Perhaps,” I answered, “I make no promises. I would need to see all the damage here.” I faced Sato-san. “Can you show me the injured?”

  “Yes,” he said, “I should check on them too and see if they need anything else.”

“Tell mama we love her,” the children called out and Sato-san smiled.

“I will Ai-chan.”

  Leaving the house, Sato-san led me towards the two houses further out. The area was quiet and I was surprised to see nobody had dared start working on rebuilding. A tsunami was uncommon and two waves were even rarer. What had really made them afraid?

“You wonder why we aren’t out here working on the town? It should be obvious, just stand back up and rebuild. We’re a coastal town, of course we have seen waves before, even ones which crash up high on the shore. But never like this. They’re all frightened and exhausted. We’ve all lost our homes, families… Even the bravest men now cower. The waves that hit us were unlike anything we’ve seen before. The gods are angry with us, but we have no idea why.”

  I’d seen coastlines battered over and over by forceful waves, obliterating anything in its path before. Towns wiped, fish thrown far and wide, rotting alongside bodies. However, gods had not created that destruction. If they were indeed angry, would they have obliterated so many towns at once? Even I doubted they were that callous.

“Are you sure?”

Sato-san nodded. “You heard what was said in there. Aichi-san saw them herself. We found her wrapped in the finest kimono, crying, wailing over her family and how the gods left her behind. You can ask her about it soon, she is staying with the sick right now.”

  The next house looked sturdier than the last, although it too was patched up with wood held down by half-broken roof tiles. Outside a woman washed a large cloth in a bucket of water.

“Ohayo, Sato-san,” she said as we approached. “Are you looking for Aichi-san? She’s inside.”

Sato-san nodded. “Thank you, Haru-san. I’ve brought a guest for her to meet.”

The woman watched me carefully, but said nothing. I offered a small smile, understanding her wariness. Everyone here was exhausted, trying their best to keep their spirits high and reclaim the remaining remnants of their lives. I often saw how humans clung to the items around them, putting so much worth in every piece.

One time I was just like them. I enjoyed the feel of the kimono, the bite of fresh fruit, the smell of the seasons changing. I collected patterned beads which I attached to my obi, different colours for each season. That didn’t matter to me now. I almost couldn’t understand how I used to feel back then, all those years ago.

I didn’t miss it.

“Kichi-sama?”

Sato-san stood in the doorway watching; I broke my reverie and followed after him. The inside was more dire than I anticipated. People lay in the cramped space, barely any room between each broken body. Bandages wrapped around arms, necks, faces, someone had definitely lost an eye. And tiptoeing around them all was a woman in a simple pink kimono. Her black hair was tied back, though strands escaped and rested against her cheek. Despite the tiredness evident in her face, her eyes shone with a vigour.

I knew that look. She’d met a god. They always looked like that, thinking they were special and it was the best thing in their life. I had that look once. It died the moment I awoke as a kitsune. Poor human, if only you realised the gods weren’t what they appeared to be.

  “Aichi-san,” Sato-san said, beckoning her closer. “How are they doing today?”

“They’re stable,” she said looking around the room. “All have made it this far, and all have strong spirits. We’ll soon be able to join in rebuilding.”

Aichi-san beckoned and guided us away from the injured and to a room filled with hastily built shelves. Each one heaved with supplies, bandages, boxes, and on the opposite wall a shelf half-filled with food.

“We salvaged everything we could, and I have sent a few helpers to keep searching, but I think everything else was washed out back into the sea.” Her voice dropped a low whisper before continuing, “we’re running low on good supplies. The food isn’t lasting long, much of it was spoiled by the water and mud. Haru-san is washing all the cloth we’ve found, though it’s not enough to go around for everyone. How are the others doing?”

  “Scared. I’ve been trying to coax people out to help rebuild, but I think they’re too worried about being washed away. Hideki-san watched his wife drown, Shinji-san has lost his whole family and can’t sleep. Only Taro-san has been helping me and I know he’s worried for his brother who is in your care.”

  Aichi-san sighed. “I hoped more would have been ready. We can’t survive like this for long.”

“Things will be better now,” Sato-san said with a smile. “Inari-sama has listened to our prayers and help has arrived. This is Kichi-sama, a tenko.”

Aichi-san’s eyes widened. “Truly?”

“Yes,” I lied. Or didn’t lie. My name truly was Kichi, but of course I wasn’t a tenko.

“Inari-sama wants us to survive, what else could this mean,” Sato-san said, blind to his own foolishness. “Please tell Kichi-sama about what you saw that night the waters came.”

“Oh,” Aichi-san blushed and glanced away. “I almost died that night. The water took me and I thought that was it. But it wasn’t. Susanoo-sama saved me and took me to Fujisan where Tsukuyomi-sama also appeared. He gave me the most beautiful kimono I have seen.”

They both made me sick. The gods didn’t give so easily. Both of them were blinded by their faith. Faith and desperation. I couldn’t fault them, and yet it would be their ruin.

I excused myself and stepped outside. In all my lifetime I’d only met Inari, though I certainly knew of the others gods. Inari had told me of how Amaterasu fought with her brothers, and how her own wife stewed in resentment at Tsukuyomi. One time I’d been by Inari’s side, ready to do anything for her. I was just as foolish as these humans.

I’d need to investigate the area to see for myself if the gods were still involved here. And if they were, I would leave. I wanted nothing more to do with them.

 

Over the next few days I did as any tenko would do, guiding people into rebuilding, offering advice, and blessing anyone who asked for help. It was all a lie. I didn’t know how to rebuild a village or what fields were best to plant crops in. Taro-san’s brother was feeling better, and both now worked on clearing and burning debris, Shinji-san still couldn’t sleep, but I’d exhausted him with work until he finally slept for a day straight, and Hideki-san mourned his wife though with some gentle pushing, he went into the forest to gather what food he could.

Others too came to me for more advice, once they finally exited their safe little home. Sato-san had only showed me one of three houses which was filled with survivors. It was no wonder he was overworked and exhausted.

In the meantime another house was being patched up, some faces began to smile, whereas others were fearful. Early in the morning it had finally been time to deal with the dead. They’d been placed side by side along with unusable wood and all burnt, each one purified by the fire. I’d been the one to start it, bathing them in my kitsunebi. I made sure it looked just like ordinary fire, though it’d burn all day and night without issue. It was one little thing I could do to help them.

  Since then I’d noticed people were more open to me, and though still treating me with reverence, they also spoke of small matters and confided in me. Mimi-san was scared the gods were punishing her because she had lacked faith in their abilities. I’d tried really hard not to speak ill of them for fear of being found out, but my words of un-blind devotion, speaking of how even the gods could be wrong soothed her heart.

I’d been annoyed that I hadn’t been able to search for more clues about the gods intention for this place. Every time I opened my mind to feel for any lingering remnants another person interrupted me. At first it was irritating, though I couldn’t stay annoyed at them for long. They were slowly losing their fear and working on rebuilding, finally. I’d even been included on the gossip as some rested, speaking of each of the men. All except Sato-san.

At first I didn’t mention it, but more and more I realised the were avoiding his name.

“You speak so highly of all the men, though I can’t help but wonder why Sato-san’s name has never come up.”

Taut expressions. I’d hit a mark. “Yes,” one started slowly. “He is a strange one.”

“We appreciate what he has done,” another chimed in. “It’s just…”

“Yes?” I asked, trying to keep them going. “You can confide in me.”

“After the wave, he stepped up to look after us, but it’s not all about kindness. Being in charge is getting to his head. He’s taken one of the newly finished houses just for himself saying he needed it. As the days go on I feel he is getting greedy and not thinking about us all any more.”

I nodded, trying to appear wise in some way. “Perhaps I could speak with him.”

“He likes you very much,” the first lady blurted out. “He’ll listen to you. Oujirou-san gets jealous when we spend time with you.”

As I opened my mouth to speak, I looked up to see the source of our gossip wandering over. I hadn’t really noticed what they spoke of, I’d been too busy talking to everyone to have much of a break.

“Kichi-sama,” he said with a quick bow. “I am going to pray at the shrine, please come with me?”

The girls looked at me with sympathy and I feigned a smile. “Yes, I will.”

Together we walked from the growing hope towards the shrine that I despised. “Kichi-sama,” Sato-san started, voice full of pride. “Your time here has been invaluable. I wanted you to know you inspire us all to keep going, soothed our fears that another wave will take the rest of us away. And you have calmed the storm in my mind, trying to fix everything at once. From here the village is being reborn better with your help. Just this morning we found fruits undisturbed from the trees, ready to be eaten. Another blessing from our beloved tenko.”

  Tenko. I didn’t need the reminder.

  I didn’t respond to him.

As we approached the shrine, Sato-san lead me along a different path, one away from the shrine and towards the sea. I didn’t say anything, content to walk in silence side by side, until we stopped on a ridge. He said nothing as the sea rolled in along the shore and back out like the world breathing. Warmth surrounded me and for once I felt calmer. I hadn’t even realised how worked up I had gotten, my muscles tense and unforgiving. This wasn’t like me at all.

Sato-san stepped closer. “I thought this place might be better than the shrine. You don’t seem to keen on going there, of being reminded of your divine duties, and here you can have longer to think from everyone. I’m glad you were sent to us, you’ve helped them all. Thank you, Kichi.”

Just Kichi?

“You don’t mind,” he said quickly, “me calling you that? I don’t mind if you call me Oujirou. Sato-san feels too formal now, after all the time we have spent together.”

His black eyes searched mine, filled with hope and uncertainty. Despite the many years I’d spent around humans, doing as I pleased, this was the first time such a request made me pause. It was a simple thing, really, and I usually didn’t mind about honorifics. But this time… my chest lurched strangely.

“Yes,” I said, trying to ignore the feeling. “You can call me Kichi, Oujirou.”

He smiled then, brightening up his tired face. He’d slept only a few hours each night even with my urging for more, and always looked like he was going to collapse down any moment.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

“I should be thanking you, you were the one who brought me out here. I needed this.”

“You’ve been taking care of everyone except yourself. Admittedly, I know how that feels, and how much a break would help things.”

“Ah,” I said slyly. “So this is a break for you too. Good. You can’t keep going on like this. It’s not a weakness to rest. In fact, you should lay down right now.”

“But—”

“No, no.” I pressed a finger to his lips. “I am telling you to lay down and rest Oujirou.”

His eyes widened at my touch, but he did as I said and slowly knelt down on the grass, brushing away loose stones. I followed him down, kneeling beside him and brushing the silk on my legs flat.

“Here, you can use my lap as a pillow.” Oujirou tried to protest until I grabbed his arm and pulled him to me. “Now I will make sure you rest too.”

Slowly he lay down and rested on my lap, head turned from me, heavy with fatigue. Reaching up, I started to stroke his hair gently, lulling him into full relaxation. Together we’d both be able to rest now, in the peace we both deserved.

As he drifted off to sleep, I thought about the gods.

I believed in Aichi-san’s story, that Tsukuyomi, or another god, had visited her. That was obvious enough. But in the time since, he hadn’t returned. Nor had any other god. Closing my eyes, I scanned to the area around me. The land felt wrong, all churned up and mixed with traces of magic, as if the god had been imbued with every droplet. But no god had that much power.

Each god left a mark on the land that few could see; Amaterasu left behind blazing golden light and Inari’s was red. This was a blue so deep it was almost black. The tendrils of magic choked the area, swamping it in darkness. It swirled around me, drawn to my light, ready to overpower and snuff out my own magic if I let it. I shuddered. If a god could do this with such ease, what would they do to a kitsune like me?

I needed to leave. Oujirou wouldn’t be happy, nor would the other villagers but… And they were stronger now. They didn’t need me. I should return to exploring the land and finding new people to trick. It was all I needed.

I opened my eyes. Oujirou lay on my lap. The sun cascaded down on us in our moment of rest—and I wanted to stay here in this moment forever. I turned Oujirou over so I could see his face, see his tired eyes shut and at peace. My hand cupped his cheek and my heart stirred.

“Kichi?” he said sleepily, and I pulled away. “No.” Oujirou grabbed my hand and held it to his chest.

Beneath is his own heart thumped wild. A heart I would have to break.

“What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t look at him. “I have to go.”

He frowned. “Back to the others, or…”

“No. I need to leave this place, return south or wherever I go next.”

Oujirou was quiet, but kept my hand tight in his. “Why? Was it something I did? I don’t know all the rules about kitsune and—”

“No, no,” I soothed. “It’s not you. It’s this place. The god that was here… I am scared what they could do to me. The magic they have left behind is powerful. I just… I can’t stay.”

Oujirou sat up and faced me, eyes searching mine. “Then can I come with you?”

I shook my head. “You need to stay here and help rebuild. They look to you for leadership, although they tell me you took a house just for yourself.”

“I did, I, uh, I wanted to make sure you had a space, a proper space, as I saw even when you tried to rest the children bothered you.”

Oujirou looked away in embarrassment, or what he thought was embarrassment. Traces of guilt clouded his face, all too obvious to me. Perhaps they had been right after all, maybe the new power he held was changing him.

And yet.

“But I don’t need a whole house.”

He bowed his head. “I’m sorry.”

I would need to watch him, just to make sure. It would be a risk, but I could escape the moment I felt more magic from a god. I’d need to be on high alert.

  I hadn’t dared to look at the magic around me and him, blinding myself to the truth I could feel in my chest. If it came to it, I’d use his magic to escape.

  “Perhaps I could stay a few more days,” I said, hoping I didn’t regret my decision.

 

A few days became a week, and then two, and then a whole month had passed. It was strange spending so much time around humans, so much that I almost felt human again. I smiled as the next house was completed, as Aichi-san declared another person well enough to rejoin the group now rebuilding stronger than ever. Oujirou had worked harder making amends to the people around him, and they now gossiped about him too. They still joked how he kept trying to get me alone, but praised his decisions.

“Kichi-san,” they said to me, one sunny day, “Oujirou has been working too hard again. You should take him to the hill to rest in the sunshine.”

My cheeks flushed. Our escape had been noticed and the women had dug the information from Oujirou after he’d returned that day. Since then we’d barely had chance for more than a few moments alone, even the ones stolen out of jealousy.

“I’m sure Oujirou-san is too busy for a break again,” I said with a laugh and returned to watching over the children. “As am I.”

“Let me take the babies,” another offered. “Go find him.”

They all spoke to me so friendly now, I almost began to forget my true nature. Kichi the kitsune was soon becoming Kichi the villager. Perhaps they never did believe I was a tenko and now accepted me just as any other.

After being ushered a third time, I stood up from the wooden porch I’d been perched on and left them to find Oujirou. I wandered between half-completed buildings searching for whatever he’d been roped into helping. Men worked diligently with freshly cut wooden beams, bring each house to life. None of them were Oujirou.

“Have you seen Oujirou?”

“In the new house,” one offered, pointing in the direction of the forest.

Most of the new houses were being built on stronger land, hoping that another wave wouldn’t rip them apart as the last one. I walked over, calling his name.

A door slid open and Oujirou stepped out with a smile. “Kichi, you’re here. Come and see, this is my new house.”

I narrowed my eyes a little, wondering why he wanted to show me. All the houses were the same design, something quick and easy to house the homeless.

Oujirou laughed. “I also have a gift for you.”

Entering, it was obvious enough what the gift was, as there on a low table sat a tokkuri and two cups.

“It’s too early to be drinking, Oujirou!”

Oujirou stood beside me. “It’ll soon be night time, you’ve lost track of time again.”

“Have I?” I smiled. I’d been doing that a lot lately.

“Here, sit down and I’ll pour for you. The other woman have told me you haven’t stopped working all day and said I should make you rest.”

“That’s interesting,” I said, giving in and kneeling at the table. “Because they sent me to find you to make you rest too.”

Oujirou found his way to the floor and poured a cup of sake before offering it to me. “I remember the last time we rested well, overlooking the sea. That was a good day.”

Taking the sake, I sipped it, savouring the taste and poured Oujirou’s cup. He lifted it to his tired lips and I noticed all the small changes in his face. His eyes were still tired, although a new light shone within them. A chill went down my spine, he almost looked as if he’d been speaking with gods.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I…” I took a breath before trying again. “It’s been a while since we were able to speak like this and I… I wondered what you’ve been doing since then. I said I would leave before, and I still might have to. There’s a look in your eyes...”

Panic set in and he grabbed my hands. “Leave? No, please don’t. What are your worries, let me get rid of them.”

I stared at the table. Should I tell him the truth? He’d been good to me so far.

“Remember when Aichi-san spoke to Tsukuyomi? There was a look in her eyes and I knew she’d spoken to him, that no lies came from her mouth. You have a similar look.”

Oujirou drained the rest of his cup and stared into my eyes. “Kichi, I wouldn’t do anything to harm you, or make you leave this place. I want you to stay. Not only in this village.” He reached up and placed a warm hand on my cheek. “I want you to stay here, in this house, with me. I’ve wanted it for a while now but I—you are busy and there wasn’t a time to ask and well… t-this is why I have sake.”

  I blinked at him. He was telling me the look in his eyes, the ones of devotion and admiration, wasn’t to the gods, but to… me? I opened my eyes to the magic around us, steeling myself to the blackness I felt before, and gasped. I could see a purple miasma surrounding him, the magic of a human; the lifeforce which many yokai like myself were drawn to, that would feast on, if given the chance. It flooded the room and swirled around me, ready for the taking.

I quickly finished my sake. His hand still rested on my cheek and I reached up and placed my hand on his.

“Oujirou…”

“You can call me Ouji, if you’d prefer. I’d like that.”

“I-I just…”

Words failed me. For once my mind was left blank, scrabbling for anything to say. For so many years I had wandered and never found a place I wanted to stay. Not until now. And here was a man, knowing I wasn’t a human, and yet still wanting to keep me close.

“Do you know how many lives I’ve lived? How many years I’ve watched people grow old and die, and I still go on. It’s not easy.”

Oujirou nodded. “I know you’re a kitsune and I shouldn’t ask this of you, especially being one of Inari-sama’s divine tenko. But, my heart belongs to you and I would spend my remaining years by your side, wherever you go, if you’ll allow it.”

As a young kitsune I had fallen in love with a merchant. He’d won me over with gifts from far away places and ignited my need for travel. I’d watched each day as he grew older until his last, shattering my heart into tiny pieces. I’d tried again a few more times but nobody had ever replaced his love.

Oujirou reminded me of him, his tired eyes filled with warmth and his smile drawing me closer. I was the one who played tricks, I was the kitsune. And yet here he was playing tricks on me.

I was fine with having my broken heart locked away. I was fine going where I pleased, doing whatever came to mind.

And then this.

This.

His black eyes waited for me patiently, tinged with worry, expecting the worst. I could break his heart with just a few words.

But, my heart thrummed and ached. I didn’t want to break him.

Leaning closer, I pressed my lips to his, a soft kiss, but not a goodbye kiss. His fingers lightly brushed my skin, trailing down from my face to my neck.

“You’re beautiful,” he breathed once our lips parted. “I wish to look at you every day until I die. I’ll never grow tired of your soft face.”

The magic around him begged to be taken now, filling the room with dark purple clouds. If I was to stay here, I would need protection, much more than I’d done before. All this magic, all his magic, it would be mine. As fingers explored further, gingerly creeping down my body, it grew even denser. I had to mute my senses just to ignore it.

Few humans could create such magic, I was in luck. And there was one way that never failed to make magic blossom to it’s fullest.

But unlike the boat captain, and the many more before him, I wanted this for another reason. I wanted to be closer to Oujirou, feeling his bare skin under my fingertips.

“You don’t have to be so coy,” I said, reaching for his obi and expertly untying it. “You can have me.”

I kissed his next words away, undressing him slowly as his hand roamed my body. At first his touch was light until my hand dipped between his legs and he groaned with pleasure.

“Let me undress you,” he pleaded between moans.

I grinned as I let go and knelt up, body waiting to be undressed.

“Kichi,” Oujirou said lust clear on his face. “You didn’t have to stop.”

Despite complaining, his hands quickly grabbed my obi. I placed mine on his. “Perhaps I should do it.”

Want and need begged his lips to tell me no, but gently, he let go. My own hands raised to my obi, pulling gently at the silky material, loosening it ever so slowly. I was in no rush. Seeing him twitch and groan and start to pleasure himself made my movements ever slower, until my own obi finally slid down my kimono to the tatami.

Unable to hold himself back any longer, Oujirou grabbed my kimono, pulling at the silk and baring me, eyes hungry over my body. Fingers rolled over my skin, dipping between my thighs as his lips returned to mine. Pleasure began to spread as he kissed a trail down my body, blessing each area with his lips. Backwards he pushed me, until my back touched tatami and he continued his blessing downwards.

I sensed the magic around him again, flooding the whole room now. Running my fingers through his hair as his movements surged the pleasure higher, I stole from him. The magic was mine. The adoration was mine. The love… was mine.

It wasn’t just lust that drove Oujirou onwards, he’d moved on from his blessing, instead now sinking himself deep inside me, his face now close to mine. His eyes filled with so much desire, and yet love still drove him. Soft lips kissed mine, making my heart beat wilder than before. I wrapped my arms around his back, pulling him closer, needing him closer.

What had he done to me, to open my heart once again?

Tears pricked at my eyes and I nuzzled my face into his neck. I didn’t want him to see me like this. A familiar feeling clawed at me, a fear crawling to the surface. I held on tighter as waves of pleasure crashed over us, until I drowned in the ecstasy. Until we both drowned. Deeper and deeper and deeper.

We gasped for breath, holding on to each other as our hammering hearts slowed once more. Oujirou slipped down beside me in exhaustion and I grabbed his arm, needing his touch.

I felt vulnerable. It had been so long since I felt it, I almost didn’t recognise it. I was only vulnerable as a human.

  Oujirou cupped my cheek and smiled. He opened his mouth to speak then changed his mind. I was grateful as I didn’t want to speak. Who knew if I even could right now, as my mind raced and spun out of control. Every sense around me was heightened, the feel of fabric, the smell of tatami, even the beads of sweat rolling down my body sent my mind crazy.

How could he do this to me?

I stared up at the wooden beams above, slowly my breathing and trying to take control. I was now full of magic once more, taking more than I could ever want from Oujirou. Never had I seen someone so full of it. Magic coursed through my veins and I focussed on that, feeling the calm presence flowing freely in my body.

I didn’t want to admit to myself, it was love. Not the warm feelings I thought it was, the need to be around someone… No. It was like with my first love. My heart beat for him and was broken, and now mended for Oujirou to take. I loved him.

Oujirou brushed strands of hair out of my face. “Kichi,” he started, smile widening. “Forever am I blessed that Inari-sama sent you to me. You have saved my life. I thought it was the end when the wave came, crashing and smashing and drowning us all. When I realised I was alive, alone, buried in the mud, I prayed over and over. And now you came to me. Now you make my life brighter.”

Should I tell him the truth? What would he think? All this time I had lied to him. I was no tenko, I was far from divine. I hoped he’d forgive me.

  I closed my eyes and buried into his chest. Not now, I didn’t want to think about that now. I just wanted this, me and him, here together.

Oujirou stroked my hair gently, holding me close, and for once in the longest time, I felt safe.

The sea water rolled up the beach, waves crashing over and over; the sound had become hypnotic and calming. It was almost hard to believe that not so long ago these very waves had nearly destroyed everything in its wake; houses had been rebuilt, lives returning to normal. And yet I couldn’t help but check the area for magic every once in a while. The black tendrils which had rooted fear deep into me still covered the area, though had started to fade. My own magic had been strengthened over and over by Ouji, just enough to make even the most stubborn god pause.

I opened my eyes again to the fading blackness, feeling it all around me, all emanating from the sea.

Except, one area was black. Not the grey-black of the others, but the fresh black like ink.

“There you are,” Ouji said, sandals sinking in the sand as he approached. “I couldn’t find you.”

Fear hit my stomach and filled my veins with ice. Above, clouds opened up with fat droplets splashing on our kimono. Something was coming.

Waves crashed harder. I was rooted to the spot as the magic deepened. Not something, someone. Water parted, a figure emerged. A man with the deepest blue kimono.

Not a man, a god. I knew the feel of their presence, of the power they held. But this one felt… wrong. Black eyes turned to us. A hollow smile pulled at his lips.

Grabbing Ouji’s hand tight, I turned us around away from him.

“Ouji, run.”