“So, let me get this straight,” I say to the excited Tomura who’s practically tap dancing, he’s so giddy. “You ran off to UA, without telling anyone, disintegrated the gate to let the paparazzi whores inside as a distraction, and then walked in to steal their school schedule?”

He pauses his happy dance for a moment and looks at Himi expectantly, but she just tilts her head at him. “Wait, whore isn’t a curse word?”

“No?” Himi says questioningly. “It’s just another word for prostitute, which is a job. Not a completely legal job, but still a job. Why would a job be a curse word?”

“But ‘bastard’ is the word for an illegitimate kid, but you still hit him when he tries to say it!”

She waves him off. “That’s different. Societal-”

“Can we go back to the part where Shiggity-biggity-boo randomly walked into UA and stole their stuff without getting caught?” I interject, a bit unsettled that I’m the one who has to bring us back to the core of the conversation. I’m supposed to be the one who derails things, not the other way around!

Tomura huffs, crossing his arms, but can’t stop the pleased smile from stretching his lips. “Yeah, it was basically a tutorial level, it was so easy. I didn’t even need Kurogiri to warp me out. I just left with the reporters when the police came.”

“...”

I’m starting to feel like heroes are a lot dumber than I grew up thinking. I mean, I know that they aren’t nearly as heroic as they pretend to be because of All Might, which I don’t really care about anymore since I kill them for fun/my technical job. But I figured that they would at least have decent security inside a hero school. The walls that Shiggy told us popped up don’t count since they’re meant to prevent people from getting inside instead of securing the inside.

I shrug, deciding not to question it. It worked out, he didn’t get caught. That’s what matters. Oh, and the information he got of course. But since he’s not holding anything, I can only assume that it was entirely digital -which I doubt since he’s not good with computer stuff unless it’s game related- or that he’s already passed it onto the people who should know. 

“So what did you get other than a schedule?” I ask as I lift myself onto a barstool.

“What do you mean?” He questions with a frown. “I told you, I got a schedule so we can organize a raid to kill All Might! Which reminds me, I should get some thugs to deal with the adds…”

I sigh, giving him a pitying look. “Shiggy. Did you only grab a school schedule?”

“Huh? Yeah, that’s what I said. I didn’t run into any side quests. It did have a list of the people in the class attached though, so that’s worth some bonus points.” He looks at Himi with a confused look and she just shakes her head at him in disappointment. Or at least mock disappointment since I’m pretty sure she would have lost track of the ‘main quest’ and focused on the ‘side quests’.

“So… you have no information on the students’ quirks, or if any of them could be an actual problem? Nothing to help with whatever plan you have to make sure they don’t interfere in killing him?”

“What are you talking about? They’re just brats.” He scowls at me, clearly irritated that I’m not more impressed with what he accomplished.

The thing is though, he’s not the most…stealthy… person. Or much of a detail-oriented person. So it honestly couldn’t have been that hard to do what he did. He even said it was easy! Still, I suppose he deserves a head pat for managing to do it all on his own.

After pulling back my profusely bleeding wrist-stump that Himi latches her mouth around, I explain what should be exceedingly obvious. “So are we.” I gesture to myself and Himi, who’s grabbed her own stool so she’s not half crouched like some sort of beast as she slurps my blood. Some of it does drip down her chin since she can’t swallow fast enough, but thankfully for Mamagiri she has a bucket to catch it before it falls to the floor. “And you aren’t all that much older than us either!”

“...That’s different.” Shigaraki looks away and crosses his arms, knowing that I made a point but unwilling to admit it. I can admit that it’s a little different, since we’re both crazy. But it’s not different enough to invalidate the benefit of more information. I mean, quirk analysis is literally my specialty! It’s what I did for eleven years!

Rolling my eyes, I let it go. What’s done is done. No point letting what-could-have-beens sour our relationship. Dumb sentimentalities like that got beaten out of me a long time ago.

“So, when’s the attack? And is All For One going to be the one to face All Might? Because let's be honest, none of us are strong enough to one-shot him. Though I might come close if I maximize the shock value of me being alive and making it like an overly dramatic ‘I missed you’ moment. But the very thought of saying that to the man makes me sick to the point where I’d probably throw up halfway through. There’s also the possibility that they’ll think I’m just a villain with a transformation quirk who made themselves look like me while subconsciously dismissing the idea that I’m really me and attack immediately.

But that would require them to be thinking that the secret of All Might being Toshnori got out, which is unlikely since only us and Stain knows and Stain hasn’t spread it around because he doesn’t believe it. But then again All Might isn’t All Smart so he’d probably think the secret did get out. Or, like me, the thought might never enter his mind so he’d automatically assume that I’m me. We also can’t discount-”

My muttering is interrupted by a chunk of metal breaking my nose, Himi stowing away her pan while I feel it. Yep. I’m gonna need to die to get that fixed. But I already needed to do that for my hand so it’s not a big deal. The blood loss will probably kill me in a few minutes anyways so that’s covered already.

“Finally.” Shiggy mutters now that I’m quiet. “The attack is tomorrow, which is why we need to hurry with gathering mobs. Doesn’t matter if they can’t win against the brats as long as they can hold them off while we take care of All Might. Apparently him and two other teachers are going to be taking one of the hero classes to a place called the USJ-”

“UNIVERSAL STUDIOS JAPAN!?” I yell, jumping to my feet and getting angry grumbling from Himi for taking away her chew toy and blood dispenser. “We get to go to Universal Studios Japan!? This is so exciting! I’ve never been! When Toshinori was supposed to take me he ditched me at a restaurant we ate at before we even got halfway there!”

My eyes widen. “Ooh, ooh! I heard that they decided to add an All Might themed ride a couple years ago to compete with Hero World’s popularity. Can we end the day with blowing it up or finding something di-phallic shaped to shove in the mouth of anything that has his face?”

The two of them just stare at me in silence for a few seconds while my stump bleeds onto the floor. Eventually Himi reaches over and rubs my head and Shiggy speaks. “The fuck is with your backstory? Anytime we think we’ve heard everything, you pull something like this out of your ass.”

I shrug, idly wondering where Mamagiri is. He’d be absolutely pissed to see how much blood is leaking onto the floor. “That’s for me to know and therapists to be traumatized about.”

He rolls his eyes while Himi goes back to her…lunch? Early dinner? We kind of lost track of time dealing with that errand I put down back during UA’s Entrance Exam.

“Ignoring…” he gestures vaguely at me, his hand going up and down before seeming to give up. “It’s not Universal Studios Japan. But after we kill All Might we’re definitely going. It’s something called the Unforeseen Simulation Joint. As for the one who’ll actually be killing him?”

He smirks, and I can see the smug pride in his eyes as he gestures to the door behind the bar. “We have a hidden boss.” The door opens, and a large bird man walks out, followed by Kurogiri as Shigaraki continues to explain. “Nomu has been genetically engineered to be stronger than All Might in his prime. And since Sensei said he’s weakening, it shouldn’t have any trouble taking care of him.”

I patiently stare at him, waiting for him to continue. A few moments later Kurogiri speaks. “Ensure that your mess is cleaned up, Midosagi.”

I unabashedly throw Shiggy at the sacrificial altar. “He’s the one who decayed my hand, so it’s his mess. The dusted remains of it are even mixed in, so he’s the one who has to clean it up.”

As he sputters in indignation, I sigh. “Really? You’re seriously relying on this thing,” I flick a knife at Nomu, watching as it buries itself into its chest with no trouble and no reaction, “to kill All Might?”

He scowls at me. “It has Shock Absorption, High-Speed Regeneration, and, like I already said, is stronger than All Might in his prime! Of course it can kill him!”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, but you’re forgetting just how stupid he is. I can guarantee he’s going to pull some BS out of nowhere and get stronger. Something like: “I must simply become stronger than I was. Plus Ultra!” Then beat it into oblivion.”

“That sounds like a stupid glitch. There’s no way something like that hasn’t been patched out already.” He crosses his arms, causing me to scoff.

“No duh it’s stupid. But it’s not a glitch, it’s a function. See, if a person were to use all their strength, then there’d be a fairly good chance that they’d damage it. So the brain helps the subconscious limit what the mind believes is available. And since people also consciously hold back, due to any number of reasons, the amount of strength exerted is again reduced. Following so far?”

Getting nods from the three LoV members while the Nomu doesn’t react, I continue. “Generally, humans really only use sixty percent of their strength, if they even bother to exert themselves as hard as they can. But the reality is that people don’t want to exert themselves that much, even heroes.”

I wave my hand dismissively. “Oh, sure. They can have any number of reasons, but the result is the same. Most people end up using somewhere around thirty percent of their strength, so it’s not impossible for All Might to pull some more strength out of those cowlicks of his. In strength, I’d say he definitely has a chance of beating your Nomu.”

I lean forward with my elbow on my knee, my hand hanging limp as my eyes gleam. “That’s why we have to target his mind. Not his body. Not to mention that it would be so~ much more satisfying~.”

At some point during my explanation Shigaraki started scratching his neck, so I already know that he’s not likely to go with my plan. But he’s not the one I need to convince.

A burst of static comes from the tv, a prelude to AFO’s voice. “Kurogiri, hand him the class roster.” He does so, and I take the moment to skim it as AFO continues. “I do enjoy the thought of All Might suffering. But this is Tomura’s plan. Then again, I am the one providing the Nomu. So should it fail, the responsibility would lay with me.”

“You’re never wrong, Sensei!” Shigaraki says with all the fervor of a mildly indoctrinated cultist. Much better than when he was acting like a fully indoctrinated cultist.

“Oh, but I am, Tomura. If I was never wrong, my body wouldn’t be in the condition that it is. Nor would I have grown to my level of power, for the mistakes I have made have led me to opportunities to gain strength. Which is why I am proposing a little contest.”

I can hear the amusement clearly in his voice, but my focus is entirely on two names on the roster slowly being crumpled as my hand clenches. “Fight Nomu. If you win, your plan shall be acted upon. Lose, and Tomura’s will be acted upon. Simple, yes. But seeing as you have based your own proposal on the possibility of Nomu being defeated by All Might, I see it as only fair.”

I look up from the paper, crumbling it into a ball as I pull my arm away from Himi, who at some point filled her bucket and wrapped my stump. Tossing it over my shoulder and draw another knife, taking a stance against the Nomu with my eyes filled with determination. “Perfectly fair, All For One. Just don’t get mad when I break Tomura’s birthday present.”

Tomura’s eye twitches and he growls out a single word as Kurogiri shouts out in distress of the mess. “Kill.”

It’s over in an instant, and I’m sitting across from Receptionist not entirely sure what happened. I guess I can only hope that my instincts knew what they were doing, because it moved too fast for me to think of anything.

I sigh, giving Receptionist an apologetic smile. “Sorry, but your co-workers might be getting a bit rushed tomorrow.”