“Um, do we have to?” I ask.

“What?”

“I mean, do we have to. Can’t we just…demonstrate our powers without having to fight each other? This is like in an American comic book where they have to fight for an issue before they actually do anything about the bad guys!” I pout (as do my tentacles).

“You mean the bad guys right behind you?”

Urk.

“G-get out of here, you!” I yell at the kaijin, but all they do is flail their tentacles at me! I-if I’m supposed to be the ‘leaderess of evil’, why aren’t they listening to me? Do I need to prove myself to these cute tentacled Millennian-chans?

“I have a good idea!” yells Laplace, as she twirls her parasol and reveals from beneath it…a box? Oh dear, does it contain the original text of the Reiwa Accord? All the world’s evils? The terrible secret of space? Another box? “Let me show you my power, Maledicta! The most fearsome of all magical powers…the power to convert!”

“Convert?” I blink in confusion. “Um, convert what?”

“Convert! From the nebulous nature of ‘magical energy’ which defies physical laws, I can create matter!” Laplace nods to herself and flips open the top of the box. “Allow me to demonstrate!”

Really? I had heard the rumors before this, but I always figured there must be some kind of catch! Indeed, Laplace shows no discomfort after she pulls out, um…

“I-is that a coilgun?” I yell as I suddenly feel very nervous. “A-a Howa Machinery Type 29 man-portable coilgun as used by the first humanoid unmanned ground vehicles of the Japanese Strategic Self-Defense Forces during the final years of the Collapse wars?”

“The very same!” Laplace carefully balances her parasol behind her as she hefts the gun as long as she is tall. I-is this safe? “Let me demonstrate my understanding of the laws of physics!” Pointing it toward one of the Millennian-chans, Laplace pulls the trigger, a high velocity penetrator instantly making one of the kaijin explode, and –

and then she falls over.

“H-hey, you can’t just fire a gun like that! It weighs half as much as you do!” Um, probably, I guess I’m estimating. “D-do you need –”

“Not at all!” Laplace yells, as she pulls into her box and grabs what appears to be a, um…a gigantic laser pointer? “Just watch!” Pointing it at the other kaijin, each of them explode with a single push of a button!

and then that explodes. Must be the power source! Smells like burnt out fuel cells…

Dusting herself off, Laplace rolls her parasol along her dress to keep it from burning up, and then does a little twirl. “Are you impressed, Maledicta? Fear my power! So long as I understand its mechanisms, I can make anything happen!”

“I-I mean, it is very impressive, but don’t you think you’re overdoing it a bit –”

“If it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing!”

“But you already look really tired! You nearly broke your arms and you set yourself on fire!”

“As they once said in Old America, I reject your reality and substitute my own!”

…you know, I hate to say it, but I think maybe I understand why Laplace’s Witch has trouble playing with others.

“Thus, having met my fearsome challenge, how will you respond?” Laplace shrugs and has this ridiculous smug look on her face! “Tremble in fear at my two different kinds of guns! I’m the most powerful of magical girls, with power over the very fabric of reality! Even you can’t stop me.”

Okay.

“All those other magical girls carry themselves with such horrific lack of care and efficiency! They know nothing of being truly elegant ladies! Yes, they’re ignorant commoners compared to me! How can anyone keep me off the ‘top ten cutest magical girls’ list?”

That is it.

“It’s a crime! It’s a crime, is what it is! Everyone knows I’m the absolute cutest! How can anyone say otherwise?”

I have had it! First the magical girls, then my parents, then Hikari…and now this little shit thinks my grand appearance on the stage of history is a perfect time to monologue! How does everyone have so little respect for me that they treat me this way? Why does Laplace think that this is her time to show off? Has no one taught her any manners? Does she really have this little consideration for other human beings?

“Santa Rosa should grovel at my feet! Kiss them! That’s the only place for the girl who stole the title that is rightfully mine –”

“Shut up.”

Thankfully, Laplace does what she’s told, possibly because she sees me manifesting a gigantic mass of tentacles behind me, or maybe because of the magical aura I have flaring in great vengeance and furious anger.

“Now, listen here, little lady,” I say, puffing up my chest.

“Little lady?!”

“Yes! You’re a little lady! You’re young enough to be my little sister!”

“Hmph. I don’t have a sister. No one could surpass my genius!” Laplace turns up her nose. “I didn’t realize the Astral Queen doesn’t know how to address a fellow peer of the nobility! If you insist on treating me like a child, then I’ll just have to use my strongest attack!”

Ugh. Bored now. Really, how long is this girl going to talk? She’d look so much better cradled in my tentacles and rocked to sleep rather than trying to look tough. Yesss…

As Laplace pulls her arm deep into her box and seemingly struggles to tug a weapon out, I start to kiss some of my tentacles, feel up my cute little breasts. Yes, she might be powerful, but if she doesn’t know how to use it, then what she needs is education. What she needs is control.

“Just give me a moment here…”

Oh, but she’s so cute. She’s so cute how she thinks she’s the strongest. She’s so cute how she doesn’t realize how she comes across. We’re kindred spirits, but…mmh. Even I can be more honest with myself. I think she needs someone to adopt her, to spank her bottom, to make sure she’s a good girl!

“Dearest guest of mine, behold! I have created the, um…the RISC Hyper Laser! Yes! With this, I shall –”

I cut her off with a blast of ink to the face. Blinding her, I reach out and spray more and more of it, coating her dress all over! Ohh, but that looks so good, doesn’t it? She looks good when she looks so dazed and confused.

“I told you to shut up, didn’t I?” I say as I gag her, cover her face up. Aah, she might have this power, but physically she’s so weak 🖤 I can just reach under her dress and feel her up! Black ink all over 🖤 “If you’re such a good scientist, why don’t you examine my ink? Let it wash over you, completely. Swallow it. Go on, you love it, don’t you? I’ll teach you everything you need to know as a minion of evil.”

Oh, gosh, I’m so wet. These fantasies of mine just spill out so easily! I’m sorry, mama, papa, but I’m a girl full of dark desires who only needs a tiny little bit of encouragement to unleash them onto the world! I can’t hold myself back at all! And I’m going to make Laplace’s Witch into my cute little sister, so I can pamper and bully her all I like! I…

oh, dear, it’s getting quite warm. Is that…

It is! It’s Laplace’s self-made laser, somewhere in my mass of tentacles as I try to rip up her costume! That just won’t do, I’ll need to throw it away! I can sense how close it is to exploding, after all!

Maiden in Black 1★: Technopathy

Shiori has a subtle, intuitive understanding of technology through use of her magic. This understanding is limited at first, but grows as her Maiden in Black star rating increases.

Well, I wouldn’t mind if Laplace’s Witch exploded in pleasure and submission as she moans and writhes and grabby-hands and swallows up my ink and everything, but I don’t think either of us want to be near an exploding jury-rigged magical laser weapon, so I manage to wrench it away and just…um, what was the word the Americans used to use?

Ah, yes.

I yeet it! I yeet her RISC Hyper Laser, which must weigh eight metric tons, as hard as I can, and it flies all the way into the ocean before it fires upward in a massive concentrated beam of light that, no doubt, will shoot down some ancient Starlink satellite or something that’s clogging up our valuable geostationary orbit!

“L-l-lemme go,” I finally hear from inside my embrace, and I squeeeeeeeeze Laplace’s Witch tightly and kiss her forehead. She’s so cute when she’s struggling to escape me!

“I won’t. I won’t let you go. Right now, you’re the cutest girl in the world, because you’re mine. I won’t let you go…”

Romantic as it may be – yes, it’s romantic to lay a claim on a girl as a villainess and declare her yours, I decree it! – a burst of light signifies the detransformation of a magical girl into a small, young, sickly-looking girl whose pyjamas are now entirely soaked. And while I did decisively claim her, I suspect that the reason she exploded is…she doesn’t have a lot of energy and…um, is probably bedridden in the Tomino residence…

oh.

Well, um, that’s very awkward.