I liked to whistle and sing to chase my boredom away. Hmmm…what were my favorite songs again? Ah, that’s right. “March of the Blood-drenched Berserker” is a good start. But nothing could be compared to “Blood and Gore and Blood and Gore.”

Yes, they were all war songs. My preferences might be fucked up, but at least the melody of those songs was nice. Happy, even. So, as long as I only whistled them and not sing the lyrics, it would sound…okay to someone who didn’t know.

To someone who did know, though, I had no doubt they’d experience a PTSD episode.

Anyways, I’d been whistling for a while now, so I changed to singing.

“Make your way, for the Berserker is here~”

I sang as I swung my weapon. The floor I was standing on was now plastered with a red liquid.

“Drenched in blood, he instills fear~”

The red liquid was now gone. Now, the floor was squeaky clean.

“But don’t you worry now, I saved a spot for you in the r— FUCK!”

Dammit, I spilled the red cleaning liquid thing on the floor! W-Wait, if I scoop it up real fast, maybe no one would notice it? It was going on the floor anyways, so would it really matter if I did so?

So began my process of scooping the red cleaning agent up in the restrooms. Yes, that fucking bitch Savannah made me clean the restrooms as punishment. 

Well, she didn’t exactly force it onto me, but it was either this or…urgh, I don’t want to talk about it.

Anyways, since I was grumbling and not actually whistling and singing, I could hear the small yet distinct sound of something wet.

‘Huh…it sounds…eerily familiar.’

Sounded like Scott and Rin, in particular.

Maybe my moving on the cleaning agent made that noise, so I stopped. But the sound still continued. I soon pinpointed the exact source of the sound—the stall right behind me.

I leaned my ear against it and listened more carefully. Was that ragged breathing I hear?

But I shouldn’t have done that, as my weight caused the door to open. What I saw was someone vigorously stroking her tail and her you-know-what. It was dark, so I could only see the vague outline of her figure.

“A-Ah!”

That someone screamed in pleasure. Simultaneously, I could feel something…warm on my face.

Luckily, it wasn’t piss. I knew what piss smells like (obviously), and this scent was the furthest away from that. And the taste, too. A bit got in my mouth, so I could tell that it tasted a bit…sweet.

No piss had gotten in my mouth, of course. I was just merely speculating what piss might taste like. A—

‘You know what, I’m not talking about piss anymore.’

“Okay, I get that you’re horny,” I lectured the girl as I stood there in the doorway, frowning. “But seriously, are you that kinky? I was literally right here cleaning! I even sang! W-Wait, you even masturbated through ‘March of the Blood-Drenched Berserker’? Damn, how did you even get off with that playing in the background?”

The girl stayed silent, obviously embarrassed by what she’d done.

“Look, I’m not judging you or anything, but please lock the door next time. Now, let me see your face so that I can avoid you.”

“W-Wait, no!”

“Too late now. [Spark].”

As red Electricity danced on the tip of my finger and dimly illuminated the stall, I could see the girl.

It was Miseria. Miser-fucking-ria. This was the first time I’d seen that much rage shown on her face. Granted, she still looked dull, but her eyes… ‘Yeah, I’m not going to mess with that.’ 

“I’ll pretend I saw nothing and—”

“Oh no you don’t!”

Miseria pulled me inside the stall. Her voice was full of rage and embarrassment, but her face was still dull. It was a bit disconcerting seeing the difference between her expression and her voice, but who was I to complain? I was in a bathroom stall alone with the most beautiful girl I’d laid my eyes on. It would’ve been great if she wasn’t a Heroine… or a Villainess.

“Astrape Gray, right?” She said, her voice turning back to cold.

‘S-She remembers my name? S-Shit! W-Why am I on her radar?’

I hadn’t done anything to show my power. Plus, I was sure that Marie would spread the rumor of me cheating in the duel to make it sound like I could only beat Artoria up due to cheating.

Still, enraging her even further would be bad for me, so I nodded with a gulp.

“Y-Yes…”

“Great. You’re my servant now.”

“What?” 

What was she talking about?

“A Noble’s dignity cost a lot more than you might think. You’re my servant until you’ve repaid the debt of seeing me in that…compromising state.”

I didn’t have a choice here. Either earn the ire of a Villainess (and a future Duchess) or suffer for a few weeks until she was bored of me.

The answer was obvious.

“Alright.”

“‘Alright’ what?”

“Alright, Lord.”

“That’s still a bit disrespectful, don’t you think?”

‘She’s too keen on this, huh?’

With a sigh, I spoke. “As you wish, my liege.”

Miseria nodded and left the stall, leaving me behind here…all hot and bothered. Dammit.

“Wait, you forgot your underwear!”

She came back, snatched the underwear out of my hands, and left with rushed steps. The tips of her ears turned a bit red.

“Huh…I guess that’s that. Let’s just hope Erika doesn’t strangle me in my sleep.” I sighed. “Who am I kidding, she totally will.”

.

.

.

.

“Oh, you gotta be fucking with me…”

After my punishment, I went to Savannah to receive the key to my dorm. I knew that I was going to have a roommate, yes, but I didn’t expect her to be…

“Haha, I guess it just turned out this way…”

Artoria. She was sitting on the bunk bed and laughing awkwardly. 

This was awkward. Very. I’d just beat her up just a few hours ago, and now I had to stay in a room with her…for who knows how long…

Anyways, my situation wasn’t too dire yet. The dormitory system of the Ark operated under the system of “Suite.” That meant a common area, a kitchen, and two bedrooms for a dorm.

It just so happened that I shared a bedroom with Artoria. So, I could go to another bedroom and see if the girls there wanted to exchange places with me. It would be easy considering the fact that, well, they get to sleep in the same room as Artoria.

I slammed the door of the bedroom shut and got to the other one. Knocking on the door, I waited for a few seconds before someone opened it.

“It’s you again… Have you come to receive your uniform already?”

Seeing the blue-eyed and white-haired dragoness before me, I almost choked on my own saliva. Seriously? What horrendous luck was this? Miseria in the same dorm as me?

‘Now that I think about it…fuck, the novel mentioned this, didn’t it?’

Sighing, I gave her a bow before getting the fuck out of there and getting back in my bedroom again. Staying with Artoria was better than staying with Miseria, I thought.

Then, I turned on my phone to see the list of my dorms just to make sure that Marcela’s knowledge was correct. Let’s see…Artoria, me, Miseria, and…the Princess.

Finally, I could heave a sigh of relief. The Princess, being…the Princess, would request a room to stay in on her own.

The saying that “Ark doesn’t discriminate” was a blatant lie, so of course, she was offered one.

So, my dorm only had three people inhabiting it.

‘At least Marie isn’t here, it’d be—’

I slapped myself hard on the cheek before I could finish that thought. Bad Ast! No more jinxing yourself for today!

.

.

.

.

Two months have passed since then.

Luckily for me, Miseria never once called me to her room.

And staying with Artoria wasn’t as bad as I thought since she would mostly spend her night training until exhaustion in the training ground. By the time she returned here, I would already be fast asleep.

Anyways, I was currently inside the cafeteria, listening in on conversations like the creep that I was. Like a famous philosopher or something once said, “Gossip is the best form of collecting information.”

-”Hey, did you hear about the first ranker?”

-”What about her?”

-”Apparently, she bought a slave.”

-”W-What? I thought buying slaves is illegal?”

-”Did you forget? The Imperial Palace has just passed a law. We can legally own Void fiends now.”

-”But isn’t buying slaves still…bad? I thought she was the righteous type?”

-”That’s why I’m telling you! She’s just pretending to be a good girl to seduce our girls. We should spread this rumor so that the girls will avoid her. Then, we can get our girlfriends back from that succubus in human skin!”

-”Hahaha, you’re a genius!”

From what I could gather from the cucks’ conversation, it seemed that Artoria had bought a slave. This could only mean one thing.

‘Another Heroine…just in time.’

However, by the law of Conservation of Heroines (that I made up), when one Heroine is gained, another must be lost. This wouldn’t apply to Artoria under normal circumstances, but the circumstances were nothing but normal.

The cause? The giggling couple right in front of me—Raun and Amelia.

Their relationship was growing stronger by the day, and I could not let that happen! I was going to save Raun from his death, but I needed Amelia to fall for Artoria…somehow.

“Eyy, Ast, are you okay?” Raun waved his hand right before my face. “If you keep staring at me like that, I’m gonna blush.”

Amelia looked around in nervousness before calming herself.

‘Huh…this could work.’

A devious plan was forming inside my mind when I watched the interaction between the two. It would hurt all those involved, but for the sake of the world (and me), I needed to execute it.

(“Lyra, can you disguise me like you did when you first met Raun?”)

|Sure…?|

With Lyra’s confirmation, there was nothing stopping me from executing the plan anymore.

‘I’m sorry, Raun, but it’s just your luck getting entangled with a Heroine.’