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In a world that, in my opinion, should have never been created, my thoughts went to and fro, thinking about what vomit-inducing things I'll see will give me enough fright to trigger a heart attack and whisk me away to the afterlife.

Was a heart attack a good way to leave the land of the living? No, but I didn't prefer staying in this Boku no Pico world either.

While thinking about the pros and cons of staying alive, I felt this odd sensation in my lower stomach. It felt familiar yet different. It was like an itch I couldn't quite reach.

It followed me for nearly an hour until I couldn't take it anymore. I thought I was sick, that this "illness" was out to get me.

Okay. I don't actually want to die. That was me exaggerating, so to think that my life was nearing its end made me panic.

It's good that this odd sensation, this "illness," wasn't life-threatening at all. And I discovered something because of it, a discovery about my previous body: My Omniversal Body.

In my days full of eating all types of food and whatnot, I never had to do number 1 or number 2. Maybe it was my Omniversal Body being all omniversal, or it was the System, or my skills. I just never had to go for a toilet break.

Now that I'm normal again, I must revert to old habits.

The only thing that changed was I switched teams. My number 1 has changed from that of a guy to a girl's. I've never had to all this time, so my first time came as a surprise.

Believe me when I say that they are completely different.

******

"So weird..."

I thoroughly washed my hands. After leaving the bathroom, I bumped into someone.

"Pico—"

Here we go again.

I interrupted him, saying, "Grandpa, I told you not to call me Pico anymore. I don't like that name."

"But it's the name of your great-great-great-great-grandfather—"

"I don't like it!"

I proceeded to throw a tantrum. The name "Pico" was a negative stigma of epic proportions. Stopping its usage was a priority, or else I throw myself off a cliff.

My dignity is nothing compared to this task. The start of my holy crusade to wipe out any evidence of Pico in this world commences now!

Shamelessly, I said, "Pico is a boy's name! I'm not a boy!"

"What would your mommy and daddy say—"

"I'm. Not. A. Boy!" I crossed my arms and harrumphed.

I feel like throwing up after saying those words.

"Okay, Eira. You wanted to be called Eira, right?"

"Yep. The name is pretty."

Any name was prettier than Pico.

My grandfather, Hiroshi, showed a strained smile.

"Anyway, Eira, we'll go to the doctor today. After I finish preparing the food for later, we'll go straight to him. Alright?"

"Nn." I nodded. He patted my head before heading to the kitchen.

It's been a week since I awakened in this body. Hiroshi hasn't questioned me at all. Instead, he dotes on me a lot. Maybe a little too much. Whatever misunderstanding he has about me, I'll allow it.

In those few days, I learned that Hiroshi owned and managed a bar called the Ocean Oasis. He usually does everything alone, and it's why "Pico" came over to help him during the summer break.

Because I'm Pico now, I help him out as well. I don't know if helping him is good or bad since this might lead me to the cursed hentai route, but I can't leave Ol' Hiroshi alone. I doubt that he would leave me all alone all the same. He can protect me like some kind of shield.

Besides, I'm a big boy on the inside and not a helpless, dumbass child that Pico was. Try to fuck me, and you'll get a kick to the balls as thanks.

I took my time getting dressed. I chose to wear jeans or denim pants and a dark long-sleeved shirt. They were the only "normal" clothes around.

Hiroshi raised a brow when he saw my outfit.

"Are you sure you want to wear that?"

I answered with an affirmatory nod.

I am never wearing those dresses or those short shorts in my closet. I'm not Pico, so there's no way anyone will catch me dead in one of those.

I get that I'm technically a girl now, but inside, not really. It's already nice that Hiroshi isn't forcing me to wear girly clothes.

"Let's go, Pico—I mean, Eira."

He even listens to my weird name-change request. Such an agreeable grandpa Hiroshi is.

We headed out the door. Onwards to the doctor!

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...

I shut the door behind me. The chirps of a summer cicada outside died out of my ears.

"Finally! We made it!"

Wearing pants during summer was a mistake. I felt myself burn with the torrential heat.

The urge to strip my clothes off had never been higher as a ten-minute walk reduced me into a drowning sewer rat.

'Grandpa knows best. No wonder he looked at me like I was a dinosaur,' I thought, feeling icky from the sweat. However, I still refuse to wear something overly girly—anything girly—now or in the future. Unisex clothing will be my pillar of support from now on.

Lucky for me, the doctor's place had air-conditioning. The sterile white room filled with medical gadgets was freezing, perfect for combating the hot and humid season.

I hogged the front of the air-con. The frigid air that blew across my face was indescribably pleasant.

"Good morning, Sasaki-san. Is that the lovely granddaughter that you've been bragging about?"

Someone in a white coat greeted Grandpa Hiroshi.

"You bet. The lovely lady over here is Pic—I mean, Eira. Eira, meet Dr. Tonma." Hiroshi wiped off the sweat on his brow. Was it because of the heat or his little slip of the tongue? Who knows?

Sasaki Pico. Sasaki Hiroshi. Sasaki Eira. "Sasaki" is my new family name. I like it a lot. It reminds me of Sasaki Haise, though I don't know if the same kanji is in our surnames.

"Her white hair and red eyes... is it the result of albinism, Sasaki?"

"I'm not sure. Eira's parents haven't told me about any special considerations, so that shouldn't be the case."

"How unique. I've never heard of anything like it."

I looked at the doctor. He possessed a curious light in his eyes.

Dr. Tonma was a man as old as my grandfather. With reading glasses much thicker than a fingernail, I wondered if he could see what was across the room without wearing it.

"Eira-chan, how are you feeling? I heard that you can't taste or smell anything."

Dr. Tonma turned to me with a pen in hand.

"Everything tastes bland, and I don't know if my grandpa stinks."

"Ohoho, he stinks like a fish alright."

"Oi."

Looks like we'll get along just fine.

Dr. Tonma chuckled as he jotted down a few words on a notepad. He then said, "I'll do a few tests. They will let me know what kind of condition you have."

Of course, I doubted Dr. Tonma would find anything wrong. This penalty inflicted on me was The Creator's doing.

Nothing is ever simple when he is involved.

...

Dr. Tonma adjusted his glasses. His eyes scrunched up as he scrutinized the results.

"There's nothing wrong."

"Doctor, that can't be right. My granddaughter managed to eat all her vegetables in the past few days. She normally never does that."

That's not related to my quest penalty at all. I'm just not a picky eater. I guess Pico might have been.

Dr. Tonma's face showed the perplexity of the situation. "But there is nothing wrong... she is perfectly healthy."

As expected, this curse from The Creator wouldn't be easy to break.

"I can only refer you to a specialist now. There isn't much I can do with the equipment here." Dr. Tonma wrote a few things on a piece of paper. He then handed the note to Hiroshi.

I caught a glimpse of the contents. The stereotype about doctors having indecipherable handwriting had some semblance of truth, it seems.

"There are no symptoms of serious nor infectious diseases, so I would say you can relax, but still, it would be best if you both remain cautious nonetheless."

"...Yes. Thank you, Dr. Tonma."

Hiroshi didn't seem convinced which was understandable.

'Perfectly healthy, but she can't taste or smell anything? That's not healthy at all!'

He's probably thinking something similar to that.

"How about visiting every few days for a check-up?" Dr. Tonma added. "You two are always welcome here. Eira can also play with my grandson once we finish with the check-up."

The doctor turned to me, asking, "Would you like that, little one? It wouldn't be good if you always cooped up in your Grandpa's bar."

I see. Dr. Tonma saw through Hiroshi's concerns too. Those thick glasses of his are doing their job well.

"That sounds good, Grandpa Doctor. Thanks a lot."

"Fufu, come and visit when you have the time."

Grandpa Hiroshi bowed. I followed his example and bent my back as well. It was time to go home.

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The sun immediately started cooking me once I walked outside. Covered in sweat, I reminisced about the good old days when I could teleport wherever and whenever.

Right, I could've Annihilated the sun away in the past. If it's hot, then get rid of the source entirely. I don't think I can do that anymore.

After a few minutes of torture, we arrived beneath the safe confines of the Ocean Oasis. How wonderful it is to have a roof above your head!

"Eira."

Grandpa Hiroshi called out to me.

He approached with steady footsteps before squatting down to my eye level. How he did that without breaking his back at his age was a mystery.

He hesitated for a bit. I didn't know what was going through his mind.

Finally, Hiroshi said, "Sorry, kiddo. You'll have to miss out on my cooking for now. I know how much you like it."

Actually, I wouldn't know. I didn't receive any memories from Pico, so I'll never know what your cooking may have tasted like.

But it doesn't mean I'm not curious about it.

I replied with a sour expression.

"Yes. I'll miss it."

I want my senses to return already.

With another head pat, Hiroshi turned on his feet. To the kitchen he went, where I heard the clanging of pots and other things. He started cooking again.

After all, the Ocean Oasis bar was nearing its opening time.

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"Clean the tables, will ya?" Hiroshi yelled with the sound of the roaring kitchen fire.

The air in the Ocean Oasis seemingly warmed-over with Grandpa's gas-powered flames alone. Whatever it is he's cooking up in there, when Grandpa gets serious, the safest option would be to stay away. It gets wild when he gets serious.

I looked at the clock on the wall. I have around 30 minutes until showtime. Our little trip to the doctor cost us a whole hour. If Grandpa Hiroshi were alone, he would need to delay the opening by around an hour or less.

Mental calculations ran through my head.

"I should have enough time to bathe if I hurry."

It's good that his lovely granddaughter EIRA and not PICO is here to help.

"Grandpa, where is the dishcloth again?"

"It's here by the sink!"

While the sink was in the kitchen, it was far enough from the storm that Grandpa was cooking up. Either way, I ran in and ran out as fast as possible.

I scrubbed the tables, bar top, and stools until all the dust had gone. My movements were a blur to the untrained, perhaps slightly impaired eye. I don't move as fast as I used to, but I scrubbed with the ferocity of an energetic child.

"Pheeeeew..."

I checked the time. I have 15 more minutes until opening time. The first time I cleaned up took 25 minutes, so I'm a bit proud of myself for cutting it down by 10.

After flipping the sign on the window from "Closed" to "Open," I hurried upstairs to the bathroom.

'I need to get rid of this slimy feeling!'

The sticky, sweaty feeling that came with the hot weather was getting harder to endure. My clothes clung to my skin as if glued; it felt disgusting.

I didn't sweat in my new body before, so I've almost forgotten this icky feeling.

With a twist, the tap released warm water that started to pool. Once warm water filled the bathtub, I yeeted my clothes to a corner and stepped right in.

"Ahhh~ Finally!"

I was small enough that I could probably fit two more of me in the bathtub. That's a pretty good thing since I can relax without feeling cramped.

The water seemingly massaged me. All of my body's tiredness melted away.

Then I added extra things to the water, like soap and a rubber ducky.

"Ahhhhhh~"

Bathing is pretty relaxing, huh?

As someone who lived in a small apartment with a bathroom with only enough space for a toilet and a shower, bathing was a foreign experience. Taking a shower was my only option. It must have been a decade since I last bathed, back when I was a kid and living in a proper house. Even when I lived with the Saiki family, I didn't go to the bathroom to use their indoor bath.

It's not because I didn't like bathing, but because Annihilation was a great alternative to all hygiene-related activities.

A brand of soap might say, "Kills 99.9% of germs on your body," but Annihilation kills 100% of germs in the whole house. Why would I need to bathe or shower with a simple thought?

To be honest, I think bathing uses up to much water. But I can see the appeal now.

.

It hurts to say this, but I'll have to live like a normie again.

As a former normie, I know how troublesome it is to survive in a normie's world. An example would be needing to work for money.

"Eira! I'll need you here to take orders very soon!"

"Oof."

Just like now.

Between dispirited sighs, I dried myself off with a towel while watching the bubbly water go down the drain. I can feel myself sweating again already.

'What sucks is I can't smell if I stink. I'll have to wash myself twice a day from now on...'

My "work uniform" consisted of a pink hybrid between an apron and a dress. Maybe it's the Japanese version of an apron. Who knows?

Fortunately, I could wear something underneath. Pants and a sizeable shirt it is. Before that, however, I cut the pants into shorts that went down to my knees. As odd as it looks, I don't care. My clothes, my rules.

Technically Pico's clothes, but what's her's/his's is mine now, and what's mine is mine.

I went down the stairs. A lot of people, more than I thought, were seated. Most had familiar faces since I've seen them in the past week.

One thing to note is that Hiroshi should've only had five or six customers this early, but I can count around thirty people present already.

"Eira-chan, you're finally here! Come and take our order! We are hungry!"

"No, take ours first. We were the first ones here."

Another thing to note is that I barely know these people. We aren't that close. Stop talking like we're close.

"Shaddup, you old granny! Since Eira's close to my table, she might as well take our order first."

"Don't listen to the rude customer over there. I'll take the usual, Eira-chan."

"Ahahaha! You just got called an old granny!"

The bar immediately turned boisterous. The usually empty Ocean Oasis bar was suddenly full of energy. It wasn't like this on my first day helping Grandpa Hiroshi, so why was this happening?

"Everyone, calm down! I can't get orders if all of yous are noisy!" I waved my arms in an attempt to grab their attention.

"—wouldn't understand that simple concept since your brain is too small.

"Your brain's already rotted with old age!"

"Don't talk to our mother like that!"

Guys, let me do my job.

"Eira-chan, I'll have a—"

"Oi, you skipping the line, aye?"

Guys.

"—and then I was like 'Joe told me,' then they were like 'Joe who?' and I couldn't hide my grin before saying—"

GUYS!

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"EVERYBODY QUIT YOUR YAPPING!" (SHUT THE HELL UP!)

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The customers simultaneously covered their ears.

I used the privilege bestowed upon me, the power only kids possess to shut everyone up.

And that is the power to be louder than anyone and anything else.

‏‏‎ ‎

"YOU'LL ALL TURN MY GRANDPA DEAF IF YOU KEEP TALKING SO LOUD!!!" (YOU'RE ALL SO FUCKING NOISY!!!)

‏‏‎ ‎

"But you're much louder..."

I heard someone's passing remark, but I ignored it like the mature man I was.

The noise had gone down. The bar became silent enough that I could talk without yelling. Good job, me.

"Ehem."

I cleared and massaged my throat. It felt sore from the shouting I just did.

"Everyone wants their usual order, right?" With a notepad and pen in hand, I asked the silent customers.

Most people in the bar nodded. I took note of the ones that didn't before talking to the table closest to me.

"For Mr. Kenji, one order of the Seaside Sashimi Special, five bottles of Kumatose beer, and Tuna Onigiris for takeaway."

I stared at him, waiting for his affirmation.

"Yep!"

Then I looked at the table where an old granny and her buff sons sat. I recognized them as regulars of the Ocean Oasis bar.

According to Grandpa Hiroshi, anyway. From what I remember, they've been coming here every day for the past week, so Grandpa must be telling the truth.

"Granny Miki will have the two Seaside Packages and four bottles of Asobi Lite. Granny's eldest will have the Mixed Sashimi, while a Chicken Katsu Bento and a bottle of soda for the youngest..."

"Eira-chan, I'm still in my 70s. It's too early to call me a granny."

"...sure. Anyway, Mr. Chiu will have the Katsu don..."

I remembered everyone's previous orders without much trouble. There were some new faces around, but only a few, and some people had different orders from their last, but I still wrote everything down several times quicker.

"Grandpa, work hard today."

I gave the mountain of orders to Hiroshi, leaving him wide-eyed. Even he couldn't hide his surprise.

'Yeah, I know. Business is booming for some reason!'

While Hiroshi worked on the main dishes, I handled the extra stuff.

Hugging four bottles of beer, I arrived before Granny Miki's table. In one fluid motion, I slapped all the bottle rims against the table edge.

*Pop*

The metal caps that covered them dropped to the ground. Granny Miki clapped her hands, and so did her buff sons.

I placed the drinks on their table.

"Here's your drinks, Granny."

"Thank you, dear." She patted my head. I let her. I'm pretty used to it by now, and she was genuinely older than me, like Grandpa Hiroshi, so I don't mind.

Mr. Kenji spoke up from the other corner of the bar. "Eira-san, can you give me two more bottles of the same stuff?"

Huh? You've drunk all five of yours already?

"Okay. That'll cost extra."

I placed the additional order on his bill before giving Mr. Kenji the beer. I uncapped the first one, but he stopped me from doing the second.

Mr. Kenji eyed the beer bottle, saying, "For this one, can you let me try that thing you do with the table?"

"Uhh, sure. Just don't break anything. It isn't easy to do."

I didn't dissuade him, but I did add a little warning.

"Hah! Who do you think I am?" Mr. Kenji snorted. "I've been drinking off of these things since you were in your father's nutsack! I know how to handle them more than you do."

'Nutsack? How vulgar. You can't talk to a kid that way you lunatic!' I retaliated in my head, but only in my head.

Insulting a customer would be a stain to the Ocean Oasis's reputation.

Mr. Kenji took a massive swig off the first bottle. Half of the liquid inside remained. Taking into account that he's already finished a previous five beers and that I haven't served any food...

Drinking on an empty stomach is a bad idea, especially when you're about to practically smash a beer bottle against a table.

I'm an exception. I, for one, am sober, and I know how to do it and have been doing it for years when I was once a wishless person.

Your Lie in April, Code Geass, Your Name, Anohana, Metamorphosis... I had many reasons to drink myself to oblivion.

"Remember this saying, kid: Show, don't tell. I'll show you right now."

Mr. Kenji grabbed the second bottle tightly before raising it high. His movements copied that of mine but were inevitably cruder in comparison.

Yeah, that isn't going to work.

I took multiple steps back.

*Crash!*

Instead of an impressive display of skill, a shower of broken glass skidded across the air.

"What the hell did I just hear?!"

Grandpa stormed out of the kitchen.

"Oh shit."

"Kenji, you little rascal! Clean it up before I gut you like the fish you catch!"

I have never seen a man sober up so quickly, nor did I see someone clean with such precision that I doubted how Mr. Kenji messed up the beer move in the first place.

"Eira, are you alright?!"

"I'm good."

Grandpa Hiroshi checked me from head to toe. Finding not a single injury, he patted my head. I wasn't even close when Kenji copied me. Plus, I'm wearing half-pants and some weird pink apron armor over that.

You worry too much, gramps.

"It's good that you're good. Remember, if a nut head like Kenji over here ever bullies you, just tell Grandpa, okay?"

"I didn't bully her—" Mr. Kenji tried to intervene.

"You. Zip it." Grandpa gave Mr. Kenji a mean glare, before turning back to me. "Just tell Grandpa, okay?"

"Yep."

Accompanying a final glare, Grandpa Hiroshi did an "I've got my eyes on you" with his fingers. Once he disappeared behind the kitchen, witchlike cackles erupted from another table.

"Kukuku. Kenji, your tiny brain keeps getting smaller! Who's stupid enough to smash a bottle against a table anyway!"

"Old hag, shut your mouth! The kid was doing it first!"

"Kekw. Eira-chan is just built differently!"

"Why don't you try?!"

I ignored the two. There were other customers to tend to.

"Thanks, Eira-chan." (Customer #3)

"No problem."

"Excellent service as always." (Customer #12)

"I still have room for improvement."

"Still, it's amazing how quickly you got used to working in the bar. HIROSHI, YOU'RE GRANDDAUGHTER IS SO TALENTED!"

"I KNOW! AND SHE'S CUTE TOO! SHE GOT IT FROM HER GRANDPA!"

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU."

"Why don't you work for me instead?" (Customer #19)

"HEY, I HEARD THAT! GET YOUR OWN GRANDDAUGHTER DAMMIT!"

*Ding!*

No, it wasn't the System.

Hiroshi has a service bell he uses to tell me when the food is ready to pick up.

I served them to their respective customers with a smile. They dug in, and I watched their faces twist into pure joy.

"This is pretty good!"

"Sasaki-san still has it."

"...yummy."

I watched them relish the food, whether they were sushi, sashimi, shepherd's pie, etc.

A thought cemented itself in my head as I wiped the drool off my mouth.

'I need to get rid of this quest penalty.'

I want to enjoy food. Anything I've eaten in the past week was bland and tasteless. The only thing I felt was the feeling—the weird texture, nothing else.

Sometimes I imagine that I could taste something.

'I remember that this tastes like this... this tastes like that...'

But it can only get you so far. The real thing is better than my delusions.

It's not fair. None of this is fair.

*Ding!*

I delivered the appetizing meals again and again.

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"Grandpa."

I called out to him in the empty bar. I've already scrubbed the tables clean, stacked the stools, mopped the floors, washed the dishes, dried the dishes, packed the dishes, dishes dishes dishes, and so on.

The Ocean Oasis has successfully survived through another day of hard work.

Grandpa was smoking near an open window where the moonlight illuminated him. He was without his flat cap, allowing his thinning grey hair to sway with the slightest breeze.

"Hmm? What is it?"

"Teach me how to cook," I said.

"...what was that?"

"Teach me how to cook," I repeated.

He looked at me in thought.

"What made you want to cook all of a sudden?"

"I like food."

Indeed, I do like food. Food is extraordinary, capable of wonders like bringing a family together or making you fat or slim, depending on what you eat.

Take a bar of chocolate. Those little things you can find in stores are one of the most notable sources of dopamine. They are basically pocket antidepressants for a sad day.

Food just tastes good.

However, that wasn't the main reason.

"Finally taking after me, huh? I could teach you a little bit during the summer break."

Hiroshi chuckled to himself. Maybe he's happy that someone might be able to inherit the Ocean Oasis.

From what I've heard, Grandpa is quite lonely. Pico, now me, is probably the only one he can call a close relative. I'm not sure of the reason why he's alone, but that doesn't matter.

"Well, we can start tomorrow. Have your parents taught you how to cook eggs yet?"

"...No."

I don't know if Pico knew how to cook eggs, but "I" knew how to. I can cook boiled eggs in my previous, previous life. But that's about it.

I mean, boiled eggs and instant noodles make a good combination. Scrambled eggs went well with ketchup. Nothing else beyond it that I know of.

"Forget an egg! By the time I finish teaching you, you'll know how to cook an entire chicken! Hehe..."

He released a puff of smoke. I blew on it so that it came straight out the open window.

The reason why I want to cook is pretty simple.

Spite. And hope.

I remember the quest reward.

The Cooking Skill. Nothing else but a Cooking Skill. That was one crappy reward.

'You human-faced donkey! That's all you'll give me after almost dying in another Omniverse?!'

Ehem. Anyway.

Apart from that reward, I remember something else. The Creator loves food, perhaps more than I do. He went and stayed in a Food Wars world for a reason.

I remember the way he gobbled down his fried rice. Bloody hell, I remember the taste of it—we ate the same thing. I can understand him in that regard.

'If I can cook something better than that...'

"Pico—I mean, Eira, are you that excited that I'll teach you? You've been smiling for some time now. Ah, I'm excited that you want to learn too."

I energetically nodded.

"Yes. I'm very excited."

'If I can cook better than those bullshit anime characters with bullshit anime cooking powers...'

This won't be the end.

We'll meet again, shitty old man.