It had been a few days, and they still didn’t seem any closer to figuring things out. Though Matthew supposed, apart from the plain weirdness of the event, it wasn’t too bad. Sure, being shorter was annoying, but he also felt so much lighter, and that was nice. And… well, he felt guilty about it, but he kind of liked getting to see a cute face when he looked in the mirror.
The fact that Saga’s mother had insisted he move in while the swap was happening was a little awkward. The older woman watched him like a hawk whenever Saga was out at the university doing research the first couple days. Today, though, it felt like she was calming down a little. He supposed he was earning her trust through good behaviour. Or… acceptable behaviour, at least. He was still a bit prone to ‘unlady-like behaviour’ from time to time.
Still, he seemed to have won some points back by helping with dishes and cleaning around the house. He wasn’t going to be a parasite and just eat their food while doing nothing.
He was a bit surprised, though, when Saga asked him to help with grocery shopping that morning. He didn’t really know the store, but, he supposed, he was an extra set of hands to help carry things. So he tossed on a jacket and followed.
Only, they took a turn into a park, where Saga stopped as they reached a quiet corner. Matthew wondered what was up as Saga took a deep breath, pausing to watch the leaves falling in the wind. Matthew shivered, his current form not handling the chill quite as well.
“Erik—Dr. Engström is too busy to keep helping me with our research. He has classes to teach and all that. I’m still trying to do the research on my own, but… I…” she paused, before turning to look Matthew in the eyes. “I have something to confess that makes this whole situation messier and has me filled with guilt as I worry I won’t be giving the research the full effort it needs.”
Matthew blinked, not sure what that meant. “Uh… is it about liking being tall? I won’t hold that against you.”
“… No. Well—that is nice and a small part of it, but… can you keep a secret? I’ve never told this to anyone I know in person.”
“S—sure?” Matthew said, while thinking that Saga had pretty good leverage over him right now, even if he didn’t want to.
“I… I’m trans,” came a half whispered reply.
Matthew felt his brain trying to process that, but things weren’t quite lining up.
“Um… how did you get to look like this without telling anyone you were trans?” he asked, gesturing at the body he was currently in. “That’s got to take surgery or pills or something doesn’t it?”
“I’m a trans guy.”
“Oh!! Oh right! That’s… sorry,” Matthew replied.
“I have three older brothers, so my parents were both thrilled to have a ‘little girl’ after all of them. And, well, when my dad passed away and it was just me and my mother… I’ve never figured out how to tell her. It would break her heart, I’m sure of it… To tell her I’d rather be called Sten than Saga.”
Matthew nodded along, not sure what to say.
“But, at least it means I know how unpleasant it must be for you, another guy stuck in my body, so I’m trying to use that as motivation. You don’t deserve to have to deal with the results of my inability to come out to my family,” Sten continued.
There was another gust of wind, this one even stronger. Matthew turned, to try to keep the leaves out of his face. As the yellow and orange swirled around, it struck him how much the trees changed each year. As well as how important that change was to their well being.
Plus, well, something the other man had said struck him as a bit odd.
“I haven’t found it that unpleasant,” Matthew said as the wind calmed down.
“Hm?”
“Being in your body. The loss of height is annoying, but the rest…” Matthew trailed off, trying to find his words. “I suppose what I mean is… you can’t stand trying to be a girl, but I’ve barely tried it. Maybe I wouldn’t—won’t mind it if I try it?”
“You’re… you’re serious?”
“I can’t promise I’ll like it, but it seems worth giving it a shot?” Matthew replied. “Uh… if you’re ok with the, uh, body swap part. I guess that’s more complicated than swapping sexes…”
“I’m fine with that… but, you’re sure?”
“Are you trying to talk me out of it?”
“N-no… I’m just surprised. Also a little worried you haven’t thought through the issues of sexism and… all that,” Sten said.
“It does seem unpleasant, but… on the plus side, girl clothes are cuter and more varied? I know I’ve always preferred dressing up female characters more than male ones when I draw them. So much more variety,” Matthew replied.
That got a slight eyebrow raise from Sten. “Well, maybe… maybe we should start with buying some clothing, then. To see how you feel about that. Since my closet doesn’t exactly have much feminine clothing in it.”
“Ooh. That could be fun,” Matthew replied.
Posing for the mirror in the change room, Matthew found himself not actually regretting jumping in the deep end by going straight for a dress. The warm autumnal colours played well with his new complexion (which wasn’t that different, they were both pale), and the way the fabric moved as he shifted poses was fascinating. A little excited, he popped out of the changeroom to show Sten.
“Does it look good to you?” he asked, doing a little spin.
“I—it’s weird to see m—you in that girly of an outfit, but… you do seem to be enjoying it,” Sten replied.
“Oh. Oh right. This… this isn’t uncomfortable for you, is it?” Matthew asked.
“No. Just… weird. But this whole thing is kind of weird, so I’ll get used to it,” Sten said.
Matthew nodded, before heading back in to try on some more outfits he’d picked out.
The receipts stared up at Matthew at the end of the day. The numbers on them weren’t changing. Even if he punched them through the conversion calculator again.
“I spent, like, four hundred dollars,” he muttered, turning to look at the bags on the bus seat beside him and the others on Sten’s lap. “Even with the different currency throwing my estimates off… I’ve never spent four hundred dollars on clothes before.”
Sten nodded. “You did seem to get very enthusiastic there.”
“The sweaters were so soft, and these long peacoat jackets are so nice…” Matthew mumbled, adjusting the one he’d bought and decided to wear home.
Their bus stop was next, so Matthew did his best to gather up the various bags. Looking at it all, he suspected he’d have spent rather more than four hundred dollars if Sten hadn’t known some good thrift shops downtown. Either way, it was a lot of bags to carry and he was happy Sten was helping him with it all.
Though, he did wonder about the smile Sten had been wearing ever since Matthew had tried on that first outfit.
“So, what is so funny, anyway?” Matthew asked, scrambling to keep up with Sten’s fast walking pace.
“Funn—nothing? I’m just happy you’re enjoying yourself,” Sten replied.
“Oh,” Matthew said quietly, a wave of uncertainty washing over him, followed by an even worse wave of guilt. “I might—it might just be the novelty, though. So don’t get your hopes up too much. I… I can’t guarantee…”
Matthew trailed off, not sure how to word it. Or if he could bring himself to take Sten’s happiness away even if he did end up hating this. He was certain Sten seemed more committed to manhood than he’d ever been, even if he didn’t know how he felt about womanhood quite yet.
He was still a bit lost in thought as they stepped in the Jansson family home, only to find Sten’s mother waiting for them and suddenly wearing a large smile on her face.
“Ni är tillbaka till normalt nu?” she asked, hope in her eyes.
While Matthew hadn’t learned more than a few new words of Swedish in the past week, he was still pretty sure he understood what that sentence was asking. As such, he felt guilty about how excited Mrs. Jansson looked about the possibility.
“Nej, mamma,” Sten replied.
“Oh! Men—but the clothing?” she asked, seeming confused.
“We’re not sure what happened and we’re even less sure how to fix it, so we thought we might try getting used to it,” Matthew replied. “And I thought, if I’m going to be stuck as a woman for a while, I might as well have cute outfits to wear.”
Right as he said that, three tall blonde men entered the room. From the looks on their faces he was pretty sure they’d heard him. Which made him even more nervous about the way they towered over him as they walked over.
“Hej nerds,” Sten said from behind him.
Once more Matthew found himself lost in a sea of Swedish, picking up the occasional words that were either closely related to their English counterparts or were just English words used in a slang-y way. Looking between Sten and what were probably his brothers, Matthew realised that the other guys weren’t actually giants. He was just short right now. Sten, in Matthew’s original body, was actually taller than two of them.
“Men Matthew talar bara engelska,” Sten said, indicating down to him, and getting some nods from the men.
“Oh, sorry,” the tallest of the three said, his accent seeming stronger than Sten’s.
“We were just worried about our baby sister,” another said, with rather less of an accent.
Sten stiffened slightly at that, as Matthew found himself having to remember that right, Sten wasn’t out to his family yet.
“It’s good that it’s worked out for at least one of you, I guess, but I still feel bad for sis,” the third brother said.
“W-what do you mean it worked out for one of us?” Matthew asked, trying to do the math on that when they didn’t know about their youngest brother.
“I’m not sure it’s actually good,” the tallest one said. “Saga’s always put everyone else first. She’s a good kid like that. So she might feel guilty about fixing it and taking this away from Ms. Watson.”
“Taking what away from me?” Matthew asked. “I think I missed something important in the other part of the conversation?”
“Well, since you’re clearly a girl,” the second brother replied.
Matthew blinked. “What.”
He turned to Sten, shooting a look of confusion. Though Sten also seemed a bit thrown.
“Just because he had some fun clothes shopping doesn’t mean he’s definitely a girl,” Sten replied.
“Come on, sis, that much clothes shopping?” the one brother said, gesturing to the bags the pair still hadn’t had a chance to set down properly, “You’re a girl and we can barely get you in a clothing store. No guy would buy that much.”
Sten twitched again. Matthew wasn’t sure if it was the chill of the autumn air blowing in through the still open front door or the tension that was now floating in the room that was causing him to shiver. But he knew there was definitely a lot of the latter.
It was clear that Sten had taken the lid off his bottled up feelings when he’d told Matthew earlier today, and it looked like the lid wasn’t going back on. Especially as his brothers made further comments meant to reassure a sister that did nothing but irritate the brother they actually had.
“Maybe I—maybe that—kanske jag är en man!” Sten blurted, before paling as he realised what he’d said.
Matthew swallowed nervously (while some part of his brain noted down that ‘kanske’ probably meant ‘maybe’, another new word to remember, though now really wasn’t the time for language lessons).
The rest of the room was silent, though. Everyone else taking a moment to process the meaning of the statement while Matthew had processed the meaning of a specific word in it.
Then the air was alive with a rapid conversation Matthew couldn’t hope to follow. Sten’s mom seemed mostly shocked and surprised, at least going from her tone. The tallest brother was giving Matthew the impression of being caring and reassuring about it. The second was a bit quieter, thinking things over like his mother, but also seemed to be taking it fairly well. The third, though, he seemed a bit upset. Matthew wasn’t quite sure what the reason for his being upset was, though.
Either way, that brother ended up shouting after a couple of minutes, before storming out the door, past Matthew, who was standing in the corner a bit awkwardly. The way Sten called out after him seemed more hurt than angry, and then saw Sten receiving a hug from his mother along with some reassuring pats to his shoulders from the two remaining brothers.
As the conversation quieted down the remaining four family members seemed to slowly remember Matthew was there, which he responded to with an awkward smile.
“Should—should I have left for that? I really wasn’t sure what to do,” Matthew mumbled.
“Sorry,” Sten replied, a few tears in his eyes. “Didn’t mean to drag you into my mess.”
“I suppose I do owe you an apology, though, Watson,” the tallest Jansson brother said. “It’s you being stuck in an awkward situation because of our —brother, not him stuck in an awkward situation from you.”
