Abandon Hope, Go Away, Die Already, No boys allowed. Despite the many signs that littered the path through the petrified forest I would not be deterred in my quest. The path was long and perilous, but I was resolute in my convictions, no matter what, I was going to kill the Demon King. Many others took this same path before me, never to return, but that’s just because they lacked true convictions, their wish was not pure, noble, or perfect like mine. Champions trod these grounds in hopes for glory, wealth and power, their hearts a flame with ambitions to receive the Goddess’ blessing and have their wish granted. Losers, every single last one of them. Silly boys who wanted nothing more than to be worshiped, honored, and praised. Honestly it made my stomach churn just thinking about the ridiculous things they’d sacrifice their lives over. Not me however, my wish was truly and honestly a pure wish, one I would never give up on. 

And so I forged my path through the woods that stood on the border of the human kingdom of Esriel and the demon kingdom of Abbadon, sword in one hand and crux in the other, ready to kill an entire demon army if they stood in the way of me and my wish. Monsters, bandits, demons, rivers, mountains, canyons, hunger, cold, heat, I had already faced it all, nothing could stop me. I had made it this far, the demon king was as good as dead. 

At last I could see it, beyond a mighty chasm at the edge of the woods, atop a spiraled mountain path, the Demon King's castle. It was an incredibly unconventional castle for sure, nothing grandiose about it, its build was surprisingly humble and conservative compared to the many human castles I had come across on my journey. That being said, it was still a castle, and as such I knew to prepare for fortifications, traps, and a plethora of enemies at every turn. Swallowing the lump in my throat I took my first steps across an old rope bridge that led to the base of the mountain. The old rotting boards creaked and groaned beneath my feet, every step feeling as though I was moments away from calamity. Mighty gusts of wind shook the mile long bridge in a conscious effort to impede my progress. Nature itself was my opponent for so much of this quest, as if the gods themselves disapproved of my wish. Still I came too far to back down now, and despite its age the bridge was still there, so clearly it must be safe… well safe enough. I pushed on, clinging tightly to the rope rails of the bridge inching along. The several mile descent into a dark abyss below was forever on my mind as I crossed the bridge, and so I did my best to steel my nerves and focus on my wish. Soon, soon I would kill that evil bastard Demon King Adamson and receive the Goddess’ blessing. I repeated that over and over with every step until the end of the bridge was in sight.

      Solid ground never felt so good, were I not pressed for time I’d probably have kissed the road as I stepped onto the mountain path. No time for silliness, no time to dawdle, the road ahead was long, and the demon king was not going to kill himself. And so I marched on up the steep, curving, jagged mountain trail, gravity soon becoming another enemy to me. How was this practical? How did they get supplies? I get that it was a demon king, but certainly he needed food, clothes, livestock, something? I’d hate to be a merchant who had to endure this horrid trek all in the name of feeding that awful snake tongued bastard. Position yourself to deter your enemies, sure, that makes sense, but what of commerce? The land here was barren, blazed by an unholy fire centuries ago that left everything turned to stone and ash, so clearly the castle couldn’t be self-sustaining. Maybe I was thinking about it too much, what did it matter? I was there to kill the demon king, not give him city planning advice. Still, it was an awful time getting up that mountain, it was a good thing one only needed to kill the demon king once, because I never wanted to make that trip again. 

So much of that walk I spent complaining about the impracticality of it all that I had almost missed even more signs that had been posted all along the path. “Go away” “we’ll kill you” “you’re going to die” “I’m serious, like really really serious!” “Leave me alone!!!” Threatening, I mean a little, but honestly not what I expected from the mighty demon king. It felt more like the kind of signs an angsty teen would put on their door telling their parents to leave them alone. No, not a teen, I understood exactly what this was, psychological warfare. The demon king was lowering my expectations so that I would be surprised by the army of demons that waited for me once I arrived in the castle. These silly childish signs were nothing more than a distraction from how truly dangerous things would be. The closer I got to the top, the more signs I found posted. It was almost as if the castle's defenses relied solely on them. Odd…

Soon enough the path became almost vertical, practically forcing me to climb up cliff faces. Shifting rocks gave way, gravity, as I said, being a far greater deterrent than anything I fought along the way. No backing down! I simply reached for new gripping points and pulled myself up the cliff till I managed to climb atop solid ground again. Okay, seriously how did they get food in this place? Never mind, I had to focus, no time to get distracted. I climbed a little further, going up the path till it became vertical once more, and scaled the rocky walls over and over before finally I arrived. Go time! Now that I had reached the summit, surely a whole bevy of demons awaited me. 

Or not? Call me stupid, but shouldn’t there have been someone there? I stood outside the castle walls alone, completely and wholly alone, absolute solitude. How many demons were there? None, not a single demon. How rude of them, honestly, I came all this way and not even a low ranking foot soldier was there to greet me at the gates. I was kind of offended, not going to lie, like hello? Mighty champion here to slay the king, I wasn’t expecting fanfare, but like some kinda clamor would have been appreciated. No wait, I thought, this has to be another trap, more psychological conditioning or something like that. They wanted me to think I was safe, and the moment I dropped my guard, they’d strike! You’re not fooling me, Demon King, I am the mightiest of Champions from the Principality of Jeykov! I crossed through many territories and kingdoms, fought many other champions, killed demon generals and bandit warlords, all to get here, I am no fool, no child, no one to be trifled with. I am Sir Everette Odenarte, first of my name, and hopefully last of that name… I am a holy warrior, and I will not be dismayed by your cunning display of trickery!

My internal monologue went on for a little while longer as I psyched myself up to storm the castle. I say stormed, because I of course expected that was what it would be, but as I said before, there was no one there to stop me. Marching on through the gates, I entered a barren courtyard. All signs of life were relatively absent, for a moment I even began to fear the worst, another champion may have gotten there before me and already laid waste to the castle. But no, no that couldn’t be, afterall no one has ever made it this far. The petrified woods were the stopping point for most, as the great demon general Belail saw to its defenses. She was fearsome, and perhaps I will tell you the tale of how I defeated her some other time, but not now. Because right now all that mattered was the end of my journey, or at least what I believed would be its end. Only two options now, I told myself, I march in there and kill the demon king, or I die. Luckily, there was no evidence of a battle. No corpses, no blood stains, no scorches of fire and ash from magic, no discarded weapons, nothing. It really was like the place had been abandoned. All that waited for me as I approached the castle door was one more sign.

“Please, please, please, just go away!” 

Okay, this was honestly getting ridiculous. The demon king was quite the prankster, wasn’t he? It didn’t matter, I was going in. The doors were barred, no surprise, but their fortifications were no match for the devastating blast of holy magic I flung at it. I blew those doors clean off their hinges. Was it a waste of mana? Yes, but it looked cool. Sword in hand, I charged through the new hole I put in the demon king's wall, shouting a mighty battle cry while running down the many halls and corridors of the castle. Traps? Zero. Enemies? Zilch. Expectations? Decimated. What was going on? Was the demon king even here still? Oh no, oh goddess, say it isn’t so? My paranoia grew as I meandered through the castle. He’s gone… He has to be… that explains everything... Perhaps that brilliant bastard created this castle as a diversion? A trap even? A mimic, the entire building, just a mimic that was about to devour me!

Nope… It was in fact just a castle. An empty castle, but still very much a castle. Silent, empty, boring, but still so very much just a castle. Has the blood of a hundred-thousand demons that stained my soul been all for nought? Was the demon king even real? Was I just… was I just some kind of sick demented murder hobo, following some delusion of grandeur? No! No, no, no! The demon king had to be here, for certain. He just had to be. And at last I found the throne room! Surely it was time for our climatic battle! I would throw open the doors and call out his name declaring my challenge to him, and then we would be locked in… Nope…no, nothing… Empty.

The throne room was as empty as the whole rest of the castle. What the hell! 

“Ow wow, owie, ouchies, ow!” I held my foot crying after having kicked the throne in a temper tantrum unfitting a mighty hero. Calm yourself, I sighed, there has to be a plausible explanation to this all. An explanation I would need not wait for as I noticed a faint sound coming from the back of the room. Music, like actual music, and singing? I followed the odd melody to a door all the way in the throne room's rear, where once more I was greeted by an overwhelming amount of signs all saying the same things as before.

The demon king's chambers! Finally!

Unflinching bravery filled my heart and body with resolve as I reached for the knob and slowly opened the door. I crossed the threshold into the bedroom of the demon king, and stood petrified by what I saw. 

The source of the angsty and rowdy music was a strange magical box that sat on a dresser that itself stood beside a mirror. In front of that mirror stood the most perplexing sight, a tall slender demon boy, probably around my age, swaying back and forth to the rhythm of the song, wearing a simple pink dress. I gawked for an ungodly amount of time, totally transfixed on what I had seen. Genuinely, I couldn’t believe it, was I really witnessing the demon king dancing in a dress in front of a mirror? A mirror, of course being something that shows reflections, had also had to have shown my own reflection. 

“Wha… what?” The demon king froze, their mouth agape, their brows twitching, and their body shaking. 

“Um… hi?” Hi? Did I really just say hi to the demon king?

My greeting was answered by a shrill scream, followed by an onslaught of lightning bolts tossed by the demon king as he cried out, “Go away, go away, go away, go away!” over and over with every spell he slung at me.

Nimbly I rolled, jumped, ducked, and dived out of each arcane attack he sent my way, all the while performing mental gymnastics to try and sort out just what the hell was going on. I was in battle with the demon king, finally! But why was he wearing a dress? No matter, it was time for me to take action, this was my destiny! As soon as I gained footing, I braced myself and caught his lightning blast with my holy sword, redirecting it back at him. Ha, have a taste of your own medicine, you demonic crossdresser! 

So it would turn out that the demon king is immune to lightning magic. That didn't’ matter, the aftershock of the magic blast was enough to distract him for a moment, allowing me to get closer and attempt an attack. I slashed my blade down at him, hitting only air as he so effortlessly evaded my strike. He countered with a backhand that solidly landed across my cheek, sending me tumbling into the dresser and knocking over his magic music contraption. 

His eyes lit up with a flame of rage, or perhaps a spark of rage as he charged even more lightning magic. This time I raised my crux, and recited a divine incantation to conjure a shield of holy magic around me. Expecting his magic to simply fizzle out as it hit my protective barrier, I was quite surprised instead to see it penetrate through and just narrowly miss me. Haha! Now this was a battle! My spirits were lifted and I charged in feeling giddy and light. Yes, yes, yes! An epic battle for life and death against the demon king! I swung my sword once more, enchanting it with a holy incantation. He dodged it again, but this time it wouldn’t matter. The shockwave of divine energy that radiated from my strike was enough to knock him down to the ground. With my opponent prone, I wasted no time. I grabbed hold of the hem of his dress, and aimed my sword for his chest, ready to cut out his heart so I could present it to the goddess and have my wish granted. 

“Go away! Please, I just want to be left alone!” tears streamed down his cheeks as he looked at me with puffy watery eyes and pleaded, “I just want… I just want…” he began to choke back sobs, “I just want to be a girl!”

“Oh,” I lowered my sword and released him, “me too.”