Too much of a good thing.

The phrase itself is preposterous: if it’s good, you can’t have too much of it. You can’t have too much money, too much power, too many waifus… Those are things no reasonable man would ever be satisfied with an arbitrary amount of. And, since I came to this world, I’ve obviously gone through quite a few things that have made me realize what ‘too much’ really means.

Because you can have too many explosions. Too many drunk goddesses puking over you (one—just one is enough to qualify for ‘too many’). Too many near-death-or-actual-death experiences. Too many assholes looking down on your character class and the implied inferiority of your stat points. Yes, there are quite a lot of things that you can have too much of.

“Ah, Kazuma! Are you going to defile me just as you wake up, treating me like a sexual relief object whose opinions don’t matter at all as you grab my hips and use my whole body to jerk off your thick, monstrous cock?” Darkness enthusiastically asks as I slightly open a bleary eye.

… I’m still debating whether you can have too much sex.

You can have too much Darkness, though. That’s for certain.

Because the girl is covered head to toe in frankly unsanitary amounts of my own dried up sperm—especially seeing as we started things out in the bath. Even her skin shows some reddening in parts where I may have slightly misjudged my own strength and grabbed her tightly enough that it went through her (ridiculous) defense stat, her hair is a mess, and she should, by all means, be a happy, unconscious puddle leaking cum from at least two orifices.

Yet here we are, at the crack of dawn (something I find already offensive), and she’s on her knees and elbows, wagging her (naked, bare, bouncy) ass like an excited puppy asking for walkies.

… Mental note taken.

“Don’t you ever sleep?” I ask her with a voice that may be a bit gravelly due to my increased size, but that definitely is so because I haven’t slept nearly as much as I needed and my throat is as parched as the time I got into a drinking contest with Aqua and then—

Ugh. All right, I’m going to erase those memories right about now. They shall be replaced with Darkness’smoaning face as her thighs wrapped around me and—

What’s this smell?

“How could I sleep while being held captive by this ravenous monster—”

“Shower,” I authoritatively interrupt her spiel before I can take any more mental damage.

“What?”

“You. You need a shower.”

“Ah! To so utterly cast aside any concerns for me just to insult me and say I stink like a cumdump who—”

“That’s precisely it: you literally stink like a cumdump. For obvious reasons.”

Darkness blinks at me, ducks her head, and takes a quick sniff between her hanging left breast and her arm (and I don’t focus on how the motion makes her chest sway side to side, not at all).

Then she slowly turns back to me and, very carefully, doesn’t wrinkle her nose.

…

So I boop it.

“Hey!” she protests, shuffling away from me and protectively covering the cute button nose—I mean, hiding her face. And blushing.

… Fuck, I just know how this is going to go.

Because, apparently, my new body is about as lecherous as my old one, which means that seeing a naked Darkness acting all bashful is making me lift my blanket off me without my hands intervening, as if by sheer psionic skill.

It’s like magic, I tell you.

…

I guess I’ll just have to be practical about it.

***

“Ah! Kazuma, stop shaaaaking me!” Darkness protests as I bounce her on my lap while she tries, once again, to pour the bucket of warm water over us both as I sit on the bench of the bath and she sits on my cock, her wet back rubbing up and down on my chest.

Action economy is key in RPGs, you know?

“What kind of meat slave isn’t even capable of bathing her master?” I poke at her weak point for massive damage right as her ass slams down on me hard enough that water droplets scatter around us.

Said massive damage may have gone a bit over my calculations though, seeing she just went ramrod straight, and the bucket has dropped from lifeless fingers, and…

And…

“Hey, you all right?” I ask her with cautious concern, not wanting a repeat of the broken hymen incident—right. Now I feel bad, again, for something she definitely didn’t begrudge me.

At all.

Damn it, Darkness, is this what people mean when they say women are complicated? Because I can’t help but feel I just jumped straight into hardcore mode.

…  In more than one sense.

“Just… fine…” she finally answers as she drops bonelessly against my chest.

And closes her eyes.

And softly snores.

…

All right, I can kinda see, now that at least some of the caked cum has been washed away, that she has the darkest eye bags I’ve ever seen outside of an eroge release queue (now that was camaraderie—the adventurer’s guild doesn’t hold a candle to that). Which means the crazy girl spent all night hyped up on her fantasy coming true and didn’t sleep a blink while she watched over me like a character too fond of blank-eyed smiles and kitchen knives.

And so, after a single orgasm, she’s just dropped in exhaustion.

Which means that, on the bright side, I’m free from the madness for at least a few hours. On the not so bright side, I’m throbbing inside her and—

I could just… finish? Use her? I mean, she hasn’t been shy at all in telling me how much she would like me to treat her like an object, so I could just grab her hips, push her soft, warm body forward, and slowly…

“Kazuma…” she whispers with a bright, dumb smile as she drowsily nuzzles against my bare chest.

…

Damn it.

Holding back a sigh whose volume I can’t properly gauge until I get used to these new lungs, I carefully and slowly remove Darkness from my almost aching erection and then proceed to wash her down with a few damp rags.

… I may linger a bit on her breasts. I’m only orcish, after all.

***

After silently getting Darkness into her bed (and definitely not patting her hair for slightly too long), I take a couple spare capes and sneak out of the mansion in what I hope is an adequate disguise. Just in case my Conceal fails at the most inappropriate moment—something that my Luck stat says shouldn’t happen, but that my lifelong experience points at and laughs in bitter, almost mindbroken, despair.

Seriously, talk about segregation between story and gameplay…

Anyway! Through the bold and clever use of the thieving skills I learned from the hotpants-wearing, almost tomboyish character that looks like NTR bait for a childhood friend I’m suddenly wishing doesn’t exist, I manage to make my way to the guild of adventurers unseen and unnoticed.

That it’s still early morning, and thus the band of drunkards that populate the hall must still be at home, sleeping away their hangovers, may have something to do with it.

Of course, this just goes to show how superior I am in my devotion to my duty, and not that I’m miffed at all at having been woken up far too early and then left blueballed.

Greenballed? Is that better or worse?

Anyway, it’s just with a slight creak that the door to the hall opens, and I slip inside to make my way to Luna, who’s dutifully… sleeping on the counter.

What is it with today and me catching big-breasted blondes in vulnerable positions? Did the genre shift to sleep assault while I wasn’t looking? And, on a completely unrelated note, do undead need to sleep?

Also, what is my proper course of action here? If we analyze this calmly, Luna’s sleeping on the job, peacefully laying her head on her crossed arms, much of her back bare between the low cut of her dress and her naked nape, exposed by her updo.

And some unscrupulous person taking improper advantage of the situation may notice her bountiful breasts hanging down just behind the counter in a way that could make a farmer reflexively reach for the milking bucket. You know, just something that may be noticed.

And that doesn’t, at all, relate to me pondering what kind of punishment she deserves for sleeping on the job.

Incidentally, me walking around the counter is just due to my kindhearted urge to see whether she’s at risk of falling off her seat. Yes, that’s a safety concern that’s guiding me, and not at all the pent-up lust from having to care for a naked Darkness while sporting an unabating erection all the while. I’m far above these worldly concerns.

Also, I just realized that, while Luna’s breasts and cleavage are the talk of the guild, those jean shorts of hers, particularly when she’s leaning forward like she is right now, most generously portray yet another great… asset.

Ah, this is unfair! You can’t have both those tits and that ass, Luna! It’s clearly unfair! Do you know how many girls (Megumin) have cried themselves at night (Chris) thinking about lacking what you have?!

This body is sinful! Sinful, I say, and deserving of divine punishment!

And, well, I am a goddess chosen champion…

So, it is justice of the divine kind, retribution itself, that which guides my hand to grasp that succulent, meaty globe and—

“Uh? Kazuma?!” she yells right as she turns around to me.

…

“All right, how? How?! How does everyone know it’s me even after I’ve been transformed into a legendary, extinct rape-monster?! I’m bald! I’m not the same height! I’m not the same build! I’m not the same color!”

She blinks at me, confused at either my outburst or at my fingers twitching over denim fabric and squeezing the soft meat below in a desperate search for much-needed stress relief.

“You’re groping me,” she finally answers.

“Everybody wants to grope you! That doesn’t narrow anything down.”

She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and smacks my wrist away.

Ouch.

“You’re an orc wearing your usual capes as a makeshift poncho, slipping into the Adventurer’s Guild, and groping me rather than abducting me. It’s you, Scuzuma.”

“Not that nickname again…” I mutter dejectedly as I rub my pained wrist. Seriously, is this some kind of skill? What class is Luna, after all?

“Stop being scum, and people will stop saying it.”

“Wait, ‘people?’ As in, plural? I thought only Megumin called me that.”

She straightens on her wooden stool before looking at me with a bit of embarrassed compassion.

That just makes it worse.

“It may… have caught on? A little bit?” she tries to reassure me.

… Much, much worse.

“Anyway!” she interjects before I can sink deeper into despair—maybe enough to try and make myself taller. “What brings you here? We don’t sell any cures for curses, but—”

“It’s not a curse; Aqua already tried. And Wiz says it will take months to get the ingredients for a cure.”

She blinks at me, prettily tucking a strand of blonde hair behind a very cute ear. Seriously, she has that small, detached earlobe that seems just right for nibbling on—

“So, you’re… stuck? Like this?”

Dejectedly, I sigh.

And realize I made the right choice when I abstained earlier, because that is loud.

And strong enough to… lower Luna’s top.

She blinks down at bare, bouncing breasts that don’t have anything to be ashamed of even when compared to Darkness’s superlative pair, and then she slowly looks up at me with murder in her eyes.

“I… I’m sorry? I still am not used to this body; I didn’t know I could do this,” I try to defend myself while gesturing at her round, perky—

And she moans.

Because I’m grabbing the left one, my hand once more moving on its own.

Damn it!

… Still, seeing as I’m already here—

“Let go if you want to keep that hand,” she growls.

And I let go.

I mean, it may be a new hand, but I’ve already grown quite attached to it. It’s the first hand of mine that’s felt not one, not two, but three bare breasts. Surely, that’s a hand worth celebrating.

Also, Luna, you shouldn’t frown like that; you’ll get wrinkles. You should also not cross your arms over your beautiful breasts; it hides them from me.

“Let’s try this again: why are you here, Scuzuma?”

Ouch, we’re no longer holding back, are we?

“I… I thought, seeing as I’m gonna be stuck like this for a while, maybe we should put out an announcement? You know, so people don’t jump on me to get some quick experience?”

“I think most female adventurers are afraid precisely the opposite is going to happen,” she says with a growl and a glare.

“Yeah, tell that to Darkness…” I can’t help but commiserate.

And Luna stops.

She just stops moving, her eyes glued to mine and her left eyebrow so high up it may get some mild acrophobia.

“Come again?” she says, her tone surprisingly mild.

“Gods, I wish…” I reflexively answer, my greenballs not getting any better after groping both the ass and tits of a girl I’ve fantasized about bending over this very counter since I first came through those gates.

“What… Did you rape Darkness?!”

“Wha—no! How do you even—you can’t rape the willing!”

That… may not have been the smartest thing to say.

Not with the dagger suddenly pushing right below my chin as amber eyes glint dangerously up at me, and her left arm keeps strategically hiding her rosy, faded areolas—damn it! Focus!

“Care to elaborate?” she asks, the point of her weapon twisting slightly.

“I… How much do you know about male orcs and female knights?” I ask.

Her eyebrows rise in tandem, and she cocks her head, asking for more elaboration in a silent yet surprisingly persuasive manner.

You know, with a knife by my neck and all that.

“Apparently… one of Darkness’s many, many fantasies involves getting captured and ravaged by a male, burly orc who would repeatedly rape her into submission until she forsook her honor and livelihood just for another taste of the monster’s beastly member. Aside from the practical feasibility of said fantasy, there’s the small issue that male orcs are completely extinct… aside from me.”

Luna’s eyes widen. Like, a lot.

“You mean you…”

“A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell,” I gently chide her.

Her eyebrows flatten, and her eyes narrow in a very clear retort.

“Fine! Fine, yeah, I spent all night balls deep inside the crazy! Damn it, I’m a victim myself! She was waiting to repeat all of it as soon as I woke up!”

“Wait, all night?”

“Yeah, I also wanted to check my new stats, because I don’t think I—”

“Stats and sexual stamina aren’t related at all,” she tells me, her tone as flat as Megumin.

“Huh. Weird. I guess it’s another perk of being an orc after—what the hell are you doing?!”

Apparently, my question must be of the ‘so stupid it doesn’t deserve an answer’ variety because Luna just shoots me a glare while pulling down my (stretched beyond repair) boxers.

Said glare is mildly (hilariously) spoiled by her getting slapped by my suddenly freed member as she tugs the clothing all the way to my knees.

And now she’s looking at it, the dark green head in front of her eyes acting like some kind of reverse snake-charming (I need that skill), and… well, let’s just say I like the scene. The sitting, bare-chested, hot girl right in front of my erect member, the golden light of early morning filtering through the windows pairing beautifully with her hair and pale skin, highlighting the slight peach fuzz on her cheeks.

Yep, beautiful scene. A Kodak moment, if people were wasteful enough to still buy photographic film.

Pity about the slightly curved, very sharp knife she’s still holding.

“Ah… I realize a half-naked orc asking this of a half-naked woman may be slightly misconstrued, but… would you terribly mind dropping the weapon? Or, at least, not pointing it at my cock?”

I’m also quite attached to it. It’s my first cock to have ever touched two women.

So, I’m slightly relieved to hear the metallic clang of the dagger bouncing off the wooden floor.

I’m also slightly confused at Luna grabbing my cock.

Not bad confused, mind. I mean, I could easily get used to this kind of confusion, which, I guess, would make it not confusing at all. But I wouldn’t mind the process, is what I’m saying.

“It’s hard,” she whispers.

“Have you seen yourself?” I answer.

Her eyes briefly shoot up at me before lowering once again to my lower head.

“You know, there’s always been talk about… these,” she stresses the word with a quick up and down pump that makes my fists clench. “But… well, it was just not worth the risk. Not with what an orc would do to a girl after she repeatedly came unconscious.”

“You… know a lot about those rumors?”

“I exterminated a great deal of the fuckers. I always wondered.”

…

“What?” I ask in a dumb tone that’s only partly because of the tight, sliding grip on my cock.

“All guild personnel are ex-adventurers. How do you think we can throw out the drunk ones?” she asks with a glint in her eye that I would find far less disturbing if she wasn’t in biting distance.

“I… I don’t have the slightest clue, but… class?”

Her eyes narrow as her smile widens, and she lifts my cock before she lowers her head, giving a quick peck to my balls before she looks up at me, her eyes behind my cock’s head and her lips almost brushing me.

“Assassin,” she whispers.

You know, right at this moment, I feel I should get a shiver down my spine, but…

“You definitely got the ass for it,” I can’t help but answer.

She blinks at me.

And laughs.

And, just as I relax at my joke having landed, she swallows my cock right to the middle of my shaft.

“Fuck!” I exclaim.

“Yes,” she purrs, “but later.”

…

“Is this a blonde thing? Do you like the way green matches—”

For the first time in my life, I get interrupted not by a woman slapping me, yelling at me, insulting me, or trying to ignore my very existence, but by her sucking so hard on my cock that my knees wobble. It’s a novel experience but a definite improvement.

10/10, would get rudely interrupted again.

“You look prettier with your mouth shut,” Luna whispers right before her pointed tongue starts thoroughly tracing the underside of my glans.

“I’m a green monster with tusks sharp enough I fear for my pillows.”

“I know,” she winks. And then strums my frenulum with her tongue until I hiss.

An act she tops by swallowing my cock, slowly sliding down until I’m poking at the entrance to her throat.

“I feel I should be offended, but seeing your cheeks stuffed like the world’s bustiest hamster has a way of taking the edge of—”

“You talk too much,” she says, as if admonishing me. Which would be far more effective if she didn’t follow that by swallowing my tip once again, only to then slide my cock out of her mouth and between her gorgeous, round, bouncy, always adequately exposed tits.

Mixed messages, woman. They are a thing.

“I can’t believe it still comes up to my lips…” she mutters, likely to herself, as her eyes are still nailed to something that isn’t my eyes, and her fingers dig into soft flesh that bulges between them and I—

Fuck it.

I mean, it looks like blondes also like rough play, so I don’t feel at all conflicted in grabbing Luna’s head (finally feeling that golden hair of hers) and making her swallow my tip before I start thrusting, fucking her breasts about as roughly as I’d fuck a non-Darkness girl.

She doesn’t even protest.

No, it’s more like… her eyes are fluttering, her tongue swirling around me whenever I back down enough for her to do so, her cheeks sucking in with all the gentle pressure of a vacuum cleaner, and her hands tightening her tits’ hold on me even as I keep making them bounce whenever I thrust up.

…

“Gonna cum,” I mutter. Because damn my pride, but Darkness’s bath time had me already on edge, and what I’m seeing would be enough to push me over it even without the part about also feeling it.

Luna makes a sound that seems more curious than shocked, so I, being the gentleman that I am, infer that she’s willing to swallow without burdening the lady with any undue questions. I’m sure she’ll show me her gratitude afterward.

I mean… Darkness seemed to like the taste, so…

So there’s no reason not to thrust right up to the ring of her throat and—oh fuck!

Luna’s eyes bulge as my cock twitches strongly enough to make her breasts quiver, and I feel the searing heat build up and—

Gods!

Spurt after spurt of semen rushes out even as I back out so only my slit remains inside her mouth, and Luna’s cheeks bulge outward for a moment before thick rivulets of off-white liquid burst out of the corners of her lips, my ejaculation not stopping until I can see the twin ropes of cum reaching the top of her breasts and pooling down around where my cock emerges from them.

And then Luna closes her eyes, moans so deeply it makes my knees quiver, and starts swallowing.

And keeps doing so.

Even when she finally pulls my not-quite flagging cock out of her mouth, it’s only to lick around it, spooning dollops of semen right back to her hungry mouth as she kisses up and down my shaft until it’s shining just with her spit, and she then starts doing the same to her breasts, not saying a single word throughout the whole process.

You know, unless you count the almost delirious moaning as words. Which I don’t, much as I don’t count Megumin’s rants as communication.

“Still… hard?” she asks, barely coherent.

I nod, not at all dumbly and very coherently.

And then she opens her eyes. Her amber, glinting, dangerous, and very, very hungry eyes.

“Good,” she purrs.

And stands up, undoing her jeans at the same time right before she drops them so I can see a wet, purple thong clinging to her that I suddenly get the urge to Steal—

Ah, she’s also taking it off. Never mind, then. It’s not as fun if they aren’t wearing them.

Also, she’s now bending over the dark counter, grasping her ass cheeks and spreading—

Oh, what do you know: my body moved before I realized it.

“Ah! Not so rough, Scuzuma!”

“Just for that, you’re getting extra rough—”

“Good.”

… Blondes. Fucking blondes, I swear.

I mean, yeah, fucking a blonde is a given, at this point, seeing as I’m already almost balls deep in her warm, gushing pussy, but, you know, it’s just a manner of speaking. Also, a gentleman should never keep a lady waiting.

Much less when she’s all but pleaded for a rough pounding, and I’m uniquely suited to provide it, so…

Fuck!

“You are… warm,” I mutter as I grind against her, my balls getting drenched in something other than her saliva.

“And you’re tearing me apaaaaart!”

“I… sorry?”

“Of course you are! You are a sorry excuse for an adventurer! I had to hire a girl to pretend to like you so you got motivated, and you managed to piss her off so much I could no longer afford her! You and your party keep messing up the simplest things I can offer you, and—”

Right. Sorry, not sorry.

So I grab Luna’s wrists and back away right before I use her arms to pull her against me as I slam myself deep inside her with almost full Darkness-approved strength.

“Hnnnnn!” she… mutters? Moans? Muffledly screams?

Whatever.

I mean, I am a big, burly orc defiling a fallen adventuress. The protocol establishes I should just keep pumping.

And I’m so good at following protocol and etiquette! Just ask Megumin’s mother. Why else would she seal me inside a room with her sleeping, defenseless daughter other than because of how impressed she was with my manners?

So, take my manners, Luna! Take them deep inside!

“Ah! Yes! Finally something you’re good at!” she manages to gasp out.

Which means I should do this a bit rougher.

“Scuzuma! So good! Your orc cock feels so good!”

Almost there.

“Fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuuuck!”

Perfect.

Luna’s back arches beautifully, every muscle beneath the thin layer of soft skin and just enough fat to make her ripple with my thrusts standing out as her head alternatively drops lifelessly and shoots up when I grind deep inside her. Her pussy is convulsing around me, gripping me tightly enough it feels like she doesn’t want to let go of me, and—

“Co—coming! Coming on your big, thick, hard, gorgeous dick!”

… You’re going to make me blush, you know?

Ah, no, I guess she doesn’t know. At least, not currently, seeing how she’s too busy thrashing and moaning wordlessly all over the counter and—

There’s a creaking noise. That may or not be from a door opening.

And I’m, once again, greenballed.

Fuck!

“Luna! Luna, where are your assassin instincts?! There’s somebody coming in!”

“Reaaaghwark?” she asks with inquisitive intellect.

…

Damn it all.

I hurry to lift her top so it’s once more (sacrilegiously) covering her (perfect) breasts, and then I—

Huh.

She’s… not letting go.

I didn’t even think that was possible.

I mean, there’s plenty of lubrication, but my new cock has a spot right at the base where it’s conceivably possible that a sufficiently motivated piece of female anatomy could get a grip on so I’d have some trouble sliding out.

No. It’s not, at all, like a dog’s knot. That would be gross, so it isn’t like that.

Even if functionally, it may work a bit like it.

And, well, I guess I could pull out, but it’s not like I actually want to hurt the uppity receptionist with a class perfectly suited to seek revenge, so I—

“Luna?” Megumin’s voice asks from the entrance right before the rustling steps of her soft-soled boots start approaching us, thankfully out of sight.

…

Right. No need to panic. It’s not like this is the first blonde Megumin has seen me balls deep in. Surely, she’ll understand how this whole thing has come to pass and laugh at the hilarious series of misunderstandings without anybody in here getting an Explosion to the face.

Right. Because both my life and companions are perfectly sensible and not powered by a level of madness only seen in the works of people who’ve been stuck drawing hentai for decades.

…

“Huh?” Luna mumbles as I shift so I—fuck, how do I do this?

Right, right, she must lean on the counter so it holds her weight, and I should support her while remaining both unseen and inside her, so…

… I’ve never managed to do a bridge before in my life. I guess I just lacked the proper motivation—said motivation being a busty blonde speared on my cock and a trigger-happy archmage coming to check on her.

And about triple my old body weight just in muscle. That too.

“Luna? You awake?” Megumin asks from, according to the volume, the other side of the counter.

“Ah?” Luna cogently answers.

“Still sleeping away the hangover?” the slightly miffed mini-spellcaster prods.

And then Luna tightens around me before her back goes ramrod straight, and she shoots a panicked gaze down at me, which I answer with a not at all awkward nor shifty smile.

It’s nice to see her blush like that, but, well, I’d rather the circumstances were slightly different.

“Ah, yes, sorry,” Luna hurriedly answers, looking right at Megumin and (I presume involuntarily) shifting around me in a way that abruptly stops as she spasms all over my cock.

“Humph! Do not fret, the magnanimity of the Crimson Magic Clan is above such measly concerns!” the chuuni answers, likely flaring out her cape before dragging her hand down her eyepatch.

… Overexposure. I blame the mental image on overexposure.

“Right, thanks. So, anything I can help you with? I was kinda busy—”

“You were sleeping,” Megumin accuses with a tone as flat as her—ah, I already did that, didn’t I?

Well, with a tone as flat as Yunyun isn’t. There, everything’s now in balance.

“I was… momentarily resting. After some very strenuous activity,” Luna finally answers the deadpan with a tone that, in contrast, keeps going up and down in a way that may or not coincide with me trying (and failing) not to shift beneath her weight in this horribly awkward posture.

Being furniture is hard work.

Also, I’d appreciate it if you stopped trying to milk me dry, Luna. It’s kinda distracting.

“Right,” Megumin states in a way that obviously implies disbelief. Likely because the lighting is poor enough that she can’t see precisely what Luna’s face is doing at the moment. “Well, I… I kinda need your help. It’s Kazuma.”

Both Luna and I freeze. Well, in her case, it’s a bit more noticeable.

“Ka—Kazuma? Has he done anything?” the blonde asks.

And there’s a very prolonged yet indistinct grumbling in answer.

“Sorry? I didn’t catch that?”

“Never mind! All that you need to know is that a curse most foul has befallen my earnest ally—”

“You mean Scuzuma?”

… Oi, Luna, I was trying to be cooperative right until now, you know?

“His many aliases don’t matter at the current moment!”

“You’re the one who insists we call him… Scuzuma,” Luna answers before shooting a grin down at me.

Fuck it.

Right as she makes eye contact, I flex my cock as hard as I can, and I get the very pleasurable reaction of seeing her bite her lip as her cheeks flush.

And then I thrust slightly up.

And Luna hurriedly looks back at Megumin as her thighs quiver on top of me.

Heh.

“Look, can we forget who may or not have paid a tip to the waitresses so they pretend to spit in his drinks?” Oi.

“Pretend?” Oi.

“Oh… Oh, well, I guess no harm, no foul?”

… That’s it, somebody is getting dunked on the pond. Daily.

“I mean…” Luna starts to answer. So I drop my hips and bounce her up hard enough I almost hiss.

And she likely bites her tongue, but, well, accidents happen, right? No harm, no foul, right?

Also, she’s almost convulsing around me, so it’s likely she isn’t that upset.

“Look! None of that matters!” I disagree. “My comrade’s been turned into an orc, and I want to make sure nobody tries to gank him, all right?!”

… Oh.

Well, I guess, from all my party members, Megumin has always been the one whose common sense is less lacking—as long as spellcasting doesn’t enter the equation. Heck, she’s been downright caring and tender at times, and…

And maybe I shouldn’t think about those rare moments of companionship and kinship with the pyromaniac when I’m holding another woman upright by the power of my boner. I may get confused feelings about the subject.

Heck, I may get feelings. Ugh, those are the worst.

“You mean… you are worried? About Kazuma?” Luna asks while she shifts around me in a very slow and deliberate manner before shooting me another grin dripping with… something.

“I—it’s not like I care about him or anything!” Oh, fuck, now she’d be doing that thing where she tries to cover her blushing face by pulling down the rim of her hat, I just know it! That’s unfair! That’s just not something you do around an orcish boner!

“Really? Because you came here this early, on your own… It sure seems like you’re trying to… protect him.”

“I’m doing no such thing!”

“Oh?” Luna lets out in an almost breathless exhalation. That may have something to do with her suddenly bouncing on top of me on her own.

… I’m in trouble, aren’t I?

“No! Not at all! I’m just… worrying about… practicalities?”

“Really?” And now the blonde’s shifting in circles that have me rub all over the walls of her clinging pussy.

“Yes! It would be… awkward to have to fight other adventurers!”

“Ah. That sounds hard.” Oi.

“Yes! So, so hard!” Not you too, for fuck’s sake!

“It… It sounds like trouble.” And now she’s going up and down, her elbows firmly planted on the counter, her ass hovering just right before smacking down on my skin as her thighs quiver on my abs with the stress of holding her hips up.

“Trouble? I mean, yes, of course. It would have… unwanted consequences?”

“Ah! Yes, nobody wants lifelong consequences out of some harmless fun.”

… Fuck.

I’m not getting her pregnant. We aren’t even doing a mating press!

“I’m not sure dueling adventurers would be harmless fun…” a sulky Megumin says. Likely because she’s thinking of all the missed chances to cast an Explosion in the middle of the streets.

“Ah, be honest, you’re just worried sick over him,” Luna says almost dismissively—unlike how she’s rhythmically clenching around me.

“I… I mean… Would it be so bad if I was?” Megumin asks with a vulnerable tone that—

Oh, gods damn it.

That can’t be what does it for me. The cute quasi-witch-girl fidgeting in embarrassment as she admits she cares for me should not make me want to stuff Luna full of cum! It just doesn’t make any sense!

“You… spend a lot of time… together,” Luna haltingly says as she casts me yet another gaze, this one a bit… pleading?

Damn it.

Beneath the watery eyes of the blonde, stacked, bouncy girl, I shift my stance so I rest my weight on my shoulders rather than on my palms, and then, with newfound freedom, I grab her waist.

Which means I can hold her perfectly still above me.

While I ram my cock deep inside her from below.

… This is a very bad idea.

“I… He’s… You know, when we went back to my village I was… There was an enemy I may have beaten if I put my points on other spells?”

“Ah?” Luna asks. Or moans when I slowly pull almost entirely out of her. It’s hard to say.

“I was ready to deviate from the path of Explosions! It was a shameful, terrible moment for me!”

“Hmph?” And now I’m back inside her warm, wet folds. It’s hard to time it with the pauses in Megumin’s rant.

“But then he…”

“He—eeeh!”

“What was—”

“Never mind! Your story’s just fascinating.” Oi, Luna, I recognize that kind, eager, fake tone from whenever you ask me how a quest has gone. Your insincerity shall be your undoing.

Or me fucking you while I hold you upright and unmoving. That too.

“No, it wasn’t that much of a… Well, Kazuma, he…”

“Heeeee?”

“He forced me to keep putting my points in Explosions! Even though he always complains about having to carry me after I cast! Even though he’s never appreciated the true beauty of the art! Even though he himself is incapable of choosing and sticking to a proper skill path!”

Hey, Megumin, you’re lucky I’m already busy disciplining one bitchy, deadly woman.

“So.. you mean he… cared more about you… than the objective?”

… How do you even read that from those words? Clearly, Luna, your mental faculties are currently too impaired for you to properly hold a conversation. I don’t know why that would be.

Also: hyper-thrusting weapon, go!

“I… He’s just… He’s the first one who’s cared about me like that…” Megumin almost whispers.

Damn it.

Damn it!

I’m going to cum! I’m going to cum, and Luna’s on top of me, and I can’t get her pregnant, and—

“Ah!” said blonde yells as I twitch while rubbing up against what my hentai-educated brain identifies as her cervix.

“Luna? Seriously, what’s going on? You look—”

The interruption coincides, by sheer serendipity and not at all a causal chain, with Megumin peering over the edge of the counter and quickly blushing as she watches me keep fucking the immobile, whorishly moaning Luna.

“Uh… hi?”

“Ka—Kazuma?! How much of that did you hear?!”

“Would you believe me if I told you I was too busy stuffing Luna full of cock to pay any attention?”

“Not when you word it like that!”

“Ah! Fuck! Yes, Kazuma! I’m coming! I’m coming again!” Luna interrupts.

“Don’t try to butt in this!” Megumin heatedly scolds her.

“He’s so—oh gods, I love this cock!”

“Wha—really? I thought only Darkness would—” the DPS says.

“No, no, no, it’s just—oh yes! He just spreads me open so good! He reaches so deep! He gets—ah!—he gets everything!”

You know, usually, I get angry when people talk about me as if I’m not there.

Right now?

“I’m going to burst!” I warn the blonde.

“Yes, do it right inside—I mean, no! I mean! Oh, fuck, do whatever you want; I just don’t care! Aaaah!”

And then she starts shaking right before she drops right back to the counter, her forehead loudly impacting the wood as she hammers her fists on it.

And I…

Fuck, no! Not paying for child support on top of the Useless Goddess debts!

So I lift Luna off my cock right before I remember I can just drop to the ground, but the speed at which I exit her is the last straw, and I just start cumming in a way that has my back ripple with heated convulsions every time a jet of cum shoots out, and my eyes go white, and…

Oh. Oh, wow.

That was… good.

Really, really good.

So good that, when I open my eyes and see Luna’s glazed face lying on top of my chest with her eyes unfocused, it takes me a moment to look up.

Which is a mistake, seeing as, when I do, what I see is Megumin’s face equally plastered with my sperm as she glares at me while a not-so-thin rope of sperm drips off the brim of her hat.

…

“You shouldn’t cast Explosion indoors, you know?” I chidingly tell her.

“And you shouldn’t cum on my face without even asking!”

“Ah… would it make it any better if I… Uh, I mean… Megumin, I’ve got something to say. It’s very important, and you need to listen before taking any rash actions.”

“What is it, Scuzuma? Is it how you’d like to be buried?”

“No, it’s far more important than that, so let me ask properly: Megumin, would you mind terribly if I came over your face until every pore of your immaculate skin is forever marred by my seed?”

“… Start running.”

“Right. Luna, it’s been a pleasure, like always. Well, unlike always, because at least this time I don’t get to walk out of here hunched over, you goddamn tease.”

“Glurg…” she answers, shooting me a thumbs up.

“Also, do you have any assassin skills to help me flee quickly? Just, you know, out of some mild curiosity.”

“Not… Assassin… Just… Roleplaying...”

…

I am going to get killed because I trusted a crazy woman to be truthful in the middle of sex, aren’t I?

“Darkness beyond twilight, Crimson beyond blood that flows, Buried in the stream of time is where your power grows—”

Oi, Megumin, I’m not going to give you extra points just because you murder me with the classics, you know?

In fact, I’d rather you not murder me at all, so—ah, right. I have good stats now.

So I grab the edge of the counter and jump over it just with the strength of my arm as Luna flops down to the floor below in a way that would make me feel guilty in almost any other circumstance.

And then I run out of the guild as fast as I—

I mean, then I barrel over someone coming in, rolling down the street in a tangle of limbs that ends up with me on my hands and knees on top of a mildly bruised and very frazzled Yunyun.

“Ka—Kazuma?” she asks, her red eyes looking up at me in concern.

…

“How the fuck does absolutely everyone recognize me as an orc?!”

“Beauty is only skin-deep,” Megumin drily points out from behind me.

Right as a crimson glow starts shining down on me.

… At least this time, I won’t die as a virgin.

 

 

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Hello there! This bout of green fever is brought to you by both my own insanity and my supporters voting for it one too many times in a row until it became a monthly series. It currently has ten chapters, nine of which can be found on QQ, and the tenth one on my Patreon. I’ll be posting the chapters here twice weekly, on Wednesday and Friday, until we’re caught up. 

Also, I’d like to thank my credited supporters on Patreon: Niklarus, Tinkerware, Varosch, and Xalgeon. If you feel like maybe giving me a hand and helping me keep writing wholesome orc rape, consider joining them or buying one of my books on Amazon. Thank you for reading!