This may come as a shock, but maybe one of my favorite things about RPGs are the companion quests. It may in fact be because of the RPGs’ Pavlovian conditioning to perceive value in anything one spends time and effort on (as more time equals numbers going up, and numbers going up is the Platonic ideal for dopamine release), but it also has to do with certain particularities that often do not correlate to any gameplay advantage.

Yes, it’s great when you stuff a companion full of their favorite food to the point a regular human being should have been hospitalized, and that unlocks their romance path and exclusive skills (probably as a desperate gambit from the poor bentou-eating girl to distract you from giving her any more food), but... Chrono Trigger.

Chrono Trigger is, and this is an objective fact, the best damn JRPG ever made. A charming world, memorable characters, and a story with time travel that manages to make sense. It is unsurpassed to this day.

It, of course, has companion quests.

They are optional, as in, you can skip them if you’re a moron who wants to fight the final boss with suboptimal equipment. They each give a glimpse into the corresponding character aside from the shiny new weapon, armor, or whatever.

There’s one exception, though: Lucca.

Now, she does have the sidequest that gives her the best gun available after playing with the fabric of space and time for personal gain, as rewriting history is something the main cast doesn’t particularly care about, much to the chagrin of British guys with traveling police stations, but…

There’s a quiet moment in the game. An almost melancholy atmosphere of reflection as everyone goes to sleep in the companion’s camp while Lucca remains awake. And then, the purple-haired, glasses-wearing inventor that wasn’t at all inspired by Bulma’s design gets up and finds a rip into the fabric of time.

A rip that sends her back to the most painful day in her life, when her mother became paralyzed after an accident with Lucca’s father’s invention.

We see Lucca as a child, helpless, desperately trying to help, as the Lucca from the present observes the scene. And we are given a chance to act.

It is a fight against the clock, doing the right thing in the right way before the trapped woman is crushed by the machine, and it’s easy to screw it up, to have Lucca fail, yet again, at saving her mother.

And then you, stubborn completionist player that you are, reload the last save.

And try.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Until, finally, you understand you need to use the controller to input the letters of the password (Lucca’s mother’s name) in just the right way before time runs out, and everything clicks together as you finally stop the damn machine, and Lucca’s mother, Lara, is saved.

You have done it. You have erased the greatest tragedy Lucca carried with her behind a brash, enthusiastic façade. You have let her mother be whole and saved little Lucca from helplessly watching her mother be crippled.

And there’s no goddamn extra skill or ultimate weapon in the whole damn game that could ever triumph that moment.

So. Companion quests.

They let you get to know them beyond a pretty portrait and cool-sounding skills. They let you explore the characters, grow to sympathize with their struggles. They take effort that is not required to complete the game and turn it into emotional attachment and unforgettable memories.

Such as, you know, waking up with my cock inside of Darkness.

…

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

I want to take her! I want to grab her hips and use her as a masturbatory aid! I want to stuff her full of orcish semen until her eyes glow with pink hearts!

But she’s sleeping so peacefully…

…

Goddamn feelings, I swear.

OK, I can do this. I just have to shift Darkness a bit on top of me so I can slide right out—

“Huh? Ka… Kazuma?” she says, her eyes blearily opening, her hair a golden curtain that seems to glow with the precious few rays of light filtering through the shutters of my window, her lips dry with traces of drool on the corner that match the crusty spot on my chest, and her bare breasts shifting on top of me, her nipples dragging across my skin as she finally looks up at me, slowly blinking herself awake.

…

“Aaaaaahhh! Kazuma! Not so fast!”

“Don’t be unreasonable!”

“I am not—you’re supposed to fuck my throat! Not my pussy!”

My hands around her hips stop moving her up and down, giving me just enough time to look into her luminescent blush and her far more alert blue eyes.

“Ah! You—you brute!” she says as I push her up so she’s sitting on top of me, my white sheets pooling behind her hips, and I can watch her enormous, second only to Wiz’s, breasts bounce up and down, her nipples moving in rosy circles as I move her hard enough that my bed creaks.

“Yes! I am a brute! A ravenous monster! And I’ll sate my lust with your whorish body!”

“Hn! You—you were supposed to leave me unsatisfied! Achingly empty! Longing for your hard cock to ravish me!” she says, her hands moving up her body until they are buried in her loose, long hair, and she starts adding her own movements to our morning fuck, her hips grinding back and forth each time I bottom out inside her.

“Change of plans! Now this terrible orc who holds you captive is going to breed you!”

“Wh—wha—what?!”

Her eyes are wide, her hands have stopped halfway down to her breasts, and her pussy is clenching around me.

“Yes! I’ll make your belly swollen with my children! I’ll have this pure knight carry the spawn of a beast, sully your womb, degrade you with the ultimate insult! I’ll breed you once for every monster you ever defeated!”

“Ah! You—you… Oh, fuck!”

“Yes!” I shift my grip, grabbing her ass, burying my fingers in the round flesh, and then I keep moving her even as her legs join in the cooperative effort, like a good party member who’s for once pulling her weight during a boss fight. “Yes, I’ll fuck you, ravage you, and, when I cum, when I fill you up with rope after rope of orcish cum, I’ll breed you like the sow you are!”

“Aaaaaaah! Yes, yes, yes!”

“Don’t you mean ‘no’—”

“Yes! I’m coming!”

“Oh, that makes sense—”

“Ahhhhhhhh!”

And Darkness straightens on top of me, her body going still save for the shudders traveling through her, magnified in her rippling breasts as her pussy clamps down on my far too stimulated cock that’s spent a whole night inside her.

Shit!

As I push her ass up, Darkness comes off my cock and topples over me just in time for me to start shooting all that accumulated sperm that’s been brewing in my balls after an almost sleepless night, jet after jet of cum shooting over her naked back as she moans with every resounding, scalding impact, and I bring myself to full completion by thrusting between her meaty thighs.

It… takes quite a while.

And my sheets, yet again, need to be changed.

***

“I’m just saying there are potions for that,” Darkness says, doing up her ponytail and blushing like somebody who just realized how enthusiastically she collaborated in orc-breeding play.

Or that wants to keep doing it. Either or.

“And I’m saying I don’t have any,” I tell her as I fix up my improvised skir—kilt, definitely not in the tone of someone who didn’t realize alchemical contraceptives were a thing and is now pondering how much effort he wasted over the past two days by fighting his orcish instincts and upbringing to pull out and shower the breedable females with virile semen rather than plow them until he emptied far too full balls inside of them.

I don’t know what that tone sounds like, but it’s definitely not one I’m using.

Really.

“Well, now you do know about… you know…” Darkness says, lowering her eyelashes and glancing up at me through them as she bites her lip and, after catching my eye, slowly rubbing tantalizing circles over her belly.

Her non-cum filled belly.

…

“I’ll go buy some potions. Right after breakfast.”

Darkness, in a dignified gesture that befits her status as a noble scion, Crusader, and defender of the kingdom, pumps her fist.

And I swat her ass.

“Hn! Kazuma, you brute, how dare you casually abuse me like I’m nothing to you but a set of warm holes to fill with enough of your orcish sperm that I’ll spurt it out as soon as your throbbing member goes out of my body and stops acting like a cork on my fertile womb, eager to keep sucking on your tip as it demands to carry your offspring—”

With some hesitation, and maybe a modicum of fear, but not seeing any better alternatives…

I swat her ass.

“Ah! You savage—”

“Yup. That’s what I am: an orc driven by its bestial urges, by the deep cravings ravaging my body, by appetites the likes of which this land hasn’t seen for years, or maybe even decades,” I tell her, my voice rumbling, my arms crossed over my ample chest, my eyes roaming her black bodysuit (a spare, one I haven’t torn apart with my claws—sadly), and my tongue briefly poking out between my thin lips.

Darkness stares. Then gulps.

And I try very, very hard not to… get hard, I guess.

“Does that mean you want to… you know…” she says, meaningfully looking back at my still messy (in far too many ways) bed and then at a mysterious spot a bit below my waist that I have no clue what it may be about, even as seeing her rub her thighs together makes something at about that height start to stir in roused interest.

“Yes, Darkness…” I tell her, my tone dark and low, almost a growl, as I step forward and lightly pinch her chin, forcing her to look up at me with her trembling eyes and trying not to decipher the meaning behind her flaring nostrils. “This means… I want breakfast.”

She blinks. Once. Twice.

Then she pouts.

“You are a jerk,” she says, looking aside, her own arms crossed over her own ample chest in an obvious parallel to my previous, imposing pose. Really. It’s obvious that Darkness is the kind of cunning character able to mirror the subtleties of her opponent’s body language to drag them into a silent psychological battle that will only end when she deems her objectives accomplished.

All the spouting of raunchy delusions? All her amusingly flustered overreactions? All her getting dragged down to Aqua’s level of intellectual discourse? All of that has been nothing but a smokescreen, preparation for this day when she makes her glasses turn opaque as they glint beneath a mysterious light, and she declares that everything has proceeded according to the scenario.

That, or, you know, maybe she’s sulking after I teased her in precisely one of the few ways she doesn’t enjoy.

Only time will tell.

“Come on, I need to replenish everything you drained out of me,” I tell her with another light smack on her jiggly, bouncy, meaty, delectable behind that makes her ‘eep’ in the cutest voice I’ve ever heard outside of a startled Yunyun.

So, decisively and not at all in a hurry to flee the room before she convinces me to starve myself just so I can fill her mouth one last time, I open my door, and I’m confronted by…

An ass.

A swaying ass.

A curved, full, maybe not as meaty as Darkness’s own, ass.

An ass that would have sold any swimsuit commercial it starred in, an ass that would make lingerie models cry out in envy and despair, an ass that keeps moving in a perfectly traced infinity symbol whose repetition only hints at the number of marvels that can be found in the ideal all asses aspire to reach.

A bare ass, without any hint of lingerie, its heavenly form only barely covered by a black swishing miniskirt with a hemline ending in pristine white lace that manages to insinuate that obscenity and purity may, after all, be able to coexist.

“Oh? Good morning, Master; I was just… dusting off this vase. Doing my maidly duties. Are you… In need of any of my services, my dear, beloved, lustful Master?” the wielder of the ass says.

Which manages to force my eyes away from the bouncing, delectable curves to stare slightly up and into the satisfied, teasing eyes of Aqua looking at me over her shoulder.

Aqua.

Aqua wearing a really short maid’s uniform.

…

There’s a brief battle raging inside my mind. It goes, more or less, like this:

‘Fuck her.’

‘It’s Aqua!’

‘She isn’t wearing underwear, has bent over, keeps swaying that ass in your direction, and obviously wants it.’

‘It’s Aqua!’

‘Dude, you need to accept you’ve wanted a piece of her since you first saw her lean forward and—’

‘Aquaaaaaaaaaaa!’

‘… Fine. Have it your way. But all this repression is gonna take its toll someday.’

And so, once again, my prodigious willpower and mental strength manage to overcome my traitorous instincts.

Not the orcish ones. Just… instincts. In general.

Like the ones that are sending pulse after pulse of hot blood rushing down my member to slowly make an erection—nope.

“Nice try. But I’m not fucking you yet,” I tell her, bending down to hotly whisper into her ear before I swiftly turn to the left and march down the corridor.

“Why won’t you worship me, you fucking NEET!” her battle cry echoes from behind me, maybe mixed with a few crocodile tears and some consoling sounds from my girlfriend.

Darkness is too pure for this world.

… Wait, what?

***

Of course, my life being what it is, I can’t even get breakfast in peace.

Which, in this particular instance, means that I step into the living room to see Megumin sitting at the table, her own breakfast untouched in front of her as she rests her cheek on her left hand and pensively looks at a glass of milk on her right.

Ah, yes, the other girl I fucked yesterday whom I may have deep, unresolved feelings for.

Ugh. Feelings.

I briefly contemplate jumping out the nearest window, but…

I remember yesterday. I remember Darkness being… hurt.

And, for some unfathomable reason, the idea of seeing that look on Megumin’s face is just unpalatable enough for me to relinquish the momentary freedom I would gain by bursting through the panes of glass to my right.

Also, I am hungry. I really want this breakfast.

So, as delicately and gently as my bulk allows for, I set down my own meal of sliced ham and bread with a glass of orange juice in front of Megumin’s own toast with raspberry jam, and carefully sit down on a chair that was never meant to entertain people of my size.

Discrimination. Pure and simple. I shall have the very kingdom reimburse me for not providing for its specially-sized citizens. This is an outrage.

…

The silence is kinda stretching.

“Hey,” I say by way of greeting, hoping my tusks will help mask my nervous smile into something less cowered.

Megumin smells fear. Or any opportunity to humiliate me, really.

“Hm…” she answers, pensively staring into the milk swirling inside her glass.

…

Oh. I guess this is one of those scenes where the girl is baiting the boy into talking to see whether or not he understands what the actual issue is without any input of her own. My egalitarian side reels at the mere notion of playing into the stereotype that will only end with me being berated for not being a literal mind reader, and I refuse to…

Damn it.

“Look, about yesterday…” I trail off, hoping for at least a hint of engagement.

“Hmmm…”

A hint I’m not getting.

So I, carefully and trying very hard not to blow my breakfast off my dish, sigh.

“Megumin… I was being… honest. I… I do like you,” I tell her, feeling my heart clench with every word.

She doesn’t say anything.

Wait, going through yesterdays’ events…

“Oh, fuck,” I say. “I never told you I liked you! Yunyun said we love each other, but I never said I want to hold you, and kiss you, and stay by your side, and carry you when you’re drained after casting yet another explosion, you fucking maniac—”

She isn’t saying anything.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

“I—I’m not just saying it because we had sex! Really! This isn’t me trying not to look like scum after leaving you unconscious on another person’s bed, not even saying goodbye after sharing our first kiss! Really! I swear! On my orcish ancestors!”

She’s. Not. Saying. Anything!

“Seriously! I… I don’t even know how to tell you about the depths of my feelings for you! Please don’t murder me in my sleep!”

And say something!

Just as my breathing gets rough enough that one of the slices of ham flips over, as I desperately wrack my brain in search of the proper combination of words that won’t have the tsundere loli turned shortstack send me yet again to meet my Eris, the doorbell rings.

Oh, thank fuck!

I rush to it, my steps as swift as those of a man desperately fleeing an emotional confrontation with a girl he didn’t call after a one-night stand, and I throw the door open.

Yunyun is in front of me.

And quickly blushing.

… And that’s the second woman I left unconscious without saying anything to after taking her virginity. Nice going past Kazuma, you fucking asshole.

“Ah… hello, Yunyun, I swear I was going to—”

“Good… Good morning, Mister Kazuma. I’m sorry to interrupt, but there’s something I need to do as soon as possible,” she says, looking up at me with a shy, tremulous smile as she clasps her hands in front of her pink skirt.

… Her lips are shiny.

I mean! Her rabbit-like countenance is… fucking cute.

Really, I just want to pick her up, rub my face all over her belly, and sit her squealing self on my bed like a giant plushie to cuddle with at night.

A giant plushie I would fuck silly until her legs stopped working, but still, the same principle applies.

Oh. She’s waiting for me to answer. How weird. I’m not used to people being polite, considerate, and adorable.

“Ah, yes, of course. If you have any urgent business…”

She nods, her smile vanishing and swiftly being replaced by a resolute expression that shows the inner steel of an accomplished adventurer who’s preparing to one day lead a race of magically enhanced supersoldiers.

… Now that I think about it, Yunyun may be kinda hardcore.

And she seems to think so as she steps around me and into my house, immediately going still as her eyes fall on Megumin still staring into that fucking glass of milk.

Then she spreads her feet, throws her left arm behind her with about as much flair as Megumin usually does (yet without too much flare, seeing as Yunyun lacks the requisite dramatic cape), and points at her lifelong rival-slash-yuri crush she more or less shared a cock with.

“Megumin! I have come to challenge you!” she yells with a far steadier voice than she usually has when calling out her catchphrase.

And Megumin drops the glass of milk, which slowly rolls over the edge of the table before shattering on the floor as she finally looks up and stares wide-eyed, first at Yunyun, and then at me.

“Wha—Yunyun?! Kazuma?!” she exclaims with the kind of surprise of someone who was lost in her own thoughts as a towering, gigantic orc frantically poured out his heart in hopes of being able to mend their relationship after a single, unintended, and perfectly sensible faux pas.

…

Fucking feelings. I knew they were useless.

Fortunately, before I can say anything further to compromise myself and maybe being led to say something that ends with a muttered ‘it’s not like I like you or anything, baka,’ Yunyun grasps Megumin’s hand between her two and bodily drags her down the corridor to…

To Megumin’s bedroom.

Moments later, Darkness, her hair wet after having gone through the bath, walks down the same corridor.

“Kazuma? Are you done with your breakfast?” she asks.

Unfortunately, I don’t get the chance to answer. Rather, Megumin does it for me:

“Yunyun? What—didn’t you have enough? Seriously, I’m sore all over; I can’t… Hn! Ah! Yunyun! Slowly, please! Aaaaaaahhhhh! Fuck, yeeeeeees!”

“I am Yunyun! Heir to the Crimson Magic Clan! She who will be your future leader! She who will make you Explode!”

“Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh! I’m Exploding! I’m Exploding! Yunyun’s making me Explooode!”

I blink at the corridor, then at the quickly blushing Darkness.

“You know, on second thought, I may not be that hungry anymore,” I tell her as I grab her arm and drag her out of the house while she keeps looking at the source of Megumin’s moans and cries for, presumably, mercy.

She isn’t used to losing her challenges, after all.

***

Going shopping.

It… shouldn’t require this much planning.

“I’ll wait three minutes and then look through the alley’s window, so be sure to have Wiz face the other way,” Darkness says, her cheeks almost crimson as her eyes keep glassing over.

“Nothing will happen,” I tell her for the fifth time, yet with decreasing conviction.

“Not with that attitude! Ah, Kazuma! To watch as you are yet again seduced away from me by a woman with a slutty body who offers you nothing but carnal delight… To see you push your bestial cock inside her, delighting in everything I cannot offer you, not even thinking about me—”

“That last part will be all but impossible if I’m trying to keep Wiz from noticing you peeping in,” I grumble out, burying my face in my hands as I try very hard to ignore the looks the passersby are shooting my way as the crazed Crusader keeps spouting her delusions.

“It’s a fantasy! Just… Just act like you’re really enjoying sullying Wiz’s purity, and I’ll fill in the blanks!” she says, almost chiding me.

I slowly lower my hands and look down at her.

She’s… smiling. Like, a lot.

…

“I’ll see what I can do,” I tell her.

“Great! Remember, I’ll start watching in three minutes! Don’t ravage her too much before then!”

“Just how quickly do you think I can—” I start to say as I’m pushed through the door to Wiz’s establishment, where I originally only intended to have a very awkward conversation about buying contraceptives.

“Ah!” Wiz yells just as I step through the door, tripping over herself and landing on her hands and knees, her body arched so her prodigious behind points at me as it tightly pulls at her satin, purple cloak.

I blink at her. Then I turn around and look at Darkness.

She shoots me a thumbs up, grinning ear to ear.

And vanishes down the street.

… I hope this doesn’t end with her telling me ‘I told you so.’ My abused psyche can only take so much.

So I delicately close the door to Wiz’s shop, the bell on top of it ringing once more, and gently kneel down beside her flushed face.

“Good morning, Wiz,” I say.

And she shudders.

“G—good morning, Mister Kazuma! I still don’t have the cure for the orc potion! I am sorry! Please don’t eat me!”

…

“What?”

“Aaaaah! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m really, really sorry! Please, don’t take me to your orc cave and make me your prisoner forever and ever!”

“… I have a mansion,” I say, as if that’s the one thing in the whole spiel that I should take issue with.

… I may have a class complex.

“Ah! Please, don’t take me to your dungeon, chain me up to the bare stone, tear off my clothes, and—”

Gently, and not at all trying not to have a Darkness-induced PTSD flashback, I grab her shoulders and lift her up, forcing her to look up into my own eyes with her entrancing, almost glowing, amber irises that reflect the light of the morning in dazzling patterns of shimmering color so beautiful they almost distract me from her boobs.

In my defense: they are very big.

The eyes too, I guess.

“Wiz, I don’t have a dungeon, and I’m not about to chain anyone up until Darkness buys herself a new set, so would you please relax and tell me what this is about?”

She stares at me, frozen, her arms shivering beneath my touch for what seems like… about three minutes.

Just a guess.

That doesn’t have anything to do with me seeing a masochistic blonde throw me a thumbs up from the window behind Wiz and to her right, the one that faces an alley and is high enough over the shelves that Darkness must be using some crates or something to stand on just so she can spy on this whole thing.

And enthusiastically eat a sandwich.

That is¸ breakfast.

… Betrayal!

“I… I’m sorry, Mister Kazuma. You didn’t deserve any of that,” she says, shyly averting her eyes.

Which means I’m kneeling on the ground, holding a mature, older woman with curves a pornstar would shank someone for who’s also kneeling as I grab her while she demurely looks to the floor.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I get an erection. Not at all.

It means I get an incredibly obvious erection.

“Wha—wha—wha—wha—” Wiz eloquently explains the situation.

“I… Ignore it. It will go away on its own. Probably.”

“Probably?! What do you mean ‘probably?!” she says, staring straight into the dark head lifting up my impromptu skir—kilt that I should look into replacing with something more permanent at some point.

“That it’s very likely I won’t bend you over the counter and fuck you silly, so letting it go away is the only other alternative!”

“That’s not true! You could grab my face and choke me down on it! Or—or thrust it between my… my breasts! Or force me to jump and down on top of you so you could watch my chest bounce with every thrust—”

“Well, yes, technically! I was simplifying things for the sake of an expeditious conversation!”

“Ah! Not expeditiously, please! At least be gentle!”

“Fine! I’ll be gentle in explaining to you how I’m not going to rape you just because you gave me a boner!”

Wiz pauses and, very slowly, maybe at the precise opposite speed of someone being expeditious, looks up at me.

“You… you won’t?” she asks, her lower lip quivering.

…

“Are you… asking me to—”

“No!” she says, waving her hands in front of her face.

“Oh, thank the Heavens, I have enough with one Darkness—”

“I’d never lie with a foul beast like an orc—”

“Oi.”

“—even if it was your soul inside it, Mister Kazuma!”

“… I—thanks?”

“Yes! Don’t worry; I assure you I’m doing everything in my power to free you from this awful, terrible, monstrous transformation! I’ll have you back to your regular, non-muscular body as soon as possible!”

“Oi.”

“And soon you’ll be free of the hateful shape of the green, despicable being that you’ve been turned into! No longer will your face cause a panic in the streets! You won’t be ruled by your monstrous urges! You’ll just be an average, low-leveled, run-of-the-mill adventurer with terrible stats!”

“Are you sure you aren’t trying to get me to ravage you in anger-fueled lust?”

“Ah! I knew the monster was taking over! Don’t worry, Mister Kazuma, I’ll kill you myself if that is what it takes to save your soul!”

“Let’s not be hasty here—”

“I knew the orc menace would rise up once again! I’ve been preparing my whole life for this!”

Wiz looks up at me, something shining in her eyes as her lips set in a thin line of resolve.

Cute.

My cock throbs.

“Ah! I knew it! Darkness beyond twilight, Crimson beyond blood that flows—” she frantically chants, not even rising to her feet as a glowing red circle spreads out beneath her.

The thing is? We are inside one of the most dangerous places in the world, a Hellscape of wild, chaotic magics barely held at bay by more luck than design, a place where disaster can, and often will, strike unannounced.

That is, Wiz’s shop.

So I let go of her shoulders and shut her damn mouth up with my hands!

“Are you insane?!” I tell the struggling lich, who’s still trying to cast an Explosion inside what may as well be a magical nuclear silo.

She, for some strange reason, doesn’t answer. Even if she may be struggling a bit harder.

Darkness, on the window, looks down at me, radiating approval.

An approval that only brings me shame.

And that is fogging up the window.

So I stand up and walk to the counter, carefully guiding the captive Wiz between my grasp so she ends up sitting on a portion of it that is apparently free of magical landmines.

“All right, Wiz, I’m going to let go of you in a moment, but first, I want you to calm down and promise me you aren’t about to cast a destructive spell inside your shop of magical artifacts, plenty of them cursed.”

Wiz’s eyes widen, then she blinks repeatedly.

I’ll take that as agreement.

“All right. All right. Let’s just calm down, OK, Wiz? I’m letting you speak now. Please, don’t try to kill the whole town.”

And I, proving yet again that the Intelligence stat is a lie, let her go.

“Ah! I’m so, so, so sorry!” she cries out, tears gathering in her eyes before sliding down pale skin in a dazzling display that…

That reminds me I’ve played far too many visual novels with crying heroines. Damn it, this is Pavlovian.

“Shush, don’t worry, everything’s all right,” I tell her, awkwardly patting her head.

“B—but I almost… I almost…” she starts.

And then bawls her eyes out.

Which is how we end up with the perfectly sensible scene of an orc patiently hugging a lich, patting her back, and trying not to think about his voyeuristic girlfriend peeping on the whole scene.

Damn it.

***

“There. Better?” I ask Wiz as I set a cup of tea down in front of her.

Darkness, still by the window, is glaring at me in disapproval.

The most charitable part of me wants to think that is because I made Wiz cry. I do believe it is the part that drags down my Intelligence stat to merely being above average in a world where the average is demonstrably adverse to self-preservation.

Wiz, after taking a slow sip of the calming chamomile tea, nods.

“Now… can you tell me what that was about?” I ask her, sitting beside her on the counter and looking to make sure the door to the shop is still properly locked.

I mean… not that it’s that likely a customer will walk in here.

“I… It’s because of my Master,” she says.

“Your Master?” I ask her, prodding her to continue.

She lowers her teacup into the saucer resting on her lap and fiddles with it, balancing it between the agile fingers someone may imagine a spellcaster would need to properly shape the intricate, arcane gestures essential to weave magic.

In a world that cared for such aesthetics, I mean. Here’s more of a ‘point and shoot, hopefully in the direction your party members aren’t currently occupying, Megumin.’

Ah, Wis is sighing. It’s a very noticeable thing.

Mostly because of two very prominent reasons.

“My Master… She was a wandering archmage who found me when I was a child. She taught me everything I needed to follow her tradition, and then… Then she left to fulfill her oath.”

“Her oath?”

“Yes. Her own Master, who was a wandering archmage who had found her as a child, had been taken captive by orcs, and my Master had sworn to avenge her when the time came.”

No.

No, Kazuma. I know you have figured this out, but you can leave it as implied rather than explicit. You can walk away from this whole thing, still unburdened by terrible, maddening knowledge.

“And… Your Master’s Master… she was a woman?” Damn it, Kazuma! Why don’t you ever listen to me!

“Yes?” Wiz looks up at me curiously, tilting her head in an unfairly cute way as she blinks those glowing, huge eyes of hers.

“And… She wasn’t captured by those orcs by accident, was she? She was… fulfilling an oath? To her own Master?”

“Mister Kazuma! How have you figured this out?!”

Wiz looks astonished.

I probably look… Like I don’t have the strength to rage against the Heavens.

“And do you, perhaps, know if your Master was captured by those orcs she sought to punish?”

“Yes! That’s why I’ve prepared myself to avenge her when the time comes!”

“The time comes—”

“If I am thirty-five and unmarried. My Master told me not to waste a chance at a brighter future beforehand.”

…

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

It all makes sense! I was blind, but now I see! The terrible gameplay balance, the grind-based progression, the nonsensical enemies, the character designs, the exaggerated personality traits, the terrible worldbuilding! This isn’t an RPG world! It never was an RPG world! It’s a Hentai RPG world!

… Yes, maybe being turned into a hentai orc should have been a clue. Shut up.

“Mister Kazuma? You’re huffing,” Wiz says.

I look at Wiz, at her earnest eyes, at the sincere caring of a woman who shouldn’t be burdened by truths she’s not equipped to confront.

“Ah, it’s… nothing, Wiz. I’m sorry to hear about the… tragic fate of your Master.”

“It’s… sad to think about,” she says, yet again staring into the golden hue of the chamomile tea.

Gently, trying not to shove her off the counter, I pat her back, and she slowly leans on me, still looking down.

“I… I have a favor to ask you, Mister Kazuma,” she says, not meeting my eyes just as I’m trying very hard not to meet Darkness’s.

Who’s almost vibrating.

Damn it, Darkness! Don’t you know the first thing about stealth! Shattering glass with your squeeing is not part of the procedure!

… Why is Chris climbing up Darkness’s shoulders? And what are they talking about?!

“You… you see, Mister Kazuma, ever since my Master vanished, I…” Not now, Wiz; I’m trying to guess what the Hell my girlfriend is telling the blushing NTR bait! “I… I have been… nervous when around orcs… So… if you could…” Wiz, I would dearly love to pay attention to the big-titted, mature older woman talking to me with a soft, enticing voice, but Chris is blushing. Blushing! And nodding! This cannot end well. “If you could, maybe… pretend? With me?”

“Pretend?” I immediately tell the focus of my attention, nay, my very world, as lesser concerns vanish from my mind.

“Yes. Pretend that you are an orc and you have… taken me captive,” she says, slowly looking up at me, her pleading eyes demanding about as much attention as her parted lips and only a bit less than her heaving breasts brushing against my chest.

…

“You sure?” I tell her in as few words as I can manage as I slip into that growl Darkness is starting to know so well.

Wiz shivers.

“Yes… Please.”

Calmly, I take her tea and set it down on her other side, my long arm reaching across her to do so, and then I stand up and move to be in front of her so those eyes of hers look up, and up, and up at me.

“Strip,” I say.

“Wh—wha—”

I clutch her jaw between my fingers, both paralyzing and silencing her.

“Strip. You prisoner. Don’t make orc work.”

“Mister—Mister Kazuma!”

“Not Kazuma. Orc. Strip for orc Master.”

Her eyes widen, and she swallows audibly.

Then her nervous, tremulous fingers reach up to the cross-shaped, bat-winged clasp of her cloak, and it snaps open.

The purple mantle glides off her shoulders, the shimmering fabric falling in dark waves as it lightly drifts to the counter she’s sitting on.

“Is… Is that enough?” she asks, eyes still glued to mine.

I snort and shake my head.

She, her long brown hair still waving in the impromptu breeze I just caused, shivers.

“I… I shouldn’t…” Her fingers tentatively reach the golden collar of her robes, and she fiddles with it as she bites her lip. “I am… I don’t want to just let an orc defeat me…”

I raise an eyebrow. The same one that’s been getting a workout recently, though maybe I should spread the gains.

Wiz, yet again, swallows.

And undoes her collar.

Pale, creamy skin is uncovered as the lilac fabric parts, as her fingers undo the clasps hidden inside the folds, slowly traveling down her neck, showing me the hollow of her throat, the start of her cleavage.

And she stops.

“Mister—Mister orc, I don’t… I can’t…”

And I tear her robe apart.

Her eyes shoot open as she gasps, and I finally, finally, feast my eyes on the succulent, bouncing flesh of Wiz’s marvelous breasts.

The nipples are slightly purplish, nearly matching the colors of the blue veins visible through her almost translucent skin, and the two globes take a while to stop moving, to stop jiggling after they have been suddenly released from the constraining fabric holding them in place.

Wiz squirms.

And, right before she opens her mouth to say something, likely to protest or to tell me precisely how expensive the robes I just ruined are…

“Master orc. Master, not Mister. Get it right, meatslave,” I rumble out, my red eyes narrowing at her as I lean forward and down, making her feel all of our height difference as her own eyes widen and her mouth drops open.

Which gives me an idea.

I take her chin yet again and force her to look up, her back arched so her breasts are presented to me.

“Mister—Master orc, what are you—hmmmmph!”

And I kiss her.

My tongue drives into Wiz’s mouth, pushing hers down, roughly gliding over it before I push forward and invade her throat as her arms flail at my sides as if she was choking on it.

Except… Wiz doesn’t need to breathe.

… This little fact shouldn’t be half as erotic as it is.

But I clasp my hands over her cheeks and hold her still as I thrust my tongue in and out of the tight ring of flesh that marks the entrance to her throat, the convulsing massage the closest thing to fucking her with a kiss I can imagine as Wiz’s body goes limp, her bare breasts pushed against me as she falls forward, her eyes closed as her tongue weakly tries to push mine up while she keeps swallowing around me and muffled moans keep vibrating through us.

As for my erection? The one I stated would go away on its own?

Ha. Ha, ha. Hahahahahahahaha!

You fools! You believed I was defeated, at my rope’s end! You believed you could best me, outlast me! Now gaze upon my true power! My strength unleashed! Witness my final form… and despair!

… And this has been the first and last villainous monologue of my dick. Yup. He just had his speaking privileges revoked.

Anyway… Yeah. I’m kinda hard.

And poking beneath Wiz’s breasts. Pushing them up, in fact, which means my current cock’s Strength stat may rival the one of my earlier body just by itself.

“Ka—Kazuma?” Wiz weakly asks, her eyes glassed over as I lean back just enough that our breaths still mingle, still become a cloud of shared arousal.

“Orc. Master orc,” I tell her, whispering in her ear before slowly licking up the cool skin of her neck as she shivers, her breasts quivering on top of my cock.

Which is actually slightly uncomfortable.

So I lean back, holding her eyes with mine, and grasp her breasts with hands that suddenly don’t seem that large. No, they do, in fact, seem perfectly suited to the task of encircling Wiz’s prodigious chest, to dig my fingers inside soft flesh, pressing them together and then apart, rolling her blueish nipples between thick fingers until she bites her lip, and then holding them still as I rest the tip of my exposed cock right between them, a splatter of precum making her pale skin shine with the rays coming in from the windows that—

Darkness and Chris aren’t in the window.

…

…

Well! Nothing I can do about that!

No, instead, I should focus on the magnificent breasts of this woman looking at me with eyes alternatively wide and lidded. On the rising and falling caused by a breath I know she doesn’t need, but that is ragged enough to look like she desperately does. On the lines of sunken flesh caused by my grip on her.

On the trembling of purple lips, the tongue briefly peeking out, and the shuddering moan when I finally pinch her nipples.

“Female will enjoy being captive,” I tell her.

And her eyes shoot open.

“Wha—what?!”

“This. Female adventurer taken by orc. Pleasure slave.”

Wiz blinks.

“I… I thought orcs ate adventurers.”

…

I look down at her.

She looks up at me.

My cock throbs.

“Ah!” she says, acknowledging that maybe one of the three of us has the right idea.

“Wiz…” I try to tell her as calmly as I can manage. “You… You don’t know why female adventurers got regularly kidnapped by male orcs?”

She bites her lip and peeks down at the cock resting on her soothingly cool skin.

“Because… tender flesh is easier to eat?”

…

“You moron! It’s because orcs are a living fetish! Cocks that never go limp, aphrodisiac sperm, strong enough to manhandle you into any position you may fantasize about! That’s how an archmage manages to get caught by a melee spec!”

“B—but! But my Master wouldn’t—”

“Thirty-five and unmarried?! Didn’t you ever think what the implication was?!”

“Ah! I was a kid! Barely sixteen!”

“Just how sheltered can you be!”

“I—I—I didn’t know! I didn’t know my Master was a depraved sow looking to be corrupted by a green cock! I didn’t know that was something she wanted to do!”

“Well, now you do!”

Oh, crap.

Now she does.

And she’s looking at me with lost eyes, not even knowing what emotion to feel, likely thinking that her whole life’s purpose was a cruel joke played on her by a nonsensical world that likes nothing more than to see her struggle to keep the last dredges of her sanity after she’s been yet again confronted by the awful, terrible nature of the reality she inhabits.

Not that I can sympathize with that or anything…

“Wiz…” I tell her in a soothing tone. “It’s not your fault, OK? You wanted to believe your Master was nobler than she was, and she… well, she was just human, and she wanted to… I don’t know, feel good and—”

“Do it,” she says, her eyes narrowed.

“… What?”

“Do it! Do it to me! Show me what it is that my Master abandoned me for! You say this is an aphrodisiac? Shoot me full of it! Make me feel whatever it is she thought I should look for if I never got married!”

I… blink down at her.

And at her hand tightly grasping my cock.

“Are you… sure?” I ask her, fighting against any and all of my deeply ingrained orcish beliefs about consent being somewhat optional so long as they end up with hearts in their eyes.

She nods.

And then leans toward me and swallows my cock.

I groan as she throws herself forward, my cockhead soon reaching that ring of flesh my tongue was thrusting in and out of mere moments ago, and, for lack of anything better to do other than an ahegaoed face, I undo my impromptu skir—kilt.

And now I am completely naked in front of a lich who’s trying very hard to cross-class as a succubus.

… Well, both have battlefield control, after all. There may be some synergy.

Wiz’s eyes are narrow, almost in anger, but her nostrils are flaring open, taking in air each time she pulls me back from her abused throat, and every breath seems to soften her gaze even as her movements grow sharper and more focused, her tongue lapping all over me whenever it gets enough room to do so, almost spooning out the dollops of precum I can feel oozing out of my tip as her cheeks press down on me.

Her fingers are interlaced, her hands a tube of flesh she keeps moving up and down, prolonging the reach of her mouth, yet moving in opposite directions even as her saliva spills from her tight lips and eases her movements, my whole shaft glistening with her natural lubrication.

Basically? I can’t believe this is a naïve virgin. In fact, knowing how this world works, it will turn out that Wiz always had a second personality where all her lust and desires were poured out, and that is what I’m currently dealing with.

Which… hot.

But, speaking of hot things I want to happen with the undead proto-Christmas cake…

I bury my fingers in her hair, feeling the long strands drape over and around them like the smoothest silk, and I look into her eyes as only the very tip of my cock remains buried between her lips and her tongue frantically laps at my slit.

“Your breasts… are gorgeous,” I tell her.

She blinks in incomprehension… and then flushes.

Her tongue slows down, and her hands let go of my cock as she arches her body back, her suction forcing me to follow her movement until my shaft lies stretched between her breasts before she grasps them and pushes them together.

Then… she looks at me. Expectantly.

And I… I lie my hands on top of hers, covering more of her breasts than she does, and shift them up as I pull back, my cock leaving her lips with a heartbreaking, popping sound.

“Is… Is the aphrodisiac working?” I ask her, looking at her dilated pupils as she gasps a cool breath over my wet tip.

She takes a moment to answer—a moment I use to pull farther back until my cockhead is fully buried into a soft, yielding cleavage I proceed to slowly fuck.

“It… I… I think so. Maybe,” she says before she bites her lip as her fingers clench on her breasts beneath mine.

“You think?” I ask her, alternating the eyebrow I raise to avoid overexertion.

“It’s… It never felt like this. Not… Not by myself…” she says, shyly looking aside.

…

“Ah! Ka—Kazuma?! What are you doing?!”

“You can’t be a virgin with this body! You can’t be this sexy, this cute, and a virgin!” I tell her as I throw away the last remnants of her robe and spread her legs open.

“I died young! There was never any chance to—”

“Do you want to remain a virgin?!”

“Wha—no! It’s embarrassing! Wait, what are you—aaaaaaahhhhh!”

Wiz feels amazing.

All right, every girl I’ve done it with does. The wet flesh clinging to me is always special in some unique way that I’m sure would be obvious to someone who wasn’t a virgin a few days ago, but… in Wiz’s case…

I look down at the curvaceous woman gaping at where our bodies are joined, her mouth opening and closing in something silent yet earnest, at the chest rising and falling beneath our joined fingers, at the legs reflexively wrapped around my waist as my hips sink into the soft thighs…

And I just want to fuck her hard enough to see everything of hers jiggle.

“It’s… it’s… so hot,” she breathes out.

And, yeah, that’s kind of it.

She isn’t.

She’s… just cool enough that it feels like… like a cooling pad on a feverish brow. Like a soothing caress, like peacefulness. Where Megumin’s burning body just makes mine blaze higher, Wiz’s makes me want to…

I lean down and take her lips.

This time, I don’t tongue-fuck her throat; I just… Caress her, lightly suckle her lower lip in between mine, move slowly over her mouth until her eyes close and her hands slip out from under mine to cup my cheeks as her legs tighten around me until I’m the one who has to lean away so I can breathe, so my hammering heart and burning lungs can take in all the air my orcish metabolism needs.

Which, seeing Wiz’s long hair waving in the wind, may be… a lot.

I mean, I think I can even see the door to the backroom shift with my inhalation as…

…

All right, Kazuma, time to pretend you just didn’t see your grinning girlfriend peek her head out of a door she shouldn’t have access to as her lawbreaking friend shyly and demurely peeked her blushing face (cute scar and all) from beneath her.

And don’t think too much about how close their two supple bodies are pressed together in that tight space, nor about whether or not Chris ever felt for Darkness the kind of pure, completely heterosexual friendship that Yunyun feels for Megumin.

Yuuuuup.

Right. Just... just focus on the stacked lich you’re fucking for, apparently, not just yours and her pleasure, but their entertainment.

And probably pleasure.

Nope. Not thinking about that. I got enough lilies yesterday. Just look at Wiz, spread out on the counter’s rich wood, her pale skin contrasting even further with the swirling grain as her bright eyes look up at me, that lock of hair that always tries and fails to cover her shining right eye matted with sweat to the side of her face, her cheeks tinged with a pale violet that I now realize is her way of blushing, and it looks so damn pretty I don’t even know how to process the sheer beauty shyly biting her lip…

“What… What is it?” she says, fidgeting on top of the glossy wood, her right hand no longer on my face but half-covering her lip.

“Huh?” I ask her with the eloquence of someone who doesn’t have the Bard class, and would rather commit suicide in a less creative and humiliating way than taking the damn thing.

Note to self: pick up an Eloquence skill.

“You’re… You’re staring, Kazuma.”

“Ah… I was just thinking that you’re astonishingly beautiful.”

The pale violet… spreads.

Oho.

“I… I am not. I am fat and—eeeep!”

The interruption is due to me biting down on the side of her neck.

No tusks, though. They make this whole thing far more awkward than it should be. And that’s taking the audience into account.

“You are not fat.” I growl into her ear. “Your curves are delightful to watch: your thick thighs make me want to dig my fingers in them as I spread them open so I can lick your delightful little pussy, your ass makes me want to bend you over so I can see it ripple as I thrust my cock inside you from behind, and your breasts make me want to bury my face in them, kissing every immaculate spot of your translucent skin, taking your nipples into my mouth and swirling my tongue around them until you squirm in sheer pleasure and aching need for release.”

“Ah… Ah… Kazuma…”

“And that’s just your body. Your sinfully beautiful body. The body I would lie on top on for hours on end, showing you every last minute of what my orcish endurance can do. But your face? You are gorgeous. Mesmerizing eyes, silky hair with enough of a reddish tint to be mysteriously appealing, lips soft and tender and glossy, lines so delicate they must have been traced by a sculptor, marble-like skin that seems to play with the very light… Damn it, Wiz, you’re unfairly beautiful, you’re attractive to the point it drives me wild, it makes me come up with ever more ridiculous requests so I can see your flustered face, so I can watch each and every expression you make when you—”

She kisses me.

Both hands on my cheeks, her lips shutting mine up, her tongue frantically pushing inside to lick at mine, to coax it into her mouth as she finally sucks on it and tries to swallow it down, her throat rippling around me as she gives me an almost deep throat and her hips start moving beneath me, taking a bit more of my cock with each rocking motion traveling through her whole body.

… I think now I understand what Megumin felt yesterday. Yeah, the thing about being a quick shot.

My right hand regretfully lets go of her breast, and I grab instead her ass, helping her move, steadying her as I start sawing in and out of her as her throat clenches around my tongue, and the sound our bodies make turns sloppier, wetter, due to both her eager coolness and my own precum almost flowing as she sucks down on me, as she makes me feel so damn wanted.

“Kazuma… You… You shouldn’t say those things,” she says as soon as she lets me go, lets me breathe, and her smoldering eyes over the violet tinge are…

“I mean every single one of them. Except not, because they are inadequate, because I can’t do you justice.”

“S… Stop sweet-talking me. You’re already… inside me.”

She turns aside, looking toward—nope.

I let go of both her breast and her ass (and try not to whimper at the terrible, soul-searing loss) and grab her face, forcing her to look back at my intense gaze and not, you know, at Darkness and Chris suspiciously fidgeting as they peek out of the backroom, their bodies just hidden enough that I have to imagine what they’re doing rather than watch another Aqua special.

“Wiz,” I start to say with burning solemnity.

And then pause as if trying to convey the seriousness of the moment and not as if, you know, I’m trying to come up with something to say at all.

“Y—yes?” she says, shining pools of amber light glittering up at me.

… Screw it. Sincerity it is.

But only as a last resort.

“You’re adorable. You’re earnest, and a good person, and always try to help even when you screw up due to the kind of clumsiness that is more a charming quirk than anything else. You’re terrifyingly powerful, and yet I feel perfectly safe in teasing you because I just know how gentle you truly are. I’ve lusted for your body since I first saw you, but it is you who is truly exceptional. Your shining, bright self, your brave smile, your generous nature. I want to fuck your body, but I want to breed your soul.”

She blinks up at me.

The violet spreads.

“Wha—wha—wha—”

Ah, there it is.

“What I’m trying to say, Wiz, is that I really, really like you.”

“Kazuma! You… you can’t! I’m sure your companions—oh gods, you are with Darkness! I’m making you cheat! I’m such a terrible, horrible person!”

Darkness, on the corner of my eye, looks like she’s about to faint.

Just… not out of a deep sense of personal betrayal. Just a hunch

“No! Look, Darkness… She likes it when I’m with other women—”

“Please, don’t lie just to make me feel better!” she says, covering her face with her hands and fidgeting in a way that’s very counterproductive to me not keeping up my adulterous ways.

“It’s not a lie! She’s messed up! Her head doesn’t work right! She gets off on fantasizing about other women taking me away from her!”

Darkness, yet again, looks like she’s about to faint. Just… a bit more so, given that Chris is frantically trying to hold her up even as drool drips on top of her short, tomboyish, NTR-bait hair.

“Ka—Kazuma! You shouldn’t speak ill of her just to spare me the indignity of being a homewrecking wretch—”

Fuck it.

I grab her hips and pull her up, then I thrust deep inside her as her heels lock up behind me, and she throws her head back in a guttural moan that is the closest thing to a threatening undead noise I’ve ever heard from her.

Then I bounce her up and down a few times, just hard enough that she falls forward against my chest and her arms wrap around my neck so I can discreetly whisper in her ear:

“I’m going to turn around right now, and I want you to watch over my shoulder.”

“Wha—”

And I turn on my heel and lift her until only the very tip of my cock remains inside of her as Wiz goes very, very still.

Then I look back and see not a trace of Chris (shocking, I know), but a kneeling Darkness with her hands shoved between her legs in a very Aqua-like manner.

“H—hi?” my girlfriend eloquently says.

“Wh—wha—what?!” Wiz answers.

“I told you,” I tell her, trying not to grunt as her lower lips squeeze me right below my cockhead.

“She’s—she’s watching us! And—and touching herself!”

“Just a bit…” Darkness says in what she must think is a brilliant defense admissible in court.

“Why are you touching yourself?! I’m fucking your boyfriend!”

“Ah! Yeeees!”

“Stop! Stop fingering your… your pussy! Don’t you understand?! I’m—I have his cock inside me! He’s laying with another woman!”

“Fffffuck! Yes! Tell me how he’s chosen you over my sloppy, degraded, unworthy self!”

“He’s holding me up by my ass! I can feel his dick going in and out each time he breathes!”

“Does it feel good?!”

“Yes! It feels amazing! I don’t even think it’s about the aphrodisiac!”

“Yes! His cock is just that good! It spreads you open to the point it almost feels like it should hurt, and then reaches deep inside of you! It makes you crave every bit of it when he pulls out, your pussy aching to be filled yet again!”

“I won’t be able to masturbate ever again without thinking about him! I want him to rail me! I want him to fuck me until I can’t even speak! I want him to shove it as far inside as it can go! I want to—uh… Kazuma? Why are you looking at me like that?” Wiz says, finally remembering there’s another person in the room other than the sloppily masturbating Darkness.

A person attached to a cock, apparently.

“Ah! Kazuma! Not so—hn!”

“What’s wrong, Wiz? I’m just doing what you want, aren’t I? Just shoving my dick inside you as far as it can go!”

“Ah! You—oh fuck! Yes! Yes! Ravage me! Show me what my Master threw her life away for! Wreck meeeee!”

This fucking world, I swear.

Anyway, when in Rome…

My fingers tighten on Wiz’s ass, and I start bouncing her up and down, her breasts pressing against me, her thighs rippling with each thrust… And I turn around.

“Tell her,” I roughly whisper in Wiz’s ear as my bare feet trod upon the wooden floor of her shop, slowly walking toward the kneeling, blushing, ecstatic Darkness who’s eagerly making eye contact with me.

“Wh—what?” Wiz asks, her eyes widening both at my question and at me spreading her open with a particularly deep thrust.

“Tell her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her how is it as she watches what you have and she doesn’t,” I growl, making Wiz’s mouth drop open and Darkness moan.

The lich looks behind her, at the Crusader making a mess on her floor, and she swallows.

“He’s… He’s reaching so, so much deeper than my fingers… And his body… He’s… He surrounds me, like he’s… like he’s keeping me for himself, like he won’t let me ever be outside of his arms…” she says, looking down, her forehead pressing against my chest as I slowly move her up and down.

… Why do they never say something simple? Something nice and easy? ‘He’s kissing my womb,’ wouldn’t be amiss, but nooo, they just have to turn this wholesome orcish not-rape into…

Feelings.

“He feels like he’s trying to fill up your entire world, doesn’t he?” Darkness asks her with a face-splitting grin.

And Wiz, rubbing her face against my chest, nods.

…

All right, this is unfair. It’s like Yunyun is spreading her malicious plan to have them make my heart cum rather than my cock.

“Tell me more,” Darkness asks. “Tell me how he grabs you, how he takes your entire body for himself.”

“He… His hands are holding me up, and his warm chest is in front of me, and I can’t see anything other than him, and I… his smell is all that I can breathe, and he keeps moving inside of me, making me feel him, and I can only grasp at him with my legs and arms to feel like… like I’m not flying away, that I’m really here. With him.”

“And you want him to fill you, don’t you?”

“Oh, gods, yes. I just… Even if he stopped moving, if he just was inside of me… that would be… enough.”

“I slept with him inside me, today. I woke up feeling his heat, feeling him spreading me open, molding me to his shape.”

“Ah! That… That sounds so hot!”

“Oh, yes, and when I met his eyes, saw him staring right at me as if he was about to devour me…” Darkness pauses. Wiz looks up into my eyes. I think the two things may be related. “When I saw him stare at me as if I was the only thing that mattered in the whole world…”

Wiz’s breath hitches.

… I’m not doing that, am I? I mean, yes, I like Wiz. As much of a scatterbrained, walking disaster zone as she can be, she’s a genuinely good person, a generous soul, someone who would spend her nights talking to the lost spirits gathered in the local graveyard just so they wouldn’t feel alone. Someone who would fight beside a newbie adventurer just so we could save this crazed town despite her being retired. Someone who would accept all of my outrageous requests to save my life from a cursed artifact that required my whims be obeyed, no matter how flustered she became as I buried my face in her plush thighs, or…

She’s… caressing my cheek.

And gently smiling.

“Thank… Thank you, Mister Kazuma. For making me feel loved.”

… Oh, that is just unfair.

“Ah! Wh-why?!” Wiz says as I roughly bounce her as fast as I can go.

‘Because your lovey-dovey, tender eyes and gentle voice are, apparently, what does it for me,’ I don’t tell her.

“Because you’re too… too good! You feel incredible, Wiz! I can’t stop myself from ravaging your body!”

“Yes! Yes, tell her how much you want her, how much you prefer her to the girlfriend cluelessly waiting for you back at home!”

“You’re right here! Ah! And watching us!” Wiz protests.

“Don’t try to reason with her—hn—there’s… there’s something better we can do.”

“Wha—what are you talking aboooout!” the lich intelligently keeps up her end of the conversation.

Well, better than Aqua would, at least.

… Fucking intrusive thoughts. Begone! Begone!

“What are you—oh. Oh, that’s… so demeaning, so humiliating, so fucking hot,” Darkness says as I stand over her, my legs straddling her kneeling, masturbating body as I thrust in and out of Wiz, our gathered lubrication spilling out each time I take my cock out almost entirely, the transparent fluid raining down on Darkness’s… open mouth?

… Well, I guess I no longer have to ponder whether or not a threesome is in the cards.

“She’s drinking you,” I whisper to Wiz the next time she’s in front of my red eyes.

And hers widen right before she whips her head back to stare wordlessly at Darkness being Darkness as the pale violet flush spreads to the top of her breasts.

That does it.

“Hn! Ka—Kazuma, if you are this rough—”

“I’m gonna cum!”

“Wha—inside me! Do it inside me!”

“But—”

“I’m an undead! Just fill me up with your warmth! Shoot it all inside me! Make me feel alive!”

All right, that last line was surprisingly heavy, but who am I to deny a lady her earnest request?

So I loosen my control, let the heat gathered at the base of my cock, the tingles running up my shaft, go higher and higher…

And I roar.

It catches me by surprise, the way Wiz’s arms and legs tighten around me as her whole body spasms, as her pusssy clamps down on me only to briefly release me just long enough for the first jet of my semen to rush out of my body and inside hers, the change in temperature noticeable to me as her coolness is replaced by my searing seed and Wiz screams, her head thrown back, her eyes white, her mouth open even as the air runs out and she keeps mouthing the silent plea for more.

And I give it to her.

I don’t stop moving, keep fucking her rigid body, keep bouncing her on my cock even as rope after rope of cum rushes out of me and into her hungry body, even as I feel it dribble down my balls when there’s no more room inside of her and Darkness yells her own orgasm when the torrent of cum reaches her.

I keep fucking Wiz until I stop cumming, until my knees almost give out, until she falls back, completely limp, and I manage to catch her and cradle her to me as I keep shivering against her while she kisses and licks my chest.

Then I take a staggering step to my left and sink down to sit on the floor, with the woman in my arms still trembling, moaning, and kissing me.

I look to my right, and Darkness is lying on the floor, her face splattered with thick gobs of cum, lifelessly staring at the ceiling.

And smiling so broadly, I feel sympathetic pain.

Of course, it is at this moment, this epitome of peaceful, blissfully silent, release, that Wiz’s door shoots open.

“Kazuma Satou! Rejoice, young man, for I have managed to find the very last of the ingredients needed to brew your cure!” Vanir boisterously proclaims as he, by the sounds of it, carelessly struts into the shop I know his telepathy has warned him is full of three recently orgasmed people.

Fucking demons, I swear.

“Not yet! At least, not with this current body, because I fear your homophobic tendencies would—”

Then there’s a noise vaguely reminiscent of a glass of milk shattering on the floor of my living room, and Vanir, to my astonishment, does something completely unprecedented for him.

That is: he shuts up.

Carefully, I dare take my eyes off the limp bodies of both Darkness and Wiz and look back at the smug man in a butler’s garb.

Holding the neck of a crystal vial.

Just the neck.

And staring at it as his right cheek twitches uncontrollably. I guess the eye is doing the same beneath the mask.

Then he slowly turns to glare at the door to the backroom—oh gods. No. Please, no.

“Are you so eager to taste this orc’s dick that you would resort to sabotaging me, you thief?!” he yells.

“Eeeeeep!” the cute tomboy character with a childhood friend who will end up masturbating in self-hatred as he watches her be fucked away from him answers.

…

There are some more yells, screams, and adorable eeps, but I think I’ll rather pretend I’m too physically and emotionally drained to pay attention and just slump down beside Darkness with Wiz’s limp body on top of mine.

Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.

“Satou Kazuma! Help me catch this Chris, and I shall pay you double for your next patent!”

… Gods fucking damn it.

***

“I’m just saying you didn’t have to run after her naked,” Darkness tells me, a slight, maybe mocking grin on her face.

“Chris is slippery, I—”

“Oh, I bet she was.”

“Not like that.”

“Kazuma, I was there when she was peeking on you. It was precisely like that.”

For a brief, guilty moment, I remember using Steal as a last-ditch effort to slow down Chris’s escape.

Which makes me, in turn, remember, the ruined stripped panties that are now stuffed in the pocket of my ski—jersey, the one I’m using as part of my makeshift kilt.

… All right, yes, I can’t believe I’m thinking this, but Darkness is right. It was precisely like that.

And now she’s nudging me with her elbow.

“So… Is she next?” she asks with eager eyes as we approach our shared home.

… Oh gods, I’m living together with my girlfriend and with my whatever Megumin is. Mother, Father, I’m rushing past the stairs to adulthood and shooting right into ‘lack of boundaries and unhealthy emotional attachments.’

I’m pretty sure those are something for divorcees or single people in their thirties. Or maybe teenagers experiencing their first romance, now that I think about it. How do I know if this is a lack of maturity or an excess of it?

“Kazuma… Answer me.”

“What?”

“Are you planning on seducing my best friend, fucking her silly with your girthy, orcish cock, and making me watch in despair as the two people closest to me betray me in an unthinkable manner?”

…

“When you put it like that…”

Darkness, yet again, fist pumps.

It’s about as disturbing as it was earlier in the morning.

So I sigh in relief as I reach the door to my humble abode, my refuge from a world gone mad, my…

“Welcome home, Master!” a trio of sweet, young, cheerful voices greets me, and my eyes fall down on three girls wearing far too short maid uniforms with a deep, indecently so, decolletage, the upper hemline wrapping around them and leaving their shoulders bare even as round flesh tries to spill over it, the situation made ever more precarious as they lean forward in a rehearsed curtsy that has them demurely lift the edges of a skirt that can’t be raised any further without flashing me the lingerie below.

Yet again, my orcish instincts act in spite of me, and I get a terribly noticeable erection in front of an almost angrily blushing Megumin, a softly smiling yet also blushing Yunyun, and a hungrily smirking Aqua.

Who stands up and, right hand on her cocked hip, starts slowly walking right up to me, each step an almost violent swaying of her hips that sends the mini skirt flying to the side and entices me with hints of the sparse blue hair below, because of course she isn’t wearing any panties—

“Well, Master? Is the performance of your Head Maid satisfactory? Or maybe do you wish for… more head?” she says as she languidly traces down my breastbone with her gloved forefinger before licking her lips and making it perfectly clear that the double entendre wasn’t, at all, accidental.

I try to swallow whatever it is that’s clogging up my throat and fail miserably.

By my side, Darkness vibrates with excitement, useless as the proverbial goddess.

And, just as I fear I may lose the battle and compromise my deeply held principles… Aqua’s nostrils flare.

“You…” she says, looking at me with astonishment that quickly turns to unbridled fury. “You have rejected me and then gone to fuck the damn undead?!”

Ah. It seems I’m going to die.

Thankfully, the world is finally making sense again.

 

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Hello there! This bout of green fever is brought to you by both my own insanity and my supporters voting for it one too many times in a row until it became a monthly series. It currently has ten chapters, nine of which can be found on QQ, and the tenth one on my Patreon. I’ll be posting the chapters here twice weekly, on Wednesday and Friday, until we’re caught up. 

Also, I’d like to thank my credited supporters on Patreon: Niklarus, Tinkerware, Varosch, and Xalgeon. If you feel like maybe giving me a hand and helping me keep writing wholesome orc rape, consider joining them or buying one of my books on Amazon. Thank you for reading!