There once was a time of tyranny, a dark age of the world when man could not choose to give up, to even breathe after an exhausting battle. A nightmarish era when you were forced to push ever forward, never looking back for fear that all you had accomplished would turn to ashes, that you would have to go through hardships and trials again and again, just hoping that, after the next one, you would finally be allowed to set your weapons down and rest.

By which I mean, save points were the fucking worst.

OK, usually you would find one at the start, middle, and end of every relevant section, and the ones before a boss battle were basically mandatory under penalty of having your shitty game dev studio burned to the ground, but there were always exceptions, and there’re very few things as torturous as being forced to play when you’re exhausted and no longer having fun, because, holy shit, that’s dawn searing into your night-adjusted eyeballs, and the spawn rate of the random encounters feels like it’s taunting you with every new, potion-sapping encounter.

But you had to go through that because, if you just unplugged the console like a sane, well-adjusted student with socially acceptable priorities, you would just have to go through that hellish section again the next time you picked up the console.

That… wasn’t an option.

I mean, gaming time is precious. A limited resource. The thought of wasting it on doing precisely the same thing you had already been forced to endure? No. That is taboo. That is verboten.

Which just made things all the more aggravating when you miscalculated and found yourself deep in the bowels of a dungeon, with no recovery items, no escape items (because those hadn’t been invented yet), and absolutely no way to back out without dying and being, once again, forced to…

To stare at a majestic throne void of the cute goddess that should be greeting me here.

…

Does Eris have a suggestion box? A complaints book? I don’t want to get her in trouble, but I feel like a line’s being crossed.

I mean… I didn’t even suggest I should get special treatment for being a repeat customer or something. Really, she should be elated to spend her time with one of the few people she can meet more than once. Or maybe that’s it? Maybe the novelty has worn off? Maybe she no longer feels the same thrill as she once felt when she greeted my noble, orcish self—

“Ah! I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!” my irresponsible, tardy goddess claims, running up through the void between stars, holding onto her weird hat thingy so it doesn’t fly off her head as her long hair streams behind her.

…

Oi, Eris, I’m gonna give you points for effort, but this whole thing really doesn’t work as well without you biting down on a piece of toast that, mysteriously enough, doesn’t fall out of your mouth while you keep talking to yourself like a weirdo.

“Hah! I—darn, I…” she tries to speak, her hands on her knees as she bends over in front of her throne, gasping out of breath.

Pointing her behind at me.

…

Is she doing this on purpose?

I mean, I’m a really, really tall orc, and it’s not like dark green is a camouflage… color…

… Is this yet another one of the hidden powers of my ancestral people? Am I able to just remain still and disappear in the background until it’s time for me to pounce on an unsuspecting godde—enemy?

“I… can’t even move…” she says, her breath coming in ragged gulps as her ass sways behind her in…

An infinity symbol.

One I saw this very morning when Aqua leaned forward to ‘dust a vase off.’

With an arched eyebrow that’s now ready for the Olympics, I approach the gasping woman until I’m almost touching her.

And then…

“Kyaaaaa!” she yells, jumping up, her hands covering her still jiggling behind after a meaty smack that I can feel tingling on my right palm.

After she lands, she turns to look at me over her shoulder. Pouting.

Which is just unfair, because Eris is far too goddamn cute.

“Greetings, my goddess; I apologize for my abrupt departure the last time I was here,” I tell her with my gentlemanly demeanor shining through in every single one of my refined gestures.

“… You apologize. For that,” she asks, her own eyebrow putting in an impressive display that will nonetheless go sadly unappreciated, as she competes in the woman’s division, and nobody has time to look at that when it doesn’t feature either gymnastics or beach volleyball.

“Indeed,” I tell her, crossing my arms over my voluminous, bare chest and nodding solemnly.

“Just for that,” she insists, her hand rubbing the right cheek that’s stopped jiggling but is now being pleasantly mauled to my visual delight.

“Is there anything else you’d like me to comment on?” I politely inquire.

She tries to glare at me. The blush kinda detracts from the intimidating effect.

It occurs to me that, if I was a goddess trying to tempt an orc into some kind of less than chivalrous behavior by swaying my enticing behind side to side, it would be utterly unfair of me to expect any kind of apology when said ungentlemanly behavior does not conform to her expectations.

Following the thread of reasoning further, it becomes apparent that the expected behavior may be entirely unrealistic and based on a conception of romance formed in a world that does not have access to the darker corners of the internet, and thus any lewd content fit for female consumption (that is: a content that excludes succubus dream parlors unless your name is Yunyun and you want to experience everything that a wholesome, Platonic, heterosexual friendship can offer) must be in the form of erotic novels.

Furthermore, my gentleman scholar orcish brain can easily postulate that, humans being about the same everywhere, those novels may contain copious uses of the verb ‘ravish’ without giving too much detail on what that entails.

Thus, the inescapable conclusion at which the educated mind arrives is that Eris doesn’t know what the Hell she’s doing.

… I may have used this crystal-clear reasoning to maybe guide her along the sensual exploration of her own body in a way that leaves both of us perfectly satisfied and satiated by the experience, yes, but such a disparity in power dynamics between the genders is something I innately abhor, and thus I’ve been forced to put an end to her unrealistic, vague expectations rather than profit from them.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

“It stings…” she mutters, biting her lower lip and briefly looking away from me.

This doesn’t have anything, at all, to do with my orcish spear rising in Martial greeting.

“Eeeep!” she comments, likely referencing some ancestral battle cry with which to recognize each other as fellow warriors.

It is only fair, then, that I would raise my spear higher, displaying its full might through the tattered remains of my skir—kilt.

“Ka—Kazuma! You are… You are… Your—aaaaahhhhh!”

“What the Hell did you expect?! You’re waving your perfect ass at me, massaging it while bent over, and looking at me with those eyes of yours! Of course my orcish blood will roar!”

“You are not a real orc! It’s just magic!”

“Lies! My ancestors’ teachings can not be denied!”

“What are you even saying—eeeeep!”

Ah.

I may have acted rashly.

I mean, given that Eris is now blushing up to the tip of her ears, her loose fists tucked beneath her chin, and looking up at me while I hold her in a bridal carry… Yes. That seems like a reasonable conclusion.

And I am nothing but reasonable, after all.

“Ka… Kazuma?”

“I asked you a question,” I say through a dry mouth that forces me to lick my lips with my very long tongue.

“Wha… a… question?” she says as she, for some reason that I’m sure is perfectly innocent and not at all sexually charged, stares at the slow movement of my tongue.

“Yes. The last time I was here. I asked if you touched yourself thinking about someone,” I tell her, looking right into violet eyes that widen as she finally processes my words.

“I… I…”

“You said you did,” I remind her, lowering my face slightly.

Her eyes dart to my lips for a moment before she once again stares frozen into my own red irises.

And slowly, timidly… nods.

So I lower my head just a tad more. Enough that it is noticeable and that I can hear her when she loudly swallows.

“Then I asked another question, Eris; do you remember which one?” I pause for dramatic effect—I mean, to let her answer at her leisure, and her chin drops just a fraction of an angle. “Right, I asked you if the person you touched yourself to was someone I knew… and you said yes.”

She’s breathing hard and loud, her chest, padded or not, rising and falling fast enough to catch my eye just through that alone.

So I lower my face just a touch more, enough that her breath washes over me, carrying the fragrance of lilacs.

“Then I asked a third question, my Lady Eris, the most important one, the one that remained unanswered. The question is… Was it… me?” I tell her with the almost growl Darkness seems to enjoy so much.

And Eris, still held in my arms, freezes as I keep lowering my face, as my lips almost touch hers, the warm air around them almost tangible with our nearness as I wait for her to answer me, to say the words that will seal her fate after I refuse to let her go.

“Ka… Kazuma… I… I touched myself thinking… thinking about—”

“Oh, Hell no!” a voice far less gentle than the one beneath me claims as ethereal winds surround my soul and pull me above the tiled marble while Eris’s eyes impossibly widen. “I am not watching you fuck the washboard right after your bout of necrophilia! You come back here right now!” the spiteful being summoning me claims.

“Fuck off, Aqua! If you don’t want Eris and I consummating our pure romance with rapey undertones, stop killing me whenever you please!”

“Wha—consummating? Rapey?!” Eris fakes protesting while squirming in my arms.

“Don’t worry! You have nothing to feel ashamed of, Lady Eris! I promise about ninety percent of erotic literature aimed at women would result in several convictions!” I tell her, swiftly assuaging her fears.

“I don’t read porn! I don’t!” she chastely protests as my body rises about half a Megumin.

“Sure you don’t!” Aqua yells across the void between dimensions. “You just pad your chest because of aesthetics. Come on, I caught you once with your hands busy while looking at a kneeling—”

“Nooooo!” Eris answers the obviously slanderous accusations.

And pushes me away.

This sequence of events results in two things. The first one is that I’m swiftly ejected back to the realm of the living.

The second is that, right before I do so, I hear the loud sound of Eris’s body falling down and her loud cursing at what I presume to be a painful reacquainting with the marble tiles below me.

I am sorry, Lady Eris; I promise that wasn’t the kind of pain I had in mind for you tonight. Next time, I’ll do better and only have you protest as much as you feel comfortable with when I spear you open with—

“Oh. Hi, there,” I tell Aqua as she stands before my resurrected body while crossing her arms over the black, shimmering fabric of her hentai maid uniform.

She’s also tapping her foot imperiously on the navy blue carpet of her bedroom. Which, you know, it would work far better if she wasn’t Aqua.

“Is that everything you have to say to me?” she asks with narrow eyes and far more authority than one would typically associate with a useless goddess.

“Ah, the traditional trick to get men to incriminate themselves? As if we should feel guilty merely by existing—”

“You! Fucked! The! Corpse!” she hysterically accuses me while unfairly trying to asphyxiate me.

“Look, if you’re just going to kill me, maybe do so before my erection goes down. Things with Eris were going quite well before you—”

Aaaaaaand she slaps me.

Unfairly so, I may add.

“Do you realize I’m perfectly in my right to retaliate with full force, don’t you?” I ask her while rubbing my smarting left cheek.

“Oh? And then what? Will you bend me over and show me how an orc treats an unruly woman?” she asks, spitting venom with every syllable.

“… OK, I’m kinda confused. Wasn’t that what you were looking for?” I ask her while pointing at the kind of uniform nobody whose job requires them to lean even slightly forward would ever wear.

And Aqua goes… crimson.

Not a good color for her, surprisingly enough.

“You, you—you!” she says.

“Me?” I inquire.

“You adulterer!” she yells.

And then jumps on top of her teal bedsheets, buries her face on the matching pillow, kicks her legs behind her, and screams in precisely the same way somebody whose crush has answered the question ‘Is it me?’ in the wrong way and in a very public setting would.

No, I’m not familiar with such circumstances. It was just a random simile.

Really.

“If you’re trying to get a pity fuck out of this—” I start to say before I’m rudely interrupted by a pillow smacking me.

It takes it some time to fall down, given it gets momentarily stuck on my tusks, and when it does land on my open arms, the familiar vision of a teary-eyed, grumpy Aqua greets me.

“Adulterer? Really?” I ask her as I gently deposit the pillow on the mattress before she immediately latches on it and hugs it to her chest.

“You… You’re doing everyone but me,” she says, looking down and to the side with an aggressive pout.

“I… I am a pathetic NEET whom you’ve often claimed would die a virgin, you know?”

“You did die a virgin. Several times.”

“… You are a bitch.”

“And you are a sex-crazed monster who can’t think with anything other than his dick ever since he got it wet for the first time.”

Our eyes meet. Mine, lidded with the fearsome, warrior-like countenance of orc chieftains that harken back to the dawn of time, hers, narrow with the bratty indignation of the kind of girl who expects to be a housewife without even knowing how to cook, clean, or do basically anything other than making the bath exceedingly clean.

It is a clash of wills. A duel of the spirit. The kind of high-level confrontation in which swords are superfluous, because the intent is already honed to a razor’s edge, and only the most experienced masters can withstand the sheer presence of the combatants.

And then we begin.

“You’ve been taunting me with your pantyless behind ever since we arrived here, constantly swaying it beneath a skirt you know is too short to hide half your butt,” I attack head-on.

“You’ve jerked off to me until your wrist hurt bad enough that you couldn’t paint that damn fence,” she mercilessly counters.

“I never said I was jerking off to you,” I riposte with the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

“I saw you stain your pants while moaning my name when you slept next to me,” she sharply parries.

“You kept joking about lending me a hand. While bending over so I could see you weren’t wearing panties,” I go back to my most essential, honed technique, the veritable foundation of my style.

“I was taking pity on you!” she aggressively charges, abandoning all subterfuge in her mindless aggression.

“You were blue balling me mercilessly!” I answer in kind, eager to meet her on the battlefield.

“So you do want me!” she strikes, confident that she has found a chink in my defenses.

“I want to get rid of you! I want not to be debt-ridden! I want to go on quests without fearing your support more than the monsters! I want to not have to clean your puke off the furniture!” I answer, closing the trap down on her.

She gasps, half-sitting on her bed while lying on the side of thighs that are, as usual, too bare for any kind of modesty, but even more noticeably so with the damn short skirt of this uniform, and she clutches her chest while pretending to be outraged at the sheer disrespect.

I mean, that would require having some self-respect to start with, so the feint is too obvious for me to act on it.

“You—you got as drunk as I did! We went out every night! We partied until we had no money and then went back to the stables!”

“Of course we did! We were homeless!”

“Yes! You took me from Heaven and forced me to sleep on a pile of hay covered with only a threadbare sheet! You… You… You tried to own me!”

“You are my cheat item! My isekai power! Of course I own you!”

“And you never did anything!”

“… What?”

“You… You took me down from the only place I’ve ever known, from my home, my coworkers, my… my everything! You forced me to live with you, a mere mortal, and then… then you spent every day with me, and we hung out, and I worked in something I was good at, without complaints, and people were kind to me, and then, after getting tired from earning our money, we went out and had fun! We… I… I’ve never been happier, and it’s all your damn fault, Scumzuma!”

“I mean… I… Sorry?” Man, I guess feints can be confusing. I don’t even know what the real attack is right now.

“Yes! You’re sorry! You are a sorry excuse for NEET lech that can’t even force himself on the girl sleeping right beside him, who keeps showing him she isn’t wearing underwear! I thought Japanese men knew how to take a hint!”

“… Just what kind of doujins have you been reading, Aqua?”

“And then!” She points at me as she stands up, making as if to grab the front of my shirt before realizing I’m not wearing any. “Then you… You got yourself a damn harem! Without even touching me! Me! A divine beauty of supernatural charm! But noooo, you had to go after the cow tits and the firecracker loli! You had to perv on every single woman you came across! You even let yourself be captured by a Demon General just because she had huge knockers!”

“We don’t talk about that! We promised not to talk about that!”

“You promised we would always be together!”

“… What?”

Aqua, accusing finger trembling right over my breastbone, freezes.

“I… you… you did, you know?” she says, nervously lifting her eyes to meet mine.

“I… when?”

“When you… You took me,” she says, as if pleading.

And I…

OK, deep breath, it’s not the first time I’ve been confronted by what should’ve been a straightforward situation only for some kind of craziness to spill over at the last moment. From Darkness being decisive enough to grasp a hold of her dreams (my orc dick) and never let go, to Megumin facing her challenges (my intraspecies cock) without backing down, to Wiz confronting her deepest trauma (my green penis) and forging ahead. Yes, the past days have been full of catharsis, emotional baring, and conversations that had remained implicit up to that point.

It’s kinda worrying that all of it revolves around my dick, but it’s also somewhat ego-stroking, I’m not gonna lie.

So, what I think the teary-eyed goddess in front of me is saying is that, through shared, gruesome adversity, she came to enjoy our life together and felt displaced when we actually got a party and our situation changed. And she’s saying that in contrast to her life in Heaven, which she never quite elaborates on, but seems to have been, somehow, unhappier than the time we spent pub crawling and working backbreaking labor rather than acting like adventurers.

…

I think this is when the analytic character who wears square glasses just for show makes them suspiciously glint as the whole plot comes together, but I swear I’ve got no clue what this all is leading up to.

I mean, it’s like Aqua was happy for the first time in her life when it was just the two of us, sharing the humblest of refuges and living the kind of life only a romance novel would idealize—

“Saaaaaaaafe!” a somewhat baritone voice exclaims as the window to Aqua’s room shatters inward with the exclaimer going through it on a ballistic trajectory that has them roll over the floor until they slam on the bare stone wall opposite their point of dynamic entry.

I blink at… her.

She’s a small woman, a bit shorter than Megumin, with curves that are a happy medium between the lack thereof the archmage previously displayed and those she currently flaunts. She has short, dark hair with a hint of hazel, and wears a black butler’s uniform, with white gloves and everything.

She also has a frighteningly familiar half-mask that is white and black, parted down the middle with… with a Roman three inscribed in the middle of it.

And the small, svelte yet curvy girl is agile enough to bounce back to her feet, arms spread as if expecting some kind of applause and an infuriating grin on her lips.

“With impeccable timing, Vanir-chan takes the stage! You may now enthusiastically clap, Kazuma Satou!” she says.

My eyes widen in horror as I take a step back and clasp Aqua’s hand in search of the tiniest of shelters in a hostile world.

“Haaahhh… thank you, I needed that delightful burst of horrified realization,” Vanir-chan says.

“Wha—wha—wha—” Aqua babbles in her native tongue.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, spiteful goddess. Suffice to say, I was inspired by Kazuma here to reinvent myself recently!”

“I—I—I—what?” I eloquently question the mind-shatteringly horrifying demon—

“Praise me more!”

—in front of me.

“Ka—Kazuma, I’m scared. Hold me,” Aqua begs as she holds my side with the kind of strength only desperation and not stat points can bring.

“Only if you hold me too,” I mutter, wrapping an arm around her that could act as a tower shield if need be.

“You know, I expected that from you, Kazuma Satou, when I confronted you with the dilemma of actually going through with your genderbending fetish—”

“Your what?” Aqua accuses me with a sharp glare.

“—but I did not suspect it would drive the goddess of unemployment to distraction as well,” Vanir says, completely ignoring Aqua as is her wont.

“I… I don’t have a genderbending fetish. It was just… in some doujins I enjoyed in spite of it,” I defend myself from the vile, baseless accusation only a demonic schemer would level my way.

“Oh? Are you certain? Because your mind keeps drifting to the heartwarming story of two delinquent students famous for their fighting prowess, one of which contracts a disease that turns her into a… let’s say small, svelte yet curvy girl—” Vanir-chan says with an impish smile as she gestures at the very curves I just described that way.

That is, hers.

“Aaaaaahhhhhhh! Lies! Lies! I only masturbated to that about twenty times! It didn’t even rank among the top ten!”

“That statement seems to omit the fact that you only stopped after your mother caught you with it and had a very involved, lengthy conversation about how OK she would be with you coming out of the closet,” Vanir-chan says with the kind of grin only someone who literally feeds on the misery of others can muster. “Yes, thank you for the feast.” It’s also the kind of grin that makes me want to show her the full brunt of gender equality. “You’re welcome to try!”

…

She will just dodge every single thing I throw at her with her bullshit battle telepathy, won’t she?

“Precisely! But your self-defeating thoughts are almost as delicious as the frustration of your futile attacks would be, so don’t feel bad about not straining yourself—or do; that’s also filling enough,” she says. “Also, I am somewhat surprised at the readiness with which you’ve decided to see me as female. I was expecting a bit more inner conflict after your dramatic resistance against my chimeric comrade?” she points out with an implied, inquiring eyebrow as he alludes to the trauma I experienced at the hands of what should have been a tanned beauty worthy of a doujin cover.

The one with an enormous penis.

That would’ve also made the cover of an entirely different doujin genre.

…

Fuck.

“Soon!” she says. And I shudder.

“… Kazuma, I’m a bit lost. Would you mind translating?” Aqua fearfully mutters against my side.

“I… Vanir has decided to kill herself and reincarnate as a woman just to mess with me. She’s also saying we’re going to have sex—”

“Not another one!” Aqua rages, the blue aura around her almost convincing, except for the lack of a whooshing noise and hair dyes.

“Another one, deadbeat goddess? Another one what? Another woman sniffing around the man you thought had claimed you? Another rival for his time and affection? Another girl whose ecstatic moans you’ll touch yourself to as you keep wondering how it would be if he finally decided to take you like you’ve so often fantasized ever since the first time you heard him shuffle beside you while you pretended to sleep even as your own hand slid between your legs—”

“Aaaaaaahhhhh! Kill her! Kill her, Kazuma, before she spreads any more lies!”

“You just confessed to me almost as much yourself!” I tell her, grabbing her shoulder so she won’t hide behind my back.

… Look, I’m all for shounen idiocy when it’s the moron on the screen the one that’s getting blasted while shielding his comrades, but I’ve got too much firsthand experience with that to willingly go through it again.

“How marvelously selfish of you, Kazuma Satou! Ah, truly, this is why my brand-new female genitalia longs to be filled by your thick member!”

“What did you think?! Damn you, Kazuma, what did you just think?!”

… OK. OK, I’ve seen this in plenty of mangas; the trick is not to think, to act by instinct so that I don’t give any clues to the mind-reader and—

And Vanir-chan’s now unbuttoning her shirt while biting the corner of her lip and giving me the kind of grin that assures me she swallows—

“Oh, I will.”

—and now I can see the start of her cleavage as she spreads the white shirt open, and she isn’t wearing a bra—

“My flesh is too firm to require such nuisances, Kazuma Satou, as you’ll soon enough feel with your own hands,” she interjects with the kind of wink that tells me Vanir-chan is very much on board with— “Anything,” she finishes with a breathy moan as she opens her jacket and shows me pink, erect nipples that—

That Aqua covers my eyes to hide from me.

“You’re hard,” she whispers in accusation, her face close enough to me that her hot breath washes over my chest.

“I’m always hard,” I defend myself, struggling against the palms of her hands chasing my eyes and depriving me of Vanir-chan’s striptease.

“You’re hard because of him, because of a male demon,” she says.

“What—no, no, no, I’m hard only because of perfectly heterosexual leanings that aren’t at all confused by a former friend turning into an attractive girl like in so many doujins that emphasize the pure transition from Platonic love to a romantic relationship! And, when you think about it, what is the genderbent tag if not the ultimate expression of both the childhood friend and tomboy tags? Those are the very pinnacle of the vanilla genre! Truly, there’s nothing purer than for a friend to shove his cock up the pussy of his childhood friend as they both discover their own sexuality and bind themselves to one another for eternity! And there’s nothing more wholesome than for said friend to have been previously a man so that she won’t ever have even desired the touch of another man! Yes, that is a bond beyond marriage! A sacred binding of destiny! Nothing is more heterosexual than claiming your formerly male friend’s virginity!”

After my impassioned speech, there’s not a trace of the applause I would have expected. No, in fact, there’s the kind of silence one associates with a sudden burst of cold wind and a tumbleweed somehow manifesting outside its natural habitat.

“My job here is done,” Vanir-chan whispers under her breath with an awed, quasi-religious tone as I remember every single word I just said and try very hard to channel my embarrassment into a deadly, soothing aneurysm.

“… Does that mean you won’t… fuck him?” Aqua asks her in what would seem to be relief even as her hands tremble over my eyes.

“Oh, no, I have gone to too much trouble not to NTR you now. I’m gonna ride him like a pony,” Vanir-chan says. “Besides, I didn’t even know this body could get so wet.”

“Ah. I see,” Aqua comments with a dead tone as I keep struggling to join said tone in the afterlife.

“Right, so, if you’d be so kind as to step aside so I can suck his cock down to the root and bathe his balls with my tongue—”

“Purification! Purification! Purification!”

“Ah! Curse you, despicable goddess! Curse yoooouuuu!” Vanir-chan yells as she jumps through the window.

How do I know that she did so if Aqua is still covering my eyes, you ask?

Easy. She jumped through the other, unbroken window.

And now Aqua’s sobbing.

…. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say she isn’t doing so because she sympathizes with my struggles to reach a kinder afterlife.

Nor because she’s concerned about how costly it will be to replace the two windows.

Look, Vanir-chan, if you actually want to cause Aqua true despair? There’s a collection of expensive liquor ‘hidden’ beneath her bed that she would be heartbroken to see shattered. Even if most of it has been replaced by the cheap stuff while she wasn’t looking by some third party that shall forever remain anonymous.

Except for the whisky. Damn, I hate that stuff.

…

She’s still sobbing.

And, honestly, watching a hentai maid disconsolately cry for any reason other than her master giving her too many orgasms is kinda disturbing.

So, repressing a wind-rousing sigh, I sit on Aqua’s bed gently enough that the mattress doesn’t fold around me and pat her back.

“There, there,” I say.

And she launches herself against me before burying her face in my side.

“I… I… Everyone?” she asks through the tears and snot.

“Everyone?” I repeat the question.

“Does… Do you get hard for everyone… but me?” she finishes with an almost inaudible murmur.

…

 Damn it.

Repressing another sigh, I pick her up by her waist and sit her on my lap with her small back resting on my chest.

Which, given that she isn’t wearing any underwear and that my attire is the traditional warrior garb of the Highlands, results in my cock sticking up between her thighs and me sucking in a sharp breath.

“Ah! Wha—Kazuma?!”

“I never went soft,” I whisper in her left ear, craning my head down to do so.

She shivers, and I have to suppress the reaction that causes in me.

“What do you mean?” she finally says, her thighs closing around me.

“I mean… Not after you pulled me away from Eris. Not even once during our argument. I was hard all the time. For you.”

Aqua stops breathing for a moment, then she slowly turns back to look up at me.

“Re—really?” she asks with a tearful, hopeful expression that is objectively far from her most attractive self.

Because it’s Aqua.

The same goddess I want to push on her knees when she displays her wholly unfounded, superior, know-it-all smile.

The same one I reluctantly want to headpat when she shows her confused, out-of-her-depth face.

The… The woman I jerked myself off to far too many times while remembering her enthusiastic grin, her loud laugh, or even her snide asides.

The one I want to put in her place, the one I want to cuddle with, the one I want to protect, and the one I want to shut up with a cock shoved straight in her insolent mouth.

… It’s complicated.

…

Fuck. I really do believe in gender equality.

So I tear off a small part of my tattered jersey and wipe the snot off her as she makes a displeased face and keeps acting like a disgruntled kitten, all the while rubbing my cock between her plush thighs.

And then, once she’s clean, once she’s blushing in indignation at the infantilizing treatment, once she’s glaring at me with a put-upon expression that demands I take her seriously…

I kiss her.

She flails for a moment before she realizes what is happening and throws her arms around my neck, her lips pressing harder against mine for a long moment that stretches as we just… remain there.

Then she finally leans back, her eyes searching through my own as a shy smile goes over wet, glossy lips.

“I… Thank you,” she warmly whispers, making my heart clench in a too Yunyun way.

So I carefully sweep a few errant strands of blue hair behind her right ear, my palm brushing over her cheek as she closes her eyes and leans into my touch.

And I…

…

Goddamn feelings, I swear.

“Aqua… I am glad you came here. With me,” I tell her through a rough throat that has very little to do with me deeply and seductively growling.

Her smile widens, and she, eyes still closed, leans back against my chest, kissing my green skin with the side of her mouth.

“I… I am happy, Kazuma. With you… With all of you,” she says, arms lowering from my neck to my waist.

This may have been slightly more wholesome if I couldn’t feel her wet lower lips pressing on top of my shaft.

May.

Maybe not, now that I think about it.

“I… I have gone through worse than I thought I ever would. I’ve been burned alive, dissolved in acid, beheaded,… And I wouldn’t change anything,” I finally confess. “And if you tell the pair of lunatics, I’ll deny every single thing,” I add as a reflexive survival mechanism.

“I brought you back. I’ll always bring you back,” she says, looking up at me with a trembling smile, and…

And I should ravish her.

I should throw her on top of the bed and take out every single one of my frustrated, masturbatory fantasies on her, making her scream herself hoarse like I always wished I could do while we were sleeping together in those damn stables after wasting all our money on alcohol.

I should…

I kiss the top of her head, right beside her hair loop, and lift her off me before I gently deposit her over her teal bedsheets.

She looks at me, straight into my eyes, and spreads her legs open, her feet planted on the bed, the fabric bunching around them as she pulls them farther from one another.

I kneel between her own knees, undoing my haphazard, unpractical clothes.

And then I lean forward, one hand at each side of her face, the tip of my cock so near to her entrance that I can feel the waves of heat coming in with every undulation of the beautiful woman beneath me.

I could say a lot of things.

I could taunt her. Joke around. Confess things I’m not ready to even think.

I smile.

She smiles back.

And I lower myself.

Her arms press her breasts between them as her hands reach down to grab and guide me, to put my cockhead right against her entrance as she tilts her pelvis upward.

I push.

She yields.

And her wet heat surrounds the very tip of my member as Aqua leans her head back, sinking into her pillow, baring her throat to me as she bites her lip and muffles a small grunt.

I lean down, kissing the side of her neck, waiting until her grip on my cock relaxes, even as I can feel my blood pulse against her tight fingers.

The muscles on her neck spasm once, twice, and then she turns around to kiss the side of my head, right over my ear, her lips on my temple.

Her hands let me go, and they travel slowly up my sides until they lie flat on my back, light enough that I can barely feel their weight as she shivers beneath me, the exposed part of her breasts quivering over her decolletage.

I push a bit farther inside of her, inside of Aqua, and her legs close around my hips, the softness of her thighs pressing on me, the smoothness of her skin letting me move effortlessly.

Yet I stop.

I rest my weight on the left hand and rise over her so my eyes are over hers as she opens them, her own full of wonder and a bit of fear as her arms extend to keep her warm palms lightly resting on my back.

With my free hand, I pull down on the center of her dress until her breasts pop free, until I can finally see what filled my fantasies for weeks.

She smiles at me, a hint of smug pride in it that I don’t react to only because of… of everything else that surrounds it. The shyness, the insecurity, the inquiry.

I trace the curve of her left breast, one clawed finger carefully trailing its silhouette before I draw a tightening spiral that ends up on top of an almost pointed nipple with pale color that fades into the surrounding skin, and I press down on it as Aqua bites her lip and shudders.

Then, just as she closes her eyes, I push farther inside of her.

And her eyes fly wide open.

“Kazuma!” she yells.

And I kiss her.

Rougher, my tongue pushing into her mouth through her lips and surprise before she greets it with her own, returning my kiss as she learns how to, as I let her experiment in delightful, slow touches and caresses even as my left arm trembles, not with my weight, but with my urges to fall on top of her, to sink into her flesh until nothing of me remains outside of her and she’s convulsing around me in more pleasure than she can take.

But…

I…

I just wanted to shut her up so often, to… To look at her. At her beautiful face, her wide smile, bright eyes,… I just wanted to take her in without the barrage of emotions her words always caused me.

Because she is infuriating. She is a walking disaster even when she means well, even when she only desperately wants to help while she keeps messing things up.

But she wants to help.

She, Aqua, the useless goddess, the compulsive gambler, drinker, and any vice under the sun… is a good person. Or, at least, wants to be good to me.

“You are my cheat power,” I tell her right after our lips smack with the snap of our separation.

She stares at me before a look of confusion goes over her face.

“Is that because you’re cheating on Darkness?” she asks, brows furrowed.

And I facepalm. Which almost makes me fall down and impale her fully.

“I was being symbolic. It means that you are mine, Aqua,” I explain with a tired voice.

And…

And then her face breaks into the kind of bright smile that comes so easily to her, but it somehow has more weight, more meaning, and… and…

Goddamn feelings, I swear.

“Then… make me. Yours,” she says with trembling lips and eyes.

So, finally, I sink myself fully inside of her.

It… takes a moment as I slowly lower myself, as she contorts beneath me, her body all but writhing over her sheets, the teal fabric almost rippling like a lake around her barely covered body, her breasts shifting side to side, their flattened shape marvelous to contemplate even as it changes with every new angle of her torso, with every fraction of me that goes inside her.

And then, finally, I’m inside of Aqua, her face right below my chest, peppering me with light kisses as her thighs keep clenching against my hips and her fingers almost claw at me before she forces them to relax over and over.

“Are you… all right?” I ask her, finding the words hard to pronounce.

“I… Just… Just a moment. I need a moment,” she says right before she squeezes me in a contraction that ripples from her entrance to my very tip.

I grunt in acknowledgment. Then I pull back.

“Ah! Kazuma, I told you to wa—hn!”

I lean down to kiss the top of her head, but I don’t stop as I slowly retreat until her pulsing sex clenches right below my cockhead, and I reverse course. Still achingly slowly, but not stopping as she throws her head back and clenches her eyes shut.

She’s… sweating.

Aqua, the goddess of water, has her pristine, immaculate, flawless skin beaded with glittering pearls of sweat.

For some reason, that makes me want to howl.

So it takes effort I didn’t know I could manage to keep being slow, to keep moving at the speed I know she can take and not the one I want to overwhelm her with.

I barely manage.

“Kazuma…” she whispers, her breath once again warming the patch of wet skin she’s kissed over and over. “I want you… more.”

And I lose it.

I lean back, sitting on my haunches, my hands encircling her small waist as my fingertips brush one another behind her back, and I lift her weight so her legs dangle behind me, and I pull and push her entire body over teal sheets, causing waves of fabric to crash as I speed up and Aqua screams my name as she throws her hands back, over her head, and clutches the rippling sheets as if desperate to hold onto something.

Her breasts bounce beneath me, their beautiful shape shifting more and more with each time I use the divine body to jerk myself off with.

Her limp feet slap against my back behind me when I pull her away from me, as if she was trying to spur me on.

Her eyes keep rolling back even as she tries and fails to focus on mine, to show me just how much I’m making her feel.

Her mouth opens and closes around words she cannot form.

And I just want her to paint her white, to cum all over her, to drown her in cum, in all the ejaculations I shamefully dedicated to her.

Except not.

Because I’m an orc. A brutish monster who only cares for his own pleasure, for making his females squeal before filling them up.

But I’m also a boy who was taken from his home, his family, everything he knew…

And brought here.

So I understand. I know what Aqua feels. And I can’t believe I’m about to even think this, but…

“Aqua… do you regret it?” I tell her as I manage to slow down enough that she can look at me without the white of her eyes overwhelming everything.

“Wha—regret it?” she manages to ask, disheveled, a few locks of blue hair plastered to her forehead.

I brush them aside, holding all her weight with my left hand.

“Bringing me here. Taking me away from home.”

She looks at me.

Then her legs press against my sides, and I can feel her hook her ankles behind me.

“Never,” she tells me with a bitter smile that says far too much of what that ‘never’ actually means.

So I smile a cocky grin, and…

“Never! How dare you! How dare you play around with a young man’s life without regretting a single thing about it! At least have some shame about that shady contract you made me sign!” I exclaim as I pull her against me so hard that her breasts ripple when I bottom out.

“Ah! Fffff—fuck you! You were a shitty NEET with nothing to live for! Everything here has been an improvement for you!” she says as her hands let go of the sheets and clutch around my wrists, her hooked feet pressing on the small of my back.

“I’ve fought for my life! Lived in poverty! Died!” I say, grasping her waist with two hands and bouncing her up and down.

“You have a mansion! A harem! Magic powers!” she says, letting go of my wrists and making grabby motions at me before I pull her up, and she desperately hugs my neck, her bare breasts pressing against the lower part of my chest, her lips yet again finding that spot she keeps kissing.

“And a personal onahole goddess!” I say, making her bounce hard and fast enough I can feel myself coming closer and closer to the edge.

“Yes! Yes! You have that too! A whore goddess all your own!” she says, her legs spasming, her back arching, her teeth clenching as soon as the words come out, and Aqua comes over me for the first time I’m aware of.

“She’s called Eris!” I tell her, no longer suppressing my grin.

“You motherfucker—!” she yells even through her orgasm.

And I come.

The burning jet of semen audibly splashes inside her, and she shuts her jaw with a loud click as her eyes yet again roll back, and her arms fall limply off my neck. Then I roar and keep filling her up, burst after burst of sheer ecstasy rushing through me and into her, not stopping even as her mouth hangs open and she spasms around me, not even as globs of warm sperm drop out of her and over my balls and pubes with every new rope of orcish seed.

Then I close my eyes, and, when I open them, I’m lying on my back in a puddle of cum, and Aqua’s snoring on top of me.

I’m about to move when she, for some reason…

Kisses my chest.

So I sigh softly enough that her hair loop only sways slightly, and I lean back to rest and let her nap for as long as I can endure the idea of—

Aqua’s door is open.

Megumin, Yunyun, and Darkness are staring at me.

Megumin, in disbelief.

Yunyun, with tender, heartwarming approval.

And Darkness shooting me a wide grin and a thumbs up.

…

Yet again displaying my superior Intelligence stat, I close my eyes, rest my head on Aqua’s fragrant pillow, and, surrounded by her scent, try to go to sleep.

“Kazuma…” the unconscious goddess happily mutters.

… Goddamn feelings, I swear.

 

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Hello there! This bout of green fever is brought to you by both my own insanity and my supporters voting for it one too many times in a row until it became a monthly series. It currently has ten chapters, nine of which can be found on QQ, and the tenth one on my Patreon. I’ll be posting the chapters here twice weekly, on Wednesday and Friday, until we’re caught up. 

Also, I’d like to thank my credited supporters on Patreon: Niklarus, Tinkerware, Varosch, and Xalgeon. If you feel like maybe giving me a hand and helping me keep writing wholesome orc rape, consider joining them or buying one of my books on Amazon. Thank you for reading!