Celeste wakes up on the hard, rocky ground to the sound of footsteps approaching from the distance. She takes a few moments to get her bearings, but she’s been here long enough for her surroundings to have become very familiar, she’s been living in this cave for a while now. She supposes she can call it her cave, it’s not like anyone else is trying to claim it, but that doesn’t really matter.

The footsteps continue to get closer, he can’t be far from the cave’s entrance. She gets up, moving the long, unnaturally purple hair blocking her vision out of the way, and heads towards the entrance herself. She wears several deformed pieces of her old armour, now far too small to fit her properly, and a collection of rags she collected on her journey here. Once upon a time she never would have let herself be seen in such a state, she’d be mortified wondering what people would see, what they’d think of her, but it’s far too late to be worrying about that. Some of the rags are worn in a way where they drape over her left arm, blocking it from view, but that’s more for her own sake. She doesn’t like looking at her left arm.

She leaves her cave to see the ashy grey skies above the dull, mountainous landscape, and the middle aged man who came to see her speaks up.

“Hey. Got another job for you.” He says with a casual tone, as if she has any choice in the matter if she wants him to hold up his end of the deal.

“Yeah?” She says bluntly. Celeste more than towers over the man. He’s the only human she’s had any real contact with since that dreadful night, but she towered over everyone she saw when she woke up back then as well.

“Same as usual. Some monsters have wandered a bit too close to town, out on the east side of the valley. Need you to take care of ‘em for us.”

“Okay. I’ll take them out.” If nothing else this means she won’t have to worry about food for the next few days.

“Great, I’ll leave you to it.” He says as he starts walking back in the direction he came from. “Oh, and merry Christmas.” He adds without looking back.

“Christmas…” Celeste utters, the barest hint of emotion showing on her face for just a moment. Has it really been that long since last christmas, and the night she was given a special mission? Hell, was that even last christmas? She’s more than lost track of how long she’s been here, it’s possible it could have even been a couple of years at this point.

“You know what Christmas is, right?”

“Of course.” She replies, snapping out of whatever state his previous words put her in. “I’ll head out now.”

The man merely waves a hand as he continues down the path, and Celeste heads out towards the east. She needs to fulfil her end of their deal, which means it’s time to hunt.

Several hours later, Celeste returns to the cave, using one hand to drag the lifeless body of a large reptilian creature along with her.

She places the monster to the side and gets to work on starting a fire, not for herself of course, whatever curse she’s been afflicted with prevents her from ever feeling the cold. No, the fire is for the meat she’s brought back. She’s decided she’s going to cook her meal instead of just eating it raw for a change. It is Christmas, after all.

Once the fire is going, Celeste sighs deeply, she’s not going to enjoy this next step. She removes the rags covering her left side, exposing her disproportionately bulky arm, covered in deep purple scales right up to the shoulder. She holds the monster carcass down with her still human-looking arm, and while doing her best to ignore that it is indeed a part of her, uses the other, more monstrous arm to dig into the flesh and tear off large, bloody strips that will be easier to cook. Once they’re all on the fire, the former knight just sits there with a blank expression, watching them sizzle on another piece of her old armour she keeps around for such a purpose. Every so often she’ll use her bare hands to turn the meat, fire isn’t something she needs to be careful around these days, until they’re finally ready to eat.

“Merry Christmas.” She says to herself without a hint of emotion before picking up a strip of meat and biting into it, her sharp, pointed teeth effortlessly tearing through the charred flesh as she devours her meal. She cooked enough to feed several people, and yet it doesn’t take long for her to eat all of it herself. Celeste can’t help but think about how much time and effort was needed for something she ate so quickly, she’s not sure she’ll bother with cooking the rest of the carcass when she eats it later, it’s not like it really makes all that much difference to her whether she does or not.

With her meal finished, Celeste leans back and sighs to herself as she stares at the cave walls. Her thoughts have been plagued with unwanted memories since she was told it’s Christmas time. Memories of people and events that she’d much rather forget have started to return to her one by one, reminding her of those she lost, those that turned their backs on her, and those that were struck down by her own hand.

The monstrous woman does her best to cast off these thoughts, but her cave offers little in ways to distract herself, to guide her thoughts elsewhere, away from the pain in her chest that’s usually much easier to ignore, from the dull ache in her left cheek that flares up from time to time from when a sword struck her on the night everything happened. Celeste hasn’t seen her own face even once since that night, nor has she had reason to find the means to do so, but she’s sure there’s a scar there now, one that she’d never be able to hide unless she hid her face from the world for the rest of her days.

But that’s ultimately why she’s here, isn’t it? Death would be too much of a mercy for someone who has done the things she has, that’s why she found a place that has nothing for her. Nothing to see, nothing to do, no one to hurt, nothing to ignite what now sleeps within her. This mountain, this body she’s been cursed with, it’s all just part of her penance, her punishment for not being good enough, for failing everyone, for…

…For failing her queen.

For as much as Celeste tries to avoid thinking about the past, a small part of her continues to wonder what might have happened if Queen Ahleah, her queen, had still been around when everything happened, if she could have said something, done anything to help, just as she had in the past. But those thoughts are for naught, no mere ointment could cure what currently ails her. Even if the queen was still here, would she recognise the woman that was once her knight? Would Celeste even recognise herself if she were to lay eyes upon the monster she’s become? Besides, the fact that she needed help from her queen is merely more evidence of how much of a failure she is.

Her thoughts wander to her queen, to her face, her smile, the way she carried herself, how she so obviously cared about everything and everyone around her, to the conversations they had together, to the way Celeste left her alone for such a short time only to return to her lifeless body with a dagger in her-

No.

No, she can’t keep thinking about these things. Her emotions are getting the better of her.

Celeste looks down at her trembling hands and clenches her fists as she takes a deep breath. None of that matters anymore. She’s not going to let her emotions get out of control, never again. She does her best to force these unwanted feelings away once more, something she’s slowly become better at doing in the time she’s lived here, and focuses on the reason she came to this cave in the first place.

She doesn’t need to think about any of this ever again, she doesn’t need to go anywhere, do anything, or see anyone unless absolutely necessary. She doesn’t need any of these emotions anymore, she learnt the hard way that it’s best to not let herself feel them. She’s just going to stay here in the mountains, doing whatever she needs to do to survive on her own, and not a single thing more. That way, she can make sure no one else will get hurt.

Before long, Celeste finds herself growing weary, and lies on the ground to drift off to a restless sleep knowing that tomorrow will be yet another day where nothing of note happens.

It’s more than a knight who can’t protect her queen deserves.

SyntaxSpeedway

Merry Christmas! It was tragic yuri after all! ;-;

In slightly more positive news this seems like a good chance to showcase some art of Celeste I commissioned a few months back:

Spoiler

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She gets that armour later in the story, and I also got this comm before I had settled on the scar, but I’m super happy with the art! You can check out the artist’s twitter here, they do a lot of good stuff!

I might be a little busy over the holiday period but next up for me is the finale and epilogue for The Advice Doll, I'll try to get both of those out for you all as soon as I can!