2 years later, I remember I was in my 2nd year at university. I was living with Nanano and her friends and started using Suicide Sanctum less. I got lucky and I didn’t have to wait a long time to start to transition, just 1 year, I started to take hormones at this time. I was around 17, almost 18 when I first got them, I still had to get my parents' signature, well, from what I remember, back then I just tricked them into signing over some papers from university, I decided to get crafty with that one, I used a piece of indigo paper and reprinted the documents from the university that needed to be signed, I put all of my medical papers underneath and made the sign. I don’t remember what story I told them why there were so many papers there, but they didn’t suspect anything.
But, now, after a year there are some changes that everyone can see. I can’t hide it for long from them, but I am happier this way.
I know that some people may be contemptuous of what I did with my parents, I know it’s equal to lying to them, but I had a good reason to.
I tried telling them, along with Nanano. She saved me a few times but they didn’t accept me in this way, to make a long story short they said very nasty things about me every time I tried to do that. I didn’t have a choice.
I promised Nanano that I would try and live life and that I would try to be happy no matter what.
After that, I soon realized that still listening to my parents wasn’t the brightest idea.
I couldn’t bring myself to do it at first but, something suddenly changed in me. Back in that moment when I doubted myself, I heard a familiar voice, one that I heard before
!Your story, your ending. Choose for yourself.!
!You don’t owe anything to your parents for giving birth to you, you are your person, time to choose for yourself. They are just chains keeping you in place. Break free!
These were the words that the voice whispered once more. Strangely, I didn’t hear her any other time aside from now. From what I remember, the last time I heard the voice it was choppier and she spoke in fragments of sentences.
I don’t know why I have to give explanations like these while I dream of my past. I feel like someone is watching and I am telling them my story. Who am I lying to, someone is watching these memories. But why would Great Sage would want me to see my memories again?
Huh?
I wasn’t in my memory anymore, but in a black void, floating among stars with strange colors. I can’t see ahead of myself but I can hear someone approaching.
“I am sorry but these memories are part of a process. They stop you from going insane. You still remember that you got my blessing right?”- Her voice. A tall kitsune with white hair, wearing a red kimono slowly walked in front of me.
“I remember, but, why would I go insane?”- I looked at the Great Sage again. I forgot to mention, but she is the goddess that reincarnated me in the world where I met Hikaru and Hana. She gave me some of her powers to increase my rate of survival and she is also responsible for giving me the body I have in my current world, she let me modify all of my features to make myself more feminine than I was. There was no dysphoria in the other world. I guess that’s one of the good things.
“Your mind was unstable from your previous world. The amount of suffering you endured has made you more susceptible to sudden emotional shifts, and you know that your skill requires emotional control. Unlike Hikaru, your skills can’t control emotions to the degree Sia can. You know what? I will only let you replay these memories this once. Here, from me. Another gift and more skills for what you have done.”- She approached me and put her left hand on my head.
*Skills received: Reticent Lord Iris, Empowerment, Field of Dreams, Up and Down*
“What are these skills used for?”- Why did she give me these skills?
“You can use Iris to control your emotions better, this should stop you from going insane while you are accessing my blessing. Empowerment, Field of Dreams, and Up and Down are used for buffing allies or yourself, with all of these skills combined people you buff should be 3 times stronger. You will need these skills if you want to protect the Nation of Monsters and Fumiko. I will let you glimpse into your past just one more time until the time of your death and to the point you meet Hikaru and Hana. I should go now. My incarnation isn’t complete yet. Around 500 more years until I return”- The Great Sage vanished and I returned in the memory. Nanano was standing in front of me looking concerned.
“What happened Ayame?”- Wait, this isn’t a normal reaction, in real memory this didn’t happen
“Nothing, I was thinking about my parents, I can’t hide things from them for much longer from them”
“I don’t know if this is the best plan Ayame, you know what happened when you tried to tell them many times. I advise against it. It’s better if you have no contact with them. It’s for the best”
For the rest of that day, Nanano tried to make me quit trying to tell my parents, but it did not work in the end.
I decided against it, but they still found out somehow.
I know that my story is hard to follow, especially with how Great Sage intervened just now, but what I can say is that from this point onward my death is approaching rapidly, it’s 1 week from this day.
I don’t even want to think about experiencing it again. It was the worst thing that I could experience, my death was painful and not something anyone would want to experience.
