Head spinning.

Brain on fire.

Pee.

Taste of old socks.

Drifting in and out.

Need to pee.

Birds singing like jackhammers.

Holy shit I need to make some PISS.

Allan opened his eyes just a hair. Sunlight streamed in through cracked blinds, illuminating the room with a soft glow that somehow still managed to be irritating. The overhead fan was spinning decently quickly, sending a cool breeze flowing over his face. The lights in his computer case were still on. He could faintly hear the extraction fan whirring away in the bathroom, just past the closed door.

Ow. My fucking head.

He groaned.

How damn shitfaced did I get last night? Did I lose that much Smash? Did I… play that much Smash?

Put simply, Allan did not want to get out of bed. Even just having the thought of moving from the exact position he was in was enough to make him almost puke all over everything. Trying to grab his phone off his nightstand without moving his head or eyes was proving to be an impossible task, though, so he gave in and allowed his head to rotate juuuuuust a bit. He didn’t see his phone but did spy a full bottle of water next to two ibuprofen capsules.

Guess Kat got this for me… Bless her.

After a fight with his own muscles, he was able to reach out and down the medication with a hearty sip of water. Soon, he was feeling stable enough to slowly, slowly sit up and… well, just sit, really.

Until a familiar thought came rushing back in:

Oh my god my bladder is bursting.

All thoughts of nausea were unceremoniously dumped from his brain. He stood up shakily and made his way over to the bathroom, the sound of his clothes swishing around becoming thousands of tiny fingernails on chalkboards. Every little movement of his hair against his earlobes was another stake being driven into his skull. But, after trudging across the bedroom for what felt like weeks, he finally reached it.

The bathroom, dark due to not having a window, smelled of cleaning agents trying in vain to cover up the stench of vomit. The sink was mostly clean, though Allan could see chunks on the floor just in front of the cabinet, having narrowly missed the mat. Allan didn’t bother turning on the light but closed the door behind him, stumbling over to the toilet as quickly as his wobbly legs would let him. Not trusting them to let him pee standing up, he chose to sit down instead, quickly pulling down his… skirt?

Ohhhh no.

Now it was all… mostly coming back to him.

He’d gotten so drunk that he ended up putting on some of his crossdressing clothes. But he didn’t remember whether or not he had gone out into the living room like that. Hell, he didn’t remember much past getting home from class and starting to vacuum.

Ohhhhhhhhhh god oh no oh god.

It was out. There was no way it couldn’t have been.

Ffffffffffuck.

He tried taking a deep breath, but his heart wouldn’t stop pounding in his chest.

Way to go, Allan. You’ve just ruined all your friendships.

There was no way they would ever talk to him again after seeing… that.

They all think you’re a fucking freak.

Tears were welling up in his eyes as he stood back up to flush.

Oh well. Nothing you can do about it now.

The most he could hope for at this point was that he’d stayed confined to his room, or that everyone else had already fallen asleep by the time he’d pulled out the clothes.

He turned on the bathroom light and reeled back from the sudden bright flash from the fluorescent tube hanging over the medicine cabinet.

“OW, FUCK!” he exclaimed as he shielded his eyes from the light.

…Wha?

Was that… his voice? It sounded so different. So light.

So… feminine.

His eyes finally adjusting to the light level in the bathroom filtered through his fingers, he slowly moved his hand away and could see the mirror.

And saw a girl.

A girl version of him.

Not gross him in an inappropriate skirt, but him as a cute girl in a cute skirt.

The shock was enough to cut through the hangover, at least temporarily.

Holy shit, did I shave and get my makeup done too or something? Was that Kat? Did maybe everyone else go home and Kat and I hung out afterwards?

He raised his hand up, and the girl in the mirror raised hers.

That’s incredible, that’s actually me! Wow!

He started smiling from ear to ear despite himself. This was the best he’d felt looking into a mirror in forever.

And these… they look so real! So much better than usual! Did we do something special to make them blend better with my skin?

He reached down to feel the weighty silicone glued to his chest…

…and instead ended up grabbing hold of real flesh.

“What the actual christ?” he yelped.

They’re… No. What? No.

His other hand shot up to the opposite side. Squeezed.

This is impossible.

Manipulating, bouncing, pushing, pulling.

This has to be a dream.

One of his fingers poked a soft protrusion sticking out from the main mass.

He yelped again, louder this time.

This can’t be real. I’m having a lucid dream right now. There’s no other possible explanation for what’s going on here.

He tugged at his wig. It didn’t budge.

He felt his sides for hip pads but found nothing there.

Finally, he looked at his skirt.

…

He grabbed it with one hand on either side of his body.

I have to know.

He yanked down the skirt and panties once more.

???!!!???!!!

It may have felt like the world’s best tuck, but that was because there was simply nothing to tuck.

?!?!?!?!???!!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

His brain was static.

No words could be made.

It was just… indescribable.

He reached one hand over to the center, slowly, steadily, curiously, until he was just about ready to-

The door burst open, nearly smacking Allan in the shoulder. He made a very girly scream and quickly crouched to yoink his bottoms back on.

“What the fuck, dude, I’m god damn in here!” he yelled while looking back up to face the intruder.

“Oh shit, sorry Allie, I didn’t know!” Kat said, though her tone wasn’t as apologetic as her words were trying to imply. She turned her head away, but notably did not actually step back from the bathroom door.

…Allie?

Suddenly, the events of post-vacuum-pre-party came roaring back into his head.

Oh my god, Allie?!

He shot back up and looked at himself in the mirror.

How the hell could I possibly have forgotten about Allie?! I look just like her! In my crossdressing clothes! That she was wearing last night after her own clothes went into the dryer…

But before Allan could kinda sorta piece together what was going on, Kat stepped behind him and gave his bust a squeeze.

“GAAAH! What the shit, Kat?!” he roared, face flushed. He spun around to confront her and was going to say something more but was interrupted by the sudden feeling of lips against lips, tongue against tongue… hand against bosom.

It was beautiful.

It was magical.

It just felt right.

But…

Allan pushed Kat away by her shoulders. “Holy shit, Kat, what the hell are you doing?!”

Kat giggled. “Allan doesn’t have to know.” She slapped Allan’s ass and he jolted. “Don’t tell me you didn’t want this, too.” She leaned back in, and Allan very nearly melted into her from the sheer emotional rush he was feeling. At the last second, though, he put his hand up against Kat’s lips and pushed her head away forcefully.

“You can’t do this to me… uh, or Allan either!” Allan said, angry as all hell.

I fucking knew it. Of course she’s going to go after Allie. Why would she want to be with boring male me when there’s a new girl version that’s better in every way?

Suddenly, Kat snorted.

“Oh my god, dude, the look on your face right now!” she cackled. “You really thought I was just gonna cheat on you with Allie!”

“I… what?” The wind was taken out of Allan’s sails. “You… huh? What?”

“Allie became basically sober last night after switching to your body, and I was thoroughly convinced that it was actually her after an interesting…” She paused. “Well, suffice it to say, she convinced me. I got pissed at her for what I thought was her pretending to be you in order to get close to me, but she was adamant about that not being the case… and agreed to let me do some stuff like mess with you in her body as penance. Things are mostly chill now.”

Allan took a breath to process this, then grinned.

Allie, thank you dearly.

He pushed Kat up against the wall, making sure she would avoid hitting the towel rack. Kat’s expression immediately turned from one of gremlin-like mischievousness to wide-eyed, red-as-a-tomato desire.

“Well… if she gave you permission to mess with me by getting all romantic… what’s stopping me from going along with it longer than you expected?”

Allan leaned in.

Kat closed her eyes and opened her lips the barest amount.

Their lips tou-

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“Everything okay in there?” Jessica’s voice shouted from outside the bathroom door. “I heard some concerning sounds and wanted to make sure you were doing alright.” Allan pulled away and looked at Kat with horror as he realized what this would look like to any outside observers. Kat looked around the room, then she shoved Allan at the toilet, almost hitting his head on the bowl.

“Hey Jess, Allie’s just feeling really sick and I’m helping her out, can you give us a sec?” Kat responded. Allan made some retching noises to add to the cover story, then remembered he was actually feeling pretty nauseous after all as he upchucked into the toilet, catching the rim and spilling onto the floor as well. Only then did Kat pull Allan’s hair back, the story quickly becoming reality.

I’m gonna have to bleach this whole fucking room later, eugh.

* * *

Allan and Kat emerged from the bedroom, Allan still a bit queasy but feeling considerably better. It was eleven in the morning, and Tim, David, and Fer had already left. Jessica was playing Smash Bros quietly on the TV screen while Allan – no, Allie in Allan’s body – was snoring loudly on the futon behind her.

That is… so weird. Like an out of body experience, but I’m still corporeal.

Jessica paused the game. “Hey, you two. Glad to see you’re doing moderately better there, Allie,” she whispered. Allan gave her a weak smile in response. “Allan’s still out, snoring as loud as a freight train, might I add. I was hoping we could get breakfast together once he’s up.”

Kat rubbed her palms together in glee. “Ooh, sounds like a good hangover cure! Where were you thinking?”

“Perhaps Kerry Street Café?” Jessica suggested. “My stomach is requesting pancakes, and Kerry has lemon poppy pancakes as their specialty of the month.”

“Ooh, maybe…” Kat contemplated.

“Oh hey, what about good ol’ Chet’s Waffle Stop?” Allan proposed. “It’s right down the street, so we can just walk there instead of getting it delivered, and I could really go for the French toast combo platter right about now.” He licked his lips, almost tasting that soft, sugary, heavenly dough already.

Is it just my imagination or do my lips feel a little different? Fascinating…

 “Ooh, I haven’t been there in so long!” Kat exclaimed, clapping her hands together in palpable excitement.

“Yeah, that’s a viable option,” Jessica said. Then her brow furrowed. “’Good ol’? You sound fairly familiar with Chet’s for having gotten in yesterday.”

“Uhhh…” Allan stammered. “Well… uh, when Allan picked me up, he was talking excitedly about his favorite food places? And I thought that ‘good ol’ was part of its name because he said it that way?” Allan did his best to seem more confused than covering anything up but wasn’t sure how well he'd passed it off.

But so what, she’d never be able to jump from that to ‘Allie is actually Allan who body swapped with his alternate-dimensional self’. Or at least, I’d hope she wouldn’t, because that’s crazy cuckoo baloney talk.

 “Well… that makes sense, I guess.” Jessica seemed skeptical but didn’t press the matter further. “In any case, my stomach is dutifully informing me that it would like sustenance sooner rather than later, so somebody in this room needs to wake up Sleeping Hairy over here, and I'd rather not do it myself.” She glanced at Kat, then subtly motioned toward Allan.

Ugh, she's right, my body's so hairy.

He rubbed his borrowed arms, basking in the smoothness.

“Maybe his formerly-estranged sister could do the honors?” Kat snorted a bit as she nudged Allan over. He subtly smirked as he realized what the girls were trying to pull but went over to wake Allie anyway.

“Hey, Allan, buddy, it's waffle o’clock!” Allan spoke loudly at Allie, then braced himself for the embarrassingly girly scream he would normally make upon being so rudely awoken. But to his and the others’ surprise, it didn't happen. Allie just gave one particularly loud and deep snore, then rolled over to face the window.

“Interesting…” Kat murmured, a gleam of interest in her eyes.

“Allan must be sleeping incredibly deeply. He wasn’t that drunk, right? Has he ever needed more than that volume to get startled?” Jessica asked Kat, who took no time in shaking her head. Allan was a notoriously light sleeper, so this was another difference for Kat to salivate over.

Allan tried again. “WAKE THE FUCK UP BRO, WE’RE GONNA GET SOME WAFFLES!” he yelled directly into Allie’s ear canal.

But even this wasn’t enough. “Shut up, Mom, you’re not my real dad…” Allie mumbled, unmoving. Allan sighed and grabbed Allie’s shoulders, intending to shake her awake, but recoiled when a loud SNAP of static electricity jumped between them.

“FUCKING OW,” he yelped and flapped his hands around, hoping to clear the sensation from his nerves. “What is with all the goddamn shocks recently?”

“Clearly, this man won't be roused by anything physical,” Kat said, a mischievous glint in her eye. “Step aside, Allie, and let his girlfriend tap directly into his emotional core.” Kat winked at Allan as she crept around to the back of the futon, confusing him.

Emotional core…? What could she possibly mean by-

But before Allan could even finish his thought, Kat had reached over and smacked Allie’s tented pants with an audible THWAP. Allan recoiled in shock and sympathetic pain.

“GAH!” Allie roared, practically falling off the futon. “What the hell, Katherine?!” She started massaging her bruised ego.

“Ooh, full first name? Sorry, babe, but your sister wasn’t having any luck waking you, so I had to take drastic measures!” Kat replied, barely stifling her laughter.

“’Babe’? ‘Sister’? Kat, what…” Allie looked down at what she was massaging for the first time and jolted. Before she could say or do anything more, Allan decided to interject.

“Yeah, Allan, your sister, Allie, is here for a while. What, did you forget about me already?” Allie whipped her head around and looked straight into Allan’s eyes with a bewildered expression, before finally noticing a perplexed Jessica standing to his side.

“O-oh right, of course not, sis,” she stuttered. “I’m just kind of groggy from being woken up so…” She looked back down at herself. “…harshly.”

“Kat, even if he is your boyfriend, I don’t believe that entitles you to sexually assault him in his sleep…” Jessica began to admonish.

Kat waved her hand dismissively. “No no no, we had an… agreement, shall we say, don’t you worry yourself about that.” She turned to Allie with a look that Allan couldn’t read. “Isn’t that right, babe?”

Allie was still rubbing her sore spot, perhaps a little too long now, Allan thought. “Did you really have to be that hard though…?” she moaned.

Kat chortled at this. “But my dearest Allan, the hardness was all yours!” The real Allan couldn't help but chuckle at this too.

Jessica seemed unsure. “Well, if you had earlier consented to… that…”

Allie nodded slightly, but had seemingly lost focus.

Jessica sighed. “Then I suppose it’s okay? Though you didn't ask Allie or I if we wanted to witness that…” Despite her words, she cracked a slight smile. “It was certainly something, though.”

“And you, Allie?” Kat asked with a knowing grin. “Did you mind me waking your brother up so… unconventionally, shall we say?”

Allan chuckled, glancing down at his current form. “All I can say is, I’m glad I’m not him!”