Snow fell forward with a huff. Wherever they were now, it was still dark.

“Shit …”

The surface beneath his head rose and fell with a deep sigh. But the instant he tried to peel himself away from that warm chest, the arms around him immediately tightened, keeping him in place.

“I completely forgot about the distance …” ZaiWin¹Literally zai (blade) + win (chaos). complained with an annoyed grunt. “Now I really need some sleep.”

Snow tried to sit up again, and failed, Again. ZaiWin’s arms were like bent iron bars.

“Let go.” He pushed against ZaiWin’s strength once more just to make a point.

“No.”

Even though ZaiWin’s arms did move, it was only to hold him even more efficiently, a large hand now covering his head, making sure he couldn’t move an inch.

“Stop that! Let me go!” Snow complained, but ZaiWin still refused to move.

“No. I need sleep. You need sleep. And then we’ll continue what we were doing before.”

Snow blinked.

What we were doing before?! What was he talking about? And why was he always so frustratingly hard to understand!

The hand on his head gently caressed his hair.

Now that Snow’s eyes had gotten a little bit more used to the sudden lack of light, he could easily see that they were back in their bedroom, in the village. Since it was still daytime outside, Rain had yet to come and light the fire that always brightened and warmed the small space. As such, the only source of light left were the red dying embers that remained in the burner.

“Let me go so that I can go and get some water. You’re all bloody,” Snow argued and, apparently, that was enough to give ZaiWin some pause.

“You won’t run away.”

Why would he run away?

“I won’t.”

With another sigh, the prison incarcerating him slowly released him.

Finally able to move, Snow sat up on ZaiWin’s stomach to take a better look at him. His face was really pale, he couldn’t help worry, small pearls of sweat glistening all over his forehead. And he did look tired. Which was to be expected, since he had been practically dead just a few moments ago. The thought alone was enough to make him sick. He had almost killed him, Snow thought, nervously chewing his lower lip, placing his hand on ZaiWin’s chest, over his heart, just to make sure it still beat.

“Hmm … this isn’t so bad either …” ZaiWin practically moaned, sliding a hand up Snow’s leg. And Snow couldn’t help blush at the strange intonation of those words, quickly straightening his back and slapping his hand away, before he scrambled out of the bed.

ZaiWin chuckled, even though it was true that he could hardly move. Snow was just too cute, he thought, closely following his every move.

“You said you wouldn’t run away,” he purposely complained, just to tease him.

“I’m not!”

“Then you’ll stay here with me until dawn.”

Snow halted for a moment and frowned. He had the annoying sensation that he was being toyed with, and he quickly racked his brain for a way to ruin ZaiWin’s game.

“You can’t stay here until dawn. If you do, ZenTar will worry and think that something bad has happened.”

ZaiWin let his head fall back with a grunt.

“Why must you remind me of such depressing things!” he grunted in a pained tone, and it was Snow’s turn to smile as he carried a basin with clean water and towel back to the bed.

Setting it down next to ZaiWin, he carefully climbed onto the mattress again, taking care that he wouldn’t spill the water. Once settled beside him, Snow started to slowly wipe the dried blood stuck to his skin.

ZaiWin closed his eyes and, for a moment, simply allowed himself to breathe. The daitai²Literally dai (light) + tai (mark), or Holly Markings, considered Heavenly Blessings. They’re the source of power. covering his back still hadn’t settled down, instinctively reacting negatively to Snow’s proximity. Which was to be expected. After all, Celestial or not, his array had almost killed him. Which meant that ZaiWin’s daitai now recognized him as a potential enemy. He had to take the time to patiently re-balance them.

Snow gently wiped ZaiWin’s face. There were even traces of bloody tears, streaming down his cheeks. And he could still feel the way that listless hand had slid down his face, see ZaiWin simply tumble to his side like a dead weight. It made his chest hurt so much that he could hardly breathe, he thought, carefully wiping ZaiWin’s bloody fingers.

A large hand couped his face, startling him, and a warm thumb was pressed against his lips.

“Stop chewing them. You’ll end up breaking the skin.”

Snow lowered his gaze and did as he was told. He hadn’t even realized what he was doing.

“This was not your fault. So there’s nothing to feel guilty about,” ZaiWin went on and Snow simply nodded, even though he couldn’t simply will his feelings to change. “Just put that thing on the floor,” ZaiWin said, indicating the water basing, and Snow scooted to the edge of the bed, grabbing the basin and placing it on the floor.

“Now come here.”

Without a second thought, Snow crawled across the bed on his hands and knees and knelt beside him again.

The large hand that encircled Snow’s wrist pulled him forward, over and across ZaiWin’s chest, and then those arms quickly encircled him again, forcing him to lay down next to him, his head settled on ZaiWin’s chest.

For a moment ZaiWin simply held him, remaining completely still, and Snow thought that he had finally fallen asleep. The hand that suddenly brushed the hair off his forehead told him he’d been wrong.

“Did you manage to learn anything about your daitai?”

The mere memory of that red array was enough to remind him of what he had almost lost, and Snow immediately hugged him back, pressing his head against ZaiWin’s chest, as if by doing that he could hold on to his life as well.

“I … can’t remember much …” he embarrassedly confessed and ZaiWin took a deep breath.

From the way he had looked, with those red, vacant eyes staring back at him, he had suspected as much.

“What do you remember?”

The arm around ZaiWin’s waist tightened instinctively and ZaiWin gently caressed his hair, trying to reassure him.

“Hmm … in the beginning there were a lot of screams. It made my head hurt. And I immediately knew that I shouldn’t have agreed with you!” he suddenly chastised him and ZaiWin couldn’t help smile.

“So sorry about that.”

“You’re not sorry at all!”

ZaiWin tilted Snow’s head back and placed a light kiss on his forehead.

“I am sorry that I scared you, and that I made you cry.”

Snow grunted, unconvinced, and snuggled back to a more comfortable position before he went on.

“Then everything was dark. And I could hear strange voices. Somehow it felt … really relaxing.”

Relaxing?!, ZaiWin wondered looking up at the dark ceiling. All those egotistical, self-serving prayers? He would have a splitting headache in no time at akk, if he were forced to listen to them for an entire day. He’d probably go completely insane, if he had to put up with that for years and years without end.

“And then there was this bright light! And my heart started to beat really fast! And I was so, so incredibly happy! I can’t really put it into words!” Snow went on, suddenly sounding excited, his entire body responding in kind. “It felt as if I had finally found something very important that I had lost a long time ago! Something I never thought I’d find again!”

ZaiWin placed a long kiss on the top of his head, his heart beating faster as well, even though he didn’t know if he should share Snow’s happiness or feel sorry for him. Feel sorry for the innocent way he happily described what had been his doom. On one hand, ZaiWin was glad and deeply grateful that things had turned out the way they had. On the other, he couldn’t help thinking that Snow would have been much happier if he had simply turned a deaf ear to all those prayers.

“Then … everything went black again. I can’t remember much after that. All I can remember is the way I felt. Happy, safe, warm. But then … cold, afraid, and … alone.”

ZaiWin held him closer at the sound of that whisper.

“After Sand died I was always alone. I’ve been alone most of my life. But I never felt as alone as in that dark place. But then, from time to time, things got a little better again. And I think … I was having fun. Like when Sand used to draw me stories, or when she’d fill her hair with flowers and we’d pretend that we were very important people, attending some important party. We would dance and laugh until we were dead tired.”

Snow smiled at the memory of Sand’s silent laugh, of how her entire face would simply lighten up. He had completely forgotten all those small things. Those precious, happy, small things. The ten years he’d spent locked in that bedroom, drugged to the point where he could barely keep his eyes opened, had stolen even that from him.

“It was as if those brief, happy moments were what kept me alive,” Snow concluded.

“And then?” ZaiWin asked, rubbing his chin against Snow’s soft hair, and Snow took a deep breath.

“I don’t know. I have a feeling that something bad happened. Something … really wrong. As if something suddenly changed, or got broken. And every time I think about it it makes me feel … very sad. As if I lost something important again.” Snow sighed and suddenly raised his head to look down at him. “But you know! Right? You saw what happened. You were there as well!”

ZaiWin tried his best to maintain his expression as neutral as possible.

“Whatever you saw, they are your memories. Unless we had met back then, I couldn’t possibly be there.”

Snow frowned, feeling a bit confused.

“I don’t mean you, from back then. I mean you now!” he corrected, even though he still wasn’t entirely sure that what he was saying made sense. “You were there! I could …” Snow shut his mouth, feeling his cheek heat up. He couldn’t really say it. That he had been able to feel his warmth. That, even though he had suddenly been thrown into those dark memories, he had never truly felt afraid. Because he instinctively knew that ZaiWin was somewhere close by, watching over him. And yet ...

RyuXin and RimJan had told him that ... he had killed his entire family. That, by the time they had arrived, hoping to rescue him, the entire Household had been murdered. And so Snow couldn’t help wondering if that ... horrible event wasn’t the source of the sadness and hopelessness he felt. Which inevitably left him wondering. Had ZaiWin really been able to share his memories? And if so, had he seen him kill his entire family? Or had RyuXin been lying when he’d told him that? And why would he lie? Snow really hoped he had lied. True, he couldn’t recall anything about his parents. But still, he was sure that whoever they might have been, they didn’t deserve to be killed like that. Much less by their own flesh and blood. Just thinking about such an appalling possibility made his chest feel ice-cold.

ZaiWin took a deep breath and gently ruffled his hair.

“I am not going to lie to you. So you are right. I somehow ended up being dragged into your memories as well,” he confirmed and Snow’s entire expression immediately mirrored the anxiety ZaiWin’s confession brought him. “Maybe because I am an outsider, I do have a clearer … recollection of what you saw. But, even though you’ll probably get angry at me, I rather not share it with you.”

Snow’s anxious expression immediately turned into a deep scowl.

“Why? Didn’t you say that understanding these memories and what they meant would help me understand and control my daitai?” That and he really wanted to know if RyuXin’s words were true or false!

“I did. And that has been proved true, up until now.”

“Then why?”

“They are your memories. You should be able to remember them yourself.”

Snow scowl only deepened even further.

“Even if I were to tell you what I saw, that could never replace a true memory. I can only tell you my version of what was shown to me. I could never tell you what you thought, or how you felt. Or why things happened the way they did, since I was only allowed to witness a small episode in time. All I can give you is an incomplete piece of a story. It could even make you remember things the wrong way. So I rather not tell you anything, and simply wait until you put it all together.”

Snow lowered his gaze, feeling disappointed but, at the same time, kind of relieved. So ZaiWin didn’t want to tell him about what he’d seen. Which meant he didn’t have to face his past just yet. He knew it was a cowardly attitude from his part, to say the least. But, nevertheless, Snow still felt relieved, being able to postpone that matter for a few more days.

“I don’t want to go through that again …” Snow clenched his fists over ZaiWin’s chest. “I never want to use those daitai again.”

“You won’t!” ZaiWin quickly reassured him, covering Snow’s trembling hand with his. “You won’t. I admit I was wrong. I thought things would work out just fine, like they always have. But those markings … they’re different. They can’t be dealt with the same way. And although I understand their nature and what they mean, I admit I don’t know what to do, to help you gain control over them.”

Snow peered up at him and ended up sighing.

“Maybe we could try and find a way to seal them?” he asked, hopefully, and to his surprise, ZaiWin nodded.

“I can ask VinWei³ Literally vin (hard) + wei (crystal), if that’s what you want. Maybe she’s read something about that, in one of those old books. And even if she hasn’t. She can probably ask around. There are a lot of old bookworms amongst the Jundai⁴Literally jun (work / worker) + dai (light). Or Workers of Light, or in service of the Light. Name given to the priests and priestesses of the Temple. of the Temple.”

Snow felt a bit more at ease at the sound of that.

⁵Hmm ... poor Snow. Don’t know how he’ll react once he recalls all that happened ?