ZaiWin1Literally zai (blade) + win (chaos). slowly opened the door and crept into the dim-lit room as silently as possible.
Looking at the bed, for a moment he thought it was empty. He knew that if Snow had woken up and found himself lying there, all alone, there was a high probability that he would now find him sleeping somewhere else, on the floor. But then, on second observation, ZaiWin more or less recognized the shape of the small bundle still lying on the bed.
With a smile stretching his lips, ZaiWin took off his boots and untied his belt. He changed his tunic for a clean one and let it fall loosely over his back and chest. And finally slowly climbed back to bed.
Dragging himself towards the small bundle, he couldn’t help smile again at the sight of the small tuft of silver hair that could be seen at the top. Besides that, all he could see was a small cocoon made of blankets.
Snow always slept like this, he thought, gently touching his hair. Knees against his chest, arms pressed against his legs. It reminded him of the position the baby in Snow’s memories had taken, while happily floating amongst the darkness. Maybe it made him feel safe, ZaiWin considered. Still, even if that were true, it simply wouldn’t do, he quickly decided, carefully unwrapping that human bundle. All wrapped like that he couldn’t see him at all! Worse even! He could touch him!
Snow grumbled a complaint, and ZaiWin did feel slightly repentant for disturbing his sleep, but hardly enough to stop him from going on.
He felt much happier when he was finally able to uncover Snow’s face. But the rest of the blanket was so tightly secured around his body that it was hard to pull it free.
Since he kept inevitable shaking him, Snow eventually woke up, his sleepy eyes opening, an annoyed frown marking his forehead. He looked a bit lost for a moment, clearly unable to understand what had interrupted his sleep, until he finally found ZaiWin leaning there, right beside him.
“What …? Something happened …?” he asked, sounding worried and sleepy at the same time, and ZaiWin nodded vehemently. “What …?”
“This blanket is pissing me off!” he declared, giving it another hard tug, and Snow stared up at him, with a confused expression on his face.
“What …?”
“This fucking blanket is pissing me off!!”
Snow blinked and looked down at the blanket covering him. Was something wrong with it? What crazy thing was he talking about now? He felt too sleepy to be able to actually think things through.
His entire body was shaken when ZaiWin pulled the blanket yet again.
“Take it off!”
It wasn’t as if it was a piece of clothing, Snow grunted inside his head. Still, he should probably just do whatever he wanted him to do, he concluded with a sigh. ZaiWin would probably not allow him to go back to sleep until he was satisfied.
With a complaining grunt, Snow shifted his weight and allowed him to take the blanket away. Lying on his side, he shivered a bit at the sudden lack of that source of warmth and closed his eyes, hoping Zaiwin was now happy enough to allow him to go back to sleep.
ZaiWin looked at the naked back now turned to him and smiled. Now, this was much better, he concluded as he raked a hungry gaze over Snow’s entire body. He had never felt this level of sensual attraction towards anyone else. And, to be honest, he was still finding it hard to come to terms with the way he felt.
All his life, he had never had any interest in developing any kind of romantic relationship. Holding someone dear to his heart was equivalent to offering those around him yet another way to bind him and control him. He had also never wanted to have a family of his own. Not that the thought of having a child, a little one that he could openly love and care for, hadn’t warmed his heart for a while, when he’d been younger. It was just that the path to attain such a common dream was riddled with much larger, much graver problems.
Even if he could find a woman to love, and even if that woman loved him back enough to be willing to ignore all the abnormalities and limitations of having that kind of relationship with someone like him. Even if she were willing to carry and bear the child of a freak like him. Even if that child were to be born healthy and normal like any other child. Even then, he was sure such a child would not be allowed to live for long. And so he had long decided that his accursed bloodline would end with him. He refused to put others, and himself, through that kind of suffering and pain.
Once the situation in Nox got a bit more stable, he had planned to take in some bright, young boy or girl, and slowly teach them all he had learned about how to govern a Province. He would teach them military strategy and swordsmanship. And he would eventually hand them the position of Governor of Nox, stepping down from that role and simply becoming the Lun Calzai. If he could, he would pass that title to someone else as well. But he knew all too well that that last part was nothing but wishful thinking. The Palace would never allow him to simply delegate his functions onto someone else and disappear. No matter what he did, he would always be a threat that they would insist on having under surveillance. And he would always be the inevitably obedient dog, too useful to simply be allowed to escape.
And so, love and romantic feelings had never had a place in his life, had never even occupied his thoughts for more than brief seconds. He’d known that he’d be alone his entire life and he had been contented with that decision. After all, it was safer for everyone, him included.
Leaning forward, he brushed his nose against the Snow’s soft hair and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
He had been utterly and completely betrayed by his own masochist, stupid heart! And he had gone and fallen in love with a mere brat! A boy!, to make it worse. A boy who had yet to reach his full height. A freaking Tien’Elhar! Even though he’d spent his entire youth swearing to the Gods that he would kill them all the first chance he got. No. Not a Tien’Elhar, he corrected himself, slowly sliding a hand down his back, making Snow grumble in protest again. Something much, much worse. A living, breathing, destroyer of worlds, he thought, nuzzling the curve of his neck, smiling when Snow instinctively cringed at his touch.
Rubbing his nose up Snow’s neck, he nibbled his tender ear, and a cool hand weakly pressed his forehead back.
“LanRan2Literally lan (white) + ran (moon) … be still …” he mumbled the complaint still sleeping and ZaiWin chuckled, settling down beside him.
Wrapping his arms around Snow’s waist, he pulled him back into his embrace and easily fit his body around his. Snow grumbled again, but he immediately relaxed the moment that familiar warmth blanketed his back.
LanRan … ZaiWin had never thought he’d hear that name again. And he could never have imagined that he would, someday, actually feel happy being called like that. But the way that word sounded in Snow’s voice was always so … gentle and sweet, that he could almost feel that he was being loved. A mere delusion, he knew. But it still made his stupid heart beat all happily. He wished Snow would call him like that more often, he thought, burying his face in his hair.
As if he could feel his need, Snow hugged the arm resting around his waist and held his hand against his chest, as if it were something very precious. ZaiWin smiled, closing his eyes, allowing him to do as he pleased. He could feel the almost undetectable buzzing sensations of Snow’s daitai3Literally dai (light) + tai (mark), or Holly Markings, considered Heavenly Blessings. They’re the source of power., pressed against his chest. They felt as familiar as the ones imprinted on his own back. He had been a complete idiot, not to have noticed it before now.
