“I don’t understand.”

“I know. And that’s what’s really frustrating about you. I just still haven’t figured out if you don’t understand because you’re a Celestial, or because you’re just a brat.”

Snow gritted his teeth, scowling angrily. He hated it when ZaiWin¹Literally zai (blade) + win (chaos). dismissed him like that, as if he were just a kid.

“Is it because of the link?” he forced himself to find an answer. “Because it makes you feel like you’re trying to grasp something that you can’t even touch?”

ZaiWin lightly tilted his head to one side, studying him in silence for a moment.

“Is that how you feel?”

Blushing in embarrassment, Snow simply nodded.

“It’s annoying and frustrating. Like when you dream that you’re holding something important, only to open your eyes and realize that you’re actually empty-handed.”

“I wish I could feel as calmly about it as you do. I understand that sensation of trying to hold on to something that that’s not actually there. But, in my case, I don’t feel merely frustrated. If I allow myself to dwell in it, the unknown emptiness that immediately opens before my eyes is so overwhelming that I will have to lock you up somewhere where no one will ever find you. I will have to chain you up, and I will never allow you to see the light of day again. I will be just like the despicable woman, that held you prisoner most of your life. With the difference that I will keep you all to myself. That’s what this link you mentioned constantly asks of me.”

Snow swallowed dry and couldn’t help tensing up.

“Afraid I might end up giving in to it and just do it?” ZaiWin asked, and Snow honestly nodded, which ZaiWin slowly mirrored.

“So am I. And so you see. A small little kiss could never be enough to fill that emptiness. It can never work as some kind of replacement. The only thing it does is to remind me of why I cannot give in to it. It reminds me of all the small things I would lose if I did that to you.”

Snow lowered his gaze. He’d be very, very hurt if ZaiWin did something like that to him. If he just locked him up somewhere dark and never allowed to see the light of day again. There was nothing he feared more, than to lose what little freedom he had.

“I want to believe that you would never be able to do something like that to me.”

ZaiWin smiled coldly.

“You want to believe, but you still have your doubts. Right?”

Snow nervously bit down his lower lip and ZaiWin sighed.

“It’s fine. I have my doubts as well. But, as you can see, this link isn’t the answer to your question either.”

Snow quickly racked his head, trying to find a different answer.

ZaiWin released a deep sigh.

“I’ve actually already told you the answer, on more than one occasion. But I guess you never took me seriously enough to actually listen to what I was saying.”

Snow looked up at him and frowned.

“I always listen to what you say!”

“No, you don’t. You only listen to what you can understand. If you can’t understand it you just push it aside and leave it for others to deal with. You never ask about it or question it.”

“Because I know you all see me like a kid as it is! If I start asking a bunch of silly questions you’ll all just laugh of me!”

“When have I ever treated you like a kid? Those two out there are constantly chewing my head off, accusing me exactly of being too crude and not taking into consideration how young and inexperienced you are. Have I ever made fun of any question you’ve asked? Haven’t I always tried to answer all your questions as truthfully as possible?”

Snow lowered his head, his shoulders slumping.

“If I saw you like a kid I wouldn’t even dare kiss you, to begin with! Or do you think I’m some child molester that takes pleasure in the company of little kids?!”

Snow quickly shook his head.

“I know that you’re much younger than me, and that you haven’t even reached your full height. But that doesn’t mean I see you like a kid. Except when you actually behave like one. Just like now. Telling me that you refrain from asking what you want to know, afraid others might laugh at you. That one is definitely silly brat material,” he clearly mocked and Snow glared threateningly at him.

“I’m sorry I’m being such a silly brat!”

ZaiWin half-smiled at that and leaned closer again, startling Snow with his sudden proximity.

“But we’re digressing from my initial question. I asked you if you wanted me to kiss you. Not the reason why I wanted to kiss you. Is that so hard to answer?”

Snow averted his gaze.

“Because lately I always wonder why …”

ZaiWin sighed in exasperation.

“Does that mean your answer is no?”

Snow shook his head and quickly took a peek at him.

“Are you hoping to simply adopt my reason to want to kiss you as your own? That won’t work, you know? If you want a reason you just have to search for it on your own. My reasons are my own. They’re not something you can simply imitate.”

“I know that!” Snow answered with a pout that made ZaiWin smile.

“Last opportunity, then. Knowing that I’m not trying to get you to heal me, and that I’m not being led to it by the link we share, do you want me to kiss you or not?”

Snow’s gaze dropped to those warm, pale lips and, before he could think about it, he was already nodding.

With a victorious smile on his face, ZaiWin leaned forward, easily erasing what little space separated them, and gently pressed his lips to Snow’s.

Comparing with other kisses they’d shared, that one felt so light that it almost tickled. But, even so, Snow’s heart kept furiously drumming against his chest. Maybe it was because he’d openly agreed to it. Or because this time he couldn’t find a plausible reason to justify what they were doing. It just felt good, that was all he knew. The way ZaiWin’s lips kept caressing his, sometimes keeping them prisoner of their heat.

Softly pulling back, those bright-blue eyes looked straight at him.

“What else?”

Snow blinked, still in a daze.

“What else do you want?” ZaiWin asked, rubbing their noses together.

A cool hand touched ZaiWin’s face, surprising him, and then those dark eyes were staring intently at him.

“Never kiss other people again.”

He’d said those words with such a serious face that ZaiWin couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Don’t laugh!” Snow immediately demanded with an angry frown.

“I’m not laughing. Actually, I’m just very happy to hear that.”

Snow’s frown only deepened.

“I know. You don’t understand. It’s fine. I’ll give you a bit more time, until you’re able to figure it out on your own. And I’ll never kiss other people again.”

Snow seemed to relax at the sound of those words, leaving a persistent smile on ZaiWin’s face.

“Anything else?”

The cold hand on ZaiWin’s face slowly slid down to his neck, hesitantly making its way to the back of his head, going up, caressing his hair. And ZaiWin just stayed there, allowing Snow to touch him as he pleased. It didn’t take long for that exploring hand to find his hairpin and, in the next instant, a cascade of darkness was falling over Zaiwin’s face and shoulders. Still, he didn’t move, patiently allowing Snow to straighten his loose hair, gently tucking it behind his ears.

Pulling his arms around Zaiwin’s neck and grasping a handful of his hair, Snow actually leaned closer to him and kissed him.

ZaiWin closed his eyes and fiercely suppressed the need to simply grab him, to press him hard against his own body, and to completely crush those teasing lips. And yet, this was the first time Snow had ever kissed him without being coerced into it. And so he just didn’t want his insatiable hunger to ruin that short, precious moment.

That small cool hand against his face felt so good that ZaiWin couldn’t help leaning into it. And then a cold finger gently pressed his lower lip, making ZaiWin part his lips.

The second time Snow kissed him, it wasn’t just a teasing kiss anymore. And ZaiWin couldn’t help moan in pleasure, when that small, hot tongue invaded his mouth. He could still remember, how shocked he’d been, the first time Snow had kissed him like that. Now he just couldn’t get enough of that. A deep peace of mind immediately flooded his brain and, although that was hardly enough to satisfy his much deeper need, he just focused on that and on how wonderful it was that he was being freely offered this much.

Slowly pulling back, Snow just leaned his forehead against his and took a moment to catch his breath.

“Were you healing me just now?”

Raising his head, Snow just stared at those blue eyes in confusion.

“I was kissing you.” Wasn’t it obvious?
The bright smile that immediately took over ZaiWin’s face left a strange feeling in Snow’s chest. There was something almost childlike in the way he was smiling, and Snow instinctively knew that no one had probably ever seen him smile like that. Apparently he had given the right answer, even though he couldn’t understand how such an obvious reply could make him this happy.

Lowering his head, ZaiWin laid it on his shoulder, worming his way towards Snow’s neck, nuzzling his sensitive skin, making him ticklish. And then he just stopped, as if he had finally found the perfect place to rest.

“From now on, I’ll try my best to actually look at you,” Snow heard him whisper, Zaiwin’s warm breath caressing his neck. “In return, you have to immediately tell me the moment I fail to see you. Deal?”

Wrapping his arms more firmly around ZaiWin’s neck Snow simply nodded.

“I want to know everything about you. And since you also want me to see the real you, I won’t allow you to hide from me anymore.”

Snow’s heart jumped at that. Somehow, that almost sounded like a dangerous threat. But, even so, he still nodded again.

ZaiWin sighed.

“Shit. You really drive me insane.”

Well, Snow felt the same way about him. And so he couldn’t help thinking that it was only fair that, for once, he wouldn’t be the only one agonizing in silence about such things.