15

Aftermath

“Julie, get up,” I heard Ryan say as he shook my shoulder. “School today, you know.”

“Ryan, what are you doing at my house?” I said, getting up. I rubbed my eyes a little before opening them up to see him right in front of me. What was he doing here?

“You’re at my house, Julie,” Ryan said, laughing. “Take a second to wake up before speaking. I think you’re forgetting something.”

I sat there awkwardly for a few seconds before speaking. “Oh my God, you’re looking at me when I just woke up! Get away, I look terrible.”

“Not what I expected to hear,” Ryan said, looking perturbed. “But sure, I’ll turn around.”

“Good,” I said. “But I remember now, yesterday was a mess.”

“To say the least, yes,” he said. “Anyways get up, we’re running a little late.”

“Fine, fine,” I said, getting up. I pulled a comb out of my backpack and brushed my hair before tying it up into a ponytail. “You can look at me now.”

“Oh hey, you look great,” he said, smiling. “Like you did before.”

“I did not look good fresh out of bed, shut up,” I said, although I couldn’t help smiling as well. “Anyways, let me just put on some clothes and I’m ready for school.”

“Why don’t you just go as a girl?” he asked, scratching his head. “Not like there’s anything stopping you, right?”

“Oh, you’re right,” I said. “But do I have the confidence to do that? I’m still a little shaken up.”

“Sure, I’ll be here to protect you,” Ryan said. “The school’s pretty LGBT friendly as a whole anyways, so I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“I don’t think I can,” I said, sadly shaking my head. “After what happened with my Dad yesterday, I don’t quite have the confidence to.”

“That’s also fine,” Ryan said. “You can just skip school today if you’re not feeling up for it.”

“No!” I said, balking at the suggestion. “I can’t let my grades slip.”

“I guess that’s your priority,” Ryan said, laughing. “A day off wouldn’t be too bad, you know? Especially after what happened.”

“Never,” I responded, annoyed at the suggestion. “I need to get into a good college. Skipping school does not look good on a college resume.”

“Fair enough,” he said, shrugging. “I’ve skipped school plenty of times, but I guess that’s just me.”

“Yeah, Mister. Make Julie Do All Your Homework For You. Clearly, you care lots about school.” I said.

“Hey, I do my P.E. homework all on my own,” he said.

“Real impressive,” I replied, giggling at the confidence he had in his voice after that statement. “Your physical education homework, which consists of you recording yourself doing exercises and simple assignments, was done on your own.”

“I do my best,” he said, laughing. “Anyways, I’ll change into my school clothes now. Get ready too, my Mom will drive us to school.”

As soon as Ryan left the room, I felt empty again. All the sadness crashing back onto me all at once. I frowned, I really needed him, didn’t I?

***

“Parker,” I heard Ms. Castillo say. I noticed she took care to not address me by gendered terms anymore, doing her best to refer to me by my last name in class.

“Oh, yes,” I said, raising my head off my desk. I looked around lazily for a moment before my eyes spotted her.

“I called out to you three times, is everything alright?”

“Oh,” I said, shaking my head. “Sorry, I’m just a little out of it.”

“That’s okay,” she responded, looking concerned. “Anyways, the question was what role did prejudice play in the book Pride and Prejudice? Please give a detailed answer.”

***

“Was today okay?” Ryan asked, catching up with me after class ended. “I have football practice so I can’t stick around for long, but I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“Well, I’m still a little sad,” I said. “But school at least forced me to do something else for a while, so I feel a little better.”

“That’s good,” Ryan said. “I’m glad, I’ll be with you as soon as football practice ends. You can watch me if you want, my Mom will pick us up after school. Or you can find your way back home somehow if you need to study or something.”

“I’ll watch,” I said, a little excited to see Ryan practice. I still wasn’t all that interested in football still, but watching him work out made my heart flutter a little.

“Great, follow me to the field then,” he said, reaching out and grabbing my hand. I blushed, feeling his skin against mine. He led me to the football field in the back of the school and nodded. “You can stay on the bench over there and cheer me on.”

“Hey, I’m not your personal cheerleader,” I said, putting my hands on my hip.

“You should be,” he said, laughing. “Join the cheerleading squad, they’d be happy to have you.”

“I thought you knew me well enough to know that being a cheerleader is not my forte,” I said, frowning. “Although the outfits are cute. It would be nice to wear them.”

“Snap out of it, Julie,” he said, snapping a finger at me. “I’ll try and get you a cheerleader outfit though.”

“You will?” I asked, excited. I imagined myself all dressed up in makeup and in a cheerleader uniform. “How, though?”

“I’ll tell you later,” he said. “We’re at the field now.”

“Ryan, what’s up,” I heard one of his teammates say as he rushed up to Ryan. He looked at me and frowned. “Who’s she?”

Ryan looked at me, clearly not knowing how to answer. He nodded and gestured at me to introduce myself.

“I’m Daniel’s brother,” I said, feeling hurt calling myself a masculine term. I decided it would be better to just go as male during school though for now. “I just came to watch Ryan practice.”

“Oh, I met you, I remember now,” he said. “I’m Chris, do you remember? We met in the restroom back then, I thought you were a girl back then too, I guess some things don’t change.”

“Yeah, I remember,” I said. Now that I thought about it, it was only a month since I met Chris but it felt like an eternity. So much had happened since then, ever since that fateful encounter with Ryan. If it wasn’t for that, my entire life would be different. It was weird to think about.

“I thought you were Ryan’s girlfriend for a second,” Chris said, laughing. “I thought he finally got one, considering how he was holding onto you. I’m surprised he doesn’t have one already.”

“Same,” I said, laughing. What were Ryan and I at this point? We did share a kiss, but I didn’t think we made anything official yet. I made a note to myself to make it clear later.

“Everyone, line up,” I saw one of the P.E. teachers at the school say as he clapped his hands. I was assuming he was the coach of the team. “Practice is starting now.”

“Yes coach,” Ryan, Chris, and the rest of the team said. I watched them all jog together into a line as I sat down on the bleachers. I sat there for a few minutes, watching them run around the field doing cardio. Suddenly, a deep sadness hit me, as all of what happened yesterday hit me at once. The wall holding all the emotions back quickly crumbled as tears began to leak out of my eye. I was barely holding things together by pretending everything was normal, but I couldn’t keep that facade up forever.

Why did this all have to happen to me? I didn’t ask to be transgender or to have a family who was unsupportive. Yet, here I was, kicked out of my house by my own unsupportive Dad. I sighed. Life sucked right now. I couldn’t imagine how much worse things would be if I didn’t have Ryan.

I looked at Ryan running around the field and sighed. I knew that he would come to me and do everything he can to help calm me down if he spotted me crying, and I wanted him to focus on practice. I forced myself to calm down, wiping tears from my eyes, hoping things would be alright.

***

“Well I hope that wasn’t too boring for you,” Ryan said, wiping some sweat off his brow. He took a swig of water before looking down at me again. “Coach worked us hard this time.”

“It was a little boring,” I said honestly. Sitting on the bench watching the team throw around footballs and do drills wasn’t that exciting. “But it was fine, I still enjoyed watching you practice.”

“Well, I’m glad you weren’t totally bored out of your mind during it,” Ryan said.

“Yeah, I’m glad too,” I said. “Otherwise that hour would’ve been really bad.”

“Do you want to hang out, maybe?” Ryan asked, swerving the conversation in a new direction. “We can go to the mall and go see a movie or something.”

“I usually would be thrilled to,” I said, shaking my head. “But not today, I don’t feel the best.”

“Oh,” he said, his face falling. “Well, let me know whenever you want to do something if that would help. Offer still stands.”

“Thank you, Ryan,” I said, smiling. “I appreciate that.”

“Of course,” he responded. “Anything for you, Julie.”

***

“Hey Julie, what are you up to?” Ryan asked.

“Just doing some homework,” I said. “What time is it?”

“It’s ten,” he said, laughing. “You’ve been cooped up here for five hours since dinner. I was going to leave you alone but then got too curious as to what you were doing.”

“I tend to get a little absorbed in my studying,” I said, gently laughing. “But yeah, I should take care of myself.”

“Here, I brought some water and fruits for you to eat,” he said, putting a glass of water and a fruit bowl down on the desk.

“Wow, thanks, did you cut these yourself?” I asked.

“Yes, as you can tell from the shape,” he said. I looked carefully at the fruits to see they were very lumpy and cut in awkward straight angles. “I did my best but, they didn’t turn out too well. I’m not that good of a chef.”

“It’s okay,” I said, popping an apple into my mouth. I bit down on it, an immediate sweetness filling my mouth. “It still tastes good.”

“I would hope so,” he said. “I put my blood, sweat, and tears into it.”

“You did not put blood, sweat, and tears into it,” I said, laughing. “You chopped up an apple and washed some strawberries, Ryan.”

“Well, maybe not sweat and tears,” he said, revealing his index finger which had a gash on it. “But I did put blood into it.”

“Wait, when did you get that?” I asked, worried. “Let me get a band-aid for you, that looks painful.”

“It’s alright, I don’t need a band-aid,” Ryan said, looking at his finger. “It’s just a little cut.”

“It is not just a little cut, it looks painful, shut up,” I said. I pulled a bandage and ointment out of my backpack. “Here, let me put these on you.”

“Okay, fine,” Ryan said. He put his hand down on my desk with his index finger extended. “Here you go.”

“Great,” I said. I rubbed some ointment on the wound before putting a bandage on top, blowing on it for extra security. “See, all clean.”

“If it wasn’t such a girly band-aid, things would be better,” he said, laughing. “What are these?”

“Shut up!” I said, annoyed. “They were cute, so I bought them on impulse. I’ve kept them around ever since in my backpack on the off-chance something bad happens.”

“Very cute rainbow pattern,” he said, laughing even harder at what I said. “But thank you, it does hurt less.”

“It should be better,” I said, frowning. “I put all my care into it.”

“Yeah,” Ryan said, grabbing a strawberry from the fruit bowl and eating it in one bite. “I’ll get going now so you can focus on studying.”

“Okay,” I said. “See you later, I hope your finger feels better soon.”

“It already does,” he said, closing the door behind him.

***

“Welcome to yet another GSA meeting, everybody,” Ryan said. “Thank you all for showing up.”

“Time for my favorite hour of the week,” Jasmine said excitedly. “What has everyone been up to?”

“We have something rather serious to talk about,” Ryan said.

“Oh?” Jasmine asked, looking confused. “This is a first, I thought we were going to raise awareness on LGBT people.”

“Well, that’s bumped to the next club meeting,” Ryan said. “Julie, do you mind telling them what happened?”

“Well, I came out to my Dad and things didn’t go so well,” I said, the thought of what happened causing me to tear up again. “I got kicked out of my home and I’m staying with Ryan for now.”

“What?” Jasmine said, getting up out of her seat. “Are you kidding me? In the 21st century?”

“I usually don’t interrupt your meetings, since I believe this is a time for you all to interact with minimal supervision,” Ms. Castillo said, having a very serious look on her face. “But Julie, you were kicked out of your house?”

“Yes,” I said, looking at the floor. “My dad wasn’t too happy about everything.”

“God, that’s terrible,” she said. “I’m pretty sure that counts as child abandonment as well, which is illegal. If you want, I can bring this to the school board.”

“No, no,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t want that. I’ll just stay with Ryan for a little longer. I think he’ll just hate me more if I brought in the school board.”

“Well, I won’t do it without your consent,” she said, leaning back in her chair. “But it is disgusting of your Dad to kick you out for being transgender.”

“I know,” I said, wiping a tear from my eye. “I’m hoping he’ll come around but I’m not sure.”

“He’d better come around sooner than later,” Alex said, clenching their fists. “Kicking out your own child for them being transgender, that’s so horrible I can’t even express it in words.”

“Perhaps we can find some resources for Julie,” Zoe said, tilting her head. “I’m sure there must be at least some LGBT organizations that can help out.”

“That’s a good idea,” Jasmine said, looking at her phone. “There are a few shelters and bigger GSAs in the Seattle area. Maybe one of those could help?”

“It won’t take too long to go to Seattle from here,” Ryan said. “We could go to one of those if you feel like it would help, Julie.”

“I don’t know,” I murmured. “I like this GSA more, it’s very cozy since it's small and I know everyone here.”

“That’s fine too,” Thomas said. “A smaller group can be more comfortable, we’re just trying to find ways to help.”

“I know,” I said, sighing. “I just don’t know what you all can do to help.”

“Well, we can’t do much for your actual situation,” Jasmine said, thinking. “But we’re here to talk and help out in any way we can.”

“We’re all here for you, Julie, don’t forget that,” Ryan said.

“Thank you, everybody,” I sniffled, happy to at least have such a supportive group of friends.