Time passes like a river. That is to say, it seems to stand still. Minutes turn to days, days to weeks and so on. Centuries pass in the blink of an eye, in the most literal of ways. Our stony protagonist isn’t physically fast. So, she sits and thinks and to her comes the 2 most common words any parent has heard a million times: I’m bored. Alas, it was only a matter of time before this happened. Upon reaching this great new milestone in her evolution, she decided to give herself another level. We’ll call it level 10 because her math is worse than mine.
It took a couple millennia, but she finally got tired of watching monkeys and apes fling poop at each other and began searching for something else to help with keeping the boredom at bay. By this point, man had developed advanced civilizations and created things never seen before. Our sedentary sedimentary siltstone sat on the mountain top and began observing her new interests of humans, practical jokes, magic and martial arts, and trash TV that won’t be around for another several tens of thousands of years. Oh, wait. Never mind that, I just saw Jackie Chan walking around town with Patrick Stewart…and is that Ryan Reynolds hiding behind that tree?
Moving on from that very confusing bit, the rock-become-boulder began to change its worldview yet again. It still carries that life inside, a life it seems to have forgotten about after all this time. However, it no longer sees itself as female, which is good because stones have no base gender anyways. Watching the world of man, it notices that Man had all the power and wanted some of that for itself. Thus, our non-binary norite, our gender fluid geode, gender bent itself to the horror of American politicians who immediately set about making laws to prevent rocks and stones from doing these things.
While all this was happening, the life inside the stone continued to develop. As the stone absorbed the secrets of the universe, so to did this tiny developing creature. Do not forget that when he first desired companionship, our stone was observing monkeys, accidentally setting the species. As the rock had no understanding of gender at that time, it made sense for this new life to continue being genderless. With knowledge, in most situations, comes power. In this case, it’s the knowledge of physical differences between men and women. What this means for our maturing monkey is that it’s mother-father has accidentally chosen for it to be male when it is born. However, not everything is set in stone (sorry, this pun is unintended and I apologize for the oversight. It most likely won’t happen again, but probably will because meh) in this world of might and magic. One day, far in the future, this little creature will learn 72 forms of magic, including how to change its body shape.
And so, our hematite himbo hero continued to gather knowledge breaking through into the cultivation realm of [Sages]. What is a sage? He doesn’t know either but it sounded cool so he went with it. As it gained and gathered this knowledge and information, it continued to grow to never before seen sizes. It watched epic battles, and grew a bit bigger. It learned about auras and that it could see them…if it had eyes or other sensory organs, or any organs at all for that matter. It witnessed the birth of Truck-kun because even he had to come from somewhere. Of course, being a newborn of great power, it had its own problems to deal with. Namely, the problem of having gas. Therefore, Truck-kun was farted like babies and old people, producing a cloud that just wouldn’t go away. The Jade Emperor, upon seeing this golden fart, shook the heavens with his laughter and named the cloud “Nimbus”. After hearing this thunderous laughter, Nimbus ran in fear of being breathed in through this old man’s mouth and disappearing forever. Like the little monkey, this too is a story for the future.
The birth of that being is unlike any other so far in this world’s history in that it soon sped off, hitting people seemingly at random. Our hemimorphite hero watched with great interest and noticed that the souls of these people did not disappear like when mortals normally passed from the world of the living. Instead, these souls flew away through space and time to worlds unknown. This obsidian observer on the mountain top learned a great deal from watching Truck-kun work. This just served to hasten the impending birth of the friend our stone so desired oh so long ago.
It could not be ignored by our igneous ignoramus any longer. He was growing and changing in strange, terrifying and exciting ways. He is anything but dead inside; after all, he’s going to be a father-mother to this new being. Unfortunately, he is still a rock and has no clue what these feelings actually are and ends up ignoring them anyways. Anyone looking up at the mountain however, would see a giant egg-shaped object. Some would tell you it was smooth; others would say it was spiky. What they all agreed upon, though, is that this egg is incredibly dense and they didn’t want any part in hatching it for fear that it was too dense to break open. So, they left it to sit on that mountain in hopes that it would crack open itself and let the world know who/what they are. And, in the not-so-distant future, epically crack its’ shell it does. It does so in such spectacular fashion that everyone notices. In fact, even those living under rocks noticed when this dense piece of dolomite finally fractured.
