CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS
TORCHWOOD 3 - CARDIFF

 

‘Tosh keep tabs on the hospital, I want hourly updates from them, I’ll visit Owen in the morning.’ I told Tosh, who nodded, seeming a little scattered herself. ‘Ianto I want you to keep an eye on those arrested tonight, make sure they don’t start making any plea deals, I want them to go down for what they did to those creatures and each other. I’m all for thrill seeking but that’s just wrong.’

            ‘Yes, Sir.’ Ianto nodded.

            ‘Gwen I want a list of everyone there tonight, their names, they’re addresses – anything you can get me.’

            ‘Sure thing.’

            RING.

            RING.

            RING.

            The phone from my desk called out and I darted over like a shot. All I could think about was that these organised criminals had some sort of backup plan. The operation was massive so it wouldn’t be too surprising.

            ‘Captain Jack Harkness.’ I answered.

            ‘Captain, it’s Mike Milligan from UNIT.’ The smooth Irish voice said from the other end.

            ‘Mike I’ve already got one officer in the hospital tonight, don’t tell me I’ve got another.’ I winced, wondering how the hell Erin had managed to land herself in the hospital.

            ‘No, no, nothing like that, I need you to pick Erin up from the UNIT site.’

            ‘Has something happened?’

            ‘Listen, I understand your reasoning behind the Retcon and the split but Jack, she’s pregnant, I’ve got the bloodwork in front of me to prove it.’

            Pregnant?

            God, I’d been so stupid.

            ‘Tell her I’m on my way.’ I told him.

            ‘She’s not in a good way Jack.’

            ‘Tell her I’m on my way.’ I repeated, hanging up the phone with a slam.

 

***

 

It took just a little over fifteen minutes to get to the UNIT base, but when I arrived and saw a stoic looking Erin bracing against the hood of the jeep, phone clutched in hand, I couldn’t bring myself to get out of the SUV.

            What I’d done, I’d done in the name of world security, in the name of Torchwood. Erin had compared herself to Gwen’s relationship on multiple occasions, but she didn’t come with CIA operations threatening British security. I knew I’d done the right thing but as I stared at the terrified woman ahead, I knew I’d also done the wrong thing.

            Would she leave Torchwood? I wondered.

            Knowing the woman was far more terrified than I was, I huffed in a breath and climbed out the SUV, cautiously stepping towards her. I wondered if she’d hit me, if she’d run or if she’d scream. The distant flood lights illuminated her like some kind of angel but there was a darkness in her cheeks, shadow’s dancing across her skin as she spoke.

            ‘Bet you didn’t see this one coming.’

            I smiled.

            ‘I always say you know how to keep me on my toes.’

            ‘I’m telling him.’

            ‘Okay.’

            ‘Okay?’ She scoffed, pushing off the jeep. ‘You told me to call off my wedding, to Retcon the man that was going to be my husband and now because of this, you roll over?’

            ‘It complicated.’ I told her. ‘Come back with me to the Hub, we can get you checked out.’

            ‘I don’t want you, I want him!’ She yelled.

            I felt staring eyes on the back of my head but that didn’t stop me, I walked closer trying to take her hands.

            She pushed me away.

            ‘Get off of me!’ She screamed.

            ‘Erin—’

            ‘You did this!’ She screamed. ‘You did this – You did this – He’s not here because of you, I should be with him, we should of found this out together! I should’ve…’

            She struggled in my grip but I didn’t let go, wrapping my arms as tightly as I could around her, cradling her head as she cried into my chest. Cold tears wetted my shirt as her hands pounded my chest.

            ‘I can’t have a baby.’ She told me, her voice a little softer this time. ‘I can’t have a baby.’

            ‘We’ll work it out, we always do.’

            ‘Oh, just like before?’ She spat, trying to push away.

            ‘No, I was wrong Erin.’ I told her. ‘I was wrong and I am so sorry.’

 

***

 

I took the scenic route back to the Hub, since Erin had fallen silent ever since we’d left the base. I wanted her to say something, I wanted her to forgive me. I knew I’d done the right thing, but it was right for Torchwood and British nation, not for her.

            Erin had dedicated her life to the job and asked for so little in return, but I’d failed her.

            To fill the silence I’d told her about the nights events, how Owen had willingly jumped into the cage with a Weevil, how people had been kidnapping Weevils to release the anger and beast within themselves. Throughout the story I’d gotten a few short laughs and a shake of the head, but nothing more.

            ‘We’ll work through this Erin, we’ll support you through it all.’ I told her, taking her hand and surprisingly, she squeezed it back.

            ‘I don’t know how to be a mum.’ She said, her voice hollow. ‘I can’t have a baby because of my job and I can’t have a baby because I don’t know what to do.’

            ‘From what I’ve heard, no one really knows what they’re doing.’ I said, trying to reassure her.

            ‘My mother gave me up when I was two years old, I could of stayed with my grandparents but I’d started talking about the Doctor then, it was too late. I don’t even know their names…what am I going to tell this kid when they grow up? That their grandmother didn’t want me? So fuck knows if she even wants to know you! Fuck knows if you get a grandfather because he’s never been a dad to me! Oh but you have an uncle that your mum didn’t even know about…may as well invite him to the fucking wedding.’

            I knew Erin was secure, I knew she stable but I also knew that this had been eating away at her for years. She needed her support system and I’d ripped it away. I clenched the wheel at the thought, focusing on the road. Even though she’d always had some form of family unit around her and the protection of UNIT, I knew what her biological parents did had torn something from her.

            There were many nights where Erin and I would work alone in the Hub, where we’d joke about the Doctor and swap stories of time and space. For once however, I believe the biggest story was happening right here, right now.

            ‘If I’d kept my mouth shut about the Doctor and Rose then maybe, just maybe I could of grown up with a normal life.’ Erin muttered.

            ‘Would you want that?’ I dared to ask. ‘A normal life.’

            ‘No one can have a normal life after Torchwood or the Doctor, that’s not how it works. Even if I Retconned myself I would figure out a way back because it’s exciting, it’s toxic and I love it and I know that I will love this job more than I’ll ever love this child – I’ll come running every time you call, I’ll come running when the sky is full of spaceships…’ A sob lingered in her throat but I didn’t let her say anything else.

            ‘You’re wrong Erin.’

            ‘And how do you know that?’ She asked, in a deadpanned voice.

            ‘Because I watched you grow up, I always kept an eye on you and I know that this baby, this kid will have one of the most loyal and dedicated mothers in the world.’

            ‘You’re wrong.’

            ‘I’m not.’ I told her, slowly pulling into the Bay. ‘I know you and I know that right now, you’ve never been more scared in your life.’

            ‘You’d think given I have experience with being afraid it would get easier.’ She joked, wiping at her face. ‘What are we going to do?’

            ‘Desk duty I think, smaller operations, nothing too physical.’ I said with a smile, trying to keep it on hers too. ‘Monthly check-ups with Owen as well as your own midwife that I’m sure Chris will get sorted at the hospital – reversing the Retcon shouldn’t be—’

            ‘I didn’t give him it.’ She cut me off. ‘I lied.’

            ‘But…’ My brows furrowed.

            ‘Wyatt’s brother and aunts were given it but not his mum or sister, I’ve been staying at home with Chris, we were having breakfast when you showed up weeks ago. I knew you would so I planned for it, told him what to say, how to say it, where to hide until you left.’

            The little – all this time I’d been living with the knowledge I’d broken them up but it was all a lie? I didn’t know Erin could lie, well I knew she could it’s why she was the best interrogator I had but I never knew she could lie to me. Not like that. She’d kept this whole act up, this whole façade and for what? For the mans she loved.

            ‘Why?’ I asked. ‘All this time you’ve been angry with me, all this time you’ve hated me.’

            ‘Because you thought I had, you thought I had given it to him and you remained justified and stoic, like a leader. I thought our history would maybe make you understand, hell even Owen offered to befriend him, to keep an eye on him. You didn’t say anything.’

            ‘Erin—’

            ‘I’ve spent my whole life running from who I am so when you tried to take away one of the only people in the world, who loved me for me, don’t you dare think that I wouldn’t lie to keep them safe. I would do anything to keep Chris from the likes of you, the CIA, anyone who would stand there and try to take him away, So yes, I lied to protect him. I lied and I am not sorry.’ She said, her voice faltering at the end as she picked at the skin around her fingers.

            She better not be sorry, I thought to myself.

            As the SUV pulled to a stop I turned the engine off, sitting in the shadows of the night.

            ‘It isn’t going to be easy but I know we can get through this,’ I told her. ‘Together.’

            ‘How can you trust me?’ She asked. ‘I lied and made you feel like shit.’

            ‘If I’m honest, it makes me trust you more.’ I said. ‘I now know where your priorities lie…with your husband.’

            ‘I love my job.’ She told me adamantly.

            ‘But you love him more.’ I said gently. ‘And you’ll love your child even more than you can describe.’

            Her eyes fell down to her stomach, her small slender fingers brushing against the small bump, pushing from her jeans.

            ‘Do you want to fire me?’

            ‘No.’

            ‘Are you going to fire me?’

            ‘Not in a million years, Miss Swann.’ I told her. ‘Not in a million years.’