We were walking along the lakefront of Garrison Park when we heard someone call out to us. Turning, I spotted Claire jogging down the sidewalk and immediately let go of Gabriel’s hand. I flinched, certain that I’d just been caught doing something that I absolutely was not allowed to.
“How are you lovebirds doing?” she asked, smirking in a way that ruffled the butterflies in my stomach. That short hair looked really good on her.
“We’re doing good,” Gabriel replied. “Right?”
“Yeah… We’re having a lot of fun. I’ve always loved this place.”
“I know. Every year, you refuse to shut up about it.”
Gabriel and her shared a chuckle while my cheeks burned, and I had to glance away.
“I’m heading to the penny arcade if you two want to join.”
“Oh!” I perked up. “I’ve always loved the arcade here. Maybe they’ve fixed the Donkey Kong machine.”
Gabriel frowned. “Actually, I kind of wanted to focus more on the Ren Faire itself. The rest of the park is going to be here the whole year, right? We can come back any time.”
“Maybe you can,” I mumbled, folding my arms.
“You can go with her if you’d like. We’ll just meet up later.”
I really wanted to see the arcade, but I was really enjoying my time with Gabriel. It would feel weird to go with Claire alone considering I had stolen her boyfriend and she didn’t seem to realize it. On the other hand, if I went with Claire, I might get some insight into what happened to prompt this new look she was sporting.
“Yeah, I think I’ll do that.”
This was probably for the best, anyway. The more distance there was between me and Gabriel, the more respect I was showing for our respective girlfriends. Holding hands wasn’t too dangerous, but the longer we were together, the more temptation we would face. Heaven forbid he try to kiss me!
“Great! See you soon, babe.”
Then he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, sending a bolt of lightning through me and rooting me to the spot, stiff as a board. Gabriel walked away and I stared after him with my hand glued firmly to my cheek where he’d viciously attacked me with his affection. I only snapped out of it when Claire started chuckling.
“I swear, Sarah, you are the most lovestruck girl I’ve ever met.”
“S-Shut up!” I stammered, turning red. “Come on. Let’s just go.”
She continued to tease me about being in love with her boyfriend and I just had to sit there and endure the assault upon my fragile nerves. You could fry a pancake on my cheeks. It was a relief to finally arrive at the arcade.
I took a deep breath.
“Smells like the nineties,” I said.
“You weren’t alive in the nineties, remember?” Clair said, ribbing me.
“I’m an old soul. Or, um, past lives, maybe?”
Claire snorted. “Come on. Skee ball or air hockey?”
We made our way to the skee ball machines and Claire started going on about Julia and Diane and that bitch Mary and whatever grudge she had against us. I vaguely recognized a few of these names but only enough to nod along and agree with what Claire told me. This was weird; no girl had ever spoken to me so casually before, certainly not Claire, who until now had barely seemed to notice I’d existed.
I folded my hands behind my back and swayed my skirt back and forth, asking, “You’ll share your tickets with me so I can get that big teddy bear, right?”
“Oh, you want them?” Claire held up her significantly larger string of tickets; she was insanely good at skee ball. “Tell me a secret about your boyfriend.”
A secret? What could I possibly tell her that she didn’t already know? Or… If they weren’t dating, did she not know Gabriel very well?
“He really loves pickles,” I told her. “I have never seen him eat a meal at home without one.”
“Bo-ring! Come on, Sarah.” She leaned in. “Something interesting. Does he wear Spongebob underwear? Does he cry when a dog dies in movies? What doesn’t he want people to know about himself? Just between us girls.”
I gulped and glanced away.
“He… He thinks rugby is better than football.”
Claire snorted and burst into laughter.
“Oh my, that would get him in hot water with the rest of the team, wouldn’t it? Okay, here you go.” I took the tickets from her. “Is that true?”
“Yeah. I think he started watching it to make fun of it and just got really invested.”
“That’s so cute.”
“Yeah… He can be.”
I ended up getting my big teddy bear, and Claire bought a colorful ribbon with her tickets that she used to tie a bow into my hair. My face on the phone screen was blushing back at me. This felt so girly, but as much as I should have been horrified by it, I was actually enjoying myself.
It was forbidden for a boy to act this way. That was one of the unspoken rules of masculinity. Even though nobody knew I was really a boy, I was in violation of the boy code.
I looked down at the big stuffed teddy bear; what was going to happen to it when I turned back into the man I was supposed to be? Part of me hated the thought of losing it even if I wasn’t allowed to have it. It was so soft and cute, practically illegal for a boy to own.
Tuckered out from games, we sat down outside on a bench while I took another sip of water. Claire did most of the talking, but I tried to contribute when I could. Claire and I just clicked in a way that I never had with anybody but Gabriel. I wish I could get along with more boys so easily.
“I hear they’ve got a petting zoo this year,” Claire said, stretching. “You want to check it out?”
As Lucas, I would have scoffed.
“Yeah, absolutely!”
Goats had always been my favorite farm animal, so I was determined to get them to eat out of my hand. It was so cool to see one lap the seed out of my hand, a little gross when it licked my palm, and a scare when it tried to eat my sleeve! I was renting this dress!
“So…” I began, “you didn’t want to dress up for the day? I guess a dress like this might look weird with such short hair, huh?”
Claire didn’t respond, but her smile vanished.
“I just mean… It’s not a common look.”
“Yeah, sure. Not in a town like this, I suppose.”
She clearly didn’t want to talk about it, but I knew that I wouldn’t get another chance to ask.
“So why, then?”
Claire sighed and leaned up against the fence of the pen. “I used to be really afraid of not having a boyfriend. When I was younger, boys would tease me that I was too aggressive and that nobody would want to marry me. Other girls started saying the same thing when puberty hit, and I was really afraid of being left out. So I started playing up being more feminine and submissive so boys would pay attention to me. It worked, and I got to be smug about it to the girls who laughed at me, but I was always performing around boys and I think some of them could tell.
“When I found Eleanor, it felt like I finally had permission to act like I wanted. You can’t tell anyone, but I think I went a little overboard at first. It’s not like I don’t like anything girly, I just felt like I had to prove I wasn’t one of those girls, you know?” I did not. “I don’t regret leaving the cheerleading squad, though. Sorry, I know that was really inconvenient for the rest of you.”
I nodded, but my heart was bouncing around in my ribcage. Cheerleader?! Me?! Since when?! I didn’t know anything about cheerleading!
As the panic started to fade, I realized that Claire was staring at the goats and still looking really forlorn. A pang of guilt struck me. Claire had always seemed to be in the way of my time with Gabriel, almost aggressively possessive of him. That whole time, though, she’d been stuck in a box she didn’t like.
She would go back to that when the magician fixed me.
I didn’t even realize that Claire was hugging me at first.
“Huh?”
“Sorry, you looked like you needed that.”
“Oh, thank you. Um… Yeah, you should be able to look and act however you want.”
Claire laughed. “Thank you. I came to that conclusion a while ago, but I’m glad you agree.”
We texted the others and everyone agreed to meet up at the picnic area. We stood outside the mass of picnic tables and scanned for them, but the crowd was thick. Eventually, Claire stood on a table and started waving her arms.
Gabriel found us first, but Eleanor was quickly behind. When Claire saw her, they ran up to each other and kissed passionately. It hurt my heart to see that even as I held Gabriel’s hand.
He kissed me again on the cheek and said, “You look a lot happier than you did before. Your stomach better?”
“Yeah. I feel a lot better.”
Claire and Eleanor headed to one food stall, and I followed Gabriel to another where they were serving turkey legs.
“...Gabriel?”
“Yeah?”
I shuffled my feet. “Would you still… you know…?”
He blinked.
“Would… Would you… still… um… l-l-l-o- Um…” I lowered my voice. “Would you still l-love me if I were a more dominant partner in the relationship? Like, if I made more decisions for us?”
“Of course, babe. I want us to be honest with each other. What’s this about?”
Well, that was a relief. He hadn’t been pressuring Claire to be something she wasn’t. I figured as much, but it was good to hear it from him directly.
“Just a hypothetical,” I told him, relaxing my shoulders.
He chuckled. “Girls and their hypotheticals.”
We came together at a picnic table and chowed down. It was a little strange to think that Gabriel was the only boy in a group of girls, even if I wasn’t really a girl. I couldn’t imagine being comfortable just around a bunch of girls.
“What do we want to do next?” Claire asked.
My heart was pounding, but I had to ask, “Can… Can I hang out with Eleanor a bit? I’ve already had time alone with you two.”
“That’s weirdly specific,” Eleanor admitted, giggling. “You superstitious now or something?”
Feeling my face turn red, I said, “Yeah, something like that.”
“That’s fine by me,” Claire said.
“As long as I get some alone time with you later to make up for it,” Gabriel added.
Eleanor just shrugged.
It was settled then, but my stomach certainly wasn’t.
Ooooh that IS interesting. So Claire wasn't able to be herself? I hope she's happy with Eleanor, I get the feeling Sarah wasn't able to be herself either, so let's see :D