Wei Wuxian stared down at the letter in his grasp. Silver eyes wide in denial and shock. His mind was in disarray, ears ringing and it felt as though his mind was submerged under water; muffled. The backs of Wen Qing and Wen Ning slowly faded away as they left to give him some privacy. 

 To grieve.

   

  

 A few feet away, laid a man in once pristine white robes that were now dirted, tainted by the filth of the dirt of the cave. Lan Wangji, always so righteous and esteemed, so generous and kind behind a stoic cold mask, and always clumsy at heart in how to speak and approach others. 

  The same man, was now dead. A corpse. And all because he had given a piece of himself away, and professed his love through the last words of a letter. 

  A man who Wei Wuxian had thought hated him yet had actually loved him.

   

  … He had been wrong… so wrong… and now… it was too late.

 

  Broken sobs clawed the inside of Wei Wuxian's throat, keen and sharp wails escaping as he broke down; back bowing over his knees on the floor of the cave, arms wrapped around his torso, and feeling the warmth of a familiar yet foreign feeling of a new golden core that now rested inside him. 

Lan Zhan…  why? Just...  why?

Oh, Lan Zhan! … Lan Zhan… what have you done?! 

 

  Piercing wails and crying echoed within a cave, where the back of a lone man in black robes knelt, bowed over, and sobbing 'why, why, why - no, no, no!! Lan Zhan!!' 

   His hair created a black obsidian curtain, hiding his grief from the world, a lone stark red ribbon was the only real splash of color in the cave.

A letter laid on the floor beside the broken man, as the same man known throughout the cultivation world as the Yiling Patriarch, Wei Wuxian, wailed in pain, in grief. 

  The letters ink smeared by the tears of sorrow and regret, the same tears staining the cave floor.

A scream sounded with an echo, "LAN ZHAN!!!

The one Wei Wuxian screamed for, calling out his name laid cold and still, heard nothing no more. 

It was too late.

                         ~■~■~■~

Dear Wei Ying,

 If you are reading this, then it means that I did not survive the procedure of my golden core being removed. 

Wei Ying. Wei Ying, I am sorry. You must feel angry with me, and with Wen Wing and Wen Ning too. Please, do not be angry with them. It was my choice. I do not regret a thing - I have no regrets…. Except for the times when I struggled to reach you… to help you… I only ever wanted what was best for you… I wanted Wei Ying to be happy and healthy - not hurting - not suffering in pain.

  I never hated you. Never. 

 I fell for you - though I did not understand it at the time, and when we first met… is when it all began.

You were a storm, a whirlwind, a force to be reckoned with, with your confident strides and boisterous laughter and a smile that outshined the sun, putting it to shame. 

 On the rooftops, with that jar of Emperor's Smile in your hand, and with that smile… was the moment I felt my whole world change. 

 You continued to slip past my defenses, continued shatter my walls… barging into my world. I did not know… how to handle my feelings… I denied them and pushed you away…

And when you were missing… I looked, and looked for you but I could not find you. I did not want to believe such a bright, lively existence that had rattled my heart had been lost… snuffed out. 

When we saw each other…. When I saw you after you went missing…. I felt my world crumbling. Once you were so bright but that brightens seemed muffled, overtaken by shadows and darkness. Your smile… was not the same smile from the boy that I had met that night that had been holding a jar of Emperor's Smile.

It hurt. It hurt to see you in pain. It hurt, I tried to reach out to you and failed to speak my feelings and help you understand. . . I never wanted to lock you away, to imprison you.

I wanted to protect you, and save you from yourself. If I had known then… I….

Wei Ying. 

You are everything to me. Wei Ying. The sun that shone in the palm of my hand, alive. Wen Wing and Wen Ning did not tell your secret… I overheard them speaking when I had come to visit…. 

   Learning that you gave your golden core to Jiang Cheng… and the pain you suffered… It hurt.

Wei Ying. 

Wei Ying. Please do not reject this. Wei Ying. I love you. I love you. Your smile, your laugh...  Your heart… your kind and selfless heart… your spirit. 

I love you. I loved you from the moment we first met - you rattled my world, bursting into my life with your brave mischievous spirit; a storm of everything bright and full of life. 

This was my choice. I do not regret it. 

Wei Ying, I am not gone. I am right here, right beside you, I am the golden core that now rests within you - a piece of myself I willing give to you, and with it my love, my soul. With this… I give it all to you. Everything that was and became yours so long ago when we met. 

You do not deserve to be held down nor to be held back, unable to walk the bright path that you walked with a joyful laugh and a bounce in your steps once before, before you were forced into another path with no choice. 

You deserve more, so much more.

 You deserve everything. 

 

Live, Wei Ying. Shine until you outshine the sun from the sky, just how you did in my life, you were the brightest sun I had ever seen, I do not wish for that light to ever fade, to ever be snuffed out. Shine fierce and bright, storm through the world like you stormed into my life, a force that cannot be tamed. A heart of kindness and bravery. 

Shine, Wei Ying. 

Live and shine, burn through the world like a blaze of life that will not be caged or tamed. 

Shine and know that I am not gone. I am with you, beside you, alive within you because I gave you a piece if myself that you were missing. You will not be alone.

You are not alone.

Wei Ying. I love you.

Wei Ying. 

I am here,  I am here with you.

Wei Ying.

Always.

   Truly Yours,

           Lan Wangji.