Saturday may 7th 2015

 

I laid in my bed staring at the ceiling listening to the tapping of the window from the rain awaiting to be called down stairs.

 

I fidgeted with my fingers and thought of how the cold seemed to fill up the room. I felt used to the feeling of cold breezing through my room as it had always been cold and nothing different.

 

I heard a knock on my door as I stared at the ceiling.

 

“Amelia please head down” 

 

“I’ll be right there”

 

I got off my bed and began to get dressed in my normal attire which consisted of a black and white striped sweater along with dark black jeans. I styled my hair into two ponytails on my head and made sure my hair covered my eyes.

 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I went downstairs, blank face with my hands at my side.

 

“I told you not to talk to that girl” My mom had said angrily “I was just trying to be nice” I said keeping my composure “you must think i’m stupid….?” she asked, slamming her hands on her desk “no mother” I said sounding anxious “stop acting like I am” she said angrily “fine lie to me see where that gets you…” my mom said.

 

I raised my head, scared of what she could have meant.

 

“She deserves a punishment for being so cruel” my mom said with a smile “take her to the special room” she said with an even wider smile.

 

“Yes ma'am” I heard a voice say behind me 

 

“For being 17 your quite the baby about things like this” my mom said walking over to me “if you had just talked then maybe it wouldn’t of ended up like this” she said caressing my cheek “wait i’m sor-” I said getting cut off “you had your chance and that chance is…over…” she said walking away “you may take her now” she said.

 

I was grabbed and taken away to that room my mom calls special, it’s not special, it's her way of discipline, her way to get us to listen to her every word and fear her every move.

 

I never will fear her ever again, I refuse to let myself even try.

 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The room was cold and had a wet feeling around it, almost like a condensation on a glass from cold water that was left in a warm room, It had a breeze as if a fan that was on low was directly blowing in your face or like a window had been left open and the wind came through slowly.

 

It had this suffocating feel as if you were being closed in slowly or as if someone took a pillow and pushed down on your head, the sound was as if there was a small ringing playing next to your ear or as if someone from a distance was taking a bell and ringing it for hours.

 

The room had the smell of blood and smoke like someone had been dead on the ground for years and is slowly decomposing, the smoke had a stronger scent then the blood like someone was smoking a cigarette or as if someone was setting a fire in a stove.

 

You could hallucinate after sitting there for a long time with no food or water and the same ringing sound playing in your ears gets to mess with you and even mess you up.

 

Staying in there was the easy part, enduring the hallucinations was the hard part.

 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The door opened after what seemed like many hours, my eyes needed to adjust to the sudden light that had flooded my eyes.

 

I walked out of that room with blurry and unfocused vision.

 

My mom pushed me out the door saying “you should go out for a walk after sitting for long”, I find it hard to believe a word she said.

 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It felt cold as if it were snowing or like it could be in the middle of winter. I walked all around the neighborhood until I ended up getting lost.

 

I felt a little annoyed with myself getting lost so easily

 

I ended up running into some friends “AMELIAAA!!!!” he said with open arms to which I screamed from being startled “BRIAN I’M GONNA KILL YOU!” I said looking as if I was gonna punch him “give me a hug” Brian said not caring for a word I said “no you have diseases” I said backing away “says the disease….” Brian said, trying to be cocky  “why you little!” I said, “DILLIAN PROTECT ME!” Brian said, running behind Dillain.

 

“Ugh you have an advantage with your boyfriend” I said annoyed “what's even going on…?” Dillian said genuinely confused “why do you guys always do this” Dillan said face palming “we just love annoying the hell out of you!” Brian said hugging Dillian “ugh get a room lovebirds” I said with a disgusted face “I think we will!” Brian said looking smug “TMI” I said backing away “I don’t want to stay out here forever listening to you too” Dillian said so tiredly “hey!!!!” Brian said as Dillian started to drag him away “Hey wait!!! I’m not done!!!!” Brian said, trying to fight Dillian.

 

I watched them walk away until I couldn't see them anymore, my smile faded and I felt tired all over again.

 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I walked up to my doorstep feeling like a weight had dropped down on my chest. I ended up opening the door knob slowly, there had been no one around that I could see.

 

I closed the door behind me and when I turned around someone was standing in front of me “OH Ash!” I said startled to which they ended up pulling me aside “how does it……feel?” she asked fidgeting with their fingers “how does what feel?” I asked confused “the outside world…?” she asked “nothing special” I said, patting her on the head and walking up the stairs.

 

I lied to them. I lied so that she would stay in one place. I feltt disappointed in myself”.”On one hand I wanted to tell them that there's more out there and she should be more curious about it but on the other hand I wanted to keep it all to myself and not tell anyone so I could feel special”.” I knew how selfish that sounded but when you live in a place where your mom rarely notices you but she allows you certain privileges that can make one feel this sense of pride or happiness”,” like someone does really care.

I cried, I wondered why I was crying over such nonsense, why does it matter so much to me to be special I thought.

I should know much better than to convince myself of such delusions.