The two men sat side by side, listening to the sounds of the ocean. They created a small bubble that shielded them from the outside world and all the trouble it harbored with just the two of them inside. They decided to take as much time as they could for themselves and pretended to be just two ordinary lovers who shut themselves in, hiding from the outside world that constantly threatened to tear them apart. 

 

It’s been a week since the attack happened and they had Ash to look out for any signs of dangerous strangers coming on the island. Although they didn’t admit it they were both anxiously waiting for the moment when their peaceful days would be breached. But in the meantime they tried their best to not waste their shared moments. They were slowly getting to know each other while they were carefully dancing around the dark bottomless pit filled with secrets and instead paid attention to the perishable little things such as their favorite type of food or their hobbies.

 

“Wait, so you want to tell me you know how to fly a helicopter??” Kai asked in surprise, lifting his gaze from the canvas he was currently working on. 

 

They were both sitting on the front porch, enjoying a cup of coffee while Kai decided to paint the view of the sunset that illuminated Lay’s handsome face. 

 

“Mhm,” Lay nodded as he curiously observed each brush stroke Kai made. “My father taught me.” 

 

“Interesting,” Kai noted and immediately avoided the topic of their families. “You know I always wished to be able to fly? I wanted that to be my superpower when I was little.”

 

“Cute,” Lay giggled and immediately shielded himself from the slap on the shoulder Kai gave him for laughing at his silly fantasies.

 

“What would be yours?” 

 

“Mine?”

 

“Yes, your secret superpower,” Kai explained as he mixed a new shade of pinkish color on his palette. 

 

Lay remained silent for a moment, weighing his options. “Probably the ability to find lost things.” 

 

Kai looked up at him with a questioning look, putting aside his paintbrush.

 

“I started thinking about it when I was a teenager and I lost my favorite pair of sunglasses,” Lay chuckled over his childhood memory. “I wished to have the powers to just think of the object and be able to see its exact location.” 

 

“Hm,” Kai thought for a second, carefully considering what Lay just said.

 

“Later I thought it would be useful to be able to even see the people I couldn’t be with at that time,” Lay mumbled with a distant look in his eyes. “Whenever I would like to see them, I would just think of them and-“ he gestured with his hands, as if he was trying to show a window that he would look through to see whoever he was searching for. “Maybe then I could find you sooner.”

 

“What?” Kai frowned, taken aback by that strange statement.

 

“You know. People say we’re always looking for our soulmate. Someone who understands us and see us for whoever we are and not for who everyone else wants us to be,” Lay explained as his eyes searched for something on the horizon. “Someone who accepts us with all our flaws and sees the good in us despite the mistakes we have made.” 

 

“Cheesy,” Kai noted, trying to hide how moved he was by Lay’s words. He was never the one to believe in the word soulmates and honestly thought the existence of such a person is just a fairytale. His wrecked destiny never let him believe that there’s a possibility for him to keep such treasure by his side and even this time he felt like his happiness was being stolen from him. 

 

Kai’s body winced when a strange wet feeling caressed his cheek. He blinked in surprise and turned to look at Lay who wore a mischievous grin on his face. Still in a daze he touched his cheek and looked at his fingers that were stained with purple paint. 

 

“Did you just?” 

 

“You were spacing out,” Lay tried to defend himself but darted away as soon as Kai grabbed one of his brushes and began his revenge attack against him. 

 

“Wait! Wait!” A ringing laughter carried through the air as Lay kept running away from the dreadful weapon Kai wielded. “I can explain!” 

 

“Come here, you coward!” Kai called out as he chased after the dark haired man through their small house. 

 

“Have mercy!” Lay begged him, completely out of breath thanks to the giggles that bubbled in his chest and the constant maneuvering around the tiny space. 

 

They both ended up collapsing onto the bed with numerous splashes of paint all over their faces and arms, gasping for air and their cheeks hurting from smiling too wide. 

 

“What a workout,” Lay managed to say in between his rigid breathing. 

 

“You have no stamina,” Kai pointed out as if he wasn’t the one who was still catching his breath despite them laying down for a good moment already.

 

But he had no time to relax when he yelped in surprise and found himself pinned to the mattress underneath Lay’s body. 

 

“Wanna bet?” Lay asked with a devilish grin and a playful glint in his eyes. 

 

Kai felt sparks flying through the air when their bodies pressed against each other and Lay’s hair tickled him on his cheek as the older man buried his head into the crook of his neck, planting small kisses onto the sun-kissed skin. 

 

“If you keep holding me like this I am going to think you have ulterior motives,” Kai spoke with a quivering voice as the man above him pulled away, his lips parted and curved in a sneaky sexy smile. 

 

“Mmm,” Lay hummed as he lowered himself, keeping their lips just an inch apart. “Maybe I do.” 

 

“I’d say that’s a forbidden strategy,” Kai mumbled, letting his lips softly brush against Lay’s as he spoke. 

 

The air around them got heavy with tension that squeezed the air out of their lungs. 

 

Lay swallowed hard, his eyes glued to the pinkish lips of the man underneath him, his whole body tensing as his mind began to cloud with excitement and anticipation. His eyes widened in surprise when Kai wrapped his hands around the back of Lay’s neck and pulled him closer, making their lips meet in a heated kiss. Kai’s tongue gently lapsed his bottom lip in a teasing manner, testing the waters.

 

Lay’s chest rumbled with a choked moan as he felt his heart trashing inside his ribcage. 

 

“If you’re going to be like this, I am not going to be able to hold myself,” Lay whispered breathlessly. 

 

“Then yield,” Kai ordered gently as he traced Lay’s bottom lip with his thumb with a soft smile playing on his lips. 

 

“Don’t  smile at me like that. You know it drives me crazy,” Lay muttered, his voice hoarse and playfully bit into the tip of Kai’s thumb.

 

Instead of saying anything, Kai ran his hand through his hair and gently grabbed them, giving in to the electricity that charged through his body once their lips met in a wet kiss. This time it was Lay who slipped his tongue into Kai’s mouth, recklessly exploring how far he could go while softly moaning against his lips. 

 

Kai started to undo Lay’s shirt, his hands shaking and struggling with the buttons that kept slipping out of his fingers. 

 

Lay chuckled against his mouth and broke the kiss to quickly pull his shit over his head and tossed it somewhere on the floor before he pulled Kai to sit up so he could do the same for him. He leaned towards him as he cupped his cheeks and hungrily kissed him before he moved his burning lips down his jaw and neck, leaving a wet trace on Kai’s skin. 

 

Leaning his head backwards, Kai let out a shaky moan, his vision getting blurry forcing him to close his eyes so he could focus on Lay’s touches. Lay’s strong rough hands traced curves of his quivering body as they slowly striped every piece of clothing. He couldn’t resist anymore and tugged at Lay’s hair, asking for attention.

 

“What?” Lay looked up from kissing his chest, his face flushed.

 

“Kiss me,” Kai demanded as he felt his blood roaring in his ears, unable to focus on anything apart from the burning desire. 

 

And so their lips met in another heavy breathless kiss. 

 

The kind of kiss that could light up the moonless night with millions of sparks caused by their blazing desire. The kind that lasts forever and takes no time at all. Lay’s hands were everywhere as he held Kai close, holding one of his strongs arms tightly wrapped around his waist. Here and there he broke the kiss only to look Kai in the eyes and to catch his breath. 

 

“I feel like I am going crazy,” he breathed before closing the distance between them once again. 

 

Kai held onto him, wishing he could burn alive in the heat of that moment. He wished to make it last forever because he couldn’t get enough of the man that held him so close that not even a breath of wind could slip in between their bodies. 

 

He felt complete.

Lay lazily played with strands of Kai’s long hair as the younger man laid in his arms, eyes closed. Their naked bodies were pressed together, limbs tangled and their chests still heavy with the strain. The older of the two traced the soft features of Kai’s peaceful face as he slowly leaned closer to leave a small kiss on his shoulder. 

 

“I think I am really losing my mind,” Lay mumbled as he let his forehead rest against Kai’s shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent that was now mixed with a hint of sweat and the smell of sex. He was slowly getting addicted to it and was willing to inhale it until his mind went numb. 

 

“Why?” Kai pried his eyes open to look at the man who held him so close that he felt like he was running a fever from the heat that almost burned his skin. Their bodies were melting together but neither of them felt the need to pull away because they would rather burn to death than risking them being separated. 

 

“Is it not obvious how infatuated I am?” 

 

“What are you saying?” Kai swallowed hard, unsure of whether he was ready to hear whatever Lay was trying to say. 

 

“I have grown to care for you. Deeply,” Lay admitted, still not brave enough to formulate those three words and say them out loud. 

 

Kai remained silent.

 

Hesitant, Lay observed his expression until he was no longer able to keep himself from leaning closer to taste his lips once more as if he was assuring himself that the growing unrest inside his chest was truly caused by the hopeless yearning for the younger man. 

 

When Kai accepted the kiss and slowly brushed his hand through his hair, his body relaxed, feeling more at ease when he knew that his affection won’t be rejected.

 

“You deserve to know,” he mumbled against Kai’s lips, his voice cracking in despair. “Otherwise I might go insane.”

 

“Stop talking,” Kai whispered but didn’t pull away and instead deepened their kiss. His words were contradictory to his hands that traveled across Lay’s naked firm body, trying to explore every possible inch of his skin decorated with deep black ink. 

 

Lay broke the kiss and searched for Kai’s pale eyes as if they held something he could hold onto before he fell into the deep abyss. He was aware that the younger man was resisting what Lay was trying to convey but he still caught a glimpse of the fondness hidden under the veil of hesitancy. 

 

“Let me love you,” he pleaded, trying to hold onto that tiny hope that those eyes harbored the same feelings after all.

 

Kai opened his mouth to speak but his words were caught in a passionate kiss. 

 

“Don’t speak. Just let me love you,” Lay spoke with his lips tracing Kai’s cupid’s bow. 

 

The urge to fight the butterflies swarming in his chest almost made Kai choke as he desperately tried to resist the hopeless longing for more. He wanted to do nothing with what the man was offering yet he wanted all of it. The conflicting emotions rumbling inside him like a blaring thunder soon turned into drizzling summer rain, washing away all his remaining doubts. 

 

“Love me,” Kai whispered on the verge of tears. 

 

“I will,” Lay promised and caressed his cheek with utmost tenderness. “For all that is dear to me in this twisted world… I will.” 

 

I will. 

 

Kai had to blink a few times to wake himself up from the trance. The continuous flashes of memories that rushed through his dispersed mind were keeping him from perceiving the harsh reality once again. Lay’s words echoed through Kai’s head as a reminder that there was once a time he didn’t feel so helpless, although he started to doubt whether all of that actually happened.  He held the letter in his trembling hands, his blurry vision almost failing to recognize the small flower laying on the pillow. The gaping emptiness next to him was supposed to cause his heart to burst in agony yet he held himself numb to what was around him. 

 

I know I am being a coward by leaving you behind like this but I need to keep you safe. 

 

He tried to reason with his aching heart that Lay had his reasons for ending their short lived happiness like this although the sense of betrayal left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. He missed the life he used to have with him right by his side but now he felt as if all the color was drained from the world surrounding him and everything was left in faded out shades of grey. 

 

I will find a way to make things right. And I will come back to you. 

 

Was it too foolish to think that they would fight it together? Until recently he knew that they had to part ways sooner or later. That's why he tried to keep his heart from falling for the man who left his current world in utter chaos. Yet the moment he let his guard down and embraced the free fall he knew he would be caught in his strong protective arms and he wished that no matter what would come their way, they would face it together. 

 

And If I still have the right to ask something from you then I beg you… Don’t forget me. 

 

But how could he forget? The way his warm love felt was burned deep into Kai’s memory together with the pair of obsidian black eyes that could unlock his deepest secrets. 

 

He already lost the notion of how he felt inside. The numbing pain wrecking his throbbing chest was still bearable compared to what he felt whenever he thought of the possibility that he’s never going to see Lay again. Desperately holding onto the feeling of hopefulness, Kai was determined to do whatever it takes to wait until he gets to set his sight onto the man who left his world so suddenly. His characteristic scent that still lingered in the air around him almost gaslighted him into thinking that he might return soon, but deep down he knew that there’s no promise of tomorrow for them.  

 

Kai didn’t even want to phantom how many lonely tomorrows he is going to have to endure until he will find himself wrapped up in the man’s arms once again. Will his heart remain the same? He desperately wanted to believe that it would hold on so they could go back to the way it was as if they were never apart. But how realistic was that when the poisonous sense of treachery already circulated in his veins, clouding his mind with the darkest thoughts. 

 

“I will fucking kill him if I find him!” Ash was fuming while his friend sat on the bed, still in a daze. The sight of the fragile young man who seemed as if his soul left his body only added to Ash’s rage.

 

“We all knew this day would come,” Kai whispered weakly, lifting his teary eyes to look at Ash who kept pacing around the house. He wished to be alone but his friend refused to leave his side, afraid of what would become of Kai if he was left at mercy of his own loneliness.

 

“Yes but not this way!” Ash threw his hands around, cursing at the man. “He’s a fucking coward! He left without saying a single word! Who does that?!”

 

“Ash.” 

 

“Who does he think he is, huh?! I thought we were all close enough to be honest with each other!” 

 

“Ash.” 

 

“Just you wait, bastard! The moment I see you again you’re dead.”

 

“Ash!” 

 

Ash stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Kai who slowly stood up from the bed, his legs barely supporting the weight of his body. 

 

“You’re not helping,” Kai said quietly and folded the letter neatly to be able to place it between the pages of one of his sketchbooks. The stinging sensation in his eyes only increased when he spotted the drawings of Lay’s sleeping face. “We need to wait,” he breathed out shakily, trying to muster up all the courage left in him to try and seem optimistic.

 

“You think he will truly come back?” Ash doubted as he observed his friend’s actions with concern rooted deeply in his eyes.

 

“He has to,” Kai declared with a firm voice. “I won’t let him get away from me this easily.” 

 

The faint determination in Kai’s fragile voice made Ash try to hide his remaining anger. 

 

“So what are you going to do?” he asked as he slowly stepped closer to Kai and pulled him in for a hug. He hoped it was at least a cheap substitute for the embrace his friend was truly longing for. 

 

“I don’t know,” Kai mumbled with his head resting on Ash’s chest. “Just let me be sad for a little longer.”

 

“Of course,” Ash replied, gently patting Kai’s back. “Take all the time you need.” 

 

“You know… I’d like to think that this is all just a bad dream,” Kai admitted as he let himself be held in Ash’s comforting embrace.

 

“It’s gonna get better soon,” Ash comforted his friend and planted a small kiss into his messy hair. They rarely shared such intimate moments but this was one of the times when both of them let down their boundaries in order to hold each other up above the surface. Ash felt so powerless when he noticed Kai’s body was trembling in his arms and he swore on his grave that he would do everything in his power to help Kai back on his feet. No matter how long it would take, he was determined to hold Kai in his arms, shielding him from the wrathful demons prying on his exhausted soul. 

 

Kai was forced to sober up from that sweet oblivion, torn away from the comfort space he created together with Lay who stitched up his teared up heart but still ended up leaving it behind. And now it felt as if all the stitches were torn out, one by one, returning him back to reality.

 

Ash was left to silently curse at the thought of ever considering the merciless man a friend. He once again watched Kai falling into pieces just as all those years ago, but he made it his mission to pick them up one by one and put him back together like a complicated yet beautiful puzzle piece.