WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DEPICTIONS OF SELF-HARM.

Lee drifted in and out of slumber, wracked with guilt and grief. He should have known that not all healing was… good. There would be times in which to save a patient's life, he would have to do things most people couldn’t fathom.

Lee flinched, remembering the final strike of the battle axe and the view of the inside of a man's chest—the pouring of blood, dangling fibrous muscles, and exposed shattered bone. The only solace he felt about the situation was that Edgar wasn’t awake during the final blow.

Long ago, he should have made a spell that dulls, or nulls, pain. He could do it. If he was correct, he only needed to tell a person's nervous system to ignore pain signals. Life magic should be capable of achieving that goal; even if it couldn’t, he would find a way.

Even healing from his own injuries with Healer’s Touch was painful. The white-hot pain of broken bones moving to their correct place and then fusing together was not a pleasant experience.

In the fetal position, Lee opened his bloodshot eyes and scanned the camp. Immediately, his eyes met Em’s; her ruby eyes bore holes into his form. Lee gave up on scanning the rest of camp and rolled over in his furs to face away from Em.

Lee heard her shuffle closer and lay next to him. He felt her cold, gauntleted hand rest upon his shoulder. “I heard what transpired.”

Lee took a deep breath but didn’t respond. Em rubbed his shoulder gently as she tried to find the correct words. “They came looking for you—To thank you for saving them. I told them you were not well.”

After a few seconds of silence, Em continued on. “You did what had to be done. That man would be dead without you... I wouldn’t have thought of a solution in time. I would have failed them—especially the woman.”

Lee remembered the woman he cured with Miraculous Return—the woman who was left to turn to stone against the wall. Forgotten, thrown away, unsavable.

Lee rolled over and lay flat on his back, staring into the orange sunkissed sky. “Do you know her name?” He asked.

Em withdrew her hand and nodded. “Angellica, Edgar’s sister. Their father was in the room. They’re a family of adventurers.”

Lee rubbed his bloodshot eyes, then glanced at Em. “They’re all family?”

She nodded as she reached over and grabbed a wooden plate, gently placing it next to Lee. He saw it had some toasty buttered bread, eggs, and sausages. “They are. The eggs are not Kooco’s.”

Lee sat up and numbly ate the food. Em watched on in silence. When he picked through half of his meal, Lee asked a question. “Is it common to be an adventurer, Em? There are so many. Even in this small village. They all risk their lives?”

Em added some logs to their fire. “It’s not uncommon. There are many who wish to get their class and professions. To be something more. Many of them die before they get there, and that’s the risk they all are willing to take. You underestimate the spirit of a person.”

Em sat down beside Lee to block the billowing bonfire smoke from blowing into him. “Everyone is born with at least one ability, Lee. They know what is possible from the start. They gain skills—some useful, some not. They see the possibility of what could be and strive to get it. Some think, ‘I’ll get to level five, then I will be done.’”

Em shook her head, a frown appearing on her face. “They never stop. Even in Breye, some left to gain their class. When they returned, they eventually left again to reach for more. I never saw them again.”

Lee listened as he ate. It made sense. He had never really thought about it that way. Everyone he passed on the road had their own lives, goals, and ambitions—He had it easy.

He also had questions and choices to make.

“Em. I have a class quest that rewards five hundred XP for healing five thousand health. I could complete it over and over again by hurting myself. Do you think other people do that? Am I wasting my potential?”

Em’s frown grew, and she spoke seriously. “Do you want me to tell you the truth, Lee?”

Lee nodded and prepared to hear what he knew to be true,

“People do that. People consider those types of repeatable class quests to be the best. Of course, they differ from yours in many ways but function the same. You are squandering the gifts that have been given to you. Do you think people don’t hurt others to get what they want? Do you think other healers with similar quests haven’t repeatably tortured those weaker than them to heal their wounds over and over again? It happens and will continue to happen for power.

Tell me, if you were an orphan and hated by all those in your small village, would you not seek strength to change your situation in life? Would you not do all you could to be the best you could be? for a brighter future? A safer future?

Pain is temporary, power is everlasting, and levels are safety.”

Lee sat there in silence, taking in the information. Em gave him a slight smile and spoke again. “It both pains and pleases me to know that you thought of self-harm before harming others. I am no stranger to self-harm.”

Em tapped her metallic body with a sorrowful smile, eyes remembering the past. “This metallic body of mine was not always so. Pain and suffering made this body of mine. I did what I could to secure my safety from those willing or wanting to harm me.

Your path is similar, yet different.

You wish to become stronger for others. To be able to heal grisly wounds with ease, and to be powerful enough to ensure nobody dies. Stopping the harm from happening in the first place. I see it in you and know your pain comes from the heart. It is the worst type of pain to endure because it’s not physical. It wears you down little by little until you eventually snap. You either break, or you come out stronger.”

Em stared off into the distant village and watched people come and go. Lee looked up at her, emboldened by her speech. She didn’t stutter. She wasn’t nervous. She was speaking from her heart. Em slid her eyes down toward Lee and flashed him a vicious grin. “You will come out stronger. You won’t break.”

Lee rose from his furs and walked up to Em. He gazed up into her ruby-red eyes, then hugged her with all his might. His face was buried into her abdomen. The sudden hug took Em aback, but ever so slowly, she dipped down and unsurely hugged him back.

After a few seconds, Lee broke away and rubbed his moist eyes. “Thank you, Em… Just… Thank you.”

Em squeezed his shoulder. “You saved me during troubling times. I am returning the favor. Plus, I need you to create more spells for me to steal. I can’t have you wasting away on me.”

Lee snorted and sat back down on his furs, feeling much better than he had previously. Lee checked his mana, looking to get started on some much-needed improvements.

It must have been a few hours since the emergency, as Lee had almost fully recovered his mana. After doing some mental math, it took a little over three hours.

Lee looked through his Hidden Cache and found a belt knife in his pile of belongings. He did a quick mental double-take, finding that there were two. He remembered buying a belt knife for his trip through the Shadowgrove, but the other was a mystery.

Lee withdrew both of them from his Hidden Cache, and upon seeing the mystery knife, a smile crept onto his face. It was Neia’s knife. The one she had given him to use against the goblins during their initial trek to Neldam. He never gave it back…

It was also the knife he killed his first monster with. The day he found out that monsters would heal from touching him. He had frantically plunged this knife into a goblin in fright and panic.

Yeah. This will be the one.

Lee put his travel knife away and held onto Neia’s knife. It was a normal-looking knife—sharp but simple, but it would do.

Lee held a hand to his chest and summoned life mana, attempting to create a spell that would numb someone against pain. He willed the mana to target the nervous system, a tricky and possibly extremely dangerous task, but one he was attempting anyway. He wanted his mana to keep everything intact, just make it so that all of the pain reception was, in simpler terms, turned off.

Silvery white life mana coated his entire being instantly and slowly seeped into his skin, giving Lee an almost glowing appearance. Once the glow faded, Lee didn’t notice any difference.

Lee read through his new spell and found it perfect for his needs. Five minutes seemed excessive, but maybe it would be useful in battle. There were risks with using it in battle, as there were obvious downsides to not being able to feel pain in combat. Not knowing when you’ve been hurt was a fine example.

Having not checked his class quest in a while, Lee decided to see if this would actually work.

Lee grabbed Neia’s knife and plunged it into his exposed forearm, down to the hilt. The knife slid between his bones and came out the other side of his arm. He stared at it for a moment before he read his prompt.

Lee felt no pain and watched as blood started to pool around the wound. Lee slid the knife out of his arm, and within a second, it was as if he wasn’t stabbed at all—if you ignored the small amount of blood.

Lee stared blankly at the prompt and clenched his eyes closed. He would have to complete this quest ten times to level up, and that included that he was already halfway to level twenty-two. If he were at the start of a level, he would have to complete the quest twenty times. That would be one hundred thousand damage to level up once.

It would take a while, but Lee had all the time in the world.