I follow Jessica closely as she scouts the place. The doors aren't locked, which is good for us.

"Don't we need a warrant?" I belatedly whisper to Jessica.

"Not for an obviously abandoned lot, no," she whispers back, "That's for places the official owners actually care about. Tested in court, even. Now shush."

The grass is unmowed, the garden is nothing but weeds, half of the windows are broken, and the paint is peeling. The house has clearly had no upkeep in quite some time. But it's otherwise nice enough from the outside; a little two story affair on a quarter acre. I hit the door with a Knock spell as Jessica reaches for it, and thanks to Divine Providence, hit a DC 35. Front door locks aren't generally "amazing," so it opens when the detective tries it. The hinges complain, however.

I've been maxing out Perception, and Divine Providence applies, so my hearing is very good, and when they react by drawing their weapons, I count them.

"I hear five bogeys," I whisper to Jessica, "And I’m pretty sure I can get them all with no fatalities or long term damage. May I?"

The real cop sighs, "Beats calling SWAT. Fine, but no killing. No dying, either. Twins with identical prints is a curiosity, especially when only one body is available to confirm; triplets would make national headlines with two corpses in the morgue for confirmation."

I can hear exactly where they are, and they can't see me, so I figure this will be like shooting fish in a barrel. "No problem," I whisper back. I don't plan to die today.

I know exactly where they are from the sound of their breathing… but that doesn't mean I know my way around the house. Still, the place isn't exactly a maze. Houses generally only have one way to go to any given place, and these folks seem to be waiting in the master bedroom on the ground floor. I sneak through the living room, and pause at the door. If I open it, they'll know I'm here.  I could teleport past via Dimension Hop, but that requires line of sight. Hmm… Maybe if it's subtle they won't notice?

… no, I don't know what the other side of this door looks like. I would need at least the color. A window, though…

I cast Spider Climb, and exit through a nearby window via Dimension Hop. I then calmly and invisibly walk to the master bedroom's window, peek in, and Dimension Hop into the room that way.  I see five guys neatly dressed in cheap suits, staring intently at the door, weapons drawn, from behind furniture scattered around the room.  There's a table with an abandoned card game. These dudes have been here a while, and clearly mean business… but so do I.

They're all watching the same direction, which is perfect for me. I get behind an old bed so they can't see me, and do something illegal: Impersonate an officer. Jessica, specifically. I cast Disguise Other on myself, pretending to be her (Invisibility will fall with the first attack I make anyway). I then snipe with Admonishing Ray.

Now, Admonishing Ray is pretty low value in the game. A good chunk of the enemies are immune to nonlethal damage, and that’s all it does. But it's no save, and I can pretty much auto-hit, auto-crit, and maximize the dice. 48 points of nonlethal damage drops the first guy trivially.

I realize my mistake when his gun loudly clatters to the ground: Everyone can hear it. I should have opened with Silence. These guys are fast, and skilled. I take five hits from the four guys still standing before I can finish ducking behind cover… which all splatter harmlessly against my skin. Well, OK, I’m going to need a new outfit. But I am SO glad I took Metal(Adamantine) from a theoretical CR 2 Animated Object. Hardness 20 is great. As long as they don't crit, I should be fine.

Which also means I need to NOT try to Superman through a hail of gunfire. Even if it would crush their spirits.

So I snipe again. I knock another goon out with Admonishing Ray, and soak two more bullets (most miss) when I show my face long enough to cast. I take three hits after my third round sniping, and when I come up for a third… the remaining two goons are high-tailing it… and I hear a "Halt!" and their guns clattering to the ground in the living room.

Right, the real Jessica is out there.  And her invisibility probably lapsed by now. And those guys are probably terrified of the lady who can apparently glare people to death while soaking gunfire. Jessica looks exactly like me right now, after all. And… ew, that smell.

I drop my disguise and renew my invisibility, walking out to see the scene.

Jessica has the two goons face down on the (very dirty) living room floor, and she's cuffing them. There's a very disgusted look on her face, and I can see why. The goons soiled their trousers when they saw her ahead of them. Guess that convinced them running was pointless.

I whisper to her, "Three goons unconscious in the master bedroom, we have hours before they wake up, but they'll be perfectly fine within two days at most. I was using your face, sorry I didn't think to clear that with you beforehand."

The detective doesn't respond, and simply reads them their rights as she crinkles her nose:

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in court. You have the right to talk to a lawyer for advice before we ask you any questions. You have the right to have a lawyer with you during questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed for you before any questioning if you wish. If you decide to answer questions now without a lawyer present, you have the right to stop answering at any time."

That done, she pulls out her phone, and calls for a pickup.  That done, she orders the goons: "Stay down," and whispers to me, "What happened in there?" while still holding her phone to her ear. Clever girl.

"I goofed up. I put on your face as a contingency plan, but plan A was dropping them all from behind, which didn't work out:  The first guy collapsing clued in the rest. So they opened fire. I took a few hits, which splashed off my skin thanks to a defensive measure I picked up at level two: I need to clean up and change my my shirt, but I'm not even scratched. They broke and ran after I dropped goon number three."

"So what, you just stood there while they shot at you?" She's whispering, but her voice is quite hard.

"I was trying to dodge behind cover, but these guys are good shots."

"But they saw 'me' get hit?"

"Yes. And then you were in front of them after they ran…"

She sighs, "So I need to order a new vest."

"But…"

"They're officially rated for one shot. And they do that well, but you'll still feel like you took a hit from a major league pitcher's fastball. If you're lucky and the shots are spaced out they might hold for more than that, but after even a single hit, they need to be replaced. And I need to be checked out at the hospital for broken ribs." She takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly, "Which they'll need to find.  I am not looking forward to that sparring session."

"Why…"

"Because if I get a rep for being immortal, everyone will want to prove I'm not. If I'm laid up for a few weeks, it's less of a problem. So how'd you take them down?"

"A magic spell…"

"I figured that. What's the doctor who examines them going to say?"

How does nonlethal damage map? "…I have NO idea."

"OK, I'll need to have James get me their report so I can concoct a suitable after action report. And as soon as we're in private, we'll need to spar."

"Wait, we?"

"As in you and me, yes. My chest needs to be nothing but bruises and cracked ribs for this story to fly."

"I can disguise you to look…"

"Will that fool an X-Ray machine?"

"... probably not. OK. Can I at least fix you up after the exam?"

"That would be welcome, yeah." She lets out another long breath.

"I'm sorry."

Jessica sighs again, and her voice softens, "It's OK. You did exactly what you said, and I'm sure it'll be good to get those thugs off the street, even if it's just until they make bail." Her voice hardens again, "But you WILL do what I say, and help with cleanup."

"Yes Ma'am." This lady is legitimately terrifying.

Jessica places a few more calls, and James arrives as they're loading the three unconscious thugs into ambulances.

"Tell me what happened," is how James responds to the scene.

"Our little conundrum is growing fast. Fill you in fully later. For now, 'I' was ambushed by five thugs with guns, and won without firing a shot."

James picks up on that, "The suits getting loaded into the ambulances?"

"And two that surrendered after running away and finding I was already ahead of them."

James whistles, "Yeah, fill me in once we're clear of ears.  Your place or mine?"

"Mine, please. I need to go to the station for some release papers for our conundrum, and visit a hospital to get checked out. I'll want to limit travel for a while."

"But you're…"

"Running on an adrenaline high. 'My vest' soaked some hits."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I thought…"

"Ears."

"Right."

OK, so I know I'm the conundrum, but it's interesting to watch these two communicate in shorthand.

James lets out a breath, and says, "I don't envy you that checkup.  Catch you in a few hours."

"Yep, time to go," Jessia concludes, and heads to her car.  I meet her inside, without opening the door.