So how do I solve the hospital's problem? My first thought is to rig the court case - maybe Suggest to the judge and jury that the idiot's 1st amendment rights to worship whoever he wants don't override the hospital employees' rights to worship whoever they want and speak their minds, maybe that praying for a person doesn't qualify as a medical procedure … but then I would be mind-controlling people who haven't done anything bad, simply because they might do something I don't like. I don't want to go down that path.  Plus the courts take like a year to get anything done.

Of course, a church is allowed to pray for whoever they want. And Hear Prayers lets me talk back to my worshipers; Manifest Divinity even lets me show up. And of course, everyone getting spells from me must take time to pray. Pity I can still only be in one place at a time. I mean, I'll eventually be able to do some cool tricks with the Body Outside Body spell, but not now. For now I'm limited to mass copies of my familiar… who can hide as a ring, has some pretty impressive power when working with my worshipers, and reasonable casting even in sprite form; she has access to 3rd level spells from all lists at this point.  That's because she's a Sprite from Final Fantasy d20; a lowly one hit die creature that's a Full Caster by the universal monster rules in that system… which is based on hit dice, and familiars are treated as having as many hit dice as their master. Despite the name, it's not a full casting progression - more like a bard's speed on spell acquisition - but it permits spells from any list… which includes remove disease. Which is, of course, a really big ticket spell for a hospital.  And I previously loaded Minnie up with all spells, she just can't cast most of them yet.

I really should leverage this for the good of everyone. And more worshipers for me. Not that I benefit from worship, currently. 

So I have a chat with Minnie. She's going to have a mission of spreading my church, right in line with her Dedicated Purpose as an intelligent magic item… for convenience of travel, I have her in ring form.  

I spend a long time focusing on Hear Prayers and Perceive Followers: The first to identify worshipers, the second to see where they are. For each, I cast a quick Duplicate Familiar, and the new Minnie duplicates Greater Teleport to appear in front of the soon-to-be priest(ess). I watch the first via Perceive Followers; a young woman in a college dorm by the name of Francine….

While she is sitting there praying, a simple gold ring appears on the desk in front of her. The Korean-looking woman, her eyes closed, doesn't notice. So Minnie resumes her sprite form, and whispers, "You have been chosen, Francine."

The college girl opens her eyes, and sees the little miniature me with long pointed ears and butterfly wings standing on her desk.

She blinks, "Are you real?"

Well, at least she's not screaming. 

Minnie chuckles, "As real as you are. I'm a manifestation of the power of my master, the goddess Chris. Blessed be his name. You have been chosen to be one of the founding members of his priesthood.  You have already been blessed with his power, and I am here to help and guide you in establishing a church in his name. Do you accept your mission?"

She blinks again, "So I literally have a mission from the goddess?"

"Yes. And one of his servants to support you in it.  I can perform minor Miracles as needed for the purpose, and I can contact Chris directly if something big is needed.”

“I… this is a lot to take in.  Um.  OK.  I’ll do it.  But ah… does that mean I’m going to have you hovering over my shoulder all the time or something?”

Minnie smiles, “Nope.  Just wear me.”

“What do you…” she trails off as the copy of Minnie takes on her ring form.  

Francine picks Minnie up, and puts her on her right hand.  Minnie adjusts slightly to fit.  While I can’t hear it, the Telepathy spell I have on Minnie lets them talk silently… but I know everything Francine does about the situation (thanks to Perceive Followers), Minnie is a fragment of me, and we spoke about what I want to happen, so I have a pretty good idea how it’s going: Minnie is coaching Francine on the sorts of things she can do, when she can do them, and (just as importantly) the kinds of things she won’t do and the situations where she can’t act.  

In ring form, Minnie can cast Limited Wish at will - which has a lot of uses - but can only do so when it somehow defends my worshipers or interests.  As Francine is one of my worshipers, Minnie can easily intervene if Francine gets mugged: Blasting the mugger with Disintegrate and turning him into fine ash, twisting him into a literal rat with Baleful Polymorph, or getting Francine gone with Greater Teleport?  All easily qualifies as defending my worshiper.  Minnie can likewise “defend” Francine against things like hunger, exposure, injury, or poverty - so if she’s hungry, Limited Wish can duplicate a Bountiful Banquet spell and feed her (as well as quite a few other people, if they don’t take more than an hour at eating); if she’s cold, Endure Elements or Life Bubble are fine choices; if she’s hurt, the massive recovery that is the Heal spell is within range of Limited Wish thanks to it being on the Adept spell list; if she’s not going to be able to make rent and get tossed out on the street, Limited Wish can also duplicate the Fabricate spell - and as an item effect, there’s no material components, much like when I do it - for something she can sell easily.  But it has to be when defending my worshipers or interests in some way.  If someone else is getting mugged right in front of Francine?  As a ring, Minnie can’t do anything about it… until the mugger becomes a threat to Francine, which may happen if Francine gets the mugger’s attention by, say, hitting him with a rock.

In sprite form, Minnie can cast spells of up to 3rd level from any list with no particular restrictions - and thanks to obscure prestige classes like Trapsmith, that covers an amazing amount of ground - but it’s not at will: Minnie has a limited number of magic points to spend before she has to rest and recover them. Additionally, Minnie can’t bypass components when casting in this way, so some spells are expensive.  But she also has a massive buff list from me before the duplication - MY massive buff list - including my Profane Gift and the associated Shapechange effect. So she can turn into a large dragon and turn a mugger into mincemeat, irrespective of who’s getting mugged.  She can likewise use that form to carry Francine if needed.  But while not a ring, Minnie’s strongest active ability - the Limited Wish - is locked away.  She’s still buffed up out the wazoo - shooting Minnie in the face isn’t going to accomplish much - but her strongest active ability is locked.

And of course: Minnie is MY familiar: a fragment of my mind and soul placed into congealed light.  She has my sense of morality, my general goals, my view on the world.  Regardless of which form she happens to be in, Minnie is not going to do anything I’d find abhorrent. She’s not going to create undead abominations, she’s not going to mind control innocent people, she won’t participate in thefts, and so on. She might reflect my warped sense of justice from time to time, though.

Letting the copy of Minnie take care of things, I withdraw my senses from Francine, and start distributing copies in earnest. A move action to focus on a worshiper, a swift action from me to cast Duplicate Familiar, a standard action from the copy to Greater Teleport to the worshiper; another move action (from Mythic Haste) to focus on another worshiper, my standard action to cast Duplicate Familiar again, and a standard action from the copy to Greater Teleport to the worshiper.  Two deployed every six seconds, twenty every minute, one thousand two hundred an hour.  I spend eight hours doing this, setting nearly ten thousand copies of Minnie loose on the world to plant churches of me, which will soon be able to replace hospitals for most medical emergencies.  

After that, it’s time for another milking … but I can’t safely dump the stuff, I have no idea who to feed it to, and I’ve got no more room in the fridge.

Umm.

Short term I use Fabricate to get a second giant fridge, but… that’s a short term solution.  I can’t keep doing that, and even with refrigeration milk spoils eventually.

As I hook myself up to the milking machine and turn it on, I consider… hmm… that feels nice… maybe give it to my priests?  Have them give it out as something like communion, empowering my worshipers… thousands and thousands of people, all drinking my milk… I get stuck on that fantasy, picturing people drinking directly from my massive milk makers, taking turns, over and over again, while the machine works on me.  Unlike most times I’m on the milking machine, I actually go off twice with this one.  I guess the fantasy really resonates with me.

And while I’m sure direct drinking doesn’t scale significantly, I’m already making a bunch of bottles. And I can summon hound archons to do delivery, as they have Greater Teleport at will.  Yes, that will do.

As I’m cleaning up, I spy Jessica walking in through the open door, wearing her usual lack of morning attire and carrying a coffee mug.  She greets me, “Good morning sweetness.  I’m out of creamer, mind if I have some of yours?”

“Go for it beautiful.  I’ve got more than I know what to do with, to the point where I’m thinking about integrating drinking the stuff into the church I’m starting.”

“Sounds good,” She pours some of my milk into her coffee, and drinks up, “Anyway, I’ve got to get to work.  See you later.”

“See you.”

Jessica gets dressed and heads out.