Isn’t it strange

The more solid life seems

The quicker it slips away?

~Arch

 

Claire’s new companion was strange. She had yet to figure out what to call them and when they talked, Claire had been forced to rely on terms like ‘you’ and ‘Bot’ to address them. She had never seen a bot like them. Their lithe form was a far cry from the walking tanks covered in guns and plates of armor usually shown in movies. Their carapace didn’t even leave any of the synthmuscle exposed, covering every inch of their frame. The incredible detail of the joints was almost a work of art to her eye. Their whole presence sang of pure function and utility. Nothing was afforded for beauty, but somehow their companion had attained a strange form of it. Broad shoulders and long limbs echoed of a Greek hero and their stride as they followed Claire through the early dawn was pure liquid grace. The bot seemed to float across the ground, not making a sound. 

 

Claire felt she should probably be panicking. Waking to the sounds of people tearing her apartment apart had been the scariest moment in her life; she had been paralyzed with fear. Then she’d seen Bot fighting that huge man. Bot seemed to flow around the man like he had been trying to grab the air, and in an instant Bot had taken his life. The past week seemed like a dream, entirely detached from the rest of Claire’s life. She felt she should panic, but it seemed she had run out of fear to give.

 

Claire hadn’t been sure what to do as she and Bot fled the scene. Her only connection was Natalia, but Claire still wasn’t sure when Nat would contact her. Nat seemed genuinely concerned, but who knew how long it would take for her to make it back to the North-West coast. She had decided to just get out and start walking, not being able to stay in her apartment with all the dead now littering it. Taking a go bag she had gotten ready a few days prior, they had wandered the dark streets of the low-end suburb. Claire wasn’t so badly off that she had to live anywhere truly dangerous, but she still felt safer having Bot with her out in the dark. 

 

Trash littered the street here and there, old food containers and rotting bits of food. Occasionally one of the many homeless could be seen curled up wherever they could find some small shelter. Those who didn’t have work with the corporation and hadn’t been indentured led a tough life in a city like this. It was early fall, and the rains had just started back up. Even as they walked, a light mist filled the streets. Stopping next to a hoload, Claire turned to her companion as they strode through the mist. The vibrant light diffused through the vapor, giving the deep blue of their carapace an ethereal look. 

 

“We’re a good distance away from home, I’d say. You probably heard me get in contact with Natalia. I think my best plan is to try and meet up with her. Do you know anywhere safe to take us until Nat gets in contact?” Claire asked, her voice soft.

 

“Yes, Ms. Bridgewell. I know of several safe-houses that would provide safety for up to three days. I can take us to the closest one if you wish,” Bot responded stiffly; it seemed unwilling to look directly at Claire, instead standing stiffly next to her. Still slightly put off by the bot’s formality, Claire told it to lead the way.

 

A twenty-minute walk through a dizzying maze of alleys and side streets delivered them to a nondescript house wedged between a small park and an apartment block. As Bot held the handle for a moment before opening the door, the sound of several large locks opening was loud in the dawn silence. The interior was mostly barren; an unused couch was against the back wall of the single room condo, a holo projector mounted to the ceiling above it for entertainment.

 

 There was no serious equipment to be seen and no real decorations to speak of. It looked like a new building ready to be shown to buyers right down to the fake fruit bowl on the side table. Bot made their way over to an empty wall after securing the door behind them. With a quick gesture, a section opened, revealing a small closet that was filled with several weapons and bags. Bot pulled out one of the small black duffel bags and after sifting around inside, pulled out several meal bags and a pile of silvery wrapped bars. 

 

“You’ve not eaten in nearly twelve hours, Ms. Bridgewell. I recommend you try to do so and sleep more while you wait for Ms. Sokolov to contact you.” The calm nonchalance of Bot’s voice grated on Claire this time. Perhaps it was due to the acknowledgment of how long Bot had been following her. Trying not to let it show, Claire accepted the offered food bags.

 

“Thanks, Bot. I’ll do that.” Seating herself on the surprisingly comfortable couch, Claire looked at her options. The prepackaged meals seemed fit to survive the apocalypse; various seals and instructions on how to open them covered much of the packaging. There was spaghetti with meatballs, scrambled eggs and ham, and jalapeno pork tacos. Deciding on the taco meal, Claire set the others aside and pulled the first handle, setting it down for thirty seconds as the packaging instructed. She watched as it visibly heated itself, plumping up slightly.  Pulling the second tab, she opened it and slid out the tray. 

 

An entire taco platter fitted out with a pile of beans and rice made her drool. Glancing up, she saw Bot still crouched down by the duffel bag. They had gone through a few of the food bars as evidenced by the now empty silver wrappers and it seemed they had removed their faceplate, which was balanced on Bot’s thigh. Claire was a little surprised; most bots didn’t need any form of sustenance, and she didn’t know of any that removed their carapace for anything other than maintenance. 

 

“Why don’t you come eat with me? No need to stay crouched on the floor,” Claire asked softly. 

 

“I don’t wish to make you uncomfortable, Ms. Bridgewell. I usually eat in this manner.” The bot’s voice was much more natural without their mask; deep, but not quite manly, it was rich even used stiffly as it was. 

 

“Why would I be uncomfortable? It seems more uncomfortable to eat separately like this if we’re going to be working together.”

 

 “When I have worked with humans before, they found it distressing to see me with pieces of carapace removed, but I’ll eat with you if that is your wish.” Gathering up the last couple food bars, Bot turned to face Claire. Bot’s face stunned her. Instead of the assembly of sensors and dark synthmuscle she had been expecting, Bot’s face was decidedly human. Their pale creamy skin was nearly perfect, only marred by a dark bruise forming along their cheek. Haunting blue eyes met Claire’s for a moment before glancing away, like Bot was embarrassed to be looked at. Their face was elegant with high cheekbones, a delicate brow, and a strong jaw. It was so dissonant with the image of the automaton dedicated to extreme violence from earlier that Claire wasn’t really able to react until Bot had settled down next to her and stiffly resumed eating their protein bars with efficient bites.

 

“I didn’t expect you to look so… handsome” Claire blushed when she realized what she had said and turned back to eating her food. Bot quickly finished their meal of grey protein bars and after a moment turned to look at Claire. As they still hadn’t placed their face mask back on, Claire could feel those incredible eyes on her. 

 

“No one has ever said something like that to me before. I must apologize, I don’t know the proper way to reply.” Seated so closely to her, Bot’s warm voice took on a breathy quality. 

 

“That’s okay, I didn’t think there are many rules of etiquette for this kind of situation. Is there anything you’d like me to call you? If we’re going to be together for a while, Bot seems a little degrading.” 

 

“My designation used to be 63-C-1453, but the enforcers I would work with usually just called me 14. Would that be more pleasing?” Their eyes still burrowed into Claire as she finished the last of her meal before replying. 

 

“If it is what you want to be called, I guess it would work. You say you’re free now, right? If you’re your own person, why not choose a name?” With that, Claire’s companion looked at her feet, brow furrowed in thought, armored hands clasped in her lap. Leaning back against her side of the couch Claire watched her new protector think. The question seemed to weigh heavily on them.

 

In the brighter light of the safe house, Claire was able to get a better look at her protector. Their broad shoulders hunched as they rested their elbows on their knees. The now dark grey armor on their back seemed so intricately detailed it was hard for Claire to take it all in. The metallic surface seemed to blend into the little grooves of their muscular back like the snuggest body suit. Nearly invisible seams flexed and flowed as small movements made the synthmuscle underneath flex. The shoulder plates were slightly less fitted, extended to provide coverage of the neck from the sides and rear. The smooth surface seemed to shimmer under the light. Their whole body was similarly fitted with incredible detail. It would almost be revealing if not for the androgyny of its wearer. A path of scrapes and scratches radiating away from the armor’s chest showed hints of a deep carbon black beneath whatever coating allowed for its impressive color changing. Looking even closer Claire could see more seams and subtle ridges along the arms, chest, and legs where small compartments were hidden. Claire wondered what sort of surprises they might hold for an enemy. What might have been deployed against her.

 

The sudden voice startled Claire as Bot started to speak, even more soft and stilted than usual but growing more confident as they went. “I have a memory. From before all this, I think. In that memory a man called me Thea, Theadora. I think I would like that name, Ms. Bridgewell.” The hesitant statement surprised Claire, who blushed slightly, realizing she had gotten caught staring. Meeting their eyes, Claire could see the emotion welling up in Thea. See how they expected Claire’s revulsion. 

 

“That sounds nice. I’ll call you Thea if you’ll call me Claire? I’ve never been one for formality.” Thea looked away again, not able to hold the intense eye contact, and bit their lower lip, nodding their agreement. Claire spoke again a moment later. “I realized I’ve been thinking of you as feminine. It lines up with your name, but is that what you’d like me to use to refer to you?” The question again seemed to stun Thea before she looked back at Claire. Her eyes again deep wells of emotion barely evident on her face. 

 

“I’m not sure Ms. Br-- er, Claire. It felt really nice when you said that, but I'm not even human. Would that be right?” Thea asked, their face lined with doubt.

 

“Thea, you’re as much a person as I am. You have every right to be who you want to be. Whether that’s a woman, or something else, I can’t make that decision for you, but it’s absolutely your right to decide as far as I’m concerned,” Claire said. The mixture of fear and hope etched on Thea’s face pulled at Claire’s heart. She had only known the bot for an hour, but she couldn’t ignore the intensity of the moment. They rested their face in their hands, a small shudder running through their body.

 

“I... I’d really like that, Claire. I think I want to be a woman, if I can. I know I didn’t always look this way, I didn’t always have this body. It feels so wrong now. I was never allowed to think about it before, but everything about me is so wrong,” Thea said, her voice muffled and uneven. Her body continued to shake as a flood of new emotion rushed through her.

 

“I’m so sorry, Thea, that’s so awful. I know you’re going to be an incredible woman. Having the wrong body is a terrible burden and I can only imagine how terrible it must be having your body taken away. Is there anything we could do right now?” Claire asked as she rested a hand on Thea’s shoulder. The carapace was warmer than Claire had expected, and incredibly smooth. They sat in silence for a long moment, long enough for Claire to worry Thea might not have heard her.

 

“There is… I think I have one thing I can try,” Theah said quietly.

 

“Then you should,” Claire returned, offering Theah her most reassuring smile. Thea nodded back her face betraying her nerves. Then her face seemed to soften and flow. The hard lines of her jaw and brow receding in and her cheeks softening. Short cropped dark hair grew rapidly until it fell past Thea’s ear’s in a clean undercut. Right before Claire’s eyes Thea molded her face into that of a woman’s. The sudden shift stunned Claire. Thea’s lips filled in, becoming soft and plump and suddenly Claire couldn’t take her eyes away from them.

 

“What do you think?” Theah asked. The question shook Claire from her reverie, she felt herself blush as she realized she had been caught staring.

 

“You… You look incredible Thea. You’re beautiful,” Claire said, and it was the truth. Claire delighted in the subtle blush that her comment earned. The shift to the new feminine features gave Thea an allure that Claire hadn't felt moments before.

 

“Thank you Claire. When I broke free I can’t say I imagined that you would be taking care of me,”

 

“I think treating you as a person is the least I can do, considering I’d be dead if not for you. Thank you for that, Thea. I know that it must have been risky for you to resist your orders. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to break free. The document I found was about that: how they control the sentient bots. It sickened me.” 

 

Thea nodded, “It was... unpleasant.” Thea slid her faceplate back on at the change of subject. The smooth metallic surface built to deflect blows replaced the soft femininity of her face. It seemed she was done talking for now. Thea stood up, and glanced over at Claire. 

 

“I should see to my equipment and do a sweep of the area. I can’t allow my combat readiness to fall any further and continue to keep you secure. You’re safe here and I won’t leave the building. Anything is safe to use, but I would recommend you not enter that room.” Thea gestured at a metal door just into the hallway.

 

“Why is that?” Claire asked. 

 

“This is a black site, which is why it was safe for us, no monitoring. That room is for interrogating detainees.” Claire shuddered, realizing the true use of this house. She had heard of the rumors of people being tortured by corporate secret police, but it had always seemed like a crazy conspiracy. Thea’s serious tone left no room to doubt what this place was. Stalking off on long legs, Thea disappeared down the hallway, and with the sound of a door being opened and shut, Claire was alone. The silence of the morning surrounded her as she stretched out on the couch. The pressure of the last hour was starting to lift, giving her time for introspection. A nauseating wave of panic and dread flooded Claire as the enormity of everything washed over her. She’d known she would be putting her life in danger, trying to steal away the information she had, but facing the reality was terrifying. 

 

Pulling her arms tight around herself, Claire tried to force her breathing to slow as she felt herself begin to hyperventilate. Taking slow shuddering breaths, she did her best to force the images of the battle in her apartment out of her head, the sounds of the people dying. How the big man had gasped and cried as he died in the end. Hot tears stung her eyes as she teetered on the edge of a complete panic attack, sharp frustration biting inside her. It had been years since she had an attack and this wretched week was going to pull her under. Her mind whirled as the dread pulled her deeper.

 

Warm arms surrounded Claire, pulling her tight against a hard body; soft heat radiated from it, flooding into her. Claire felt her tears pressed between her face and the solid heat as she was pulled in tight. Her shaking slowed as she leaned into the hug, desperately holding onto something real enough to pull her from the waking nightmare. Finally, reality started to come back into focus, the blur of anxious memories slipping away. 

 

“It’s alright, Claire. You’re in shock, I’ve got you. Just breath. I’ve got you.” Thea had pulled Claire into her lap, holding her against her chest as Claire had curled in on herself. Thea’s soft voice continued to murmur quiet comforts into her ear as her body loosened. Relaxing into Thea’s warm form beneath her. The warmth and security made Claire’s eyes heavy as the exhaustion hit her. An entire week’s sleep-debt coming to collect. Giving in, Claire let herself slip away.

 

When Claire woke, it took her long moments to push through the confusion of waking up in a strange place. She was tucked in tightly with soft blankets and her head resting on another identical rolled-up blanket. Her raven hair was splayed about herself from her tossing in the night. Cracking her eyes open, she peered through her veil of hair and spotted Thea standing next to the couch. Her lithe armored figure was at a stiff attention, feet together and hands at her sides. She was still as a statue. 

 

Memories from her falling asleep came creeping back, making Claire wish she could sink into the couch and disappear. A searing blush flooded her cheeks as the image of Thea rocking her in her arms came back. Logically she knew that it would make sense to have a panic attack when she did, but Claire couldn’t help but hate herself for having it happen. After splitting up with Natalia, Claire had had a difficult time adjusting. Her natural social anxiety had gone into overload living by herself. She had spiraled into seclusion, hiding away at home and spending time with her VR equipment whenever she could to escape. Whenever she had a social obligation, she would get hit with crippling panic attacks that would leave her a quivering wreck. Just like what Thea had witnessed. Thea’s voice pierced Claire’s haze of embarrassment, startling her slightly. 

 

“I took the liberty of heating you a breakfast meal. It's one of the more popular ones, as I recall, so I hope you like it.” With her comment the smell of eggs and bacon reached Claire, making her mouth water. 

 

“It smells amazing. Thank you, Thea, you really didn’t have to go through all this trouble.” as she responded, Thea reverted to the formal tone she seemed to use when uncomfortable. 

 

“It is no trouble to me, Claire. Your protection is my mission. Ensuring your health is part of that.” Claire pondered Thea’s response as she sat up, smoothing her rumpled clothing before taking a few bites of the steaming food. 

 

“You’ve said that a few times now. Protecting me is your priority or mission. What does that mean? Why are you protecting me if you’re free now? Not that I’m complaining, of course.” Thea didn’t respond for long moments, continuing to stand statue-still next to Claire. Continuing to eat, Claire had started to think Thea wouldn’t respond when she spoke quietly. 

 

“In between missions, they would place me in storage, locked up and hooked into data and nutrient feeds. Since I wasn’t in active use, the control module would be mostly inactive. It allowed me to... feel.” Thea’s voice quavered slightly as she spoke. Spreading her feet as if to steady herself, she continued.

 

 “I don’t know how I found it, but I came across writings. They were small enough for me to hide so I could read them while I was waiting in storage. While I could feel. They were posted by Arch. By you.” The confession stunned Claire. A corporate kill bot had been smuggling her musings away to feel something when they locked her away. It had been something pleasant, apparently, since the connection seemed to be part of what had broken Thea free. The writings were done anonymously, though, and many were fantasies and confessions that she had never shared with anyone. It had been a place to vent in her darkest moments. Claire felt exposed to have someone read that and know it was her work. Trying to seem nonchalant, Claire smirked at Thea. 

 

“Well, if it means freeing you, I guess I don’t mind you reading my embarrassing poetry. Though I must apologize that it was your introduction to something so beautiful.” Theadora again didn’t respond, continuing to stand stock still next to Claire as she ate. Finishing the last of the food, Claire tried to think of something to break the sudden silence. She wasn’t usually one to try to push interaction, but she still didn’t feel comfortable in whatever new dynamic was forming between her and Thea. Was she supposed to be giving Thea orders? Should she ask Thea for orders? A message interrupted Claire’s train of thought, her augmented reality implant showing it for her at a thought. The sender’s ID was just a scrambled mess of characters as was the short body of the message. The only thing that stood out was the word “Poem” as the message’s title. It could only be from Nat, considering; checking the time Claire saw that it was already late in the afternoon. She had been sleeping for over twelve hours. Not terribly surprising with everything that had happened in the past week. Nat’s message prompted her for a decryption key. Another smart move now that she thought about it. It seemed likely that communications sent to her could be intercepted. Which made her think of all manner of ways that she could be tracked.

 

“Thea. When you broke free from your control module. Did you check if there were any trackers embedded in you? I just realized that either of us could be sending out our location as we speak.” Claire did her best to remain level-headed as more panicked thoughts began to flutter through her. Images of waves of figures bursting in and overwhelming Thea. Taking her away. Thea’s rich, even voice cut off her rising panic.

 

“I was very careful to destroy or jam any means of easily tracking us. I suppose Zeberon could have utilized aerial or satellite observation, but I detected neither and I don’t think they were prepared for me to go missing on such a simple mission. Those sorts of assets would take time to deploy. So no, we’re in the clear, Claire.”.As Claire came back to focus, Thea had turned to face her, her armored head turned seeming concerned. 

 

“That’s good, Thea, thank you for being so on top of everything. I can’t believe I didn’t stop to think of anything like that.”

 “Of course, Claire. It wouldn’t do to get you to a safe house just to be tracked down easily.” Another moment of silence, somehow more comfortable than before, settled between them before Claire spoke again. 

 

“Nat contacted me. It's encrypted, though. I think I probably know the key she used, but I don’t have any hardware capable of doing the decryption. I don’t suppose...” Claire trailed off, unsure of how to ask Thea if she would use her own processing to help Claire. It seemed overly personal for some reason.

 

“I can easily handle any form of encryption she might have used. I have an extensive cyberwarfare suite, so decrypting with the key will be simple.” 

 

“Ah. Thanks, Thea. I wasn’t sure how you would feel.” Claire forwarded the message to Thea with another thought. 

 

“It looks like 2,048Turing encryption. Impressive that Ms. Sokolov has access to the protocol, but it shouldn’t be an issue. What is the encryption key?” Claire blushed, thinking of what she was about to share with Thea. When Claire had asked Natalia to marry her she had done so with a rather steamy poem. It was a genre they both loved to indulge in. So Claire had figured, why not use it to describe the woman she loved? She still knew it by heart. It had only been written down once.  Leading up to the proposal, Claire had spent a week working on a calligraphy writing of the poem embellished with art throughout that tied into their relationship. It was something deeply personal, something no one could ever have found out, and horribly embarrassing to tell anyone. After a moment working up the nerve, Claire started speaking. It wasn’t long, thankfully, and in a few moments the message was decrypted. It was a set of precise coordinates at a dock. It seemed Natalia intended to meet at the river.

 

Quickly throwing her few belongings back into her go bag, Claire waited by the back door as Thea gathered some supplies she said she needed. After a moment, she came back from the hallway with a bag. Claire found herself staring as Thea had changed into street clothes. A grey hooded sweater hugged her androgynous figure showing her slim waist covered by a seemingly tailored pair of dark jeans. A pair of purple running shoes and a black leather jacket completed her look. With Thea’s faceplate absent, it was almost impossible to tell she was anything other than another regular human. Though perhaps a much more attractive human than Claire thought was appropriate to think about. Thea had shifted her carapace to a black texture to give her gauntlets the appearance of gloves, and so if any clothing rode up, it wouldn’t give her away. Claire blushed as she looked away. Thea’s husky voice came from behind her. 

 

“I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I, Claire? I know humans don’t usually like it when I cover up like this. I could probably stay unseen if you would prefer.” 

 

“Oh! No! Not at all, Thea!” Claire stammered, her blush only rising from embarrassment. 

 

“Let’s.. Let’s just get going,” Claire managed as she moved to leave. 

 

“I’ll lead the way. I should be able to move us through areas that aren’t covered by surveillance. I also grabbed these for you. They should make the walk more pleasant.” Thea set down one of the bags in her arms and pulled out a jacket and a pair of running shoes identical to her own. Everything had been such a rush Claire hadn’t even stopped to consider that she was still in just a tank top and how her old battered sneakers honestly weren’t really cut out for walking long distance. The extra thought for her comfort when she hadn’t stopped to consider it was rather touching. 

 

“Thank you, Thea. These look perfect.” Quickly changing into the outfit, Claire found they fit perfectly. They were probably some of the nicest pieces of clothing she had ever worn, to be honest. 

 

“These are amazing, Thea, I’m surprised there was something that fits me so well.” Thea turned away slightly as if embarrassed. But what would she be embarrassed about? 

 

“They’re a pair made for when I operate without my carapace. I figured without the carapace, our bodies would be close, I think it does look better on you, though.” Claire decided that it was definitely time to go before her whole face turned scarlet at this point and walked out the door before she embarrassed herself further.

 

***

 

5½ years ago

 

Claire lunged forward, her character smashing into the goblin line, rending their bodies in its wake. Claire played a battle-wrought in Tolendrell. Enormous towers of stone and iron, they were incredible in close quarters and in holding the line. Smashing on all sides with her axe and shield, Claire wrought destruction among the enemy. She knew she wouldn’t be able to stop the entire goblin army by herself, but thankfully she didn’t have to play solo anymore. 

 

For the past six months, Natalia had logged in nearly every night and spent several hours running missions and exploring the lands of Tolendrell with Claire. It had been an incredible time. Claire would have never expected the hot and cool Natalia to be such a nerd, but it seemed like she might actually have more play time under her belt than Claire herself. Nat favored a wood spirit character who wielded enormous natural magics. Which in the mission to stop the goblin army from ravaging the nearby village was exactly what they needed. Natalia had used her magics to build an enormous wall of seething angry vines that did their best to tear and crush any enemies that tried to pass through, leaving the only way for the goblins to get to the village right through Claire.

 

Every time one would land a hit, Nat was quick to flood Claire with healing magic, and whenever the goblins formed up for a big push, Natalia would lash out with torrents of lighting, shattering their formation. It took the better part of an hour, but through grinding attrition, the goblin horde was worn down. It felt good to complete missions like these; the NPCs could be so lifelike at times. The joy they seemed to have from Claire and Nat saving them pulled at Claire’s heartstrings. Claire embraced Nat’s character in a crushing hug, laughing. 

 

“That was amazing, Nat! I knew you were good, but you really are incredible at this.” Nat sounded a little embarrassed, she always seemed to have trouble taking praise.

 

“Haha, thanks, Claire. We make a good team. I always have a lot of fun when I’m with you.” Claire felt her face in reality split into a massive grin at Nat’s words. 

 

“Hey, Claire, I was wondering...” Natalia trailed off, not able to finish her sentence. 

 

“Wondering what, Nat?” Claire knew it was about time for Natalia to log off for the night, but she would never give up an opportunity to spend even a second with her. No matter how tired she might feel herself. 

 

“Well, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tomorrow?”

 

“Of course, Nat! You know I’m always online, we play practically every night as it is.” Nat pulled away, still seeming to struggle with what she wanted to say. 

 

“I mean in real life. Maybe we could get some coffee?” 

 

“Oh. Uh, yeah, I’d really like that, Nat. Can I ask you something too?” Natalia nodded, looking right at Claire’s character now. It was Claire’s turn to struggle with words. 

 

“Well, Nat, I just have really liked you for a long time, and I guess maybe I’m bad at reading these things. You know how I worry about trying to talk to people. My head just gets so jumbled I can barely think straight and...” 

 

“Take a breath, Claire. I’m your friend.” Claire felt a spike of heat straight in her core as her face flushed hotly from Nat’s words. 

 

“Well, I guess I just wanted to ask if this could be a date? If you don’t feel that way about me, I’d understand. I hope we can keep gaming either way.” Natalia gaped at her, seemingly stunned by her confession. 

 

“Oh god, Nat, I’m so sorry! I just made you so uncomfortable, didn’t I. Fuck! Please don’t hate me!” Claire was now on the verge of tears. Natalia could only laugh, which flustered Claire even more. 

 

“Gods, Claire, I thought you realized I was asking you out when I talked to you after class. I thought since you never said anything we would only be friends.” Claire was still fighting back tears, but now she wasn’t sure what kind they were. 

 

“So it could be a date then?”

 

“It’s definitely a date, Claire. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

 

***

 

Natalia stood in front of the local Coffee Supreme. She had arrived almost half an hour early. She had gotten into the habit of going to new places early, but when she was nervous, it tended to go a little overboard. She bounced on the balls of her heels, pulling her knit hat snug over her ears before tucking her hands in her coat pockets. It wasn’t truly cold yet, but the fall air had developed a bit of a nip as the nights started to grow longer. She thought about going inside, but she wanted to go in with Claire, and also couldn’t stand the thought of having to wait any longer than needed to see her.

 

It had been months since they had last met face to face, and Nat was dying to see Claire again. Nat hummed quietly to herself, thinking of all the time they had spent together lately. Virtually it may have been, but Nat cherished every moment they had spent together. Even when it cost her some sleep. So often when it was time for her to log off, a few parting words would turn into a conversation. She loved talking with Claire. She was so brilliant; she was like no one else Natalia had ever spent time with. The way she got all the little things that Nat liked to complain about at her job. How she laughed until she snorted at the bad computer jokes Nat would send her. Just thinking of it all made her chest swell and her stomach fill with butterflies.

 

Lost in thought, Nat didn’t notice Claire approaching, and jumped with an embarrassing squeak when she touched her arm. Looking over, Nat saw that Claire had the biggest smile lighting up her face. How had Natalia never noticed how full Claire’s lips were before? 

 

“Oh. Hey, Claire. You’re early.” Checking the time, it was still twenty minutes before they were supposed to meet. 

 

“Hey yourself. I figured you would be here crazy early and thought I’d rather not let you stand around all alone.” Claire’s smile somehow grew even bigger. Natalia’s thoughts seemed to be slipping away as she looked at Claire’s flushed face. Thankfully Claire saved her from having to sort out how to work her voice again.

 

“Ready to grab that coffee? I hear this place is amazing!” It was Nat’s turn to smile. She loved how enthusiastic Claire could be. Once you got past her awkward silence, she never seemed to run out of things to say.

 

Their first real date was magical. After the first moments of uncertainty, Natalia quickly relaxed. She had never felt more comfortable with someone before. Maybe the months spent with neither of them sure the other was actually interested, regardless of how dense they were being, had paid off. Claire had been her friend for six months now and they spoke with just as much ease in person as they did through their game personas. The only problem was Nat’s job. She had started working in a bit of a grey market recently. She had been writing programs for people to use in removing digital controls on pharmaceuticals.

 

Modern drug manufacture was done by advanced printers that basically assembled the chemicals out of the constituent atoms. It wasn’t the kind of thing she could afford to do or risk doing herself, but she couldn’t just not help. Natalia could remember all too clearly her childhood in her homeland. Her family, her whole town had been dirt poor. That meant that access to real medicine was limited.

 

Actually producing the drugs and medicines cost nearly nothing with modern manufacturing, but with the control the corporate territories had over copyright law, there wasn’t much people could do to legally acquire said medicine other than paying for it at sanctioned pharmacies at an outrageous markup. Which often meant you just wouldn’t get any. Easily treated things could turn fatal. Wounds that could be healed painlessly like they had never happened would take painful weeks and leave the person disfigured.

 

Claire was so innocent, though. It was part of what made her so appealing for Natalia; being able to see the world through her eyes for just a moment was amazing. Nat worried she might not understand why Nat was doing what she was, though. Claire had been born and raised in the Corporate fiefs of the Northwest. She never had any reason to question copyrights or think of people who broke them as anything other than criminals. While Nat wasn’t quite breaking the law, she wasn’t far off, but it was just a problem she would have to deal with when it arrived.

 

After hours of talking in the cafe, they went on a walk around a nearby nature area. Even in the hyper advancement happening these days, the Northwest refused to give up its love for nature and keeping these little wooded areas in the growing sprawl was just one way it showed. Claire slowed next to her. They had started holding hands earlier when both of them tried reaching for the other at the same time, awkwardly fumbling over each other’s grasp.

 

Claire flashed her another one of those smiles that made her melt before stepping in close to Natalia. It seemed in their silent enjoyment of each other they had unthinkingly made their way to the transport hub on the other side of the park. Looking bashful, Claire spoke quietly. 

 

“This looks like my stop, handsome.” Claire’s eyes looked up at Natalia’s; they seemed to shine with an inner light in the falling dusk, obvious expectation peering out at Nat. Her own fluster made her wonder for a second what Claire could want from her before it sunk through her useless head. The only thing Nat could think was “Oh!” She leaned in to meet Claire half way, not quite able to convince herself that all this was real, that Claire was really hers.

 

Their lips met, and they both burned with passion. Natalia felt her core turn from a lingering ember into a raging inferno. Once she had noticed Claire’s lips earlier, she hadn’t been able to look away all evening, and they were even better than she could have imagined. Claire’s hand found her hip and pulled them together as the kiss lingered. Nat released a shuddering sigh against Claire as she felt their bodies press against one another, forming to each other perfectly. Nat couldn’t help but shudder again as she felt Claire’s tongue slide across her lower lip, faintly tracing her mouth, puffy from their kissing. An eternity seemed to pass in each other's embrace.

 

A harsh alert startled them from their growing intimacy. Nat cursed, pulling her display from a pocket. Claire pulled her back in, hugging her tight, and hummed softly.

 

“I guess your work calls. I wish life could just wait sometimes.” Nat thought of a dozen excuses she could make so she could have more time with Claire.

 

“It's okay. It really isn’t a big deal. Why don’t we hang out longer?” Claire chuckled softly as she held Natalia close.

 

 “I know how demanding your work is, Nat. I want to stay just as badly, but I’d feel terrible if I was the one harming your career. Besides, I have midterms soon. I think we both need our rest.” Natalia couldn’t come up with a reason to argue. Instead, she pulled Claire in for one last kiss.

 

***

 

Four years ago

Soft crying echoed through the studio as Nat came through the door. Quickly dropping her bag, she rushed into the main area, concern eating at her chest. It wasn’t like Claire to cry. Nat’s heart seemed to shoot into her throat, her whole body going numb when she saw Claire in front of a security envelope. The same kind that Nat’s clients used to communicate with her about her work. Not her day job, which was organizing code bases, but the grey market work she had been engaged in for years. The kind of work that was driven into fief citizens from the day they were born, was a crime against society. Nat had been helping underground pharmaceutical manufacturers break the security on corporate-made products so they could be shared with communities that didn’t have the means to afford them.

 

Natalia had always dreaded this day. She had honestly driven it from her mind; the secret was something so ingrained in her it was just part of life. At first she had kept it from Claire out of fear that she wouldn’t understand, and that was still true. Now, though, it had been so long that Natalia had started to feel she had no other choice. She couldn’t give up her work; she knew what it was like to go without medicine just because your family couldn’t afford to pay for the corporate markup. She couldn’t tell Claire because she could never understand that this was more than just making drugs to feed the addicts. Everything Claire had been raised to think taught her that IP violation was one of the worst crimes. Claire’s soft, shaken voice pulled Natalia from her stunned silence. 

 

“Why, Nat? Why would you do something like this?” Tears stung at Natalia’s eyes; the hurt and betrayal in Claire’s voice wrenched at her heart. 

 

“Claire... It’s not like what they want you to think.” 

 

“It’s not a crime, Nat? It’s not stealing the work of thousands for your benefit!?” Claire raised her voice as her betrayal turned to anger.

 

“You couldn’t have told me this a year ago? Before you made me love you? Before I asked to marry you?” Nat’s legs gave out, and she sank to her knees. Her world was crashing down on her, everything was slipping away as tears rolled down Claire’s face.

 

“I just didn’t want to hurt you, Claire; I was afraid. Afraid you wouldn’t understand.”

 

“You’re goddamn right, I don’t understand! The people you are working for are killers, Nat! They sell drugs to kids. They kill people with bad drugs. Why can’t you see this!?” Nat felt her body shake as if she was watching someone else. Everything seemed so distant, as if she were just watching it happen. Claire took a few breaths before speaking again, her tone icy.

 

“I gave you everything, Nat. I let you in and I gave you every part of myself, everything. I could forgive you doing something illegal. I don’t think I can forgive that you have never let me in. That you’ve hidden a whole life from me all this time.” Sobs wracked Natalia’s body as the numb contempt in Claire’s face drove into her. Broke her.

 

“Goodbye, Natalia. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for you.” With that, Claire left the studio and left Nat’s life.

 

A few months passed and Natalia found more full-time work with her underground pharma partners. She decided to leave town and start trying to make a difference. With Claire gone, she didn’t really have a reason to hang around the corporate holdings. She sent one last message to Claire; she knew it would probably be left unread like all the rest she had sent, trying to explain, begging Claire for a second chance.

 

She knew how hard it had been for Claire to open up to her, and how badly she had hurt her. She also knew that the guilt would stay with her. She wrote once more that she would never stop loving Claire, and that one day she hoped that Claire might see what she did. That the corporate fiefs were strangling the world, not building it up. That one day she might have a reason to contact Natalia again. Nat told her that if she ever called, Nat would answer. No matter what.