How far is too far?
How far does someone need to mess around before they stop and think, ‘what am I doing?’.
For me, it was when my mother drop kicked me after seeing me in handcuffs getting dropped off by the Principal.
Honestly, it was so surprising I didn’t even dodge.
The Principal remained silent but I could tell she was surprised too.
“...tsk.”
‘My’ mother could’ve at least taken off her heels. After the situation was explained and the Principal excused me of my actions, I was exiled to the guest room for a week.
Rubbing my bruised chest, I undo the tie holding back my hair and smirk as I look in the reflection.
“......”
The smile faded as I suddenly wished I was really looking back at myself and I collapsed back on my bed, pushing out depressing thoughts as naturally as a sailor swore.
Tomorrow I was supposed to go to the mall with Queen Bitch, the twins and my ‘boss’.
Originally, we were supposed to go to the beach but after hearing about it and reminding me of my age, the Principal gave us VIP cards to use.
…I hope she doesn’t think I’m a pervert.
I’m not a minecraft youtuber dammit.
“.....hah, so tiring, so tiring.”
It was a nice change of pace.
Being out with people.
!@#$%^&*.
A name comes to mind and the easy smile on my face drops as I reach for my flask.
Opening it with experienced hands, I aim it over my mouth and pour.
“....empty.”
Cursing to myself I realised I hadn’t filled it since yesterday.
“.....”
Immediately feeling uncomfortable, I got off the guest room bed and went for the door.
‘Locked.’
“...hmm.”
For now the best thing to do was not pani-
“SHIT LET ME OUT YOU BASTARDS! I KNOW MY RIGHTS!!!”
Banging on the door for what felt like half an hour I stopped thirsty and went for my flask…
“Shit!”
Emotions boiled over and I took three steps back as I glared at the door.
One good kick and it should probably break.
“If not one, then a hundred.”
My bare feet grip the floor and just as I’m about to sprint forward I hear a voice call out.
“What are you doing?”
“......Tori?”
Since I could see her without the potion, she was expending valuable mana in order to let a human see her.
“Yes, it’s me, trash.”
“What was that?”
“N-nothing!”
“...So why are you here?”
“A few reasons but the most important.
My Prince sent his butler to watch over you. The old man was shaking while writing down what happened to those corpses, so don’t do that anymore. That old guy is basically my Prince’s father.”
“You can tell?”
“I can, I can read most emotions of humans with a spell. The Prince feels nothing but gratitude and love towards him. Like a child does to a father.”
Nodding at her words, I picked out something I noticed.
“Most?”
“People like that old woman at your school are always on guard.”
Shaking her head, the fairy shrugged before landing on my shoulder.
Sitting down on the bed, I fidget for a bit before asking.
I still felt sick but at least talking with someone helped.
“So, why else are you here?”
The fairy looked up at me with pink eyes and short pink hair before letting out a sigh.
“Not sure.”
“Not sure?”
“I randomly got the idea to come over. I’m not sure if you know but us fairies believe in something called Fate.”
Yes, yes I know.
“With our belief comes something called ‘The Intuition of Fate’. Occasionally we’ll get the random urge to do something, so we follow it.”
“...isatright?”
“Me following Victoria was one of them, and hey it turned out pretty well.”
“So… What does your intuition tell you now?”
“.....”
The fairy went silent for a moment, her cheery atmosphere turning solemn. In a low voice as if reciting a prayer, the fairy spoke.
“My intuition tells me to ask if you need anything.”
I snort, tapping on my thigh with my fingers as I glance over to my empty flask.
“....depends, could you get me alcohol?”
Not sure her small body could manage it.
“Beyond that. Why do you need to drink?”
“.....”
Agony.
A sharp sting and then throbbing pain.
Fingers numb and cold from blood loss.
A bed. With a still figure lying motionless on top of it.
Features smeared by tears and time.
Ruined by alcohol.
The metronome of a heart monitor ringing in my ears.
“......Magic. Can you use your magic to check what I’m feeling?”
“.....”
After a few seconds, the fairy raises her small hands and green light glows in her palms. “...I know some mental recovery magic, should I cast it?”
“......”
Haha, was I so far gone?
“If you go that far, can you help me with some memories?”
The fairy nods without speaking then raises her hands once again.
-----------------
I feel my eyes close without my input and reopen them inside a world made of black.
Much like when I first met the Principal.
Black covered everything, I wasn’t aware of how far the room stretched out or if it was right in front of me.
“You are inside your mind. I’m speaking to your subconscious so try your best to control yourself. You’re vulnerable to impulses.”
Hearing Tori’s voice, I let out a sigh as I looked around.
“I was always told my head was empty. Never expected it to be true.”
“....Stop joking, I only have so much mana so we need to focus.”
“Gotcha.”
“Imagine your life, all your memories.”
“…I thought I was here to forget them though.”
Closing my eyes, I do so. From the moment I was abandoned on the street to the day I first entered the orphanage.
The first moment I met a chatty child to us growing into adults.
“Okay, I felt something change.”
Reopening my eyes, I saw a book sitting on a desk.
Filled with various paragraphs and photos, they had twenty five tags sticking out of the pages seemingly representing years.
“Now flip over to the memories you’re struggling to deal with.”
“.....”
Hesitating, I grabbed the tab labelled ‘twenty four’ and after another second turn the page.
Facing the words set out infront of me, I look away when a voice calls out from the darkness.
"Marcus. Now, we'll read through the 'chapter' okay? Since we're in your mind, we can see and chat about what you read. You need to be careful because the pages are fragile."
...fragile.
I reach out a hand to grip the page but before I read out the first letter, my hand jerks to the side. Pain spreads throughout my head but it flushes out old memories,
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
Without hesitation, I continued moving my hand.
But before the page can fully torn, I open my eyes back inside the guest room.
“ARGH!”
Pain worms it’s way into my head but it suddenly vanishes.
“...Y-you, do you have any idea what you’ve done?!?”
“......”
Like someone testing the thin ice they were walking on, I start trying to remember back to last year but can’t.
As if ink had been spilled on the ‘precious’ page, I couldn’t remember.
“...Haha!”
“Don’t laugh! You almost gave yourself permanent brain damage!! I had to use mana to keep your mind from collapsing..! Thankfully there was a ‘wall’ in there so I quickly strengthened it but it’s not a fix..”
The fairy now looking tired drew out a long breath before glaring at me. “You. Why did you do that!? You could’ve forgotten something important.”
I snort at her words and feel an easy smile come to my lips.
“Is your brain as small as you are, dear? I’ve had shits more important than those memories. Probably… I can’t remember!”
At my happy words, the fairy stares at me for a moment before muttering.
“...Fate.. Is this what you wanted…?”
With that she left drained and I continued to wave goodbye to the window, even after she vanished from my vision.
“Kehehe, wow who knew brain damage could be so fun!”
Chuckling to myself, I did a backflip and landed onto the bed. “Ugh!?”
Reaching for my back, I pull out a empty flask and stare at it for a moment before throwing it to the corner of the room.
I didn’t need alcohol anymore at least.
Tck!
The clang of the flash echoed in the room, a sound that seemed to resonate with weirdly familiar emptiness.
I lay there, staring at the ceiling, the ghost of a smile still playing on my lips.
It was a strange feeling, the heaviness that crushed my heart and weighed down my mind had vanished.
I knew I should be sad but I couldn't remember the reason.
"...haha."
The laughter felt a little hollow but I couldn't help it.
That fragile sense of reality I had gained faded, leaving a sense of invulnerability as I laid in a world mine for the taking.
Like watching the background of a TV show or the world in a VR game: it felt like I was looking at things through a different lens.
Like at the beginning of the year.
A knock at the door jolted me from my reverie and I recognized the voice.
"Marcus, dinner."
"..Coming~."
Ignoring that vague sickly feeling that came with speaking with someone's voice, I slowly adjusted my mindset as I sat up from the bed.
I felt something within me shift.
"....I don't need to shit do I?"
Muttering nonsense to myself, I stood up and walked over to the full length mirror to 'admire' myself.
Feeling my hair tickle the back of my neck, I lazily tie it back into a low ponytail and smirk at my reflection.
"....A deadline under two years."
Within two years, the Princess would unlock all of her magical powers and she could help me clear out the Temple.
I see Marcus's face twist in sorrow for a moment before suddenly smiling wide. Sharp orange eyes crinkle as I move my hand towards the mirror and 'boop' the smiling teenager.
"Then I'll enjoy the next two years to it's fullest!"
Sitting down at the table, I greet 'my' parents as I think about lying to myself.
Two years.
I have two years to be a part of a family, to be surrounded by friends and then I'll go.
...so it's okay to lie to myself... right?
