-

I tried to gasp and take in some air, but my body wouldn’t obey me. I wanted to claw at my throat but again, my body didn’t obey.

I pried my eyes open and was assaulted with bright light. I quickly blinked and heard a small cry. Then I realized the cry was coming from me. I tried to focus but the light was making me dizzy.

“It’s a girl, Your Grace.”

“Congratulations, Your Grace.”

I turned my head to the voices and found myself looking at an oddly familiar face. Odd because I remember this face being much older. With my newly adjusted eyes, I tried to look around.

‘Where am I?’

Then I met her eyes. It was cold with a hint of disgust. The woman before me looked pale with beads of sweat on her forehead. She turned away from me and spoke bitingly, “Take it away.”

“Y-Your Grace. The baby’s name.”

The woman’s lips curled in a sneer. She forced herself to stand, wobbling as she did so, and cries of ‘Your Grace’, ‘My lady’, rang out in the room. She held up a hand and stared at me for a while. Then she spat out a word, “Lydia.”

“Ah yes. Lydia,” the woman carrying me adjusted my position in her hand, “Your Grace, would you like to hold her?”

The woman referred to as ‘Your Grace’ didn’t bother giving a reply and walked out of the room with help from the people beside her.

“Poor girl,” the woman carrying me whispered in my ear. She sighed before walking to the side of the room and began to wash me.

I stared at her, not sure of what was going on. Minutes ago, I fell to my death but now I was being washed by a familiar lady. And judging by how everything looked gigantic, I was most likely a baby again...for some reason.

I looked at the door where that woman left and spluttered as some water touched my mouth.

Although I wasn’t sure of anything else, I was sure of one thing.

The woman that just left. She was my mother.

* . * . *

About a year or so had passed since I was born, and I was slowly coming to terms with my new reality. I had been sent back in time, or so it seemed.

I had barely seen my mother since the day I was born, and I hadn’t seen my father at all. I understandably had no memory of this in my first life, but I suppose it’s nice to know they were just as shitty when I was born.

I sighed and looked out the window.

I was once again Lydia Nitha Blackburn, daughter of Arabella Blackburn and Gerard Salzur Blackburn. In my first life, my mother hated me and my father...well, he had no interest in me.

As a General and Duke, my father was barely ever home, and all my mother did was pine for his affection. She was never by my side unless my father was at home. Every time I saw my mother, she was either crying, screaming, or taking her anger out on the servants.

I knew my mother didn’t love me, but I tried to get her to love me. I tried everything and did everything she wanted me to do. Basically, I bent over backward for her, but it was never enough. She hated me when I was born and hated me till my death.

Why?

Because she needed a son to fight for succession, but I ended up a female. Of course, one might wonder why she doesn’t just try again but I was the result of one drugged night so the chances of it happening again were nil.

Honestly, I didn’t know why I, of all people, was sent to the past. I didn’t deserve a do-over. I was a terrible person. Albeit many of my actions were due to my circumstances, nobody forced my hand.

I was the one who acted crazy.

I was the one who acted stupid.

I was the one who lost it.

I was the one…who got my family killed. Not that they didn’t deserve it, of course. Bunch of shitty people. Besides, my father got away easily. And my brother...

“Milady, it’s time for lunch.”

I stopped thinking and turned around, “Alright.”

I stood up and left for the dining room. When I got there, I was unsurprisingly the only one there. I ate my food quietly, the only noise in the room being the clinking of my utensils.

I sighed inwardly, ‘My life...I have to change it.’