Jacob

I knew from the beginning I wouldn’t have long to live on this world. Well, not the beginning, exactly. It was a few years later, when my parents had to constantly drag me out of kindergarten to take me to the hospital. There were probably signs earlier, too, but I can’t remember anything from all the way back then. Even the kindergarten memories were fuzzy. I remember passing out a few times, I think one time I threw up and couldn’t keep anything inside of me for weeks. Stuff like that made me glad I couldn’t remember this clearly.

They never told me what exactly was wrong with me. Didn’t want to worry me or something like that, though I suspect not even the doctors truly knew what was wrong with me, with all the tests they’re constantly running. Yeah, sure, as if the kid who had a decade, maybe two, to live could ever not worry about all that.

Two decades seemed like such a long time back then. I guess I should be glad I lived even one decade from then on, though I probably won’t get much further. It seems that 19 is as far as I was gonna go. I couldn’t see my body making it more than half a year from this point.

I was still able to visit grade school regularly back then, thankfully. Well, assuming that ‘regularly’ meant ‘regularly passing out about once a week’, as if on a schedule. But I could manage. I had to sit out any physical activity, of course, but even I could sit, listen and write, and that was all that was expected of me. My grades were alright. I tried hard, of course, but constant hospital visits have made things tough, as has passing out in the middle of a test. Things have gotten worse over time, and I kept missing out on more and more classes during high school. Even so, I managed to finish it about a year ago, though I had to attend in a wheelchair and get right back to the hospital after each exam. I’m honestly not sure if I even really passed or if the people responsible just didn’t wanna tell a dying boy that he wasted a good few years of his already very short life. ‘Oh, hey, Jacob, by the way, all that time you spent studying for exams? All for nothing. You can retry, if you’ll even be around next year.’ Nobody could be that heartless.

Not that I disliked my time at school, of course. It felt like the one twinge of normalcy between all the sterile white that comes with lying in a hospital bed. I could always feel that people treated me differently - don’t wanna upset the terminally sick kid, after all. But that also meant people were wary of me, in some way. It was hard to feel attachment to someone who might just fall to the ground and lose consciousness out of nowhere, after all.

Only one other kid ever really befriended me. Sam. We really hit it off ever since we met in 3rd grade. When talking to him, those were one of the few times I really felt normal - as normal as circumstances could allow, of course. But we hung out a lot, and few days passed where we didn’t see each other.

Even now that we were both out of school, he made sure to visit regularly - every day, in fact. I honestly didn’t know how he fit it into his schedule and I was always telling him not to worry, but he kept insisting that I’m his best friend, so of course he was gonna be there for me. And I knew why, he didn’t want to leave me alone, especially now that it was getting close to the end of my short life. I was thankful, though. My parents have been visiting way less frequently, likely because they couldn't stand their son slowly turning into a vegetable and passing away. And worst of all, I could relate to that. I could barely move, so talking and watching and thinking was all I got to do those days. And even that was getting steadily more difficult.

I turned my head a little to look at the clock hanging from the wall. 3.45 pm. Only a little bit longer until I’d see Sam again, and get distracted from everything else for a few short hours.

Sam

“Hi, I’m Sam Daniels, and I’m here to visit Jacob Hastings, room 3-06.” I gave the receptionist a polite smile. It was a Thursday, so the one with short brown hair and glasses was sitting on the other side of the desk. It was kind of incredible how just having a steady rhythm made you notice all these things.

“Of course, Mr. Daniels. I’ll get everything ready for the visit, but it probably shouldn’t take too long.” At this point, I was sure that they got their schedule planned around my visits. After the first month or so I never had to wait more than a few minutes. Part of me even expected that they just approved all my visits without even checking the schedule, since there wasn’t much else going on with Jacob at the moment.

“Thank you very much! And please, just call me Sam. I’m sort of a regular here at this point, after all.”

As I went to sit down, I could see Jacob’s parents sitting together in the corner as usual, discussing presumably mundane stuff. Jacob had told me that they rarely visited these days, and yet here they were, every day, like clockwork. What the hell did they think they were doing? Were they just waiting here to be ready for the inevitable report of his death? It was scary how readily that thought came to me. Jacob tried his best to hide it, but I could tell that he was getting weaker by the day.

After he first told me that his parents haven’t been visiting, I snapped at them the next day in the waiting room. Caused a real commotion. I just kept yelling my heart out about them abandoning their son, and they just sat there in shameful silence until the receptionist came to tell me it was time to visit Jacob. I knew that it was tough, but he needed your support now more than ever, dangit! It was still the same Jacob in there, and I wasn’t just gonna leave him alone.

“Mr. Daniels, you can go visit Mr. Hastings now.” I was dragged out of my thoughts by the receptionist standing before me, evidently not using my first name. Guess that was just hospital policy or something.

“Ah, thank you very much.” I started heading towards the door to the patient rooms, and before I could leave, she gave me a sincere smile.

“I’m sure Mr. Hastings really appreciates your visits.”

The path up to Jacob’s room was routine at this point. Up three flights of stairs, turn to the right, then left, fifth door on the right.

Knock knock.

“Come on in, Sam.” A weak voice. Weaker than yesterday? Hard to tell, but that’s where the trend’s been going.

I entered the room, and was greeted with the same monotone white as always. And there he was, lying on the hospital bed, looking extremely fragile. Lots of tubes and IVs connected to him, his black hair shaved pretty much down to the scalp. I never dared to ask why, but Jacob kept saying he wished it was longer so that was probably his parents’ doing. I dragged a white chair from the side of the room right next to the bed, sitting down on it facing my friend.

He initiated the conversation. “So, how’s it been?” So fragile.

“Ah, pretty alright. College today was still kind of a pain, but also kinda freeing? It’s a lot better than school in that aspect. No stupid arts or anything like that.” ‘I’m sure you’d like it,’ I wanted to add, but I knew better than to say that. “But let’s get to the exciting stuff. I’ve stayed offline all day just so I can watch this with you.” I opened YouTube on my tablet and, without looking at any other videos, searched straight for the latest Nintendo Direct. I was so excited, I was gonna see it, and with my best friend of all people. This was worth disconnecting yourself from all social media for a day so you wouldn’t get spoiled in the slightest.

“Wow, can you believe this? The fifth DLC character is Miku? The creator of Minecraft?” I beamed at him.

He gave a weak chuckle, but that soon turned into a coughing fit. I was just about to call a doctor over when he stopped. “I’m okay, I’m okay, no need to worry.” He smiled. It was a weak smile, clearly pained, but it was genuine. When I looked at him like this, I could picture the old days, without the IV drips and when he still had his messy black hair. When we could actually play outside together. After a few years, we could only play video games together, and the number of possible games quickly dwindled. Nowadays, watching stuff and talking is all we can really do. But all throughout it, his will to fight, his will to keep going, never left him, and that was evident from his shining green eyes. They were the one part of him that was a constant whenever I saw him.

After the Direct, we watched a few more episodes of Fullmetal Alchemist. Neither of us watched the 2003 version yet, and it was interesting to see all the ways it diverged from the plot of the manga. Jacob kept pointing out even the smaller details, and as always I was stunned by his perceptiveness.

After two hours had passed, there was a message over the intercom notifying me that visiting hours were over. “Well, I wish I could’ve stayed longer, Jacob, but I gotta go. Sleep well, alright?”

He gave me that fragile smile of his again, some might call it weak, but I could tell how strong it really was. “Yeah, see ya tomorrow.” I waved him goodbye and left the room.

I looked at the mirror spanning the wall as I went back to the waiting room in order to leave. Man, I really didn’t look all that great. The big black rings under my eyes showed how much time I had to cram into university work late at night. I was never gonna stop visiting as long as it’s humanly possible, but it did mean four hours of time lost each day if you add in transit. Short strands of my brown hair were hanging onto my forehead. Guess I had to cut it again soon. Plus, that stubble was so annoying!

As I entered the waiting room, I could see Jacob’s parents still sitting in the corner. I didn’t want to grace them with any attention and headed straight to my car, preparing for another long night of cramming in order to stay up-to-date on all the college materials.