Nighttime. My parents had gone to bed a couple of hours ago. I could feel myself drifting off to sleep, so I knew it was time to transfer us to bed from the couch. Sana was asleep, his face as adorable as a kitten. He looked so comfortable, his arms stretched upwards elegantly, draped over my sides a bit. I didn't want to wake him.

I swept my hand over his hair. I did it again. And again. Almost a petting. I closed my eyes, just too heavy. Oops. 

I woke up to a finger poking my cheek. I opened my eyes. Sana's eyes were peering at me, his mouth slightly parted. 

"Did you wake me and then fall asleep?" He asked, curious. 

"I think so." I let out a small snort of a laugh. His eyes smiled at me. He stretched his neck, and kissed me quickly on the mouth.

"Cute," he said, closing his eyes again. 

"Wait, wait, we should go to bed," I laughed. "Since we're both awake."

"Okay," he said, a content tone of voice.

The next time I woke up, I let out a little disappointed noise at myself. We'd both fallen asleep again. I supposed it wasn't too bad to sleep on the couch like this. He seemed the most comfortable and happy like this. However, I felt it was normal to go to bed. It gave a sense of normalcy, so it was important. 

I swept his hair again, this time in sure motions. I did it again, and again. He woke up, slowly. 

"Oh," he said, "whoops." I liked the way he said whoops. In English. It was one of his American phrases. So cute.

"Whoops," I repeated, wanting to be cute like him. He giggled. He always giggled when I said Americanisms. It's one of the reasons why I did it so much.  

"Too cute," he said through his giggles. I put my hand on his head. He tilted it, and looked at me, his eyebrows lifting. His expression was one of such love. "I love your hands," he said, out of nowhere. 

"Huh? My hands?" I was caught off guard. 

"Mm-hmm. I suppose everyone's hands are bigger than mine, but I like how your hand fits on my head. It's bigger than my hand, so it's so comforting there. Feels like you're holding my entire head. And when you put your hand on my cheek. Takes up the whole side of my face. Makes me feel so protected." 

"Oh," I breathed. Protect. My mom had mentioned that word earlier. How in marriage, you get to protect your partner in ways that you can't without it. Legally. I pressed my lips together at this thought. 

He caught it. "Hmm? What's wrong, my darling?" He tilted his head further. It was something he did when he was curious, something unique he did. He often did it when cooking, trying to understand a new recipe or why something wasn't working, and he often did it when encountering something confusing in sheet music. I thought it was adorable, and when he couldn't see me behind him, I'd tilt my head also when he did, smiling at how cute he was. Sometimes I'd put my hands on my face as I did it, too overcome with how cute he was.

"Oh, nothing." Should I talk about this? 

"It's not nothing. What's wrong?" His hand extended to my forehead, and with a blissful feeling in my heart I realized he was checking my temperature with the back of his hand. His hand went into my hair, satisfied that I didn't feel too warm. My heart began to beat faster, and I wondered if he could feel it in his position.

"Mm... Well, my mom and I were talking today."

"Oh, yeah. I woke up at the tail end of that. You two were laughing so hard. What were you laughing about? Or was it not a good conversation?"

"No, no, it was a good conversation. But she said some things which really made me think." The words were coming easy now. I realized I could speak with ease to him. No problem at all. A weird feeling, but a good one. Gave me such a content feeling in my body.

"Like what?" He was gazing at me gently. The light from the window was giving his skin a soft kind of glow, and reflecting on his eyes, giving them a sparkle like stars. He looked so beautiful.

"Um, well, to be honest," I hesitated. Suddenly hesitant. Oh, so it wasn't easy. We paused.

"Hmm? Are you okay?" His hand began to massage into my scalp, his long fingernails. I wanted to roll my eyes into my head at the pleasure of this as he began to gently scratch. He'd just found something new that I liked.

"Yes. She um... She uhhh... I really like when you scratch my head." I was becoming pudding, just melting at his fingers. 

"Oh, do you?" He started laughing, that enchanting smile. "Yay!"

I laughed. He'd just said another Americanism, the yay. 

And suddenly I didn't know why I had to think anymore. Because the next thought in my brain was so simple. The most simple idea in the world. The exact right thing. No excuses now. I wanted this moment to last forever. That's it. That was the end.

Marry me. 

That's what I wanted to say to him. That's all I wanted to say to him. Just laugh with him forever. Cuddle him like this. Watch his beauty, no matter how old he got or how he changed. Hold him like this, feel his breaths. Make sure he was okay. Protect him. That's what my mom had meant by talking to me today. In just one moment, I'd finally gotten it. As simple as watching his smile, as simple as the joy of touching his skin, as simple as laughing. 

He saw the shock in my eyes. I'd felt it, my face made a shocked expression, my eyes went wide, my mouth parted, my eyebrows went up. I'd gasped. I realized it after the fact. It was like I'd received an electric shock. 

"Daaarling," he said, in a little whine, his eyebrows creased, "are you okay? What's wrong? What's bothering you?" He poked my cheek, that cute gesture. But I couldn't smile this time. My hand went over my still open mouth. And he blurred. 

"No, no, darling, what's wrong?" He made little tsking sounds as he wiped my hair at the sides of my face away from my forehead, trying to comfort me. But there was nothing to comfort. He thought I was sad, but I was... I had no name for this feeling. I felt a hot tear roll down my cheek. 

"Oh no no," he said, putting his bottom lip out, copying something I often did. "Hey, what's wrong?" Said so softly. "What did you and your mom talk about?"

"Come here," I said quietly. I wrapped my arms around him. He wiggled up my body a little bit, and we were face to face. He put his arms on the sides of the couch to brace himself, so we could lay like this. He seemed stronger right now. I was glad. He was always a little better at night. I was proud to remember this. I reached up, put my hands on each side of his face. He tilted it, closed his eyes in the pleasure of it. He sighed. He looked so beautiful. I couldn't get over it. I pulled his face down, and we were kissing. A gentle, long kiss. I felt his breaths on my face, so warm.

We parted, and he was still so close to my face. I smiled, the blissful smile. My whole body was relaxed. I never wanted to leave from this spot, this moment. 

"I'm crying because I love you," I said, "that's all it is. My mom made me realize how much I love you."

He made some hesitant breaths. He didn't seem to know what to say. His expression still clearly said he was worried. I touched the back of his head, and wrapped my other arm around his shoulders. I put his face on my neck. He kissed it there, and I made a small happy noise. He kissed it again, and I moved my head, enjoying this. He found my ear.

"I love you, too. What did she say that would make you cry?" He kissed my ear. 

"Mm. She was pointing out things that are special about us. About our relationship. Things we have that others don't. These things were so natural, that I didn't notice. But I noticed, because she pointed them out."

"Oh." He was looking at me face to face again, that curious expression. I could tell he wanted to know more. I put my palm to his lips, and he kissed it. Exactly what I wanted. I was holding his kiss in my hand. It made me smile like nothing else. "Ah, you're smiling. What can I do to make you smile more?" He asked.

That question. Just that question made him special. 

"Just that you would ask that makes me never want to stop smiling," I breathed, an easy smile on my face. 

"Really? I'm glad." He was smiling, too, joining me. "Ah, I'm getting too tired to maintain this position. I'm sorry." He gently laid down again, resting his face on the side of my neck. I wrapped my arms around him, and he relaxed at this. 

"Hey," I said, softly. I began to rub his back, long strokes. 

"Hmm?" This came as a long, warm breath on my neck and I felt my whole body sigh. 

"Let's just sleep here tonight. It's so comfortable." 

I felt him nodding into my neck. "Okay." He kissed it. "Sorry, I couldn't resist. Your neck is... It's my dream." 

I jumped a little bit at this, felt my eyes go wide. Another unexpected thing he said, about something he liked about me. I was smiling now, with wild abandon. "Oh, you like my neck?"

He kissed it again. "Yes. I'm obsessed. It's where your voice comes from. I love your voice." 

"Oh, Sana, what am I going to do with you?" I whispered. My heart was a hummingbird, flapping its wings in my chest. I tightened my grip around him, starting to rock us back and forth in my pure joy. He began to giggle, and I began to laugh.